LGBTQ issues and private school

[PrivateSchoolRocks]

Texas

I am a counselor and administrator at a fairly small private school in Texas. This year, we admitted our first openly LGBTQ student. The student and parents did not disclose that the student is LGBTQ prior to their admission to school, so we were unprepared.

there has been some unpleasantness between the students, which is expected if for no other reason than the fact that this student is new. However, the student and student’s mother are claiming it’s all related to the student’s LGBTQ status.

as the counselor, I’ve pleaded with the student and mother for understanding and patience, as most of our other students have never encountered an LGBTQ person before. The child and the child’s mother are becoming increasingly hostile, though, and unreasonable in that they are demanding punishment for our other students. What happens to our other students is none of their business.

now this student has racked up a tremendous amount of absences. They are still maintaining excellent grades, but the amount of absences are concerning. We have one doctor!/ note, stating the child had mononucleosis and as for the rest, the mother is claiming the child has been too depressed due to “bullying” to be able to attend school.

we don’t really want to invite this family back next year. This child’s absences are against our school policy, and we just don’t feel this is the right environment.

when we made this suggestion to the mother, she became irate and said she would sue us for discrimination since we obviously didn’t want her child because of their LGBTQ status.

That is not why. We are just not equipped to handle a child with severe enough depression to keep them out of school excessively.

are we legally in the clear, since wehave a clear and up front attendance policy?

 

[quincy]

Texas

I am a counselor and administrator at a fairly small private school in Texas. This year, we admitted our first openly LGBTQ student. The student and parents did not disclose that the student is LGBTQ prior to their admission to school, so we were unprepared.

there has been some unpleasantness between the students, which is expected if for no other reason than the fact that this student is new. However, the student and student’s mother are claiming it’s all related to the student’s LGBTQ status.

as the counselor, I’ve pleaded with the student and mother for understanding and patience, as most of our other students have never encountered an LGBTQ person before. The child and the child’s mother are becoming increasingly hostile, though, and unreasonable in that they are demanding punishment for our other students. What happens to our other students is none of their business.

now this student has racked up a tremendous amount of absences. They are still maintaining excellent grades, but the amount of absences are concerning. We have one doctor!/ note, stating the child had mononucleosis and as for the rest, the mother is claiming the child has been too depressed due to “bullying” to be able to attend school.

we don’t really want to invite this family back next year. This child’s absences are against our school policy, and we just don’t feel this is the right environment.

when we made this suggestion to the mother, she became irate and said she would sue us for discrimination since we obviously didn’t want her child because of their LGBTQ status.

That is not why. We are just not equipped to handle a child with severe enough depression to keep them out of school excessively.

are we legally in the clear, since wehave a clear and up front attendance policy?

Please describe the “unpleasantness” that has occurred between the students. Thanks.

 

[PrivateSchoolRocks]

Please describe the “unpleasantness” that has occurred between the students. Thanks.

Certainly.

The new student, the child in question, introduced themselves, and they have a masculine name. A few kids teased that this student looks like a girl, and the child then informed the class that they are transgender. There was some teasing about that, to which this student got *very* hostile and accused the boys of being homophobic bigots.

there was another incident where they We’re discussing parents during class time. This child informed the class that they don’t have a father. And a few kids laughed and made comments suggesting that not having a father is why the child is transgender.

there are a lot of name calling instances - and that goes both ways and this child complains that their classmates are always talking about J.K.Rowling and how wonderful she is.

just harmless, typical middle school stuff.

 

[quincy]

Where was the teaching staff when these “harmless, typical middle school” student comments were being made?

 

[PrivateSchoolRocks]

Where was the teaching staff when these “typical middle school” student comments were being made?

I believe a lot of these things occurred during lunch.

the beginning of the J.K. Rowling business began in a class discussion when the teacher asked everyone to name a celebrity they admired. One student said they liked J.K. Rowling because she “hates the switcheroos” (the student’s words, not mine) and that started a big debate in the classroom. That teacher shut it down, saying it wasn’t appropriate for the classroom.

this child has not been able to find a single friend here. I really think we’re doing them a favor by declining their readmission.

 

[not2cleverRed]

we don’t really want to invite this family back next year. This child’s absences are against our school policy, and we just don’t feel this is the right environment.

when we made this suggestion to the mother, she became irate and said she would sue us for discrimination since we obviously didn’t want her child because of their LGBTQ status.

That is not why. We are just not equipped to handle a child with severe enough depression to keep them out of school excessively.

are we legally in the clear, since wehave a clear and up front attendance policy?

The attendance issues are directly due to your school's failure to mitigate bullying.

Your tone in your posts is just jaw dropping - you should stop posting and retain legal counsel. Your statements in this forum, should they be tracked back to you and your school, could be used against you in a legal action.

Hopefully the mother will discover that there are more welcoming schools than yours that are also more prestigious.

 

[Ohiogal]

Certainly.

The new student, the child in question, introduced themselves, and they have a masculine name. A few kids teased that this student looks like a girl, and the child then informed the class that they are transgender. There was some teasing about that, to which this student got *very* hostile and accused the boys of being homophobic bigots.

there was another incident where they We’re discussing parents during class time. This child informed the class that they don’t have a father. And a few kids laughed and made comments suggesting that not having a father is why the child is transgender.

there are a lot of name calling instances - and that goes both ways and this child complains that their classmates are always talking about J.K.Rowling and how wonderful she is.

just harmless, typical middle school stuff.

None of this is harmless. You are allowing this student to be bullied by a bunch of homophobic bigots. I hope your school does get sued and you all lose your jobs. You are pathetic. And also a bigot. If you are a LICENSED counselor, I hope your license is pulled for allowing bullying of a child.

 

[stealth2]

as most of our other students have never encountered an LGBTQ person before

I would say that most of your students *have* encountered an LGBTQ+ person before - but they may not have been aware of it. They've quite likely met a trans person before, and not been aware of it. Many trans people pass quite well.

As a parent of a trans woman, I would advise these parents to find a different school where their daughter will not be subjected to the cruelty y'all allow in your school.

 

[PrivateSchoolRocks]

The attendance issues are directly due to your school's failure to mitigate bullying.

Your tone in your posts is just jaw dropping - you should stop posting and retain legal counsel. Your statements in this forum, should they be tracked back to you and your school, could be used against you in a legal action.

Hopefully the mother will discover that there are more welcoming schools than yours that are also more prestigious.

Unfortunately, there are no schools like mine in our area, as we specialize in teaching children with learning differences, like ADHD, dyslexia, autism, dysgraphia, dyscalcia, etc. I’m certain this is the only reason why this family desires to stay despite their negative experience.

however, this child is exceptionally bright and despite having an ADHD diagnosis, makes near perfect grades, even with the excessive absences. I think this child would flourish in any academic environment, honestly.

 

[PrivateSchoolRocks]

None of this is harmless. You are allowing this student to be bullied by a bunch of homophobic bigots. I hope your school does get sued and you all lose your jobs. You are pathetic. And also a bigot. If you are a LICENSED counselor, I hope your license is pulled for allowing bullying of a child.

I can tell people here have strong feelings on LGBTQ issues, and I truly mean no offense.

since we are a private institution, I was under the impression all the Title IX regulations did not apply, and this we need to make no special accommodation for an LGBTQ student.

when any unkind comment was witnessed, it was addressed. But unwitnessed remarks are essentially a he said/she said. And we do have an attendance policy.

so legally speaking, the mother would not have a case?
I will see if we have the budget to consult with a lawyer. Thank you for that suggestion.

 

[stealth2]

But unwitnessed remarks are essentially a he said/she said.

And in many cases, the result of a lack of creating a welcoming and inclusive environment. But... Texas. I'm really not surprised.

 

[Ohiogal]

I can tell people here have strong feelings on LGBTQ issues, and I truly mean no offense.

since we are a private institution, I was under the impression all the Title IX regulations did not apply, and this we need to make no special accommodation for an LGBTQ student.

when any unkind comment was witnessed, it was addressed. But unwitnessed remarks are essentially a he said/she said. And we do have an attendance policy.

so legally speaking, the mother would not have a case?
I will see if we have the budget to consult with a lawyer. Thank you for that suggestion.

The parents may very well have a case. Because you are allowing harm to this child by excusing the bigots -- most likely because you are one yourself. You quite frankly are allowing this child to be bullied and looking the other way because you don't care.

 

[PrivateSchoolRocks]

And in many cases, the result of a lack of creating a welcoming and inclusive environment. But... Texas. I'm really not surprised.

I, along with the other administrators, asked the mother to meet with us and brief us on how best to support her child, when the child started with us. Instead of working with us, she got somewhat annoyed and informed us that “in this day and age” it’s not their job to educate us on how to our job on inclusivity and that we should already have a plan for transgender students. All she would say is she expected kindness and tolerance. And we provide that for every student. But that doesn’t help us with which bathroom a trans student should use (we determined the nurse’s bathroom) and those issues.

we really feel a lot of the issues could have been solved had the mother worked with us in the beginning. And now here we are.

 

[PrivateSchoolRocks]

The parents may very well have a case. Because you are allowing harm to this child by excusing the bigots -- most likely because you are one yourself. You quite frankly are allowing this child to be bullied and looking the other way because you don't care.

Ok. Thank you for this. I guess we need to find the funds for a lawyer.

 

[Ohiogal]

I, along with the other administrators, asked the mother to meet with us and brief us on how best to support her child, when the child started with us. Instead of working with us, she got somewhat annoyed and informed us that “in this day and age” it’s not their job to educate us on how to our job on inclusivity and that we should already have a plan for transgender students. All she would say is she expected kindness and tolerance. And we provide that for every student. But that doesn’t help us with which bathroom a trans student should use (we determined the nurse’s bathroom) and those issues.

we really feel a lot of the issues could have been solved had the mother worked with us in the beginning. And now here we are.

You are not being inclusive. Inclusivity would mean the child uses the bathroom that conforms to their gender identity. You have singled this child out. If you are an educated counselor, you should understand this. You are not providing kindness and tolerance for this child according to what you have stated:

One student said they liked J.K. Rowling because she “hates the switcheroos” (the student’s words, not mine) and that started a big debate in the classroom. That teacher shut it down, saying it wasn’t appropriate for the classroom.

Switcheroos? You really think that is showing kindness and tolerance? Was that student corrected and punished for bullying? Or did you do nothing because you didn't care? I hate bigots like that student and anyone who supports that student. Seriously, if you are a licensed counselor you should know that that is not appropriate and understand what is wrong with what has been stated. I can show you more examples of how you are NOT showing kindness and tolerance to this student based on your own words.