Law Concerning School Records

[doin-it-myself]

What is the name of your state? In of course

Here is the question. Can I now keep Step mother from obtaining school records? Now that the order is in that I have daughter during school it also states that I give full access to her father concerning her school and medical which I have no problem at all with. My problem is with his wife, she has the tendecy to call the school and trys to get my daughters information with out permission from my daughters father, as a matter of fact my daughters father never even knows that his wife has called the school at all, I feel that unless the school would call them in case of an emergency she has no rights to call the school and if my daughters father wants to know something then he should take the responsibility to call the school himself. So what I would like to know is can I make sure dad gets all records but his wife have no access at the same time. She has called my daughters school before telling them that she is step mom and she had custody and so on but in all actuality her name is nowhere to be seen on any court papers at all.

 

[Boxcarbill]

You need to take it up with the father. I have said it before and I will say it again: a person has the right to have their spouse act as their agent. It is his right to have his wife act as his agent without your prior approval.

Incidentally if the father and/or you do not feel that step mom should be involved with the child, step mom should make it clear to you, the father and the school that in case of emergency, the school should contact the father, mother or an ambulance. In no event should step mom be contacted for any purpose including acting as a secretary for the father or the mother. Get an answering machine or wait until the hospital calls.

 

[doin-it-myself]

Thank you Boxcar I sure appreciate hearing from you. I just want to avoid anymore arguing with my daughters step mother. She has went as far as telling my daughter that is does not matter what her father the Judge or I said or did that she was involved rather I like it or not and the finial desicion was hers to make concerning if they ALLOWED my daughter to come live with me if that was the Judges desicion (which it was of course) She has alos made statements that she is now just as much mom to my daughter as I was. I try to encourage the relationship between my daughter and her step mother regardless of what step mom does but it just gets harder and harder.. Quite honestly I would love to just tell my daughter to ignore her step mom but I wouldn't and couldn't ever do that regardless because that just causes step mother to treat my daughter mean when she is there. So thank you for the advice I will talk to BF and let him know how I feel about this, BUt let me ask another question!

With step mother interfering so much and 99.9% of the time she refuses to let me talk to my daughters father by saying that I have to go thru her ( here is the question, not really legal tho but moral I guess) How would I approach BF about this without smaking his wife because I know she will interfear (spelling sorry) again? LOL I try so very hard to be civil but as I said it is getting harder and harder. I have been the one to develope the relationship between my daughter and step mom because they never got along until I stepped in and made my daughter respect the step regardeless of what the step did. And her father even admitted to that in court.

 

[tammy8]

I am a stepmother of 3 of the most wonderful children in the world. I have a job where I have a little time to do the work for my husband in regards to scheduling and taking my steps to appointments, helping with pickups and etc. Also since my husband is hourly paid and I am salary, I get have a lot more flexible schedule in running out of the office for an hour or two to do things that would cost our family precious monies.

That being said, how do you know that the Dad has not asked the SM to do these things such as contacting the school? The Dad has just as much a right to all the info as you do and sometimes it is just hard for men to get the ball rolling .

I know you said that Dad said that SM and your daughter had problems but it is hard raising someone else's child no matter how little or how long you do it. I know I overstep my boundaries many times, mostly not meaning to but it does happen. Why not, instead of accusing SM of meddling, offer to have the school send Dad all the information that you also receive? That would cut out your problems with pointing fingers at SM and I am sure make your life much easier.

PS I was the one that had the time off work to go enroll my Steps in their new school this yr. I was the one who made sure that bm would have all the information that DH receives. I did this with no problems (so far) from the school, school board and bm. I am also the one in the past that copied and mailed bm all report cards, notes, etc because she never had the time to get this info herself. Give us SMs a break because we stuck in the middle, looking in but never being in. (sorry I realize this had a lot of emotions in it but I also know that TOTAL CONTROL is usually the goal of EITHER parent in the end and it only hurts the child so a little piece of advice from "the dark side" is pick your battles wisely)

Good luck to your family the upcoming school yrs!

 

[doin-it-myself]

Ok here is the thing I HAVE GIVEN HER break after break and she does overstep her bounds. I could give you a break if you were my daughter's step mother cause you sound like you are concerned about your step children, as far as her she is only concerned with the power she thinks she holds. As far as BF he has made statements IN COURT that he is the one that calls the school. I would have no problem with her being involved if she would stop trying to take control and if she would stop harrassing the schools about me of all thigns, she calls the schools telling them that I have no rights and not only that when my daughter lived with them she AND I DON:T SAY THIS OUT OF PREJIDUCE informed the school where my daughter went not to give me any information, not the father. I have delt with this kind of crap for almost 13 years. As I said before I am the one that got my daughter to even respect the woman,, If not for me and my patience seh wouldn't have a snowball chance in hell at even having a civil relationship with my daughter. She doesn't think about my daughter she thinks about how much she can get by with and how much she thinks she is in control. She tells my daughter awful things about me that is not true, and I STILL give her a break, So when is this STEP MOM supposed to givwe me a break. Just because I am THE MOM I'm supposed to be the one to give all the breaks, while she does what she wants and then expects sympathy. I think not. Like I said why can't some one like you be my daughters step mother then we would all be happy and get along. I truly understand the emotiions tied up here that;s for sure but I try not to worry about my emotions it is my daughters emotions that are at stake, and when her step mother calls the schools and tries to cause trouble by saying that my daughter is being beat on and starved and so on and calling CPS with the same stories, How do you think my daughter feels? I am to the point that I sure don't care about step mothers emotions I have tried and tried to be civil to the woman regardless of what she has done, and trust me I could blow you away with the things she has said and done. I think it is time the crap stops and if I have to start with the schools then so be it.

 

[haiku]

you are really going about this the wrong way.

Obviously Dad has no problem with this because if he did, step mom would not be doing this stuff.

I do alot of the 'mom" stuff in my house as it pertains to the step kids, but my husbands knows what I am doing. Wea re a full team in OUR house, the ex has no say there.

Unless your ex is a vegetable he knows what she is doing and it does not bother him. you obviously have proof of this because he said HE was the one doing it in court.

your issue is really with him, not her. Forget her, and deal with him.

And as far as the school goes, at the beginning of the year, you do what my husband does, you make it known to the school who YOU are, and show them the court order, and then they know who they are dealing with. my husbands ex tries to shut him out of school stuff too, but legally there is nothing anyone can do, because they have joint legal custody. In our case we sit back and watch the ex make a fool of herself.

As far as your child goes, all kids are not fools and they figure out who the 'troublemakers" are and "play" them accordingly.

 

[doin-it-myself]

Yeah that is probably what I will do also because she has steeped on her own heels so much. I don't want anyone thinking that I am trying to keep this woman out of my daughters life because I am not, I have encouraged them to get along and I have encouraged my daughter to have the utmost respect for this woman even though this woman has had absolutly no respect for me. I am not going to ask for child support at this time but here is what I am going to do.

1. Ask BF if he would like to go with me to register daughter in school.

2. Ask if he would pay half of the school cost. Book fees.

3. Ask if he would buy half of her sschool clothes.

The school she will be attending has a mandatory class that she has to take a foreign language. That alone will cost $150.00.

I have had alot of problems with him paying anything in the past. I carry full insurance for her and basically ask him for nothing, and never have. Do you think I am asking for to much now? I am feeling that if he does not want to comply then it will once again go to court and he will be paying CS that way. I feel this might be fair but I am not sure. I am just so tired of his wife trying not only interfering but trying to control everything. I know that I can't force him to be reponsible but I was just hoping that if I could exclude her from even just getting school records that would tend to make him to understand that the way she goes about things is totally unacceptable and he needs to open his eyes to that. My daughter knows that her father and I both love her very much but what she does not understand is why I even try to be nice to his wife. When I try to explain things to her that what goes around comes around and that no matter how mean someone is that we should always be on our best behavior and one day that other persons day will come back to them. But it is getting so hard to practice what I preach, this woman sure knows how to push my buttons that is for sure. Tahnk you every one for the advice and please keep it coming. GOD BLESS