lost my baby,can someone help?

[armydaddy]

Update:.. Omg Help!!

She has recently signed up for AFDC there in WV. Through them I was contacted to start insurance coverage through the military on the baby. I explained to them that there is a process to be followed to start this insurance. The baby must have my last name to be covered through me. They were supposed to send me paper work to gat a paternity test to determine that I am the biological father.(They stated this was best and since there is a chance I am not the father, from what I have been told, I have scheduled to do so.)

She contacted me and stated that she had pull there in her town and I had better be prepared to have my nuts handed to me. I have still not been able to see the baby. I have ask if it were possible for me to go see her but she still states that as long as I have my gf with me I will NEVER see "HER baby". She now claims that I am nothing more than a sperm donor but she WILL take my money. She claims I have chosen my gf over the baby because I wish for her to go with me to help me out with the long drive there. I NEVER choose ANYONE over my children but she is the one making this impossible for me to see the baby. When I ask where the baby was the mom told me that she was with her "daddy". Which happens to be her husband and one of the two men she was also sleeping with at the time of conception.
I know all I can do is wait for the paternity test results but I am just worried about what will be next.
She states that she is going to go for back child support(Up until the baby was born) can she do this since I still don't know for sure?
She also claims that even if paternity is proven that she will not allow the baby to have my last name. can she do this?
Sorry for the length in this post, but sad to say this is just the beginning if I am the baby's father. Especially since she states that even if the court orders visitation that I will NEVER see the baby until I leave my gf.
* Just to let people know my gf has done nothing wrong here except take the others place months after I returned from Iraq so I guess this is why she HATES her so damn much.

 

[nextwife]

.I would make some effort to pay some type of child support. When you go to court, at least this shows in your favor. SEND CHECKS ALWAYS SO YOU HAVE A RECORD OF THE MONEY YOU SEND.

Be careful of sending ANYthing that the state will consider a gift. Because many states consider ANY money NOT paid through CSE to be a "gift", you could nbd up not having that money count toward CS (which, to me, is BAD public policy nbecasue it creates a dis-incentive to pay on one's own) and having to double pay. Instead, stash 20% away each month to have when needed, aand THEN pay it through CSE.

After all, she has all the money she misappropriated from your accounts that was supposed to pay certain monthly installments.

 

[rm1759]

You can petition to have the child's name changed. She will not be able to keep the child away from you once you have visitation orders. If she does, you can take her back to court and file for contempt. They won't do anything to her the first couple of times, but if you can get 5 or 6 contempts on her, then that can be considered grounds to change custody to you. You need to get a GOOD attorney, and file for visitation, and you should do it now.

Make sure your visitation schedule is very specific, exact dates/times, locations for drop off/pick up, etc. Once you have that, document everything, keep a log of all of the times you tried to have contact with the child, what you did etc.

 

[armydaddy]

So you are saying that even though I have not yet been proven the father, and even though she is married that when/If I am found to be the father I am responsible for paying her child support from when the baby was born? Hell not even to mention the fact that I never get to see her and the ex has the baby call her husband "daddy". sorry I am just over this whole situation and I really need to get this straightened out so I can either be a part of this childs life or move on and take care of the three I have now.

 

[rmet4nzkx]

Dude, you need to get court orders!!!
If she is/was married he is the legal father until he disestablished paternity and paternity is established in court you have no rights or obligations. You have not signed an acknowledgement of paternity have you? Does she have court orders for child support? Even the Army records for DNA don't matter until the court makes a decision, so if she is applying for AFDC she needs to have them go after her husband, not you. You better get an attorney. If you had invoked SSCRA before you were deployed you would be in a different place. You may have some civil claims against her for FRAUD.

 

[bliss_in_texas]

She has recently signed up for AFDC there in WV. Through them I was contacted to start insurance coverage through the military on the baby. I explained to them that there is a process to be followed to start this insurance. The baby must have my last name to be covered through me. They were supposed to send me paper work to gat a paternity test to determine that I am the biological father.(They stated this was best and since there is a chance I am not the father, from what I have been told, I have scheduled to do so.)

She contacted me and stated that she had pull there in her town and I had better be prepared to have my nuts handed to me. I have still not been able to see the baby. I have ask if it were possible for me to go see her but she still states that as long as I have my gf with me I will NEVER see "HER baby". She now claims that I am nothing more than a sperm donor but she WILL take my money. She claims I have chosen my gf over the baby because I wish for her to go with me to help me out with the long drive there. I NEVER choose ANYONE over my children but she is the one making this impossible for me to see the baby. When I ask where the baby was the mom told me that she was with her "daddy". Which happens to be her husband and one of the two men she was also sleeping with at the time of conception.
I know all I can do is wait for the paternity test results but I am just worried about what will be next.
She states that she is going to go for back child support(Up until the baby was born) can she do this since I still don't know for sure?
She also claims that even if paternity is proven that she will not allow the baby to have my last name. can she do this?
Sorry for the length in this post, but sad to say this is just the beginning if I am the baby's father. Especially since she states that even if the court orders visitation that I will NEVER see the baby until I leave my gf.
* Just to let people know my gf has done nothing wrong here except take the others place months after I returned from Iraq so I guess this is why she HATES her so damn much.

Speaking from experience.......
you are right and you have rights to see your daughter..however on the g/f issue..........
ehem...okay, trying not to sound like a bitch here but you need to keep your child situation and your girlfriend situation totally and completly seperate. You are, in the eyes of the baby's mother, trying to replace her and give your new g/f a chance to bond with the baby or bond over the baby and the fear creeps in that maybe you'll try to *take* the baby and let g/f be mommy. Some people express fear as anger and lash out in the angry ways you are relaying. Some women feel very threatened by the introduction of another woman, whether they have a relationship with the father still, or no. So for now, get a male buddy to help you drive and keep the new g/f way out of the picture. If she's as understanding as you say, this shouldn't be a problem. Just don't try to shove the g/f down the ex's throat and for god's sake...don't make the g/f a more important issue than the baby.

 

[armydaddy]

There are no court orders for anything and she is and was married at the time from what I was told. I obviously can't ask her and expect the truth so I have found. As far as the gf goes I have never brought her into this. It is always my ex who rambles on about her presence. I would NEVER, I repeat NEVER, put ANYONE over my children. On the other hand I am and have been with my gf for over a year and weither the ex wants to admit it or not she will be a part of my gf's life also if/when she is proven to be my child. No I have not told the gf this just in case you think I throw her in the ex's face. My gf has even said she would share the drive there to WV from KY and stay somewhere (no matter how long it took) while I went to visit the baby. This is when the ex said that if my gf even entered the state that I could forget EVER seeing our child again. There was even one insident where the ex and her sister came here to move some things in KY and my gf dropped me off where they were and I stayed there to spend time with the baby. Oh yeah as far as getting a buddy to share the trip.... HA I am in the army I don't have time to make friends and if I did they would spend any time off to be with their family or to get drunk. So thats out of the question.

 

[djohnson]

I don't think it's unreasonable to take your GF on the trip. Just not to the child. She can stay at McDonalds or the hotel room or where ever when you visit the child. It can a mini vacation for you both too. The GF is something to introduce later and not now.

 

[armydaddy]

Yeah I know and understand that part. Hell the one time that they did bring the baby to KY my gf was willing to leave OUR house just so the ex would be willing to bring the baby here. Of course that fell through because then she said she did not want the baby where the gf's children and things were. It just seems as if the only option I have been given to see the baby is to take back the ex and thats just not going to happen. Hopefully the paternity test gets back soon so I can at least know for sure what the next step should be.

Oh yeah as far as child support goes. My gf and I take all our money together and THEN we pay bills and for things either we need or my two girls that live with their mother. The ex called one time asking for more $$ and I explained that at the time I did not have any money yet but my gf had a check on its way. I told her I would send her some money when we got that. She refused any money from me because it MAY have come from my gf's money. Is it just me or is that crazy? I know people can be jealous but damn money is money.
One more thing.. why is it that my gf should not exist but yet the ex has the baby calling the other guy "daddy"? Heck I have sent the baby things through the mail such as toys and even a bed and her husband took it away from her and hid it because it was from me. Sorry I am venting now.
Thanks for the good advice.

 

[djohnson]

I know it's not always fair, and some parents abuse the situation. Keep a record of every time you do something and try to contact and what the response is. The more you have if it goes to court the better. Most judges don't look highly on someone that is not trying to facilitate a relationship with the other parent. Have the issues that come up addressed in any order so there won't be questions in the future. If she doesn't follow an order you can file for contempt. Usually it takes several times of doing this before anthing gets done, but it can be worth the wait. The important thing now is to prove paternity and go from there. I wouldn't let a lot of time pass, the longer you let it go, the worse it looks on you in court.