Just got served

[Ohiogal]

Okay I just talked to her...he stayed home from work today because he didn't want her to to try to get an attorney. She did however call legal-aid & is now waiting for them to call her back which they are supposed to do today. He felt like she didn't get anything accomplished & left the house. She doesn't know if he went to work or what. I am hoping she feels better after talking to someone at legal aid. I have been after her for a while to keep a list of the things he does so she can look at it next time he is convincing her to do something he wants her to do. I just found out today that he gave her $60 a week to buy food, formula & diapers. Its not like he can't afford to give her more thats what he thought was appropriate. I told her to open the garage door put a for sale sign on the pool table, big screen tv, wii & whatever else she thought she could sale & when he asks why tell him its to buy groceries, formula & diapers. They met at a really bad time in her life & she fell for everything he said & he has now gained complete control over her & she is somewhat trapped. I am a little more high strung than her & I would handle things different but she would like to resolve this peacefully. She wants what is best for her baby. I hope they can have a peaceful divorce but I think she has to stand up to him or he will walk all over her. She doesn't have anyone to go to down there because everyone she knows is in Oklahoma.

QUIT giving her advice. You just told her to dissipate marital assets. Tell her to get a lawyer and file for temporary spousal and child support. Then quit telling her what to do because YOU ARE NOT IN THE POSITION to give her CORRECT advice.

 

[sixpackpayne]

I am not telling her what to do I am telling her exactly what I would do! I don't take anything sitting still..... As far as I am concerned she is way the hell better off listening to me than listening to him. She wants to get a job & was only on maternity leave when he convinced her to quit the one she had. I swear to you the way he says things to her he makes her believe that he is the greatest thing to ever come into her life & that she cannot survive in the world without him. She is truly brainwashed....its like something from a Lifetime movie. He has convinced her to get rid of everything she had...she traded her vehicle in for the truck he drives now. Both of his vehicles are much more than she could afford. They both have over a $500 payment on them. Their house payment is over $1000 a month. When she did work her paycheck was direct deposited into his account. She cannot afford to stay in the area they are in now. I can imagine how she feels right now. She is at his mercy and I think he has worked very hard to get her there.

 

[mommyof4]

I am not telling her what to do I am telling her exactly what I would do! I don't take anything sitting still..... As far as I am concerned she is way the hell better off listening to me than listening to him. She wants to get a job & was only on maternity leave when he convinced her to quit the one she had. I swear to you the way he says things to her he makes her believe that he is the greatest thing to ever come into her life & that she cannot survive in the world without him. She is truly brainwashed....its like something from a Lifetime movie. He has convinced her to get rid of everything she had...she traded her vehicle in for the truck he drives now. Both of his vehicles are much more than she could afford. They both have over a $500 payment on them. Their house payment is over $1000 a month. When she did work her paycheck was direct deposited into his account. She cannot afford to stay in the area they are in now. I can imagine how she feels right now. She is at his mercy and I think he has worked very hard to get her there.

She needs to stop listening to BOTH of you. What YOU would do (if she follows your 'advice') is going to cost her a huge chunk of change as a motion for divorce has been filed. She CANNOT sell off marital assets without fully expecting to be held financially responsible for those items. Can she afford that expense?


She's contacted legal aid. There are numbers on the link for women's shelters. Give her that information and stay out of this. She can't afford your 'help'.

 

[sixpackpayne]

Seeing as he gives her no money....he gets the money she earns babysitting & he has only been giving her $60 a week to buy food for the family with I don't think my "advice" is all that bad. I guess its okay for him to use the marital money for a retainers fee? But its not okay for her to sale something they have to get money for a lawyer herself**************..can't see at all how she could feel trapped in a situation like that. Put yourself in her shoes**************her options are:
to stay where she is until a judge allows her to leave the state

put the baby in a stroller & take off walking...just don't leave the county

or take a car that belongs to him to leave in at which point she will be taking a marital asset from there.

What I told her was a way to get some money for her & her baby to get out of a bad situation. She can leave his half of the cash there.


The law works if you have the cash to work it**************she doesn't have that since he has kept it from her. I am sure in 2 weeks when they go to court he will be forced to give her half of whatever money he hasn't hid from her at that time.

 

[mommyof4]

Seeing as he gives her no money....he gets the money she earns babysitting & he has only been giving her $60 a week to buy food for the family with I don't think my "advice" is all that bad. I guess its okay for him to use the marital money for a retainers fee? But its not okay for her to sale something they have to get money for a lawyer herself**************..can't see at all how she could feel trapped in a situation like that. Put yourself in her shoes**************her options are:
to stay where she is until a judge allows her to leave the state

put the baby in a stroller & take off walking...just don't leave the county

or take a car that belongs to him to leave in at which point she will be taking a marital asset from there.

What I told her was a way to get some money for her & her baby to get out of a bad situation. She can leave his half of the cash there.

The remedy to that issue is that she grows a backbone and keeps her own money. She has ALLOWED him to treat her the way he has. Apparently, she never had a problem with the treatment as she isn't even the one that filed for divorce.

If they have a joint account (probably not) she can access that money herself. She is LETTING him be in control. If she isn't going to help herself, then there is nothing and nobody that can help her.

If she wants to leave the home, she can (although, she does not have to and probably shouldn't). She can even leave with the baby. She just can't leave the county with the baby.

 

[sixpackpayne]

The remedy to that issue is that she grows a backbone and keeps her own money. She has ALLOWED him to treat her the way he has. Apparently, she never had a problem with the treatment as she isn't even the one that filed for divorce.

If they have a joint account (probably not) she can access that money herself. She is LETTING him be in control. If she isn't going to help herself, then there is nothing and nobody that can help her.

If she wants to leave the home, she can (although, she does not have to and probably shouldn't). She can even leave with the baby. She just can't leave the county with the baby.

They don't have a joint checking account...she is afraid if she takes up for herself it will make things worse. I am hoping she can get an attorney through legal aid. I agree 100% that she has let him control her, she didn't have a problem with it until now. She still is in shock. She wants what is best for her baby. Not only has she been served with divorce papers she has found out that man she loves doesn't love her & wants her & his child out of the house. I am sure she is sitting there right now acting like a wounded puppy. I don't agree with her approach. I started out just wanting to know if after they go to court is anyone going to be able to make her stay in that county with the baby. If that is the case I need to get down there & help her find a place to live. I don't want to help her rent a house if she will get to move to Oklahoma in 2 weeks. Their house is big she doesn't have to be that close to him for the next 2 weeks. He won't physically hurt either of them his mental & emotional abuse can be just as bad, if not worse.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

Until the judge orders exclusive use of the house to one of the parties, they BOTH have a right to stay put.