What is the name of your state? Illinois
For several months previous, my husband and I have been having some pretty tough times. As of three months ago, my mother-in-law has been in the hospital. I have been visiting her weekly, usually alone. My husband has been living in her home for these three months. Now, as of one week ago, my mother-in-law was placed on "comfort care" and could pass away at anytime. I have been coming to visit every morning until late at night, while my husband is with her 24 hours a day and has refused to leave her bedside. I am grieving for her and completely feel horrible he is going through this. My mother-in-law and I were good friends. However, he has treated me, especially this last week, horrendously. I would blame it on his grief, but I am the only one this anger is directed toward. Here are just a few of the things he has done to me this past week, while I have been visiting:
**Did not call me when he was told by the Dr. to call any close relatives because she could die at any moment. He did, at least, pick up our son from school and allow him to visit. My son called me for a ride and that's how I found out.
**Completely turns his back to me and won't speak if I'm in the room; won't answer my questions;
**Complains he is hungry, etc. but refuses to accept my offers to bring him something, then proceeds to complain to the nurses and family members about his needs not being met;
**When asked by hospital staff who everyone visiting is, he introduces everyone with their names and titles, but refuses to say I am his wife;
**Screamed at me in front of his family to leave the hospital after I begin speaking. His family was appalled and embarrassed and said I did and said nothing inappropriate;
**When other family members call to offer food- my husband asks everyone else in the room what they want except me;
**When I leave the room to use the bathroom or take a short walk, he watches me carefully or goes to look for me; his own aunt told me he questioned her about where I might have gone when I left to pick up our son from work!
**I found him crying to a nurse, but when I approached, she turned and walked away, as did he;
**The phone rang in the room (it is pretty loud) and my husband yelled "Fu**!!!" I didn't want my mother-in-law to become frightened or upset, so I just said my husband's name and "please". He became ENRAGED and told me to, "Get my trashy a** out of the room!!";
**Throws my hand off of him or yells if I try to touch him or offer support whenever he is crying;
**Joked to his aunt, before taking a shower at the hospital, that he should ask some of the nurse to bathe him;
I'm sorry to go on, but I am so upset and really think I may be being abused. I know he is grieiving, but this can't be normal. As of this last week, I am strongly considering filing for a divorce after my mother-in-law has died. I don't care about getting a penny from her inheritance (I know this is not mine legally anyhow). Please tell me: am I selfish to feel upset about this treatment? Or, could this be considered abuse? I still keep coming back to the hospital everyday, but the treatment is even worse which each passing day.
Thanks for any advice. I don't know where to turn.
For several months previous, my husband and I have been having some pretty tough times. As of three months ago, my mother-in-law has been in the hospital. I have been visiting her weekly, usually alone. My husband has been living in her home for these three months. Now, as of one week ago, my mother-in-law was placed on "comfort care" and could pass away at anytime. I have been coming to visit every morning until late at night, while my husband is with her 24 hours a day and has refused to leave her bedside. I am grieving for her and completely feel horrible he is going through this. My mother-in-law and I were good friends. However, he has treated me, especially this last week, horrendously. I would blame it on his grief, but I am the only one this anger is directed toward. Here are just a few of the things he has done to me this past week, while I have been visiting:
**Did not call me when he was told by the Dr. to call any close relatives because she could die at any moment. He did, at least, pick up our son from school and allow him to visit. My son called me for a ride and that's how I found out.
**Completely turns his back to me and won't speak if I'm in the room; won't answer my questions;
**Complains he is hungry, etc. but refuses to accept my offers to bring him something, then proceeds to complain to the nurses and family members about his needs not being met;
**When asked by hospital staff who everyone visiting is, he introduces everyone with their names and titles, but refuses to say I am his wife;
**Screamed at me in front of his family to leave the hospital after I begin speaking. His family was appalled and embarrassed and said I did and said nothing inappropriate;
**When other family members call to offer food- my husband asks everyone else in the room what they want except me;
**When I leave the room to use the bathroom or take a short walk, he watches me carefully or goes to look for me; his own aunt told me he questioned her about where I might have gone when I left to pick up our son from work!
**I found him crying to a nurse, but when I approached, she turned and walked away, as did he;
**The phone rang in the room (it is pretty loud) and my husband yelled "Fu**!!!" I didn't want my mother-in-law to become frightened or upset, so I just said my husband's name and "please". He became ENRAGED and told me to, "Get my trashy a** out of the room!!";
**Throws my hand off of him or yells if I try to touch him or offer support whenever he is crying;
**Joked to his aunt, before taking a shower at the hospital, that he should ask some of the nurse to bathe him;
I'm sorry to go on, but I am so upset and really think I may be being abused. I know he is grieiving, but this can't be normal. As of this last week, I am strongly considering filing for a divorce after my mother-in-law has died. I don't care about getting a penny from her inheritance (I know this is not mine legally anyhow). Please tell me: am I selfish to feel upset about this treatment? Or, could this be considered abuse? I still keep coming back to the hospital everyday, but the treatment is even worse which each passing day.
Thanks for any advice. I don't know where to turn.