Joint Custody?

[crumb]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? UTAH

By the courts Mom has sole custody, control, guardianship, and care for the 8 year old but have worked out a solution the past 7 years with Dad and his new wife for about 50/50 custody. So it is basically joint custody but legally Mom still has sole. Now Mom is getting remarried and Dad wants to get the legal documents and change it so it is joint 50/50.
Here are my questions:

Is it the normal situation to have 50/50 joint when two parents are both willing and capable to take care of the child or is one or the other in more control?

Should we wait until Mom is remarried in August to make changes? Does that matter?

Does the time with the step Mom count as time with Dad since it is the same household?

Any other advice or thoughts?

 

[Isis1]

Yes! My first thought is... Who are you to the child?

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? UTAH

By the courts Mom has sole custody, control, guardianship, and care for the 8 year old but have worked out a solution the past 7 years with Dad and his new wife for about 50/50 custody. So it is basically joint custody but legally Mom still has sole. Now Mom is getting remarried and Dad wants to get the legal documents and change it so it is joint 50/50.
Here are my questions:

Is it the normal situation to have 50/50 joint when two parents are both willing and capable to take care of the child or is one or the other in more control?

It depends on whether or not the parents are in agreement to 50/50. 50/50 is becoming more popular but the norm still tends to be one of the parents having primary custody.

Should we wait until Mom is remarried in August to make changes? Does that matter?

Its completely irrelevant. I don't understand why its even dad's trigger to decide to go for 50/50.

Does the time with the step Mom count as time with Dad since it is the same household?

Not in my personal opinion. Spending time with a stepparent isn't spending time with a parent.

 

[Proserpina]

LdiJ,

Re the remarriage.

In some States, remarriage is enough to at least meet the initial CoC burden.

(Nope, haven't checked Utah - I'm trying too hard to avoid the Royal Wedding coverage )

 

[st-kitts]

LdiJ,

- I'm trying too hard to avoid the Royal Wedding coverage )

I set my alarm to wake up for it. My British brother would be so ashamed of me.

 

[stealth2]

I'm always up at 5 anyway, so I've been watching it. Always love a good wedding.

 

[mistoffolees]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? UTAH

By the courts Mom has sole custody, control, guardianship, and care for the 8 year old but have worked out a solution the past 7 years with Dad and his new wife for about 50/50 custody. So it is basically joint custody but legally Mom still has sole. Now Mom is getting remarried and Dad wants to get the legal documents and change it so it is joint 50/50.
Here are my questions:

Is it the normal situation to have 50/50 joint when two parents are both willing and capable to take care of the child or is one or the other in more control?

Should we wait until Mom is remarried in August to make changes? Does that matter?

Does the time with the step Mom count as time with Dad since it is the same household?

Any other advice or thoughts?

First, it sounds like you're not one of the parents. Who are you (I'm guessing that you're the child)? Basically, it's none of your concern.

Second, why in the world would anyone want to rock the boat? They have a situation that has been working for 7 years, why mess with it? (Again, I'm guessing that, as the child, you want to do something that Mom won't agree to and you think Dad will, so you want him to have legal rights. Piercings? Tattoos? Spending the night at your BF's house?).

Finally, they've been able to effectively coparent for 7 years. Even if there's a good reason for a change, they should be mature enough to sit down and discuss it and reach an agreement to submit it to the court as a stipulation. If they can do that, no harm done. But if they can't agree, then they risk ruining what is apparently a decent relationship.

 

[stealth2]

Misto - the kiddo is 8, so I doubt your conjecture is correct. My guess is.... Dad's new one.

 

[crumb]

Yes! My first thought is... Who are you to the child?

I guess you could say we are the Mother and the soon to be new husband. Mostly the soon to be new husband. I am trying to stay objective.

Its completely irrelevant. I don't understand why its even dad's trigger to decide to go for 50/50.

Not in my personal opinion. Spending time with a stepparent isn't spending time with a parent.

The Dad and step Mom would like to have the child more since the majority of the time the Child is spent with the step Mom since Dad works.

Second, why in the world would anyone want to rock the boat? They have a situation that has been working for 7 years, why mess with it?

Finally, they've been able to effectively coparent for 7 years. Even if there's a good reason for a change, they should be mature enough to sit down and discuss it and reach an agreement to submit it to the court as a stipulation. If they can do that, no harm done. But if they can't agree, then they risk ruining what is apparently a decent relationship.

The original papers say that Mom has sole and Dad is required to pay child support. Since they decided to split basically 50/50, Dad has not been paying child support. I think the reason he wants the court decree to be changed is so it will state that he no longer has an injunction to pay child support. He also wants joint custody written on the papers.

Mom is unconcerned with the child support issue but it should also be known that Mom couldn't make ends meet a few years ago and instead of asking for child support decided to work more as a result. This extra work caused Mom to lose about 4 hours of time with her child one day a week. Now that Mom is getting remarried she wants that time back.

Any other advice for Mom?

 

[mistoffolees]

I guess you could say we are the Mother and the soon to be new husband. Mostly the soon to be new husband. I am trying to stay objective.

Soon to be new husband has no legal position and should butt out. This is between Mom and Dad.

The Dad and step Mom would like to have the child more since the majority of the time the Child is spent with the step Mom since Dad works.

I really wish you'd make up your mind. Your story is all over the map. That's why most of the seniors here don't help third parties.

First, you say that Mom and Dad are currently doing 50:50.

Then you say that the majority of the time the child is with step mom

Then you say Mom wants more than 50% - even though she and Dad agreed to 50:50.

My head is spinning.

They have an arrangement that seems to be working. Why is it better for the kid to be uprooted from a system that has been working for 7 years?

And the fact that the child spends a lot of time with stepmom when at Dad's house isn't really an issue. Do you want Dad to object every time Mom leaves the kid with you?

The original papers say that Mom has sole and Dad is required to pay child support. Since they decided to split basically 50/50, Dad has not been paying child support. I think the reason he wants the court decree to be changed is so it will state that he no longer has an injunction to pay child support. He also wants joint custody written on the papers.

Then he should get the court order changed. Actually, he should have done it years ago. The court order remains in effect until the court changes it. If the parents voluntarily change the time share, that doesn't automatically change the child support.

Mom is unconcerned with the child support issue but it should also be known that Mom couldn't make ends meet a few years ago and instead of asking for child support decided to work more as a result. This extra work caused Mom to lose about 4 hours of time with her child one day a week. Now that Mom is getting remarried she wants that time back.

So you're fighting over 4 hours a week? Talk about petty......

In any event, Mom and Dad agreed to 50:50, let them work it out.

What they really ought to do is to submit their 50:50 agreement to the court as a stipulation and have the child support order changed.

Any other advice for Mom?

Yes, she should seriously rethink whether she wants to marry someone who is meddling in her relationship with her child and the child's other parent - even before the wedding.

 

[mistoffolees]

Misto - the kiddo is 8, so I doubt your conjecture is correct. My guess is.... Dad's new one.

I missed the age part. You were close. MOM's new one (I guess Dads aren't the only ones who can't handle their own affairs).

 

[crumb]

Soon to be new husband has no legal position and should butt out. This is between Mom and Dad.

I really wish you'd make up your mind. Your story is all over the map. That's why most of the seniors here don't help third parties.

First, you say that Mom and Dad are currently doing 50:50.

Then you say that the majority of the time the child is with step mom

Then you say Mom wants more than 50% - even though she and Dad agreed to 50:50.

My head is spinning.

They have an arrangement that seems to be working. Why is it better for the kid to be uprooted from a system that has been working for 7 years?

And the fact that the child spends a lot of time with stepmom when at Dad's house isn't really an issue. Do you want Dad to object every time Mom leaves the kid with you?



Then he should get the court order changed. Actually, he should have done it years ago. The court order remains in effect until the court changes it. If the parents voluntarily change the time share, that doesn't automatically change the child support.



So you're fighting over 4 hours a week? Talk about petty......

In any event, Mom and Dad agreed to 50:50, let them work it out.

What they really ought to do is to submit their 50:50 agreement to the court as a stipulation and have the child support order changed.


Yes, she should seriously rethink whether she wants to marry someone who is meddling in her relationship with her child and the child's other parent - even before the wedding.

Thanks for your input and sorry if I was confusing. The time is split pretty equal between Dad's house and Mom's house. At Dad's house, Dad works and the step Mom is with the child the majority of the time there.
Is the time typically split between households 50/50 or between parents actual time with the kid?

I am just relaying what Mom has told me. I am not 'meddling'. Those questions I asked were questions she wanted answers to. Not me. I am here supporting her.

 

[mistoffolees]

Thanks for your input and sorry if I was confusing. The time is split pretty equal between Dad's house and Mom's house. At Dad's house, Dad works and the step Mom is with the child the majority of the time there.
Is the time typically split between households 50/50 or between parents actual time with the kid?

It's households, and it is mostly determined by overnights. If Dad's there at night, then it's his time.

What you're asking for is unreasonable. Do you want Dad to get upset every time Mom goes to work and you are watching the kids? Or Mom goes shopping - or visiting family - and you have the kids?

There's a situation that's working now, they should simply formalize it with a stipulation to the court. Any attempts to fight over who is watching the kids during the day will only lead to wasted energy, money, and stress.

I am just relaying what Mom has told me. I am not 'meddling'. Those questions I asked were questions she wanted answers to. Not me. I am here supporting her.

Above you said "I guess you could say we are the Mother and the soon to be new husband. Mostly the soon to be new husband." Your story is changing again.

In any event, she should be the one posting here. Your involvement could cost her custody.

 

[crumb]

What you're asking for is unreasonable. Do you want Dad to get upset every time Mom goes to work and you are watching the kids? Or Mom goes shopping - or visiting family - and you have the kids?

I don't know what you think I am asking for. You seem to be making a lot of assumptions. I am just trying to understand how this all works and hopefully be able to help answer some of my fiance's questions with your help.

Above you said "I guess you could say we are the Mother and the soon to be new husband. Mostly the soon to be new husband." Your story is changing again.

I said 'mostly the new husband' to be clear that it was me that was writing the posts. She is the one with all the questions. I am curious too so I have a few questions of my own. I am fairly new to the custody thing and would like to help my fiance fill in the gaps of law knowledge that may be confusing.

In any event, she should be the one posting here. Your involvement could cost her custody.

How could my posts here on a random website be detrimental to the custody of her child? I think you are overreacting.

 

[Silverplum]

I don't know what you think I am asking for. You seem to be making a lot of assumptions. I am just trying to understand how this all works and hopefully be able to help answer some of my fiance's questions with your help.



I said 'mostly the new husband' to be clear that it was me that was writing the posts. She is the one with all the questions. I am curious too so I have a few questions of my own. I am fairly new to the custody thing and would like to help my fiance fill in the gaps of law knowledge that may be confusing.



How could my posts here on a random website be detrimental to the custody of her child? I think you are overreacting.

Well, then, how 'bout we enforce our "rule" against helping 3rd parties?

Sounds fine to me.