Juvenile Restraining Orders and Protective Orders

[I'mTheFather]

Counseling.


And a chaperone for any event outside of school hours.

 

[Proserpina]

Counseling.


And a chaperone for any event outside of school hours.

Yes, Father!

 

[Havocide]

Counseling.


And a chaperone for any event outside of school hours.

Absolutely. My wife and I have not talked about counseling yet buy that is a good idea. And yes we will be tagging along for extracurricular activities until she can show us that she is going to make better choices.

 

[I'mTheFather]

Absolutely. My wife and I have not talked about counseling yet buy that is a good idea. And yes we will be tagging along for extracurricular activities until she can show us that she is going to make better choices.

Truthfully, the problem is not the boy, so any legal action would only be a band-aid. And that band-aid will only make matters worse every time your daughter rips it off. This is what Proserpina was getting at in her post.

The problem is that your daughter has, momentarily at least, rejected the values that you and your wife have worked to instill in her. She has chosen to risk her relationship with you in order to pursue a relationship with this boy. Why she is doing this is the real problem. It's a little more than making poor choices.

 

[Ohiogal]

This boy has been in and out of juvenile detention multiple times, hangs out with other trouble making kids, posts pictures on Facebook of him cutting himself with razorblades.. I'm judging him off what I am seeing with my own two eyes, not off rumors or hearsay. I understand that she is in "Love" and being a teenager, but I am the adult, the parent, and the rule maker. My wife and I are still debating the pros and cons of filing unruly with her. Getting put on probation would be a nice incentive to stay away from the boy if she knows its possible it could result in going to the detention center. Making threats, and taking away privileges is only going so far. I think right now it all boils down to trust and it's defiantly lacking.

And yet your daughter also hangs out with trouble making kids, breaks into homes and is not exactly an angel. You are putting the blame on HIM when really, you gotta look at HER. The fact that your wife had no issue kicking in a door (committing a crime) is a problem. Your daughter learned from you and your wife long before this boy came along. So before you start judging this boy, you might want to determine what your little princess has been up to and what she does on her own. If you can't handle your daughter, you might find CSB at your front door one day ready to step in and help you parent by correcting YOUR issues. That is fact. While the boy may be a bit of the problem, quite frankly the major problem is your daughter.

 

[Ohiogal]

Absolutely. My wife and I have not talked about counseling yet buy that is a good idea. And yes we will be tagging along for extracurricular activities until she can show us that she is going to make better choices.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME? You and your wife who are stellar parents have not considered counseling yet? Really? That says a lot right there. If you wanted to help your daughter, that would have been one of the first things you would have considered. Also consider parenting classes for you and your wife. In addition, I hope you and your wife have discuss sex, birth control and such with your daughter.

 

[stealth2]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?
So my question here is can we acquire a restraining order against this boy which is a juvenile to keep him from coming in contact with our daughter as she is only 13? The police have advised us that we can file unruly charges against our daughter and have her put on probation. It's hard for any parent to put their kids into the system at such a young age. What are our options here for restraining orders or protection orders for our daughter? Thank you in advance!


Phil

Interestingly, the police told you what to do - scare your daughter straight. Unfortunately, you seem more fixated on punishing the boy instead.

If this were MY daughter (and yes, I have one, older than yours)? I would do a 180. Ask her to invite her friend over for dinner, to watch a movie at your house, just hang out. Get to know him. You could show him an alternate path in life, and you could show your daughter what compassion looks like.

BTW... Cutting is a cry for help, not a sign of a "bad" kid.

 

[commentator]

The fact that they've considered juvenile detention for their daughter, before involving a professional and getting her some counseling is quite scary. Even if you've restraining ordered away THIS particular young fellow, do you think she's going to make any nice friends in juvie to replace him? And where do you think it will get her as far as peer groups with recognition and street cred that she's done time in juvie? How do you think it will affect the expectations of the school and of other parents whose children she may want to associate with?

And do not think you're not getting legal advice here, OP. What you are getting is the take of many people who have been involved in the juvenile justice system and are familiar with parent attitudes. And what is showing up is people who already have little or no control over their thirteen year old daughter, and would like to solve the problem by taking away the temptation (in the form of the troubled young man) because they can't make sure she'll do what they tell her to do. The older she gets, the more of a problem there will be.

 

[Ohiogal]

The fact that they've considered juvenile detention for their daughter, before involving a professional and getting her some counseling is quite scary. Even if you've restraining ordered away THIS particular young fellow, do you think she's going to make any nice friends in juvie to replace him? And where do you think it will get her as far as peer groups with recognition and street cred that she's done time in juvie? How do you think it will affect the expectations of the school and of other parents whose children she may want to associate with?

And do not think you're not getting legal advice here, OP. What you are getting is the take of many people who have been involved in the juvenile justice system and are familiar with parent attitudes. And what is showing up is people who already have little or no control over their thirteen year old daughter, and would like to solve the problem by taking away the temptation (in the form of the troubled young man) because they can't make sure she'll do what they tell her to do. The older she gets, the more of a problem there will be.

The fact that they have considered that first is a sign that if they tried to get the courts involved, they would get CSB breathing down their necks and possibly removing the child due to their neglect of her emotional/psychological well-being. That would sure teach the girl a lesson if the parents were found to be neglectful -- now wouldn't it?

 

[Zigner]

They ended up finding our daughter with the boy we suspected she was with in an abandoned house here in town with two other boys.. The boys locked the abandoned door to the house and my wife kicked the front door in to see kids scattering from the house.. The police later found our daughter and brought her home to us.

This doesn't make sense. If "they" (the police) found your daughter at the abandoned house, why did your wife have to kick the door in? If your wife found your daughter at the abandoned house, where did "they" (the police) find your daughter later?

 

[Indiana Filer]

As a juvenile Probation Officer, I have to agree with those who have said your issue is with your daughter, not with this young man.

Counseling and parenting classes are definitely warranted.

 

[csi7]

First, know that you will be held responsible for any and all actions you take concerning this issue, and that there are civil actions, criminal actions, along with legal actions that all have different consequences for the same choice you may make.

Rather than stopping the response outside of your front door, pushing it away, sit down and decide what exactly do you want for your future with your child as an adult.

There are stories, that show what happens with children who are not provided with consequences matching the types of choices they make as children when their parents stop the consequence for whatever reasons. When these children are finally on their own, and face the reality of their choices with legal consequences far beyond what they've ever seen, heard, felt, or lived with in the past, and it can be deadly.

Your wife's actions prove she is willing to defend her child, no matter what. She knows she's not going to have to do much except pay for damages, from what you've mentioned. This is what you are teaching the child.

I have worked in a juvenile detention facility. I have seen what these individuals do when they see their mama on the other side of the locked door for parent visitation. The sweet, innocent, and soft voice out of one was a surprise. Later on, I discovered what their criminal actions had been, and their behavior in detention was the same type. However, as far as their mama was concerned, the system was wrong when it came to her child.

What you choose to do now will change how you have to respond in the future to situations such as this one you're in now. You can change your view to increase total awareness, and accept responsibility for consequences for everyone in the household to manage.

Your child is already involved in the world of criminal action. Your choices can make the difference between success with this situation or not. I agree, invite the friends to your home, with open communication. This is one of the best legal friendly choices you can provide.

 

[Just Blue]

This boy has been in and out of juvenile detention multiple times,

Curious name you picked.

And you babygirl will likely end up in Juvi if you do not get her some help.

 

[Ladyback1]

This kind of behavior really has my wife and I scared for the safety of our daughter. We know this boy is trouble and we don't want her to even be in contact with the kid. The boy (which is high school) shows up at the Jr. High and tries to see our daughter after school. The principle of the Jr. High has warned this boy multiple times that he is not to hang out at that school because he does not attend the school. I understand that our daughter and this boy meeting is consensual but her mother and I forbid her from seeing this kid.

So my question here is can we acquire a restraining order against this boy which is a juvenile to keep him from coming in contact with our daughter as she is only 13? The police have advised us that we can file unruly charges against our daughter and have her put on probation. It's hard for any parent to put their kids into the system at such a young age. What are our options here for restraining orders or protection orders for our daughter? Thank you in advance!


Phil

Speaking as a parent of a 2 teenagers: I try very hard not to FORBID my kids from seeing any particular friend. What I do try to do is to enforce reasonable "laws": You can see "Joe" at our house, he will need to leave by x time on school nites, and X time on other nites. You can go xxxx, and xxxx, with Joe, but expect your mother or I to do spot checks to make sure you are where you say you are.

Have you spoke to the boy's parents? Perhaps you can reach some sort of communication with them regarding the relationship with your daughter.
I am not saying you have to approve of the relationship, but the more you stomp your feet and pound your chest and "forbid" her to see him, the more she's going to be convinced she HAS to see him.

And, oh yeah----your darling daughter is just as responsible for the clandestine meetings, lying, secrecy as the boy is. Please don't think he is the driving factor in the relationship.

 

[stealth2]

Speaking as a parent of a 2 teenagers: I try very hard not to FORBID my kids from seeing any particular friend. What I do try to do is to enforce reasonable "laws": You can see "Joe" at our house, he will need to leave by x time on school nites, and X time on other nites. You can go xxxx, and xxxx, with Joe, but expect your mother or I to do spot checks to make sure you are where you say you are.

Have you spoke to the boy's parents? Perhaps you can reach some sort of communication with them regarding the relationship with your daughter.
I am not saying you have to approve of the relationship, but the more you stomp your feet and pound your chest and "forbid" her to see him, the more she's going to be convinced she HAS to see him.

And, oh yeah----your darling daughter is just as responsible for the clandestine meetings, lying, secrecy as the boy is. Please don't think he is the driving factor in the relationship.

Wait one... On another thread in C&V, you post as Mom... Please clarify.