just checking just happened

[newmommy20]

What is the name of your state? fl

dad called and asked me to meet him at the davie police station and let him and father take son to park for hour. Nothing is est. yet. I refused because baby is a month old( today ) im still trying to est. breast feeding(low supply) and honestly theyre both alcoholics and untrustworthy. I offered a comprmise...they could go to the park down the street from my house but baby cannot leave my sight(by the way he has given no support and he has made no effort to see him till now so he knows nothing about baby or how to care for him and baby doesnt know him, yes he recognizes people now). I can do that right? Can he now say in court I refused to let him see son to try and look like hes more likely to encourage contact?Would it hold up?
I know he doesnt have to support and i dont have to allow visits but ive heard many occasions where a judge looks at that stuff especially since we admit paternity.

 

[Zephyr]

I think that is fine, if the baby does not know him, it is totally acceptable that the visit be in the presence of someone known to the baby. did he not trake you up on the offer?

 

[newmommy20]

I think that is fine, if the baby does not know him, it is totally acceptable that the visit be in the presence of someone known to the baby. did he not trake you up on the offer?

no he actually yelled at me saying: "you wanted me to be a part of his life and now you wont let me see him?" i replied "its not that, he doesnt know you or your dad so why would you put him through that?" He says "hes too young to know who people are yet, so you are saying no right? fine dont call me bye" and hung up on me(he may have been drunk again im not sure this time) he also called a week ago claiming he was sorry and loved us and wanted to come home to us and said he would come see baby n bring money to help then disappeared. I dont care if he wants me or not i care but he is too unpredictable and untrustworthy. He disappears for days. He has lied too many times about drinking(how much) and where he has been or what he intends on doing. How do I know he wasnt going to take baby to his parents or a friends or a bar? Is there something I shouldve done different? Any suggestions on how to handle it if he does this again?

ps all friends and family drink heavily not good environment for children

 

[Zephyr]

the same way you did this time- if his idea is out of line- offer him a reasonable alternative that includes your supervision (until you are comfortable with the situation-not forever). if he opts not to visit it's one him, I can't remember what state you are in but you may, if legal in your state, want to record these calls so you have proof of offering him visits.

until he gets an order, he will have to play by your rules, after he gets an order he will have to play by the judges rules, the longer he lets it drag out, the more likely he is to get supervised visits anyway.

 

[newmommy20]

the same way you did this time- if his idea is out of line- offer him a reasonable alternative that includes your supervision (until you are comfortable with the situation-not forever). if he opts not to visit it's one him, I can't remember what state you are in but you may, if legal in your state, want to record these calls so you have proof of offering him visits.

until he gets an order, he will have to play by your rules, after he gets an order he will have to play by the judges rules, the longer he lets it drag out, the more likely he is to get supervised visits anyway.

Florida, no we cant record unless subject knows hes being recorded i have a log but my sepdad says it my word v. his and the log doesnt have any affect. Is that true am i wasting my time? The log is vague from when he left but detailed from date baby was born.

 

[Zephyr]

Florida, no we cant record unless subject knows hes being recorded i have a log but my sepdad says it my word v. his and the log doesnt have any affect. Is that true am i wasting my time? The log is vague from when he left but detailed from date baby was born.

still keep the log- as seniorjudge has said, when you say " on dec 13 at 1:00 pm I offered for you to come visit your child, what does your record say?"

that can make a difference

 

[newmommy20]

if his idea is out of line- offer him a reasonable alternative that includes your supervision (until you are comfortable with the situation-not forever).

Id be comfortable after he went to a parenting class and some alcohol couseling. Thats reasonable right? His pediatrician offers a free class and my mom works at the local hospital and she could get him in a class for like 20$ or free and ive asked him to do so and he refused. He has never had kids so i think thats fair i even took one

 

[weenor]

Florida, no we cant record unless subject knows hes being recorded i have a log but my sepdad says it my word v. his and the log doesnt have any affect. Is that true am i wasting my time? The log is vague from when he left but detailed from date baby was born.

Believe or not, the log is very important for two reasons:

1) It is a contemporaneous recollection of the events. While it may not be admissible evidence, a GAL or other evaluator may consider it. One when records events as they happen their version is just more reliable and will be taken more seriously

2) A side benefit- humans tend to forget the crap that others put them through and then forgive. When you have even the slightest thought of feeling sorry for him, go back and look at all the crap he's put you through and look at the patterns. When my hubby starts feeling sorry for the ex and forgetting how dangerous she is to SD I pull out my 50 pages of crap and remind him what we've all been through. It's about your child...so you don't have the luxury of taking chances.

 

[newmommy20]

still keep the log- as seniorjudge has said, when you say " on dec 13 at 1:00 pm I offered for you to come visit your child, what does your record say?"

that can make a difference

hes too drunk most of the time he prob. doesnt have one. He claims to not remember saying he will come see him or any of what he said that night(he was drunk). should i type my log?? right now its hand written and hard to read in some entries. Should i retain the original? Should I sumarise w/ the main points as a cliffnote or header? my log is very detailed

 

[weenor]

hes too drunk most of the time he prob. doesnt have one. He claims to not remember saying he will come see him or any of what he said that night(he was drunk). should i type my log?? right now its hand written and hard to read in some entries. Should i retain the original? Should I sumarise w/ the main points as a cliffnote or header? my log is very detailed

I keep mine on the computer...if you don't have one then get some disks and go to Kinkos...type it out and save it on a disk and periodically update the disk...I did have to do an outline summary on a couple of occasions for the lawyer, mostly to avoid $200.00 an hour to read the whole thing. I do summations in categories- violations, drug events, refusal to take drug test dates, etc. . .

 

[newmommy20]

Believe or not, the log is very important for two reasons:

1) It is a contemporaneous recollection of the events. While it may not be admissible evidence, a GAL or other evaluator may consider it. One when records events as they happen their version is just more reliable and will be taken more seriously

2) A side benefit- humans tend to forget the crap that others put them through and then forgive. When you have even the slightest thought of feeling sorry for him, go back and look at all the crap he's put you through and look at the patterns. When my hubby starts feeling sorry for the ex and forgetting how dangerous she is to SD I pull out my 50 pages of crap and remind him what we've all been through. It's about your child...so you don't have the luxury of taking chances.

wow i never thought of that. I forgive him way too much and have been too nice (others have said) your right when i read the log i see a patern n yeah it pisses me off lol.... This may seem dumb but im new at this whats a GAL? what do they do?

 

[weenor]

wow i never thought of that. I forgive him way too much and have been too nice (others have said) your right when i read the log i see a patern n yeah it pisses me off lol.... This may seem dumb but im new at this whats a GAL? what do they do?

GAL- guardian ad litem- attorney appointed by the court (and paid for by the parties) to represent the child mostly in cases of alleged neglect. If you have to go to court and keep his visitation supervised, you'll have to give the reasons (neglect of baby due to alcohol abuse) and the court will probably want a neutral to investigate. The GAL can consider all kinds of stuff and them make a recommendation to the court. In our case the GAL made up his mind after he read my notes.

 

[newmommy20]

I keep mine on the computer...if you don't have one then get some disks and go to Kinkos...type it out and save it on a disk and periodically update the disk...I did have to do an outline summary on a couple of occasions for the lawyer, mostly to avoid $200.00 an hour to read the whole thing. I do summations in categories- violations, drug events, refusal to take drug test dates, etc. . .

lol we're on a comp. lol im sure youre sleepy i do that too. Do you know where i could see a sample log? There is so much info how do i know what is pertinent for the outline/ summaries.Is there a sample of a log w/ outline anywhere? sorry i just hve no idea what im doing and dont want to skrew up

 

[Zephyr]

lol we're on a comp. lol im sure youre sleepy i do that too. Do you know where i could see a sample log? There is so much info how do i know what is pertinent for the outline/ summaries.Is there a sample of a log w/ outline anywhere? sorry i just hve no idea what im doing and dont want to skrew up

I got an awesome parenting time tracker, exel based, i think i downloaded (for free) from deltabravo, i think

 

[newmommy20]

sorry so slow holding new baby n typing its tough

GAL- guardian ad litem- attorney appointed by the court (and paid for by the parties) to represent the child mostly in cases of alleged neglect. If you have to go to court and keep his visitation supervised, you'll have to give the reasons (neglect of baby due to alcohol abuse) and the court will probably want a neutral to investigate. The GAL can consider all kinds of stuff and them make a recommendation to the court. In our case the GAL made up his mind after he read my notes.

how much $ im broke. He hasnt been w/ him alone so i have to wait for him tpo neglect baby before i an prove or does what he is doing now count? Do i request one or judge will order if he sees fit? I just dont want to go unheard or his behavior patterns unseen.