Likely hood of modification of visitation?

[reportermom]

Thank you both for the replies.

I have already decided that I will not be giving up one of my weekends. I am in agreement with you on that point, LdiJ.

I can't give him an extra day on his weekends. Her counselor, the judge and both lawyers agree that he can not handle the responsibility of a school day, even the Friday after school. I want to just give him Friday, but they won't let me.

OhioGal, I understand that he is allowed to have her with his family on his time and I am for it 100%. I have no problem with his family seeing her. He has had Little One sleep at his house a handful of times since last June. She doesn't even have a bed at HIS house anymore. She visited his house recently and said she doesn't know where her bed went.

I offered many different schedules when we were in mediation, some with four days on his weekends and more, he said no to everything. I am going to offer him more time, but I am very apprehensive about the impact it will have on Little One.

I am going to have another meeting with her counselor before I get back to my lawyer with another offer.

Thank you girls so much for helping me out. I really appreciate an uninvolved opinion.

 

[reportermom]

I hope everyone has a Happy Thanksgiving!

Well, I just got the proposal from Little One's Dad. Our court date is Monday and I just got the email from my lawyer.

He is asking that her pickup from school be moved to the bus stop. I don't understand this at all. The rational listed is so that it will limit the contact between me and him. I am never at her school when he picks her up. I may be at her Dance studio, but If I am, I stay in the back. I certainly won't let her stand at the busy street corner and wait for her Dad. Can anyone give me any insight?

He also asks that he be allowed to stay at his parents house when I am there to pick Little One up. I feel like he wants to be there because he wants to intimidate me. I do not feel safe around him.

He also wants to be free to get a passport for her and to be able to travel with 20 days written notice. I don't trust him to return with her. Can you guys refresh my memory as to the bond request and exactly what it entails? I would appreciate it. I am going to search for it, also.

He has asked for more time saying that he could rearrange his work schedule, but has not done so yet. He also has based all his extra time on the fact that his parents and his aunt (who moved to Pittsburgh from New York after losing her job) are available to watch Little One. She will end up with his parents the whole summer.

Insight and thoughts are most appreciated. Thanks!

 

[LdiJ]

I hope everyone has a Happy Thanksgiving!

Well, I just got the proposal from Little One's Dad. Our court date is Monday and I just got the email from my lawyer.

He is asking that her pickup from school be moved to the bus stop. I don't understand this at all. The rational listed is so that it will limit the contact between me and him. I am never at her school when he picks her up. I may be at her Dance studio, but If I am, I stay in the back. I certainly won't let her stand at the busy street corner and wait for her Dad. Can anyone give me any insight?

It makes absolutely no sense to me if you are never at her school. Does he have a problem picking her up on time?...isn't the bus stop more likely to cause the two of you to run into each other?

He also asks that he be allowed to stay at his parents house when I am there to pick Little One up. I feel like he wants to be there because he wants to intimidate me. I do not feel safe around him.

Then say no to that one.

He also wants to be free to get a passport for her and to be able to travel with 20 days written notice. I don't trust him to return with her. Can you guys refresh my memory as to the bond request and exactly what it entails? I would appreciate it. I am going to search for it, also.

Is dad or dad's family from another country? You absolutely should have specific vacations for both of you outlined in the parenting plan, but you need to make them quite specific. Language should be included that vacations cannot be taken during the other parent's holiday time, and if he does end up with every other week during the summer, then he has plenty of time to vacation with her and there shouldn't need to be specific vacation provisions. I would be really cautious about the whole passport bit.

He has asked for more time saying that he could rearrange his work schedule, but has not done so yet. He also has based all his extra time on the fact that his parents and his aunt (who moved to Pittsburgh from New York after losing her job) are available to watch Little One. She will end up with his parents the whole summer.

Insight and thoughts are most appreciated. Thanks!

Has he asked for a specific schedule for the extra time?...or is that still up in the air?

Do you have any insight into why he keeps insisting on extra time when he isn't actually spending much of that time with the child. We already know its not because the grandparents want her because they have made it clear that its overkill for them now. It would be helpful to get inside his head and try to figure out WHY he wants what he wants.

 

[janM]

These two things contradict each other:

He is asking that her pickup from school be moved to the bus stop. I don't understand this at all. The rational listed is so that it will limit the contact between me and him.

He also asks that he be allowed to stay at his parents house when I am there to pick Little One up. I feel like he wants to be there because he wants to intimidate me. I do not feel safe around him.

Either he wants to limit your contact, or he doesn't...?

Is he asking for more time to reduce CS?

 

[TheGeekess]

These two things contradict each other:

Either he wants to limit your contact, or he doesn't...?

Is he asking for more time to reduce CS?

A control tactic.

 

[reportermom]

Thank you all for your replies. I appreciate your time and perspective.

It makes absolutely no sense to me if you are never at her school. Does he have a problem picking her up on time?...isn't the bus stop more likely to cause the two of you to run into each other?

That is my thought. I know that Dad has been working Wednesday lunch and Grandpa is supposed to work until 3:30. The bus stop would absolutely make us run into each other.

Then say no to that one.

I plan on it. Dad was at Grandparents house for Thanksgiving pickup and stood in the doorway and stared at me. It creeped me out.

Is dad or dad's family from another country? You absolutely should have specific vacations for both of you outlined in the parenting plan, but you need to make them quite specific. Language should be included that vacations cannot be taken during the other parent's holiday time, and if he does end up with every other week during the summer, then he has plenty of time to vacation with her and there shouldn't need to be specific vacation provisions. I would be really cautious about the whole passport bit.

Dad's Mom is from India. She goes back to visit every couple of years. Dad's sister married a man from Germany. The sister now lives in Germany and has dual citizenship(or something along those lines).

Has he asked for a specific schedule for the extra time?...or is that still up in the air?

He wants Friday after school and half of all vacations and summer. His rational on his proposed custody order is that his parents are there to watch her if he has to work. He still wants his mid week.

Do you have any insight into why he keeps insisting on extra time when he isn't actually spending much of that time with the child. We already know its not because the grandparents want her because they have made it clear that its overkill for them now. It would be helpful to get inside his head and try to figure out WHY he wants what he wants.

I and my therapist think he just wants to have control. When we were together I allowed him to control me. (I kept thinking he would come around and we would get back together.) I finally stopped that and moved on and things were fine until I started asserting my independence from him. Things got a little rocky and he started to try and throw his weight around. Then I started dating and everything went to, well, you know where.

These two things contradict each other:

Either he wants to limit your contact, or he doesn't...?

Is he asking for more time to reduce CS?

We had the first child support hearing a month after he asked to reduce his time, April of this year. A month after that, May, we had the hearing about the summer. At that point he refused to agree to anything but week on/week off. I believe that is partly a motivator. That is what he stated at the CS hearing, that he would be getting more time.

A control tactic.

I believe that is what this is all about. His entire proposal every rational under every post is my parents can watch her if I have to work. Not I want time with my daughter.
I believe this whole mess is because he can no longer control me and it makes him insecure. It just suck because Little One has adjusted so well to this schedule and is finally being a child again. We still have times where she is angry and hurt and bitter, especially after Daddy weekends, but things are going okay.

I think this whole thing is how can he get me to do what he wants and how can he reduce his CS payment. We have a hearing on Wednesday about a modification downward for CS for him. It is going to go down anyway for him because I am working now and I don't care. I have never cared about the money. If I had I would have left it out of court where he was paying for all of her school and I paid everything else. (Her school is about $9,000 a year.) He is mad because he was trying to say that in his job he makes only minimum wage when, in reality, he made $29,000 last year as a waiter. Granted he only works in high end restaurants, but hey, it isn't bad in this economy.

Thanks again for your insights. I will let you know how Monday and Wednesday go!

 

[reportermom]

Well, we finally have an agreement.

The judge pretty much told Dad that he wasn't getting half of the summer this year. It is too big of a jump for Little One and she wouldn't support/force it.

Dad gets Friday afternoon until Sunday EOW. No more Wednesdays. Little One is super excited about this!

Instead of keeping weekends in the summer, Dad gets 10 days a month. He has to tell me 45 days in advance which days he wants. We rotate who gets preference each year. I made sure that it is clear that he can't take 4th of July when it is mine, or vise versa. He also has to take the first 10 days of August so that we can start the transition back to school early enough. After the school year starts, we resume EOW.

Dad gets to keep Little One on Mondays off of school if it falls on his weekend. I get all Thursdays and Fridays off school no matter whose weekend it is.

Dad wanted an extended period during Christmas vacation, but he already has the first whole weekend plus Monday, Christmas day to the 26th and the last weekend of vacation. So He doesn't get anymore than that.

The judge ruled that we should work together to get her a passport, and then I will keep it and he will have to provide me with an itinerary and contact info 45 days in advance. If I feel like he is hiding something I don't have to give it to him. He then can petition the court to force me to give it to him. I still don't trust him on this.

He agreed with the judge and myself that there is no reason to move the pick up spot to the bus stop. Then when I got done with work tonight, I got an email from him asking what the pickup time is at the bus stop for Friday. This makes me really angry. He agreed it isn't a good place for the exchange and yet he still wants to do it. He also stated in the email that his Dad will be the one picking her up. I am going to suggest on Wednesday that Little One stay at Extended Day at school if Dad can't get her right away. She really likes the program and the routine is good for her.

I am glad things are now worked out, and am very glad that we have a one judge/one family rule in my county. The judge is starting to get a picture of Dad and his goofyness.

I did think that it was interesting that Dad brought with him his Mom, his Aunt, and a friend of his family who is a big shot jeweler in the city. He needed protection from Big, Bad, Mean Ol' Biatch, me. *snickers* So ridiculous.

I really appreciated the replies and insights I have received. I'll let you guys know how Wednesday goes with the CS hearing. Her dad is going to have a heart failure when he realizes how much I make now that I have a job.

 

[reportermom]

Really quick update on Child support!

Dad had filed for a downward modification because he claims he was laid off due to insufficient work available and also there was a contempt charge for non-payment of Child support against him to be addressed.

We were going to argue that he changed jobs, so there should be no modification as it was a voluntary change in income and that he should be paying outside of the wage garnishment as ordered by the previous court order.

Dad never showed up for court today. The Domestic Relations Officer(DRO, you must go in front of one of these before a hearing officer or the judge in PA.) was not happy. She informed us that he would be issued a 10-day notice to appear. He would then be given 10 days to appear and agree to pay a purge/payment plan. If he did not appear, then a bench warrant would be issued for his arrest.

I updated my financials with them and they could do no more as dad was absent.

I am surprised that after asking for a modification Dad didn't show up. It is just weird. But it doesn't surprise me.

So things are finally settled and we will see if Dad refiles his request for a modification.

Thanks to everyone who helped me out in the past! I appreciate it. I will not be posting much anymore, but will probably still hang out and keep tabs on certain people.

Those of you who routinely post are appreciated so please keep posting!!!

 

[reportermom]

Hello All!

I have a question regarding summer visitation dates. Our court order reads:

Father shall be entitled to 10 days of vacation/custody, which shall be consecutive, each month of June, July, and August. Father must provide 45 days written notice of his selection. In August, Father must exercise his selection during the first week of the month. Holiday schedule takes precedence over vacation....

So on April 12th, Dad sent me an email that stated:
June 20-30,July 17-27 and Aug is yet to be determined.Here are the vacation dates for the summer 2010.

I replied that those dates were 11 days and to let me know which 10 days he wanted. I had meant does he want to keep the starting or ending date, but did not specifically state that.

This morning, June 2nd, he sent me this reply:
21st to the 30th of June. 22nd till 31st of July. First week of Aug.

Am I correct in thinking that his first notification is the one that holds as it was sent according to the order before the 45 day mark? Our order doesn't prohibit him from taking the last week of July and the first week of August together, but isn't it too late for him to do that? I have already planned around the dates that he gave me. I just didn't plan anything the day before or after she was with him.

I am correct in replying that he gets his original days minus the end one that would make it 11 days, right?

THanks for your time!

 

[stealth2]

What EXACTLY did you reply to him with?

 

[reportermom]

On Monday April 12th I replied:

As agreed upon in our court order, summer vacation is to be 10 days in duration. The dates you have given me equal 11 days of each month. Please let me know if you would will be taking the extra day off of the end or the beginning of June and July's visit.

I will assume that you will have Isabella for the first week of August as that is what was agreed upon in the court order. The dates for August would be August 1st through the 10th.

Please let me know by Saturday about June and July's visit dates.

Sorry about that, I did specifically say the part about the day at the beginning and end. That is copied and pasted from the email I sent to him.