Libel/Harrassment by family member

[boomersmom]

My response:

I'm sorry, no. I conduct all FreeAdvice "business" only on the forums. I do not conduct private consultations. Besides, you and your friend are completely anonymous, and all you or he will have to do is delete all names.

Additionally, other people may obtain help with their own similar situation when reading this thread, and still other people may wish to contribute their own thoughts on this thread.

Thank you.

IAAL

IAAL: I'm sorry, I didn't mean to presume. I will ask my friend this evening if he is comfortable with me posting an excerpted version on the forum (the letter is over four typewritten pages long) and/or whether he was able to do any better with a different local attorney.

I really do appreciate your taking the time to answer our questions.

Thanks,

Boomer's Mom

 

[I AM ALWAYS LIABLE]

IAAL: I'm sorry, I didn't mean to presume. I will ask my friend this evening if he is comfortable with me posting an excerpted version on the forum (the letter is over four typewritten pages long) and/or whether he was able to do any better with a different local attorney.

I really do appreciate your taking the time to answer our questions.

Thanks,

Boomer's Mom

My response:

Your question wasn't "presumptuous" at all! If you didn't ask, or feel some trepidation about posting the letter on these forums, then how would you know what my position on the matter might be?

Now, if you asked me some sexually explicit questions - - THAT would be presumptuous. But, when it comes to the ladies, I always answer those types of questions!

IAAL

 

[boomersmom]

IAAL: I've just now read the letter myself. It is typewritten, addressed "Dear Family", dated June 8. The signature is typed as well, identifying the author by first name, last name, and maiden name.

This person apparently has a flair for the dramatic, and much of the letter reads like a poorly-written cheap novel. Anything IN quotes is verbatim (no emphasis added); anything not in quotes is summary. Anything surrounded by *** is explanatory. All mechanical errors are hers. I'll substitute names with initials.

Page 1: Is a dissertation on family reunions and the pain of being adopted. She ends page 1 with: "I pray after telling what I'm about to tell you that you will still love me and that you won't keep quiet. By that I mean it's been 23 years and I need to feel your love and compassion and I need to share my hurt with you and hope you'll help me carry my burden and help to make it lighter for me to carry." ***she says 23 years, but it's important to note that my friend did not attend the reunion 23 years ago; he has deduced that the year she was talking about was actually 22 years ago, making her 15***

Page 2: "Here it goes. I'm 37 now and 23 years ago when I was a 14 year old little girl at one of our family reunions in Myrtle Beach I was RAPED by S.L." Full first and last name of my friend. She continues here with a full description of the entire evening, including names of other family members who were at the reunion, places they went, etc., leading up to the alleged rape. She also states my friend smoked pot and offered it to her. "I didn't want to seem like a baby so I puffed it and gave it back...it tasted horrible, I promised myself I would never do that again. (and NO I was Not high or impaired if you were wondering)."

***continued next post***

 

[boomersmom]

***continued from previous post***

Page 3: She finishes describing the evening in question and continues to the next day. She says that she couldn't tell her parents what had happened until several months later when she and a friend got busted by her dad sneaking out of the house. "I had held what S. had done to me inside for so long and was sneaking out to distract myself and I didn't want to get in trouble for sneaking out I just wanted to tell him what happened to me and have him hold me and love me and tell me that everything would be ok. That didn't happen...and nothing else was said after that unless I brought it up."

Page 4: She describes the mental and emotional process that led to her decision to tell the whole family.

Page 5: "It's to late for me but if I can help stop S. from ruining another child and family I'll do anything! I know some of you will be in denial about all of this but some of you won’t and I can just hope you understand why I had to pour out my feelings...I won't let S. take anymore of my life away like he has over the last 23 years....I'm sending this letter to all of my family that I can get address for, you all will have the same information. Please call me if you have any questions or just want to talk...." She signs off with her full name.

***continued in the next post***

 

[boomersmom]

***continued from previous post***

My friend knows that at least 10 letters were sent to various members of his family, including his mother, father, ex-step-mother, paternal grandmother (the 94-year-old) and great-aunt, his adult son and daughter, his sister, and his wife. All the letters were identical, except for the one sent to his wife, which included a cover page (also typewritten and not signed) imploring the wife to leave my friend to protect her own children (his step-kids). "S. raped me 23 years ago and I still hurt about it. I'm sure you would never want your daughter to live like that for the rest of her life. He's gotten away with it for 23 years and counting, he's had lots of time to perfect his crimes and he's good at it...You be the one to stop him...I'm sure it will be hard for you but please be strong and do what's right for your children not for S."

S. didn't attend the family reunion 23 years ago when the cousin claims this happened, but attended the following year instead. In addition to this, her story contains many factual errors and complete fabrications (not the least of which, that S. raped her) in many detailed descriptions of her actions the day of and after this alleged event that are not possible.

Of the letters that he knows were sent, he can easily collect more than half. His family lives in several different towns and states.

Is it important that, although she clearly identified herself, she didn't address or sign the letters by hand? I told S. to collect the envelopes as well - since they identify the recipients.

IAAL: S. asked me to pass along his appreciation for your help.

Thanks,

Boomer's Mom

 

[I AM ALWAYS LIABLE]

My response:

S. has a REAL good case. Not only does she claim that a crime of rape occurred 23 or so years ago, but that the "crime" continues to this day; i.e., his step children are in danger - - that he has "perfected" his "crime".

Gather up all the evidence, and take it all to an attorney. I can't see S having any trouble being able to hire an attorney - - with the exception of whether there's any money to be had. Is she a moneyed woman; e.g., cash, house, savings? Attorneys have a habit of liking to be paid.

If she's at or below the poverty line, S might want to consider Small Claims court to at least obtain a quick judgment.

Good luck!

IAAL

 

[boomersmom]

My response:

S. has a REAL good case. Not only does she claim that a crime of rape occurred 23 or so years ago, but that the "crime" continues to this day; i.e., his step children are in danger - - that he has "perfected" his "crime".

Gather up all the evidence, and take it all to an attorney. I can't see S having any trouble being able to hire an attorney - - with the exception of whether there's any money to be had. Is she a moneyed woman; e.g., cash, house, savings? Attorneys have a habit of liking to be paid.

If she's at or below the poverty line, S might want to consider Small Claims court to at least obtain a quick judgment.

Good luck!

IAAL

IAAL: S. spoke to another local attorney (referred, this time, by the local Bar Association). The exception you mention above was this guy's first response..."what can you get out of her?" S. hasn't had any contact with this person for over 20 years and doesn't know what her money situation might be; he only knows that there aren't any millionaires in his family. Add to that the fact that S.'s own finances are strapped and the attorney said "good luck but no deal". The attorney also nixed the idea of taking it on contingency, for the same reason.

Unfortunately, it appears that what I said in a much earlier post holds true: Anyone can make up anything at any time and get away with it (as long as neither party has money)!

I'll pass the small claims suggestion on to S. Thank you, from both of us, for taking all the time to discuss this.

Boomer's Mom

 

[Indiana Filer]

Every family has one

I know it's probably difficult for your cousin to have to be accused of these things, but does anyone really believe the cousin who is making the accusations? I'd bet that everyone in the family already knows that this cousin has mental problems and has a history of rewriting history. From the story that she told about sneaking out of the house and then revealing the "rape", she sounds like the type who refuses to take responsibility for her own actions. Instead, she can remain blameless for all the failures in her life since she "had to do it" bases on the sins that she feels were committed against her.

Every family has one, and everyone in the family knows who it is. In our family, it's my husband's brother's step-daughter from his first marriage.

She has decided that I have dedicated my life to making her miserable, and has sent letters, e-mails, and made phone calls to let everyone know. I ruined her childhood, I kept her from doing the things she wanted as teenager, I kept her from going to college, I kept her from getting a good job, I keep her from, well, you name it, and it's my fault.

The funny thing is that I only married into the family 18 years ago and meet her just before the wedding. She was 24, so how I ruined her life is beyond understanding. She cussed out my MIL so MIL cut off contact with her 13 years ago. My husband and I hadn't spoken to her in 16 years since the day when she cussed me out when she started her campaign to let everyone know my sins.

Everyone let me know what she was saying, and they just shrugged and said "well, you know how Tanya is". Everyone let me know that they didn't believe her and that they think she's just a nut. Since no one believed her about me, she moved onto another target.

Like I said earlier, I'd bet your entire extended family knows not to believe this kook. If your cousin just goes on with his happy life, one of three things will happen: 1) She'll get help and learn to take responsibility for her own actions, 2) She'll find another person or event to blame for all her problems since she can't take responsibility for her own actions, or 3) She'll escalate her accusations to the point that he can take legal action against her.

Good luck, and remember: Living well is the best revenge.

 

[boomersmom]

My response:

S. has a REAL good case. Not only does she claim that a crime of rape occurred 23 or so years ago, but that the "crime" continues to this day; i.e., his step children are in danger - - that he has "perfected" his "crime".

Gather up all the evidence, and take it all to an attorney. I can't see S having any trouble being able to hire an attorney - - with the exception of whether there's any money to be had. Is she a moneyed woman; e.g., cash, house, savings? Attorneys have a habit of liking to be paid.

If she's at or below the poverty line, S might want to consider Small Claims court to at least obtain a quick judgment.

Good luck!

IAAL

IAAL:
S. looked into the possibility of filing his case in Small Claims, but the local court states in its Small Claims handbook that it has no jurisdiction in certain types of cases - Libel being one of those specifically named. Further, the Court will not make any order to prevent behavior - it will only award monetary damages.

The next question is: Is it possible (or prudent) in a case like this for S. to bring suit in regular court without an attorney? All he really wants is a court order to make this woman stop (although $ would be nice, if in fact she has any).

The evidence really speaks for itself, as you saw from the excerpts. And, as the crime of which she's accusing him didn't happen, there is no possibility that she can reliably call upon the absolute defense of truth.

S. is intelligent and relatively articulate, and well aware of the old adage about the man who acts as his own attorney having a fool for a client... even so, he wants to make sure this woman stops before it occurs to her to expand her mailings to neighbors and employers, etc.

Please let us know what you think.

Thanks,

S. and Boomer's Mom