Increased visitation time

[mommyto 2]

What is the name of your state? NJ
My ex just served me again. Second time in two years. Okay this is the situation, my ex has a severe mental health isssue, that is documented. Now he is requesting the children on a 50/50 split. Our visitation schedule has been the same for 6 years. Does visitation schedules change easily when requested by NCP, or does there have to be a significant change of circumstances to warrent the change?

 

[Just Blue]

What is the name of your state? NJ
My ex just served me again. Second time in two years. Okay this is the situation, my ex has a severe mental health isssue, that is documented. Now he is requesting the children on a 50/50 split. Our visitation schedule has been the same for 6 years. Does visitation schedules change easily when requested by NCP, or does there have to be a significant change of circumstances to warrent the change?

I think after 6 years he could just request a change...

 

[mommyto 2]

Okay, even when the reason is because I am not "social" with him when we exchange the children for visitation, which he often is late for?

 

[Ithildriel]

I think what bay is saying is

That he doesn't have to have a reason. So if you think the reason he is giving you is childish, it doesn't matter, he is at the I want to change it because I'm the daddy stage.

 

[mommyto 2]

I believe that to be true, it is also driven by his new wife who has no children and who has stated she is a better mother than I will ever be. I am not sure where she has been when I rocked my sick children, or when I was up all night cleaning up from vomit attacks. But what ever.
I truely believe this is an ongoing hatred from my ex for leaving him an now a new wife who supports everything he says. I have receive 290 emails in 6 months aboout how rotten I am from him. I have NEVER denied him time with the children or was in contempt of any court order. I keep him informed of all appointments and educational information. I have become his personal secretary in regards to he children. The children (2) have difficulty deealing with him, and I have always told my children he loves them.
I guess I need to know if visitation time is often changed for no real reason other than I don't have social dealings with him, which is what he stated in the motion.

 

[Ithildriel]

How much time does he have now, and what is your objection to him getting them 50%?

 

[mommyto 2]

He takes them to school every morning, he has them overnights on wednesday and he has them overnights on Friday until Saturday at 5:00. My objection is that 1. his work schedule will mean stepmother will have them most of the time instead of me and 2. he has not ever wanted them extra time in the past, and 3. there have been issues regarding the treatment of my children when he has had them (ie. not being able to deal with my son's disability, creating potential eating problems in my daughter by calling her fat at the age of 6, she is not fat.). There are so many issues, he told my son he has heart problems and irritatable bowel syndrome when he does not. It goes on and on....

 

[Ithildriel]

Not legal advice

But it sounds like he could possibly get 50/50. If he is already taking them to school everyday, then there is no issue with them changing schools. Everything else you have stated doesn't sound like putting the children in danger. Unless you have documented evidence of some type of physical abuse to the children, there is probably a good chance that he will get 50/50.

If you don't have an attorney, you should probably get one. Based on what you stated as his reason for changing custody, then I am guessing he doesn't have an attorney. I think that is your best choice at this point.

Good Luck.

 

[LdiJ]

But it sounds like he could possibly get 50/50. If he is already taking them to school everyday, then there is no issue with them changing schools. Everything else you have stated doesn't sound like putting the children in danger. Unless you have documented evidence of some type of physical abuse to the children, there is probably a good chance that he will get 50/50.

If you don't have an attorney, you should probably get one. Based on what you stated as his reason for changing custody, then I am guessing he doesn't have an attorney. I think that is your best choice at this point.

Good Luck.

Gotta disagree here hon......there is no material "change in circumstance". It does need a material change in circumstance to effect that kind of significant change in parenting time.

Plus, if his work schedule means that they will be spending most of the time with stepmom....when they could be with mom instead...its pretty much a "no brainer".

 

[Ohiogal]

Gotta disagree here hon......there is no material "change in circumstance". It does need a material change in circumstance to effect that kind of significant change in parenting time.

Plus, if his work schedule means that they will be spending most of the time with stepmom....when they could be with mom instead...its pretty much a "no brainer".

Actually "age" can be a material change in circumstance in some states. Ohio for one allows the fact that the children have entered a new period of their lives (toddler to school age, tween to teen) to account as a material change in circumstance. A six year span would fit within that.

 

[LdiJ]

Actually "age" can be a material change in circumstance in some states. Ohio for one allows the fact that the children have entered a new period of their lives (toddler to school age, tween to teen) to account as a material change in circumstance. A six year span would fit within that.

That makes sense to a great extent. However the others were basically giving the impression that if dad asks, dad gets......and its simply not that basic. Many factors would come into play..its not just a question of asking. Its not a slam dunk...particularly when dad's schedule means that they would be spending most of their time with stepmom, when they could be with mom instead.

 

[Ithildriel]

That makes sense to a great extent. However the others were basically giving the impression that if dad asks, dad gets......and its simply not that basic. Many factors would come into play..its not just a question of asking. Its not a slam dunk...particularly when dad's schedule means that they would be spending most of their time with stepmom, when they could be with mom instead.

Sorry I didn't mention the age thing, I assumed that when it was said that after 6 years he could ask, one would assume the children had gotten 6 years older.

And not a slam dunk, but why go in without an attorney and take any kind of chance if she doesn't want dad getting 50/50. That was what I thought was most pertinent.

 

[LdiJ]

Sorry I didn't mention the age thing, I assumed that when it was said that after 6 years he could ask, one would assume the children had gotten 6 years older.

And not a slam dunk, but why go in without an attorney and take any kind of chance if she doesn't want dad getting 50/50. That was what I thought was most pertinent.

That isn't how you came across though...you came across as though it was a slam dunk for dad.

 

[Ithildriel]

That isn't how you came across though...you came across as though it was a slam dunk for dad.

Sorry you felt that way. I figured the "this isn't legal advise" and "But it sounds like he could possibly get 50/50" was a strong enough emphasis that it wasn't necessarily in the bag, but an attorney would be prudent.

For the most part I try very hard to let people know that I am not a legal expert, and steer clear of any kind of difinitive statements.

 

[mommyto 2]

Okay, I think I am following, there is a possibility of change of visitation time but he has to prove a change of circumstances and age of the children may be enough change. I do have a lawyer, who will be back on Wednesday. He has a lawyer who specializes in tax and real estate law. I think that helps. Will the fact that he has bullied me, which is shown in hundreds of emails help? Will the children be brought into this mess? Will the fact that my son has a disability that makes change extremely difficult for him matter? Will the fact that the stepmother has become a key player in harassing me be a factor? Will the fact that he also mentioned the possible reducation in child support in his motion play a part in this? I am sorry to make this sound so complex, but I am a mess, I am so worrried. There are things that go on when the children are in his care that has me very concerned. I know I can't dictate what goes on in his house, but I do not want my children with him more than they have to be. My children have also stated that they hate going over there because they never know how he will behave (I am paraphrasing). And after they are there he then writes me page long emails about what a rotten mother I am. He is obsessive with me and I am tired of being his focus. I just want him to move on, enjoy the time he has with the children and leave me alone to do the same.