What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? New York
I have been reading this forum for years and I have a question that's not so much legal, but more ethical. My husband is the NCP to two children with his ex wife. I understand that as the stepmom, I have no legal rights or responsibility regarding his children, which has a great deal to do with the question itself.
My husband pays the standard CS weekly, directly to mom via check as per what was written in the court order, which is 25% of gross, less FICA. This comes out to approx. $240/wk, which actually amounts to about 35% of his net take home salary. On top of that, he splits any additional expenses with his ex (co-pays, braces, dance, etc.) bringing his grand total to $312/week. This leaves him with about $388 per week for himself. Certainly not enough to support himself if he had to, but I understand that's the law and regardless of how unfair anyone thinks it is, that's the way it is and he understands that as well. As a result of this, I pay about 80% of the household bills because there's simply not enough left over from my husband's check to contribute anything substantial to our household. It barely covers half of our mortgage payment. Again...I understand that it's my choice to do this.
We are lucky enough to have a house with a finished basement and his children both have their own rooms there, complete with TV's, clothing / toys and basically whatever they have in their rooms at their moms house. I have provided them with all of this using my own money because I love them and I never wanted them to feel as though they were simply "visitors", but that they were an actual part of our household. I also am the one that pays for all the vacations we take them on, all of their birthday presents, Christmas presents, and all the little "extras" that come up when they are with us, which is currently every weekend from Friday nite to Sunday nite. Again...I understand that I have no obligation to do any of this, but I've done it all this time simply because I could.
I have been informed that I will be receiving a pay cut at work. What little savings I have will not last long. My husband works 60-70 hours a week as it is, so getting a 2nd job for him isn't an option and I would never insist he do that as then he would NEVER get to see his children. He would like to ask his ex if she would be willing to do a 50/50 physical custody arrangement where he would still pay her some CS to account for the difference in their salaries which is about $10K per year (I believe that comes out to about $70/week). Each would pay for their own expenses when they have the kids, and any additional big expenses would be split 50/50 between the two of them. He already has the kids two full days per week. He has a very good relationship with her and we all get along very well. We live close enough to one another that school wouldn't be an issue and he knows that she doesn't have to agree to anything but is hoping that she will agree to it to bring equality and fairness to both parents.
We have discussed the situation and my husband and I have come to the decision that if she doesn't agree to the 50/50 and insists on going by "the law", then we will abide by the law as well. We will be selling the house we currently live in and will purchase either a very small two bedroom or perhaps rent an apartment. We have a daughter together so she would occupy the 2nd bedroom. Everyone will lose, including his kids. They will no longer have their own rooms or any place to store their belongings. They will sleep on a pull-out couch in the living room and whatever fits in the bag that they transport back and forth between the houses will be all they keep at our house. I will also not be paying for them to go with us on vacations, nor will I continue to pay for birthdays, birthday parties, Christmas presents or any of those little "extras" they've become accustomed to at our house. Do we want to do this? No...of course not. I do not want to leave the home that I've worked so hard to get and I don't want our daughter to lose the home that she loves. However...as this very board is so quick to point out...all the extra things that his childen receive in our home are because I provided them. Something that I (the legal stranger) don't legally have to do, nor does my husband. His children are already afforded more rights than our daughter together (guaranteed support until they're 21, court ordered college education, etc.), which in my opinion, is absolutely wrong. Children of divorce are no more special than children of intact families and for the law to imply otherwise is unconstitutional and discriminatory. I know...my opinion doesn't matter, but I dare anyone to try to defend this and say it's right. ALL children matter. Not just children of divorce.
I would also like to add, that my husband's ex would not end up living on the street if her child support was reduced. She is married to a man that makes VERY good money and although I understand that it's not her husband's responsibility to financially provide for her children, it is also not MY responsibility to financially provide for her children.
Your thoughts and opinions please?What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?
I have been reading this forum for years and I have a question that's not so much legal, but more ethical. My husband is the NCP to two children with his ex wife. I understand that as the stepmom, I have no legal rights or responsibility regarding his children, which has a great deal to do with the question itself.
My husband pays the standard CS weekly, directly to mom via check as per what was written in the court order, which is 25% of gross, less FICA. This comes out to approx. $240/wk, which actually amounts to about 35% of his net take home salary. On top of that, he splits any additional expenses with his ex (co-pays, braces, dance, etc.) bringing his grand total to $312/week. This leaves him with about $388 per week for himself. Certainly not enough to support himself if he had to, but I understand that's the law and regardless of how unfair anyone thinks it is, that's the way it is and he understands that as well. As a result of this, I pay about 80% of the household bills because there's simply not enough left over from my husband's check to contribute anything substantial to our household. It barely covers half of our mortgage payment. Again...I understand that it's my choice to do this.
We are lucky enough to have a house with a finished basement and his children both have their own rooms there, complete with TV's, clothing / toys and basically whatever they have in their rooms at their moms house. I have provided them with all of this using my own money because I love them and I never wanted them to feel as though they were simply "visitors", but that they were an actual part of our household. I also am the one that pays for all the vacations we take them on, all of their birthday presents, Christmas presents, and all the little "extras" that come up when they are with us, which is currently every weekend from Friday nite to Sunday nite. Again...I understand that I have no obligation to do any of this, but I've done it all this time simply because I could.
I have been informed that I will be receiving a pay cut at work. What little savings I have will not last long. My husband works 60-70 hours a week as it is, so getting a 2nd job for him isn't an option and I would never insist he do that as then he would NEVER get to see his children. He would like to ask his ex if she would be willing to do a 50/50 physical custody arrangement where he would still pay her some CS to account for the difference in their salaries which is about $10K per year (I believe that comes out to about $70/week). Each would pay for their own expenses when they have the kids, and any additional big expenses would be split 50/50 between the two of them. He already has the kids two full days per week. He has a very good relationship with her and we all get along very well. We live close enough to one another that school wouldn't be an issue and he knows that she doesn't have to agree to anything but is hoping that she will agree to it to bring equality and fairness to both parents.
We have discussed the situation and my husband and I have come to the decision that if she doesn't agree to the 50/50 and insists on going by "the law", then we will abide by the law as well. We will be selling the house we currently live in and will purchase either a very small two bedroom or perhaps rent an apartment. We have a daughter together so she would occupy the 2nd bedroom. Everyone will lose, including his kids. They will no longer have their own rooms or any place to store their belongings. They will sleep on a pull-out couch in the living room and whatever fits in the bag that they transport back and forth between the houses will be all they keep at our house. I will also not be paying for them to go with us on vacations, nor will I continue to pay for birthdays, birthday parties, Christmas presents or any of those little "extras" they've become accustomed to at our house. Do we want to do this? No...of course not. I do not want to leave the home that I've worked so hard to get and I don't want our daughter to lose the home that she loves. However...as this very board is so quick to point out...all the extra things that his childen receive in our home are because I provided them. Something that I (the legal stranger) don't legally have to do, nor does my husband. His children are already afforded more rights than our daughter together (guaranteed support until they're 21, court ordered college education, etc.), which in my opinion, is absolutely wrong. Children of divorce are no more special than children of intact families and for the law to imply otherwise is unconstitutional and discriminatory. I know...my opinion doesn't matter, but I dare anyone to try to defend this and say it's right. ALL children matter. Not just children of divorce.
I would also like to add, that my husband's ex would not end up living on the street if her child support was reduced. She is married to a man that makes VERY good money and although I understand that it's not her husband's responsibility to financially provide for her children, it is also not MY responsibility to financially provide for her children.
Your thoughts and opinions please?What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?
I don't get manicures or pedicures. I don't buy anything unless it's on sale. I would say that I'm pretty frugal. I have no choice. The only thing I flat out refuse to stop paying for is the $120/month for our daughter's preschool. She just started and LOVES it. And as I stated before, her needs are of equal importance to the needs of my stepchildren.