I need to see my children, need help

[Rogelio Castro]

What is the name of your state? California.

I'm a divorce father, the divorce was final this pass January.
I leave in San Diego, after the separation the mother of my children requested the court to allow her to move to Rialto Ca.
which is two hours away, after counsuling and arbitration I agree to allow them to move.

a little back ground :
with in the first few months of separation the children spend time with me and stay over my new appartment, I started a relation which I talked to my children and they were ok and still coming, after the mother find out about the new relation chip, the children turn on me and didn't want to visit no more.
afetr a while, my lodest boy 14y started coming back and still spending time with me, my little girl 9y, didn't want to visit or go any were with me,
due to pass history I know that their mother has manipulated then in to not to spend time with me.
now that the family house has sold they moved to Rialto and now the children don't want to visit.
they are to stay with me every other weekend, I drive two hours every other weekend and the children just don't want to come with me, I no for sure that the mother is not helping.

I have two conserns.
one, she told a comon friend that she will get me for more child support and I think she is using the children for that
can she do that ??

two, and most conserning is, the children are getting used to not bieng with me, which that is killing me.what do I need to do ????

any advise is greatly appresiated.

Thanks

 

[karma1]

What do your court orders say exactly about custody/visitation?

And Im hoping you did NOT agree to "reasonable".....

talk to an attorney before any more time passes~

 

[casa]

What is the name of your state? California.

I'm a divorce father, the divorce was final this pass January.
I leave in San Diego, after the separation the mother of my children requested the court to allow her to move to Rialto Ca.
which is two hours away, after counsuling and arbitration I agree to allow them to move.

a little back ground :
with in the first few months of separation the children spend time with me and stay over my new appartment, I started a relation which I talked to my children and they were ok and still coming, after the mother find out about the new relation chip, the children turn on me and didn't want to visit no more.
afetr a while, my lodest boy 14y started coming back and still spending time with me, my little girl 9y, didn't want to visit or go any were with me,
due to pass history I know that their mother has manipulated then in to not to spend time with me.
now that the family house has sold they moved to Rialto and now the children don't want to visit.
they are to stay with me every other weekend, I drive two hours every other weekend and the children just don't want to come with me, I no for sure that the mother is not helping.

I have two conserns.
one, she told a comon friend that she will get me for more child support and I think she is using the children for that
can she do that ??

two, and most conserning is, the children are getting used to not bieng with me, which that is killing me.what do I need to do ????

any advise is greatly appresiated.

Thanks

Ques escribir - en exacimento- court order?

You need to spend time with your children- not enough time has passed for them to believe the new person in your life is not responsible for the break up of the marriage.

Go to counseling with a therapist. Work through their issues ( & yours ) and re-connect with your children.

The new person in your life is not a priority- Fix what is broken first

 

[Rogelio Castro]

California.

the cour order states that the children are to be with me every other weekend and also specify hilidays, birth days and vacations.

the court order for the children to see a sicologys for a period of 8 months or until the sicologys discharge them.
when the children were still here in Sandiego at the bigining of the divorce, I was taking them to a license sicologyst, after two months the mother want to take them and made an appointment with a family theraphist (not a sicologyst) and the children were going on an off with that person, I was there most of the time.
when they were going to move, the theraphist told us that the children needed to see a sicologyst becasue my oldest child was in a crisist, his grades when down and he was getting in trouble when he was under his mother supervision.

the nother agree to take them to a sicologyst when they move, but now she told me over the phone that she will not take then, I even try to make the apointment for her to take them and she refuses to take them.

I found a sicologyst close to were they live and make and appointment, I was whiling to go there my self and take them, but the office told me that the mother need's to be present the first visit to sign paper work, other whise they will not see the kids.

I don't have that much money to pay and lawyer, what can I do.
the mother just want me off my childrens life for ever and is not foe the new relation chip, she told me that many times before we separate, she always used to said that if I ever leave I will never see my children againg.

what can I do ??

 

[Rogelio Castro]

forgot to mention

Main question, maybe some one can address the other question too.
can she get more child support from me if the children refuse to come with me and spend the time that we agree on ?? the court indicated the time sharing as her 74% and I as the 26%
after they move.

 

[casa]

Main question, maybe some one can address the other question too.
can she get more child support from me if the children refuse to come with me and spend the time that we agree on ?? the court indicated the time sharing as her 74% and I as the 26%
after they move.

Children don't get to make that decision legally. If the mother is denying visitation contact the police and file a report each time it happens. Then take the reports to court and file for contempt. The Law Facilitator's office will direct you to what forms you need to file for contempt.

Child Support has already been established and the only way to increase it is for her to file a modification and prove your income has gone up. Whether you exercise your visitation or not- you still pay the same amount of child support.

You may not be able to force her to consent to the children getting therapy- but if you keep showing up and demand your visitation rights (then follow through legally) the children will start going on visitations with you and eventually they will adjust. It may take awhile for the upset they feel to die down (many children feel confused or want to blame a parent after divorce), but in time they will settle in to spending time with you.

Don't give up.

 

[Jillian483]

I agree

I agree with casa here, You need to spend time with your children- not enough time has passed for them to believe the new person in your life is not responsible for the break up of the marriage. You need to make sure the children are being taken to the psychologist. Furthermore I realize the reasons behind your spelling but wow! Ihad to read it really slow to understand it.

 

[Rogelio Castro]

I need to see my children

Thanks for your in put, I do have a question regarding the comment from Casa.
you said that my ex can get more child support if my income increses ????

so what if my incom decreses or I get more obligations ??
I do pay for child support and Alimony because she never worked the time we were together, not because I didn't let her but because she didn't want too, and that was one of our biggest problems

 

[stealth2]

If your income decreases due to no fault of yours (you're laid off, injured or something like that), you may well get a decrease in your support obligation if you file for it. Additional obligations? Nope. Your primary obligation is to your children. Everything else (including other children) comes after that, as far as the court is concerned.

 

[Rogelio Castro]

what if like casa said, my income increases, I get a salary increment or a new higher paying job ??

 

[LdiJ]

what if like casa said, my income increases, I get a salary increment or a new higher paying job ??

Then your child support could increase.

 

[Rogelio Castro]

you know, I don't mind paying Child support, my children are my children and always be, what conserns me is that the mother is putting bad things in their minds to make them not want to be with me.
before the divorce it was just me and the children, mother will never wanted to go out with us, movies, beach, parks etc even church, she will always find an excuse not to come with us.

now that we have divorce, she don't even want the kids to visit me, and that is what it hurts.

I need to know what do I need to do in court to make her take them to Therapy and to work with them so that they come and visit me.

 

[helen7]

Question?

Is the therapy for the children court ordered? If so, have the children been discharged from the therapists care? If it is court ordered, and she is refusing to take the children, she could be found in contempt for that.
And just on a personal note, when I was 14, I decided that I did not want to go on weekend visits with my father anymore. I was more into my friends by that age. He never made me go with him. Now that I am older, I wish that he would have made me go with him. I missed out on a lot of time with him. It is not your childrens decision to make if they want to go with you or not. They have to. Perhaps you could talk to the mother and explain to her that you have a right to see the kids if they want to go or not and tell her that you WILL take her back to court if she does not make them go. More than likely she will tell the kids to go to avoid contempt charges.

 

[ENASNI]

you go Dad

Keep trying Rogelio... You may have to go back to court... but go up there next weekend and try your hardest to see your kids... make sure you are alone!
You have a great heart!

 

[Rogelio Castro]

theraphy is court order, but !!!!

the court ordered 8 months of theraphy for the children, so that they can get used to the new situation.
iniatlialy I took the children with a sicologyst, they were going for a bout two months, the mother was present on couple of them, after a couple of months, the mother desided to change theraphys bacause she said it was too far from her, and didn't want to drive that much, she put them with a different person which I was goint to every single one of those sessions, in the last session when she told the Dr, that they were moving, he told us thatthe children needed to continue theraphy, whith a license sicologyst because my 14 year old was in a crisis and needed some test to be done, and also the sicololyst needed to be a female to get my 9 year old to to talk and get her used to the situation.
he also told us that he was not a license sicologyst, he was just a family theraphyst and he could not do the work that needed to be done, this was a surprice to me, to me that meanst that all that time it was just waisted.

what do I do ??

so it has been over 8 months that the court had order