suppermom57 said:
What is the name of your state? Wisconsin
I have joint legal custody (with ex having "placement".) We have been divorced for 12 years now and have had communication problems since day one. I'm not informed of ANYTHING in my children's lives when they are with him. I've dealt with this for this many years because I don't want to live my life in court, but I've now had it!!! I just found out from my daughter that my son was arrested for shoplifting way back in the summer and went to court and is doing community service. My ex STILL hasn't informed me of any of this. Would this be considered contempt of court??
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I have same (shared physical/legal) and ex is pri**** residential. We are in year 10 with 12yr old daughter. I have never been advised of a teacher conference, doctor appt, school or sports event in 10 years.
I figured out early on that I had two choices to resolve the problems.
1) Try to handle it legally: which (in my opinion) accomplished nothing, and made life miserable for everyone involved.
2) View the ex as a very expensive babysitter, expect no information sharing, and do what I had to do to get the info myself; to be a good parent. (work AROUND my ex, instead of trying to force her to do what she will never do anyway).
I picked option #2. I contacted every doctor, teacher, coach, etc. in my daughters' life. I did not mention my ex in any negative manner. I just informed everyone that I had legal right to receive information that, for some reason, I was not receiving.....and requested to be contacted directly on everything provided to a parent. In some cases, I provided a copy of the Court orders for their records. I was very careful to present my case in a manner that did not appear vindictive or confrontational regarding my ex. ( to avoid anyone feeling like they were being placed "in the middle".)
Basically, this required twice as much "follow-up" with school and medical personnel, than a pri**** residential parent is required to employ. Same with parents of my daughter's friends. It was very tough from age 2 to about 8-9 years old. (no info coming from daughter because of age and mom's threats of punishment). I kept my mouth shut, focused on bonding with daughter and persevered.
Talking with my daughter and staying personally involved has really paid off the last three years, since her communication skills have improved with age. I know all of her teachers, doctors, dentist, coaches, friends and their parents better than her mom does. Whenever a parent is needed, they all call me FIRST, because I am the one that always follows through. I always defer most of these contacts to making a call to the ex for discussion; if she is the one that is directly involved with responsiblilty in the process.
Most of the information from the last three years comes directly from talking with my daughter, who shares everything with me. (good or bad)
I can tell you that in my case, there is no way something like your example could happen, without my knowing, within days of my ex knowing, or in some cases, even before my ex is aware of the event.
I am not "bragging" or making anything other than the simple statement that....it IS possible to be a "full parent", without having pri**** residential care...if you are willing to do whatever it takes to make it happen.
I (we) have avoided most potentially legal disputes; by
-doing what I do to stay involved....on my own
-making sure my ex knows I take the steps I do (but do not engage any ego related "points"... by "telling her" what I do), only to stay involved with my daughter, NOT for any reasons or hidden agenda related to the ex.
It is not easy, by any stretch of the imagination...but it is worth it for me; and most importantly...for my daughter.
