makes his own schedule

[Jennx1032]

What is the name of your state?New York

I have been having a problem with my son's farther, His visitation is every other weekend, picks my son up at 6 and keeps him till sun at 4.The problem being sometimes he doesn't show, doesn't call. Now i work a secound job, he gives me no warning, it is causeing problems with my second job. My son sits and waits and he just doesn't show, then he calls later in the night asking to pick him up.
He makes his own schedule, if he wants to go out or has something to do, he doesn't ask if i can keep him, he just says i am not taking him or doesn't show at all, i told him it wasn't right to me and the things i needed to do.He says that is why i have sole custody.
Also my papers say ever other holiday we switch, he has taken him 2 out of the whole year, but when it is like thanksgiving or any good holidays that are mine, he wants them, he thinks because he passes on his holidays he gets mine, since they are not stated i am having to give up my holidays, because my lawyers says to just give it to him, it doesn't seem fair.
Is there anything i can do?

 

[stealth2]

You can modify your order to include verbiage that he must confirm his visitation with you 48 hours in advance if he intends to take the child. If he does not do so and bails, he'll be responsible for child care expenses so that you can work.

The problem is that visitation is not an obligation for him. Do you have any family/friends locally who could step in at the last minute to watch your son? How old is he?

 

[Jennx1032]

You can modify your order to include verbiage that he must confirm his visitation with you 48 hours in advance if he intends to take the child. If he does not do so and bails, he'll be responsible for child care expenses so that you can work.

The problem is that visitation is not an obligation for him. Do you have any family/friends locally who could step in at the last minute to watch your son? How old is he?

my son is in daycare m-f 7 till 5 and then he goes to my bf's cousin's house, so that i can go to work, she isn't avalible on the days that my ex is supose to take him. I have no family to help and my friends have no experience with children.
I feel as if it is when it is good for him,if i have a event or something, i give him aleast a month to 2 months notice, and he usually bails out with that too.
I just feel likei am always stressed, worring if he is not going to show, or come up with something last min as to why he isn't comming.

My son is 2 on monday

 

[MrsK]

If your orders do not state he must give you advanced notice, you are SOL.

He's right, you have custody and thats how it works. The CP is kind of at the mercy of the NCP for visitation.

My husband does not call his kid's mom when he is not taking her. We only call when we ARE taking her. Every now & then she calls & lets us know how "unfair" it is to her that we arent taking her every free second we have, and my husband tells her too bad, because she is the CP, and thats how it works. We give her 24-48 hrs notice of visitation and other than that, its her job to care for the child. Even when she has stuff she wants to do. Thats part of being a parent.

Visitation is not an obligation.

Now, either get your order changed, or learn to live with it.

 

[stealth2]

My husband does not call his kid's mom when he is not taking her. We only call when we ARE taking her. Every now & then she calls & lets us know how "unfair" it is to her that we arent taking her every free second we have, and my husband tells her too bad, because she is the CP, and thats how it works.

However, it IS unfair to the child if Dad's not taking his court-awarded time and doesn't explain to the kid why.

Personally, I'm more than happy to take any time my ex doesn't want. Of course, it means he takes it all so as not to do anything to make me happy - which means the kids win.

 

[MrsK]

However, it IS unfair to the child if Dad's not taking his court-awarded time and doesn't explain to the kid why.

Personally, I'm more than happy to take any time my ex doesn't want. Of course, it means he takes it all so as not to do anything to make me happy - which means the kids win.

Yeah, I'm sure her ex will have a really easy time of explaining to a (not even) 2 yr old why he isnt visiting.

 

[stealth2]

That really isn't the point, and you know it. When Dad decides that he IS ready to spend time with the kid, he's going to be pissed off when Mom says that perhaps he needs to spend some time getting to know the kid.

Yes, Mom needs to deal with the situation. No question. But it doesn't make Dad's behavior any better.

 

[Jennx1032]

so their is really nothing i can do i'm guessing, why do there state days and times if it not to be followed?
And as far as the holidays go, should my lawyer be telling me to give mine up to my ex?
I gave my ex all his visitaion, the judge first awarded sole custody with no visitation, but i told her that wasn't what i wanted, it wouldn't have been right to my son. I feel like it is kicking my in the ***, cause now i don't know if he is or isn't comming. I will probably end up loseing my job due to his no his no shows.
I do understand it is my responsibiliy as the cp, i just wish their was some way to fix this, i really need both my jobs right now

 

[MrsK]

That really isn't the point, and you know it. When Dad decides that he IS ready to spend time with the kid, he's going to be pissed off when Mom says that perhaps he needs to spend some time getting to know the kid.

Mom cant tell dad that when/if he decides he wants visitation. She has to let the kid go, she cant say "No, I dont think thats a good idea." If she doesnt let the kid go, she's in contempt.

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state?New York

I have been having a problem with my son's farther, His visitation is every other weekend, picks my son up at 6 and keeps him till sun at 4.The problem being sometimes he doesn't show, doesn't call. Now i work a secound job, he gives me no warning, it is causeing problems with my second job. My son sits and waits and he just doesn't show, then he calls later in the night asking to pick him up.
He makes his own schedule, if he wants to go out or has something to do, he doesn't ask if i can keep him, he just says i am not taking him or doesn't show at all, i told him it wasn't right to me and the things i needed to do.He says that is why i have sole custody.
Also my papers say ever other holiday we switch, he has taken him 2 out of the whole year, but when it is like thanksgiving or any good holidays that are mine, he wants them, he thinks because he passes on his holidays he gets mine, since they are not stated i am having to give up my holidays, because my lawyers says to just give it to him, it doesn't seem fair.
Is there anything i can do?

Stealth gave you a good idea about modification. You also don't have to wait around for him either. If he doesn't show up on time you are free to make other arrangements for your child......and to let dad know where the child is in case he decides to pick up the child later.

I totally disagree with your attorney about you giving up your holidays. You should not do that. If the holiday is clearly yours....then refuse to give it up. Its not your problem that he chose not to exercise his.

 

[Jennx1032]

okay thanks ladies

Just curious, him being ncp. what rights does he have, his mother has been sneeking around calling my son's doctor claiming to be me asking for medical records, stateing that i am giving my ex permission to pick them up. I know this cause my son's doctor had called me at my home to confirm, cause they said it didn't sound like me.

 

[Neal1421]

okay thanks ladies

Just curious, him being ncp. what rights does he have, his mother has been sneeking around calling my son's doctor claiming to be me asking for medical records, stateing that i am giving my ex permission to pick them up. I know this cause my son's doctor had called me at my home to confirm, cause they said it didn't sound like me.

He does have rights to the child medical records but she shouldn't be calling claiming to be you.

 

[AmarieNorton]

Would it be possible for you to make arrangements w/ the NCP's mother or another family member of the NCP so that they can pick your son up on dad's visitation times and then daddy can get him from his relatives house? This way, you'd still be able to work your second job and NCP (and/or his family) would get visitation. It's a win/win.

 

[Jennx1032]

He does have rights to the child medical records but she shouldn't be calling claiming to be you.

Well i am confused, i have sole custody, what is the difference, i tryed to go on line and check out a few sites, they are say different things. Can you explain the differences to me please.
As far as i can see the only differences are i have my son most of the time, ncp doesn't have responsibilies as far as everday desions.
Other then that i really don't know the difference between sole, joint, split ect.

 

[Jennx1032]

Would it be possible for you to make arrangements w/ the NCP's mother or another family member of the NCP so that they can pick your son up on dad's visitation times and then daddy can get him from his relatives house? This way, you'd still be able to work your second job and NCP (and/or his family) would get visitation. It's a win/win.

Well she is court order not to come to my house, she has made threatning attemps on my aunt and uncles lives, i have over a dozin police reports on the ncp's mother and on ncp as well. Things have calmed down, maybe i will talk to ncp about your suggestion. ncp's mother doesn't want my son, says he is a mistake that never should have happened, this makes me uneasy about her.