makes his own schedule

[casa]

Well i am confused, i have sole custody, what is the difference, i tryed to go on line and check out a few sites, they are say different things. Can you explain the differences to me please.
As far as i can see the only differences are i have my son most of the time, ncp doesn't have responsibilies as far as everday desions.
Other then that i really don't know the difference between sole, joint, split ect.

You can look up the different definitions of custody...But access to children's medical and school records is a Right both parents have...whether they are custodial parents or not. Custody has nothing to do with a parent's Right to access that information.

It was stupid to have Gma pretend to be you, when all Dad has to do is show up and request the records himself (& pay a copying fee).

 

[acmb05]

None of that matters

Well i am confused, i have sole custody, what is the difference, i tryed to go on line and check out a few sites, they are say different things. Can you explain the differences to me please.
As far as i can see the only differences are i have my son most of the time, ncp doesn't have responsibilies as far as everday desions.
Other then that i really don't know the difference between sole, joint, split ect.

He is the legal father and as such he has every right to see his sons medical and school records.

I forgot to add unless you have a court order saying he can't

 

[AmarieNorton]

ncp's mother doesn't want my son, says he is a mistake that never should have happened, this makes me uneasy about her.

Yeah, I'd be uneasy too about letting someone who said this keep my son. Did she say this before your son was born? Perhaps she has since had a change of heart after your son was born. Most grandmas that say these types of things will change their tune after they see their precious little grandchild. I'd talk to her and and see where her head is now. Use your mother's instinct, if it doesn't feel right then don't make any types of arrangements with her.

Keep us posted, good luck!!!!

 

[ceara19]

Yeah, I'm sure her ex will have a really easy time of explaining to a (not even) 2 yr old why he isnt visiting.

I think stealth is referring to YOUR husband, not the op's ex.

 

[Jennx1032]

Yeah, I'd be uneasy too about letting someone who said this keep my son. Did she say this before your son was born? Perhaps she has since had a change of heart after your son was born. Most grandmas that say these types of things will change their tune after they see their precious little grandchild. I'd talk to her and and see where her head is now. Use your mother's instinct, if it doesn't feel right then don't make any types of arrangements with her.

Keep us posted, good luck!!!!

Thankyou so much for your help, the statement was stated when i was pregnant, she also stated that she prepaid for an abortion, i really don't think you can pre pay for something like that, but the comment was enough, i told her to get a credit, cause i don't agree with abortion.His mother and i don;t get along, she believed i was never good enough for her son, and when my ex admitted to abuse in court, she told the judge i deserved it. She also stated when my ex threw me and my son into a wall, that it was only ment for me. She has issues. but again thanks everyone for the help.

Would you happen to know the web site to look up the custody laws in ny, thanks

 

[MrsK]

I think stealth is referring to YOUR husband, not the op's ex.

my husbands kid is also 2, and he doesnt have set days he has to see her, so its when he chooses. thats why he only calls when he is taking her, he doesnt have an exact date & time schedule (mom wanted that, but she lost), so theres no need to call to tell the mom we arent taking her, just advanced notice of when he plans to see her. so there is nothing to explain to mom or said 2 yr old who doesnt understand anyway.

 

[Jennx1032]

my husbands kid is also 2, and he doesnt have set days he has to see her, so its when he chooses. thats why he only calls when he is taking her, he doesnt have an exact date & time schedule (mom wanted that, but she lost), so theres no need to call to tell the mom we arent taking her, just advanced notice of when he plans to see her. so there is nothing to explain to mom or said 2 yr old who doesnt understand anyway.

My ex does have set days and times stated on my court papers(custody papers)He just feels free to not show when he feels there is something better to do, with little or no notice.What is the point of setting dates and times?

 

[ceara19]

My ex does have set days and times stated on my court papers(custody papers)He just feels free to not show when he feels there is something better to do, with little or no notice.What is the point of setting dates and times?

What he has are set times he is ALLOWED to have the child, he's not REQUIRED to use it. If he continues to not exercise his right to visit the child, you may be able to have the agreement modified to lessen the amount of time he is ALLOWED to see the child. Some judges are more likely to grant it then others though.

 

[Jennx1032]

What he has are set times he is ALLOWED to have the child, he's not REQUIRED to use it. If he continues to not exercise his right to visit the child, you may be able to have the agreement modified to lessen the amount of time he is ALLOWED to see the child. Some judges are more likely to grant it then others though.

Oh okay i understand, i don't want to lesson his time, i just can't afford to loose my second job, i barley get by now as it is, i just want him to either take him when it is stated or give me some notice so i can get a baby sitter. I know he is not required, but he should be required to give me notice, it would be the respectful thing to do.

 

[MrsK]

I know he is not required, but he should be required to give me notice, it would be the respectful thing to do.

It would be respectful, but obviously you cant count on that.

You need to find a way to have your son cared for when you are working, and if your ex happens to take the child, then good. Then you will not be in a bind when he doesnt take the child. See, the problem here is that you can not count on your ex, but you still do. You need to take charge of the situation because you cant claim victim when you know he will not take the kid but you plan on him to watch your child. It just doesnt work that way, life isnt always fair.

Is he paying support? How is it you cant get by on support and one full time job? I hate to present this, but have you thought about getting assistance of some form? Like child care assistance? It could lower how much you pay...It just doesnt sound like you are spending any time with your son since he is in daycare from 7-5 & then with someone else so you can work again...

 

[casa]

Oh okay i understand, i don't want to lesson his time, i just can't afford to loose my second job, i barley get by now as it is, i just want him to either take him when it is stated or give me some notice so i can get a baby sitter. I know he is not required, but he should be required to give me notice, it would be the respectful thing to do.

You can certainly file a modification to the visitation in court and ask that the other parent have a time-frame to show up within &/or that any daycare you must pay for as a result of the other parent not showing up is paid by them or at least split by them. I've seen both happen quite a bit (at least in CA, AZ & TX)

My own court order allows a 30 minute window of time for Dad to show up or forfeit. You take someone with you or have someone over during drop off/pick up times and then you have witness(es) to Dad being a no-show. Then, you provide the court with the information and rate you pay for the babysitter you have to use during those times and ask that the other parent pay.

 

[Jennx1032]

It would be respectful, but obviously you cant count on that.

You need to find a way to have your son cared for when you are working, and if your ex happens to take the child, then good. Then you will not be in a bind when he doesnt take the child. See, the problem here is that you can not count on your ex, but you still do. You need to take charge of the situation because you cant claim victim when you know he will not take the kid but you plan on him to watch your child. It just doesnt work that way, life isnt always fair.

Is he paying support? How is it you cant get by on support and one full time job? I hate to present this, but have you thought about getting assistance of some form? Like child care assistance? It could lower how much you pay...It just doesnt sound like you are spending any time with your son since he is in daycare from 7-5 & then with someone else so you can work again...

I do realize that i don't have alot of time for him, but i am hopeing to relocate if possible to a state i can afford to live in, i need to talk to my lawyer about that. I work for the state so i don't make alot of money but i make enough to not be able to get any assistance, go figure,I am currentley not really collecting child support, he has been fighting it for over a year since i filed. I pay close to 700 in daycare expensess, my bf's cousin watches my son for free, whitch is such a big help. I would love to have more time with my son, but i also want so much more for him then i had. I am putting all my extra money in a college fund for him, i want him to have all the things he should. If that means running myself ragged for a couple of years, then so be it, at least my son would have the money to go to school to further his education, cause that is so important and it is something i was not able to do.Time with my son is important and i do wish their more hours in the day, but their isn't and this is what i have to do right now.

 

[AmarieNorton]

I am putting all my extra money in a college fund for him, i want him to have all the things he should. If that means running myself ragged for a couple of years, then so be it, at least my son would have the money to go to school to further his education, cause that is so important and it is something i was not able to do.

This is just my two cents, take it or leave it:

If I were you'd I'd focus more on spending time w/ my son. Keep in mind that he still has options to go to college that don't include you paying 100%. He can get scholarships or financial aid and gasp...take out student loans like the rest of us. I had to (and still am) putting myself through college. I didn't begin college until after 21 and was much wiser than I was at 17 (which is how old I was when I graduated high school). Until you get you CS and other personal things straightened out, I wouldn't be running yourself ragged to save money for college. I'm really sad for you, I can tell that you want to best for your son but consider that the best may not be for you to work so much (and stress about daycare when daddy doesn't show up) to save for college. What if your son decides NOT to go to college? It happens.

If later on in life (when you son is old enough not to need daycare) he shows promise and wants to go to college perhaps you could take on another job at that point to help him with expenses.

 

[Jennx1032]

This is just my two cents, take it or leave it:

If I were you'd I'd focus more on spending time w/ my son. Keep in mind that he still has options to go to college that don't include you paying 100%. He can get scholarships or financial aid and gasp...take out student loans like the rest of us. I had to (and still am) putting myself through college. I didn't begin college until after 21 and was much wiser than I was at 17 (which is how old I was when I graduated high school). Until you get you CS and other personal things straightened out, I wouldn't be running yourself ragged to save money for college. I'm really sad for you, I can tell that you want to best for your son but consider that the best may not be for you to work so much (and stress about daycare when daddy doesn't show up) to save for college. What if your son decides NOT to go to college? It happens.

If later on in life (when you son is old enough not to need daycare) he shows promise and wants to go to college perhaps you could take on another job at that point to help him with expenses.

You are right he may not want to go to college and that's okay too. I just want what is best for my son, he is my hole world. I had a rought time growing up and could afford to go to college and pay for a place to live, i don't want him to worrie about any of that. I could wait till he was in school to take on another job, but i am afraid if i let it go for now, i will not end up doing it, if that makes any sense at all.
My son's farher refuses to pay cs, daycare expensess, medical ect, and that is fine, cause he will end up oweing my son alot of money, in whitch will also help with his college fund, that;s if he decides to go,He is over a year behind on all of these expensess, i acually feel bad for him, cause he is following his lawyers advice.