Is this abuse LEGALLY speaking

[fire1ss]

What is the name of your state? NJ I am the primary parent for custody purposes My ex-wife lives in PA. with her new husband and child. We share custody on a 4 day to 3 day basis most weeks. Last night our children spent the night at their mother's house. After hearing our youngest child (age 9) argue with the half brother (age 4 or 5) the mom's new husband charges into the bedroom and spanks my child (the 9 year old). Does he have any right to physically punish my child just because he is married to the "mother"? This is not the first time he has put a hand to one of my children. I would rather not approach him about this because he has an anger/temper issue and I don't need him taking things out on my kids if I get him going. Can I keep the children from the home even though the courts say they have to go?What is the name of your state?

 

[moburkes]

No, he does not have that right.

 

[stealth2]

And how do you intend to prove this?

 

[ezmarelda]

No, he does not have that right.

...unless Mom told him too ...or IF there happens to be a "no corpral punnishment" clause in their CO

It is a very gray area unfortunatly.

fire1ss~ you should talk to mom about it (as calmly as possible) as it is never a good idea for a step-parent to physicly dicipline a step-child

 

[ceara19]

No, he does not have that right.

Just wanted to add, it's not necessarily ILLEGAL. You could easily go back to court and modify your order to stipulate that no one other than mom & dad have the right to physically punish the child. And you CANNOT just keep the child from mom during her court ordered parenting time.

 

[moburkes]

Just wanted to add, it's not necessarily ILLEGAL. You could easily go back to court and modify your order to stipulate that no one other than mom & dad have the right to physically punish the child. And you CANNOT just keep the child from mom during her court ordered parenting time.

Agreed. 100%.

 

[Ohiogal]

What is the name of your state? NJ I am the primary parent for custody purposes My ex-wife lives in PA. with her new husband and child. We share custody on a 4 day to 3 day basis most weeks. Last night our children spent the night at their mother's house. After hearing our youngest child (age 9) argue with the half brother (age 4 or 5) the mom's new husband charges into the bedroom and spanks my child (the 9 year old). Does he have any right to physically punish my child just because he is married to the "mother"? This is not the first time he has put a hand to one of my children. I would rather not approach him about this because he has an anger/temper issue and I don't need him taking things out on my kids if I get him going. Can I keep the children from the home even though the courts say they have to go?What is the name of your state?

Stepdad if acting in loco parentis with mother's permission has the right to punish the child including using corporal punishment -- unless mom is restricted from giving anyone that permission. Legally that is NOT abuse -- it is punishment -- unless there are bruises left by the spanking that can be proven to have resulted from that spanking.

And no you CANNOT keep the children away from the home if there is a court order saying mom gets visitation.

 

[CJane]

"mother"

Why the quotation marks?

 

[fire1ss]

You're right

I have no proof other than what the mother told happened. My son did not tell me his mother did. However I am sure the story will change to support the new husband if officialy questioned. From what I read I guess the best thing is to have my lawyer write up an addendum to the divorce regarding the inability to apply punishment by anyone other than the two biological parents and try to file that through the courts.( Only in America can a 5 cent peice of paper cost thousands of dollars.) Thank you for the quick resonses.

 

[Ohiogal]

I have no proof other than what the mother told happened. My son did not tell me his mother did. However I am sure the story will change to support the new husband if officialy questioned. From what I read I guess the best thing is to have my lawyer write up an addendum to the divorce regarding the inability to apply punishment by anyone other than the two biological parents and try to file that through the courts.( Only in America can a 5 cent peice of paper cost thousands of dollars.) Thank you for the quick resonses.

Do you know the impossibility of what you are asking? How are you going to enforce that? So junior cannot be punished by school, church, camp counselors, grandparents, aunts, uncles or what not when mom or you are not around and he is acting up? No one is allowed to reprimand him or put him in time out or take away his toys or otherwise discipline him?
The court order ONLY applies to the parties named therein however. And only the mother and father are BOUND by the court order. You MIGHT be able to request the court stipulate that neither mother nor father is allowed to give anyone else permission to corporally punish the children however even that is a stretch. How punishment is enacted is a PARENTING STYLE!

 

[fire1ss]

I meant corporal punishment

Obviosly he can be repremanded and punished as is fit but not beaten by somone else. I don't expect the new husband to love my kids as his own but I do not expect or accept him hitting them. Their mother was in the next room I just feel that she should have handled it not him. Being beaten by someone that continualy verbaly abuses you does not have the same impact as getting spanked by someone that loves you. The impact leaves a lesson as well.
The quotations around the word mother is due to the fact that giving birth made her a mother however no action she has made in the last 7 years is close to being motherly. Sorry that was just my bitterness coming thru.

 

[CJane]

The quotations around the word mother is due to the fact that giving birth made her a mother however no action she has made in the last 7 years is close to being motherly. Sorry that was just my bitterness coming thru.

This attitude all by itself will lose you every court battle you enter into with MOM.

 

[ceara19]

This attitude all by itself will lose you every court battle you enter into with MOM.

I'm always amazed at how people claim to KNOW exactly what their ex is up to all of the time. Somehow they find out that the ex is running around here and there and doing all of these terrible things that make them a "bad parent." I didn't know what my ex was up to 24/7 BEFORE the divorce and I certainly don't know what he's been up to since.

 

[CJane]

I'm always amazed at how people claim to KNOW exactly what their ex is up to all of the time. Somehow they find out that the ex is running around here and there and doing all of these terrible things that make them a "bad parent." I didn't know what my ex was up to 24/7 BEFORE the divorce and I certainly don't know what he's been up to since.

I dunno. My ex admitted in court to driving by my house 'enough times to determine which cars belonged there' and then driving by nightly to see if there were any different cars parked near my house... if there were, he assumed I had someone over.

He also admitted to hacking several email accounts, and attempting to get my cell phone records by claiming that we were still married.

 

[Ohiogal]

Obviosly he can be repremanded and punished as is fit but not beaten by somone else. I don't expect the new husband to love my kids as his own but I do not expect or accept him hitting them. Their mother was in the next room I just feel that she should have handled it not him. Being beaten by someone that continualy verbaly abuses you does not have the same impact as getting spanked by someone that loves you. The impact leaves a lesson as well.
The quotations around the word mother is due to the fact that giving birth made her a mother however no action she has made in the last 7 years is close to being motherly. Sorry that was just my bitterness coming thru.

You do not have to accept that he is hitting them if mom is okay with him handling the punishment and she agrees. Your use of the word "beaten" is improper. Again this man is not abusing the child unless he is leaving bruises and that would be abusive. Beaten and spanked actually could be the same thing -- the connotation is different depending on who is using it. But that doesn't mean you will get anywhere with it. It is still a difference in parenting style.