Joint custody of 15yo daughter who wants to be with us

[BigHappyFamily]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Delaware

My husband and I moved out of state a few months ago (to PA) after battling with my ex over our now-15yo daughter. Daughter wants to be with me (and my husband and other children) in PA. She also wants to be homeschooled.

My ex refuses to allow the homeschooling. He is court-ordered to pay for private school. If he is unable to pay then she can be homeschooled.

We have joint custody and it is a terrible hardship, as we don't agree on anything and only communicate by email. It does not matter to him that 15yo wants to be homeschooled. It took almost 2 years to get him to allow us to take her out of state even though she told him over and over that this is what she wants.

My question is, will the courts listen to our 15yo's wishes? or is it father against mother? We would be happy just to be allowed to homeschooled, but are prepared to fight for sole custody if that is the better route.

We have been divorced for almost 12 years. We also have a 19yo son together whom I voluntarily allowed to move in full-time with my ex when my son expressed that desire (he moved when he was 15.5yo).

Thank you
Christine

 

[CJane]

Is daughter currently living with you?

How do you intend to show that the switch to homeschooling would be in the child's best interests?

 

[BigHappyFamily]

She currently lives with us and visits him one weekend a month.

I don't know how to prove it is in her best interest without getting a homeschooling expert. The private school she is currently enrolled in requires her to ride the bus for 1-1/2 hours every morning (and 45 min in evening). She LIVES on the bus, it seems. She has no free time. But I have not been emphasizing that because I am afraid they'll say 'so just put her in a closer school', but the only schools closer are public.

She wants to homeschool in order to be with us more, to study at her own speed (she is very smart) and spend more time doing what she likes - animals, cooking, and some other hobbies.

Will the judge listen to her wishes or will we need to make a big case about why homeschooling is better?

 

[Hisbabygirl77]

She currently lives with us and visits him one weekend a month.

I don't know how to prove it is in her best interest without getting a homeschooling expert. The private school she is currently enrolled in requires her to ride the bus for 1-1/2 hours every morning (and 45 min in evening). She LIVES on the bus, it seems. She has no free time. But I have not been emphasizing that because I am afraid they'll say 'so just put her in a closer school', but the only schools closer are public.

She wants to homeschool in order to be with us more, to study at her own speed (she is very smart) and spend more time doing what she likes - animals, cooking, and some other hobbies.

Will the judge listen to her wishes or will we need to make a big case about why homeschooling is better?

Why is homeschooling better? The bus ride is not that far fetched. Shoot my kids live 7 miles away from their school and it takes them an hour on the bus ride to and from school for a total of 2 hours a day. So how would you prove that aside from the bus how homeschooling is better? How is better that she not interact or be involved socially with other children. How would you prove that a private school is worse for her? Besides of course that she wants it. My kids dont want to go to school either but they do.... See where I am going? And before you get all huffy I have one child who is homeschooled only for this semester for many good reasons but I would never want him to be homeschooled on a permanent basis. Kids NEED those social skills.

 

[Zigner]

... ride the bus for 1-1/2 hours every morning (and 45 min in evening).

Excellent! That is the PERFECT TIME for homework and studying. So, all the time she'd normally put in to that at home can now be spent with the family!

 

[txmom512]

How are the public schools rated in your area? Are they bad? Honestly, my dd is having a ball at public school. But there are areas around here I would not move to for Anything because the schools are so bad...

I think I'd gather school ratings/information for schools in your area, and maybe you could use that, if they are rated poorly, along with the long bus ride to private school...

Homeschooling is awesome if done right. It's so interesting that school only takes a few hours a day. I have nieces who are already over a year ahead of where they should be and will most likely graduate at least a year early. They are enrolled in other activities (dance, gymnastics, sports) and socialize there.

 

[Just Blue]

https://forum.freeadvice.com/adoption-34/can-someone-felony-conviction-ever-adopt-496738.html

 

[goddessoflubboc]

Bighappy - so do you actually live in DE or PA?

The child's wishes to be homeschooled so as to have more time to do preferred activities isn't a valid reason. If the parents believe she isn't being adequately challenged or educated in her school setting could be. Given the other choice is private school, the private school education would likely win out.

TXmom - homeschooling is perceived very differently in TX than in PA (lived and educated children in both states). TX is much more lenient, much more pro-homeschool than PA.

 

[stealth2]

My youngest attends a specialized PUBLIC HS, and spends 1 1/2 hours *each way* on the bus. Not a problem, IMO.

 

[JPreston]

Home school vs. Private school

As I'm sure you know, a lot depends on the judge in your jurisdiction.

More liberal judges don't like private schools, from my experience. The assertion is because either they have a religious foundation, or simply because they are exclusively for the wealthy class.

Home scholars consistently score the same as private-scholars on SAT, ACT and other achievement tests, while both outscore public schools. So the quality of academics is not an issue. There are lots of studies out there if you need backup on this point.

Socialization has consistently been identified as the greatest factor missing from the home school experience. The kids I know, however, have stayed extremely active with other activities. There are large networks of home-schoolers that focus on creating social events such as field trips, dances, etc, for this purpose. It sounds as if your daughter already has plenty of social activities to keep her busy.

I don't blame her for not wanting to spend 2+ hours per day on the bus. That's over 400 hours (over 2 weeks of her life) each year spend riding a bus!

I do agree, though, that the judge will have to have a good reason to change an existing order. Since she is 15, then her opinion will counted more than it might have if she were younger. Sounds like you need to do some homework, and be extremely well armed to defend your (her) case.

 

[BigHappyFamily]

Thank you JPreston for answering my question.

The discussion was not whether anyone on this forum approved of homeschooling or thought it was better or worse than public or private. The question was whether the judge would listen to our 15 yo daughters wishes.

Getting on the bus at 6:30 in the morning is not reasonable. You can't do homework on a bus when it is still dark outside, besides she usually sleeps because she's so tired despite voluntarily going to bed at 9:00 pm.

We have a house in DE that is on the market, but have moved to PA.

The #2 reason for homeschooling is that we DO NOT want our daughter socialized in same age peer groups. Despite the common perception that this is necessary and good, our experience, as well as research, indicates that it is detrimental. Our children have real-life socialization with children and adults of all ages and backgrounds. My dd prefers to spend time with wise and realistic adults than boy-obsessed adolescent girls.

I was not "huffy" in my posts, but I am now since the forum chose to attack me and our beliefs rather than answer the legitimate question.

 

[ecmst12]

Your daughter NEEDS to learn how to relate to and socialize with her peers. If you don't recognize the importance of this, then you shouldn't even consider homeschooling her. Many school districts in SE PA are excellent. But if you want to home school her, you need to get her involved in activities with kids her own age. Otherwise she's going to come home one day with a 21 year old boyfriend and you'll wonder why she isn't hanging out with kids the same age as her.

 

[Isis1]

Your daughter NEEDS to learn how to relate to and socialize with her peers. If you don't recognize the importance of this, then you shouldn't even consider homeschooling her. Many school districts in SE PA are excellent. But if you want to home school her, you need to get her involved in activities with kids her own age. Otherwise she's going to come home one day with a 21 year old boyfriend and you'll wonder why she isn't hanging out with kids the same age as her.

or 40 year old boyfriend.

 

[Just Blue]

Thank you JPreston for answering my question.

The discussion was not whether anyone on this forum approved of homeschooling or thought it was better or worse than public or private. The question was whether the judge would listen to our 15 yo daughters wishes.

Getting on the bus at 6:30 in the morning is not reasonable. You can't do homework on a bus when it is still dark outside, besides she usually sleeps because she's so tired despite voluntarily going to bed at 9:00 pm.

We have a house in DE that is on the market, but have moved to PA.

The #2 reason for homeschooling is that we DO NOT want our daughter socialized in same age peer groups. Despite the common perception that this is necessary and good, our experience, as well as research, indicates that it is detrimental. Our children have real-life socialization with children and adults of all ages and backgrounds. My dd prefers to spend time with wise and realistic adults than boy-obsessed adolescent girls.

I was not "huffy" in my posts, but I am now since the forum chose to attack me and our beliefs rather than answer the legitimate question.

12-17-2009, 05:20 PM
JPreston

Junior Member Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 5

Quote:
Originally Posted by Blue Meanie
Could you please share with the forum exactly what your "experience" is?

Thanks
Blue

Sure. I intimately experienced, with 4 different close friends/family members over the past 8 years, go through the process. One of them is actually in the legal field, and confirmed everything that appeared to be as I saw it. It is a business, at least in the Dallas Family Court system. It could be a total consequence that all 4 were treated exactly the same. But I don't think so.

I'm sure there are a bunch of really super compassionate judges and attorneys out there who genuinely want nothing more than to find the best solution for their petitioners, as quickly and cheaply as possible. But since all of these friends were (at least perceived to be) somewhat affluent, they were squeezed and squeezed and squeezed until they finally cried "Uncle!" (went broke).

Please be aware that JPrestons "experience" is not from a professional or personal standpoint. S/he is regurgitating info 3rd hand.

 

[CJane]

The #2 reason for homeschooling is that we DO NOT want our daughter socialized in same age peer groups.

I thought Dad didn't agree to homeschooling? Who is we?