lost my baby,can someone help?

[armydaddy]

NEWS:::lost my baby,can someone help?

KY but child is in WV,
I am stationed at Fort Campbell Army Post. I was originally involved with a woman here that became pregnant until I was sent off to Iraq. WHile in Iraq she was getting all of my money and I did not mind since she was carrying my baby and supposedly paying our bills. Thing is I have 3 children from my ex wife so things were tight but I am NOT behind in child support! My kids are my life but now I have a problem. While fighting in Iraq my girlfriend had left me and let all my things go back instead of paying on them and was keeping my money while I was there. Even though she had moved back to WV with her ex.
She was recieving almost $1800/month. Now I am not asking for any of that back but I now have a girlfriend that she hates because since she left me I had found her. See she was expecting to come back to me once I returned from war but that did NOT happen. Anyways I have sent her some money for our daughter and the paternity has proven her to be mine but there is no court orders for anything. I have ask to see the child and she will not allow me to even see the baby unless I am alone. My gf and I even offered to go there and stay in a hotel and my gf stay at the hotel while I go to her home to see the baby. She wont even do that. she stated that if I even brought my gf around I could forget EVER seeing our daughter. She says that it is either my baby or my gf and I just can't do that. She would not even accept x-mas presents from me because she found out that my gf went to the store with me once I got the presents!! Should I send her any more money even though we don't have a court agreement? WTF???? Can someone help me???WHAT DO I DO?!!??!?!
BTW since we were here in KY together before she had the baby where is our jurisdiction?

Just to add: before my divorce with my ex, all the money I paid her was saw as a gift so I had to repay her all that money and I just don't want to make that mistake again!!!

 

[Joke]

This is the time now where you go to court and get court ordered visitation. You will pay her child support like a good daddy based on what your state laws are, and get visitation with your little girl. Since you are in the military you can find the free legal place on base, and they will walk you through the process of getting visitation of your little girl. Your witch of an ex girlfriend who bent you over while you were fighting a war and stole your money will then get to show her true colors in court. Her trying to prevent you from having a relationship with YOUR daughter because you have a new girlfriend, even though she was banging someone else while you were gone, won't look very good to a judge.

You have just as many rights as she does to YOUR baby, but you need to get off your butt and fight....it takes a lot, and you will be tempted to give up, but don't. The legal process is intimidating and overwhelming, but your daughter will benefit from it in the long run if you are a dedicated father.

 

[armydaddy]

The thing is I try my best. I have 2 daughters in the area(13&10) from my previous marraige and I also have a 14 yr old son that is from my ex also. He is not even my blood but he is my son and i have full legal custody of him. I also have my gf here and her two children. My concern is that I can't just take off down there for the court hearings and that does cause a problem. My ex gf claims that I should just leave everything behind and go down there and damn don't I wish it were so easy but its not.. would that hurt me in court?
Sorry I am sure my situation looks bad since there are so many kids but I love EACH AND EVERYONE and do my best to be there to take care of them!!!

 

[Joke]

It is not my place to judge how many children you have or with whom ;-)

Where was the baby born? The jurisdiction of the child falls upon where the child has lived for the most recent 6 months of thier life.

So, if they have been there for 6 months, then you would have to go there to fight for visitation, etc.

It isn't going to be easy, but unless someone here knows of any other options, I would think you have to go there to fight for what you want.

 

[armydaddy]

Our baby was born in WV because that's where the ex gf ran off to 2 months after I was in combat for the 12 months I was deployed. I understand that being with military is hard but how can you just leave the state with a mans baby and all his money and this be lagal much less how in the hell she lives with herself surprises me.

 

[Joke]

It IS pretty screwed up. But since she left BEFORE she had the baby, she wasn't violating anything, unfortuantely for you.

For now, what you can do is keep contact open with her. Talk to legal aid, find your rights out. Be the adult at all times, and do what you can even if it means making some sacrifices to be there for your little one.

To answer your question about still giving her money...I would make some effort to pay some type of child support. When you go to court, at least this shows in your favor. SEND CHECKS ALWAYS SO YOU HAVE A RECORD OF THE MONEY YOU SEND.

Your new girlfriend may not be there forever, but your child will always be your child. Think long term and don't lose out.

 

[casa]

KY but child is in WV,
I am stationed at Fort Campbell Army Post. I was originally involved with a woman here that became pregnant until I was sent off to Iraq. WHile in Iraq she was getting all of my money and I did not mind since she was carrying my baby and supposedly paying our bills. Thing is I have 3 children from my ex wife so things were tight but I am NOT behind in child support! My kids are my life but now I have a problem. While fighting in Iraq my girlfriend had left me and let all my things go back instead of paying on them and was keeping my money while I was there. Even though she had moved back to WV with her ex.
She was recieving almost $1800/month. Now I am not asking for any of that back but I now have a girlfriend that she hates because since she left me I had found her. See she was expecting to come back to me once I returned from war but that did NOT happen. Anyways I have sent her some money for our daughter and the paternity has proven her to be mine but there is no court orders for anything. I have ask to see the child and she will not allow me to even see the baby unless I am alone. My gf and I even offered to go there and stay in a hotel and my gf stay at the hotel while I go to her home to see the baby. She wont even do that. she stated that if I even brought my gf around I could forget EVER seeing our daughter. She says that it is either my baby or my gf and I just can't do that. She would not even accept x-mas presents from me because she found out that my gf went to the store with me once I got the presents!! Should I send her any more money even though we don't have a court agreement? WTF???? Can someone help me???WHAT DO I DO?!!??!?!
BTW since we were here in KY together before she had the baby where is our jurisdiction?

Just to add: before my divorce with my ex, all the money I paid her was saw as a gift so I had to repay her all that money and I just don't want to make that mistake again!!!

Are you stateside for awhile now? Go to legal aid on base and get your paperwork together. File for custody and visitation (You want at least joint legal custody) The amount of kids you have prior to this is not a point of judgement in terms of this situation because you have a history of caring for and providing for them.

Re; the money- file in court and if you pay child support make it in check form with "Child support per agreement" written on the bottom of it.

Your X g/f is wrong, you have rights as a father to this child. And if you have any witness' to her behavior while you were serving our country, gather that information in case a custody battle ensues. (You cancelled her POA right??)

PS Thank You for your service to our country

 

[stealth2]

Your choices are basically take it to court and get a legally enforceable order, or remain at her mercy. While your support orders with your ex will come into play, your g/f's children will not as they are not your responsibility to support.

 

[armydaddy]

Thanks I appreciate all of your advice given. I have heard that she is starting the process through DHS to get the child support legal but I don't just want to support the baby but to also be there as I am for my other children as well. As far as my gf goes once she heard that my ex had made it a point of Her or my baby then my gf offered to leave just so I could see her. She is a great person and has been there by my side in all of this and for that I respect and love her even more. I know there is not a "we" but I just hope one day she(My gf now) can play a part in this childs life like my other 3 kids now.

 

[armydaddy]

New news:

I have called the ex gf (CP) she has stated that she is in fact still married!!! She is now claiming that since she was and still is married that our daughter is her husbands child even though I am the biological father. Supposedly WV will allow her (the baby) to take her(EX gf) husbands last name and I will still be responsable for the medical coverage and child support even though I have no visitation rights what so ever. She also claims that in WV they will not allow me overnight visitation with our daughter until she is 5?!?!?!?!? She wants me to come down there and stay somewhere so her and the baby can spend time with me but I dont want her! I just want and feel I deserve time with our child. I would like for my gf to go with me but she says that if she find out she is there then I can forget seeing my daughter. PLEASE help me figure out where I can go to get the FACTS!! I almost lost my life in this damn war and now I have basically lost my child because my gf at the time could not keep her panties on long enough for me to get back home!

 

[LdiJ]

I have called the ex gf (CP) she has stated that she is in fact still married!!! She is now claiming that since she was and still is married that our daughter is her husbands child even though I am the biological father. Supposedly WV will allow her (the baby) to take her(EX gf) husbands last name and I will still be responsable for the medical coverage and child support even though I have no visitation rights what so ever. She also claims that in WV they will not allow me overnight visitation with our daughter until she is 5?!?!?!?!? She wants me to come down there and stay somewhere so her and the baby can spend time with me but I dont want her! I just want and feel I deserve time with our child. I would like for my gf to go with me but she says that if she find out she is there then I can forget seeing my daughter. PLEASE help me figure out where I can go to get the FACTS!! I almost lost my life in this damn war and now I have basically lost my child because my gf at the time could not keep her panties on long enough for me to get back home!

Why are you listening to legal advice from HER?

1. She is correct that if she is still married the baby is presumed to be her husband's child. However that is a rebuttable presumption that you can challenge by filing to establish paternity.

2. She doesn't get it both ways, if her husband were somehow able to retain legal fatherhood of the baby you would NOT be responsible for child support or medical coverage, because you wouldn't be the legal father.

3. Its total BS that overnight visitation wouldn't be allowed until the child was 5. That could only maybe happen if you didn't make the effort to utilitize all visitation opportunites that a court would give you....so the child never really had the time to fully bond with you.

4. You are being unrealistic if you think that you are not going to have to spend at least a little time in the company of both the mother and the baby. That is something that even the courts would normally require. The baby needs a chance to become familiar with you before you get "alone" time.

5. In my opinion its a very bad idea to bring your girlfriend into the mix at this stage. You want to begin seeing the child as soon as possible and all that is going to do is make the mother dig her heals in. There is no guarantee that a court would let you involve your girlfriend in the early stages either. So don't be stubborn on that one...you will just be shooting yourself in the foot.

 

[armydaddy]

1. They are married but they were split up at the time.... It has been proven by the ARMY that the baby is of my blood. She even put her maiden name on the birth certificate because she was not even sure of whom the baby's father was.
2. I want to help financially in our baby's life but the child HAS to have my last name to receive health benefits from me in the ARMY.
3. I have been able to see my daughter once since back in Jan 04. The other times I mentioned my gf and I would take off there and just her stay at a hotel while I visited with our baby but the ex said HELL NO. "You bring that bitch even in this state and you can forget your daughter" so the attempt was made.
4. The mother expects me to come down there and me rent a motel room for the three of us if you get my drift! and thats NOT going to happen.
5. My gf has been with me from the start of this and she is aware that their is no "we" in concern to this baby. I just don't see how the ex gf can call me up and try to hurt my feelings because they now have our daughter calling her husband "daddy". This man even takes the things or presents I buy her and hides them so she is not reminded of me. To me THAT is wrong not that my gf is standing by my side in all of this just for support. I have lost a lot here and it's not easy to deal with. I just want to be able to have a life and my child be a part in that!

 

[LdiJ]

1. They are married but they were split up at the time.... It has been proven by the ARMY that the baby is of my blood.

So you are saying that a DNA test has already been done? That your paternity has already been established? If so, all you need to do is file for visitation.

2. I want to help financially in our baby's life but the child HAS to have my last name to receive health benefits from me in the ARMY.

That isn't correct if paternity has been established.

3. I have been able to see my daughter once since back in Jan 04. The other times I mentioned my gf and I would take off there and just her stay at a hotel while I visited with our baby but the ex said HELL NO. "You bring that bitch even in this state and you can forget your daughter" so the attempt was made.

Which is the exact reason why you need to get court orders established. Until you do, she is basically in control.

4. The mother expects me to come down there and me rent a motel room for the three of us if you get my drift! and thats NOT going to happen.

Again, another darned good reason for getting court orders established.

5. My gf has been with me from the start of this and she is aware that their is no "we" in concern to this baby. I just don't see how the ex gf can call me up and try to hurt my feelings because they now have our daughter calling her husband "daddy". This man even takes the things or presents I buy her and hides them so she is not reminded of me. To me THAT is wrong not that my gf is standing by my side in all of this just for support. I have lost a lot here and it's not easy to deal with. I just want to be able to have a life and my child be a part in that!

That is perfectly understandable, however again...to sound like a broken record, that is why you need to get court orders established.

 

[armydaddy]

Let me guess, so you are saying I need to get court orders established?LOL... Ok The thing is that the Army was notified once I returned that I had a child and she went through my unit to receive money for support so the Army in return ran my dna on file to the babys. They concluded that I was the father so I started sending money. Supposedly the court still has to verify this through the courts though. And I have called tricare and to add this child and get her in the system they have to have her birth certificate with me as the father, ss card, and then she needs to bring the baby her to get an ID card. That's just what they say I have to do to get her covered under my insurance. Even though the Army ran our dna and concluded that it was a match does that mean they could have been wrong? I don't know anymore I do know that their are 2 other possible fathers but I wont deny her until I know for certain that way no one can say that I did not want her.
Sorry I guess I should have just called Jerry Springer.

 

[djohnson]

Your going to have to give it up and go there. Try calling attorney's in that area that can go ahead and get the balls rolling and work for you while you are here and then you can just go there some. Because of the distance between you, and the age of the child, and that she really doesn't know you, be prepared for sporadic visitation in the beginning and you paying your expenses to go there.