Is this a reasonable long-distance parenting plan?

[SopranoKris]

Thanks 2Mistakes & Proud_Parent

We were married for 16 years and even though we aren't good as a "married couple", we both agree that we don't want to put our son in the middle of our problems. We both love him so much and that supercedes anything else. People always remark that if we didn't tell them, they'd never know we've been separated for 3 years. Does that mean we're always agreeable? No, but we are usually able to come to a reasonable compromise. We've seen our friends go through bitter divorces and have seen how it affected their kids. I don't think either of us ever want that to happen to our son. We had a difficult time even having him in the first place, so he's our one and only miracle boy. It doesn't mean that we always see eye-to-eye, we certainly do disagree. But we talk through it and compromise. That's why we're hoping to get everything worked out in mediation.

 

[my life is mine]

Kris, something else you may want to add in paperwork about college is that you and X agree on the college Jr. goes to, that can be a serious problem later down the line.

 

[Ohiogal]

Kris, something else you may want to add in paperwork about college is that you and X agree on the college Jr. goes to, that can be a serious problem later down the line.

Why should the aprents have to agree IF they are contributing to a 529 plan and the child pays the rest? I personally don't like the idea of them paying for college for a variety of factors. They are committing themselves to pay for something that they do NOT know how much it will cost. If they are contributing monthly to a 529 plan (say $15 a month) then they KNOW how much it will cost. After that kiddie should be on his own.

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state? IL


My SBTX & I are trying to come up with a suitable long-distance parenting plan. We've agreed to mediation since we've been very amicable since our separation (3 years ago) and want to work out our parenting plan ourselves. Neither of us foresee us being "enemies" in the future, but we both agree that we should make sure we spell everything out and want to make sure we're not leaving anything out that should be further refined. I've put my questions in bold below. Thanks in advance for your input!

Mediation is scheduled for Thursday (4/24). This is what we've come up with together on our own.

Both parents will have joint LEGAL custody of child. CP will reside in IL, NCP will reside in WA.

NCP will be entitled to extended summer vacation (no later than 1 week after last day of school, returning no later than 1 week prior to start of school), extended Winter vacation (beginning no earlier than day after release from school, returning no later than 3 days prior to classes resuming) & Spring break (beginning no earlier than day after release from school, returning 2 days prior to classes resuming). NCP may also arrange visits with child (either in IL or in WA) for extended weekends when there is a school holiday (e.g. Labor Day, Columbus Day, Veteran's Day, President's Day, etc.), provided NCP gives CP at least 2 week's notice and both parents are in agreement. Question: Both agreed to EVERY winter break. Was willing to alternate Thanksgiving & Christmas to be fair. Would a judge find this acceptable?

NCP will be allowed frequent internet visitation with child (via webcam). NCP will be allowed frequent phone calls with child Question: Should a minimum frequency be set for both internet visitation & phone calls? NCP will continue to do homework with child 2 nights per week (via webcam). NCP will have the right to weekly phone call with child's teacher(s) to stay involved in child's progress at school.

NCP will maintain cost of cell phone for child to remain in contact with NCP at anytime. NCP will provide all transportation costs for child to/from CP's residence in IL. Child support shall be reduced only during Summer, Winter & Spring break by taking the average daily cost of child support, multiply by the number of days child is with NCP and subtract from monthly child support obligation. Question: Both agreed it was fair for NCP to reduce CS during extended time since CP will not have child care expenses during this time. Will a judge find this acceptable or will he/she require CS obligation to remain a fixed "constant"?

If child wishes to attend college, CP & NCP will split the cost of tuition, room, board & supplies equally, after any scholarships, grants, etc. have been applied.

Is there anything that we didn't cover? Do you think we've left anything important out regarding visitation?

I think that the cp will come to regret the winter break and summer visitation and that it will end up with you back in court. The schedule as written leaves no Christmas holiday for the cp, and leaves virtually no opportunity for the CP to vacation with the child.

I think that you should tweak that so that every other year the ncp's winter break starts on December 26th, and ends the day before school starts, and that summer starts two weeks after school gets out and ends maybe three days before school starts (or vice versa). That only changes the summer break by a few days, but gives the CP a chunk of time to vacation with the child, and it gives the CP Christmas every other year.

Also, child support is normally not handled the way that you want to handle it, and a judge may balk at that. I think its absolutely fair that the ncp get credit for the extended time that the child will be with the ncp, but normally CS is calculated for the year, and then evenly divided between pay periods. So, then ncp pays child support all year long, but less ALL year long, instead of none during the extended visitation periods.

Also, you can't agree that the ncp can have a weekly phone call with the child's teacher because that agreement wouldn't be binding on the teacher. You can't be certain that the child's teacher, or that school policy, would allow for a weekly phone call. (imagine the amount of time that would take if a teacher had to have a weekly phone call with the parents of all the children in his/her class?). It would be better to say something along the lines of "the cp will fully cooperate with the ncp having direct access to the child's school records and communication with the child's teacher".