Mediation

[starbud99]

What is the name of your state? CO

I just filed for more parenting time here, last monday. I just got off the phone with the ex wife, and aparently she says i am asking for too much. this is what I asked for...

1. 3rd weekend every month, where I can take my kids to my home. ( i already have liberal parenting time per month, i just wanted it set in stone, so there would be no problems)

2. add my parents (grand-parents) on to the emergency contact list ( because I live about 400 miles away, and they live about 10 miles away)

I motioned a couple of other things about where we meet... nothing bad, just added a address to an exsisting city we are to meet in.

well my question is, she has denied everything, and our court papers say we have to go to mediation.... I am not going to negotioate anything, i think what i asked for is fair, and resonable. I know that other fathers get more then what i do any way, and I dont want to have to go months on end with out seeing the kids. Its not fair.

Can I just skip mediation by filing the paperwork "Motion to Waive Mediation Requirement"????

Am i asking for unreasonable things??

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state? CO

I just filed for more parenting time here, last monday. I just got off the phone with the ex wife, and aparently she says i am asking for too much. this is what I asked for...

1. 3rd weekend every month, where I can take my kids to my home. ( i already have liberal parenting time per month, i just wanted it set in stone, so there would be no problems)

2. add my parents (grand-parents) on to the emergency contact list ( because I live about 400 miles away, and they live about 10 miles away)

I motioned a couple of other things about where we meet... nothing bad, just added a address to an exsisting city we are to meet in.

well my question is, she has denied everything, and our court papers say we have to go to mediation.... I am not going to negotioate anything, i think what i asked for is fair, and resonable. I know that other fathers get more then what i do any way, and I dont want to have to go months on end with out seeing the kids. Its not fair.

Can I just skip mediation by filing the paperwork Motion to Waive Mediation Requirement????

Mediation is pretty much required in most states. I assume that CO is no different. You can, of course, stick to your guns in mediation...but you are probably going to have to go throught the process.

 

[Phnx02]

What is the name of your state? CO

I just filed for more parenting time here, last monday. I just got off the phone with the ex wife, and aparently she says i am asking for too much. this is what I asked for...

1. 3rd weekend every month, where I can take my kids to my home. ( i already have liberal parenting time per month, i just wanted it set in stone, so there would be no problems)

2. add my parents (grand-parents) on to the emergency contact list ( because I live about 400 miles away, and they live about 10 miles away)

I motioned a couple of other things about where we meet... nothing bad, just added a address to an exsisting city we are to meet in.

well my question is, she has denied everything, and our court papers say we have to go to mediation.... I am not going to negotioate anything, i think what i asked for is fair, and resonable. I know that other fathers get more then what i do any way, and I dont want to have to go months on end with out seeing the kids. Its not fair.

Can I just skip mediation by filing the paperwork "Motion to Waive Mediation Requirement"????

Am i asking for unreasonable things??

If you're ordered to go to mediation, you should go. It costs a heck of alot less than going to court and most judges won't like it if you don't attempt to resolve your differences this way first (especially if ordered). What you're asking for is not unreasonable at all.

 

[absconder]

Increase your demands then fall back {compromise} to what you really want.

 

[starbud99]

Ok... I will go to mediation, question being, what do I ask for then? I dont want to seem unreasonable... and make the Judge mad. Right now I have;

1. one week at christmas
2. 6 weeks in the summer
3. weekend before both kids birthday every year
4. easter on odd years
5. 4th of july odd years
6. thanksgiving even years
7. halloween odd years
8. spring break every year.

but even with all that, i dont get to see them every month.

 

[LdiJ]

Ok... I will go to mediation, question being, what do I ask for then? I dont want to seem unreasonable... and make the Judge mad. Right now I have;

1. one week at christmas
2. 6 weeks in the summer
3. weekend before both kids birthday every year
4. easter on odd years
5. 4th of july odd years
6. thanksgiving even years
7. halloween odd years
8. spring break every year.

but even with all that, i dont get to see them every month.

Asking for one weekend every month is reasonable. However if the distance is great...then I think another option is more sensible. Its still almost every month...but fairer to you and more workable generally.

September: Labor Day weekend (3 day weekend)
October: Fall Break (4 day weekend in most school districts)
November: Thanksgiving (you get Friday early-Sunday but rotate the holiday)
December: One week at Christmas
January: Martin Luther King day weekend (3-4 day weekend)
February: Presidents's Day weekend (3-4 day weekend)
March/April: Spring Break
May: Memorial Day weekend.
Summer: Your normal 6 weeks.

Give up on Halloween and if the 4th of July is important to you then include some wording that you can choose that time as part of your summer weeks every other year.

This schedule gives you more guaranteed time each month...and incorporates the holidays into the monthly schedule.

 

[starbud99]

Asking for one weekend every month is reasonable. However if the distance is great...then I think another option is more sensible. Its still almost every month...but fairer to you and more workable generally.

September: Labor Day weekend (3 day weekend)
October: Fall Break (4 day weekend in most school districts)
November: Thanksgiving (you get Friday early-Sunday but rotate the holiday)
December: One week at Christmas
January: Martin Luther King day weekend (3-4 day weekend)
February: Presidents's Day weekend (3-4 day weekend)
March/April: Spring Break
May: Memorial Day weekend.
Summer: Your normal 6 weeks.

Give up on Halloween and if the 4th of July is important to you then include some wording that you can choose that time as part of your summer weeks every other year.

This schedule gives you more guaranteed time each month...and incorporates the holidays into the monthly schedule.

What i listed, is what I already have. what I was hoping for was for something more. I forgot, I do have martin luther, labor day and memorial day weekend roatating each year. What I was wondering was if I could get more time during the summer, or one weekend a month with out causing anyone to think i am going over board. Oh-- and the kids do not have Fall Break in there school district.

 

[LdiJ]

What i listed, is what I already have. what I was hoping for was for something more. I forgot, I do have martin luther, labor day and memorial day weekend roatating each year. What I was wondering was if I could get more time during the summer, or one weekend a month with out causing anyone to think i am going over board.

Go back and look at the schedule I outlined again....that gives you basically one visit per month and normally LONGER than an ordinary weekend. It accomplishes your goal of a monthly visit...but when you incorporate the holidays into the visit it makes the visit longer. If the distance is great that really is more workable for EVERYONE...including the kids.

Yes, you may be able to get more time in the summer...but you won't get the entire summer. At an absolute minimum mom will get two weeks for vacation....and generally its more evenly divided than that. Right now you have slightly better than half (most summer vacations aren't a full 12 weeks long...its more like 10 1/2 to 11 1/2...particularly in areas that usually have to make up snow days)

 

[abstract99]

How old are the kids? Go to mediation requesting every other weekend. Then when you fall back to 1 weekend a month it will seem like you are trying to compromise.
A good example might be this:
- The third weekend of every month starting from friday night till sunday night
- All of summer vacation. Children to be returned 1 week prior to the start of school.
- Spring break every year.
- Alternate Thsnksgiving every other year.
- Alternate christmas break every other year. (Christmas falls on the 3rd weekend I think so you might want to add that you get the 2nd weekend instead of the third in December)
_ anything else you might want.

 

[starbud99]

My kids are 8 and 5... well shes almost 6. Thankyou so much. That was what I was thinking about doing, but like I said, I don't want to make the judge mad. But I suppose that If it is in mediation she/he wont really have any say in what happens. They can on suggest, right? Ive been once before and I ended up giving up on everything i wanted. I was just so scared that she ( the mediator ) would just give my ex wife everything anyway, and tell the judge if I was arguemenitive in any way.... Then I met my wife. She showed me that I dont have to settle for not seeing my children. She showed me that I deserve to be a real father, and not just a part time parent.

 

[karma1]

You might want to look at....

www.deltabravo.net

and the parenting plans on there--really good info and addresses a lot of issues one might not think of initially...

good luck!

 

[abstract99]

My kids are 8 and 5... well shes almost 6. Thankyou so much. That was what I was thinking about doing, but like I said, I don't want to make the judge mad. But I suppose that If it is in mediation she/he wont really have any say in what happens. They can on suggest, right? Ive been once before and I ended up giving up on everything i wanted. I was just so scared that she ( the mediator ) would just give my ex wife everything anyway, and tell the judge if I was arguemenitive in any way.... Then I met my wife. She showed me that I dont have to settle for not seeing my children. She showed me that I deserve to be a real father, and not just a part time parent.

A few important things to remember in mediation:

- Always stand your ground. Don't let them talk you into something you don't want.
- Keep a straight, calm face the whole time. DO NOT let them get a reaction out of you.
- Calmly sit there and let your ex talk. Allow her to say all she wants to say. Take notes on what she says. When she is done talking (and only when she is done, DO NOT interupt her) calmly go over what she has demanded. List reasons why you do not feel that it is fair FOR THE CHILDREN. Nobody is really concerned about what you think is not fair to you. If she at any time interupts, allow her to talk, wait till she is finished and then continue on with; as I was saying.........
- If you feel that the mediator is at any point telling you what you are going to do calmly say that they are supposed to be impartial. If they do it again, calmly get up and explain that the meeting is over. Tell them that since you are being constantly badgered by your ex and the mediator you will be filing for a different mediator. Explain to them that the children are not posessions and you will not stand around and have people treat them like they are. You are not there to give mom everything she wants while she walks all over you and the children. Explain that you feel you are being very reasonable in your requested time for visitation and you don't see how it is even an issue. If mother was not so concerned and dertermined to get her way all of the time and instead thought about what was best for the children then there wouldn't even be a need for the mediation. Since you can not come to an agreement there then you have no choice to take other actions. Ask if there is any paperwork that needed to be signed. If not then the meeting is over.

Notice how I stressed the word CALMLY? This is the most important thing. First it is more than likely gonna piss off your ex and second it will show that you are non argumentative. Always remember that the mediator cannot give you wife anything that she is requesting unless you let them. Be very clear that you are going to stand your ground. Make sure that before you leave (if the meeting goes all the way to the end) that you go over with the mediator everything that he has lsted as things that were agreed on. this will stop any amount of confusion. Good luck.

 

[starbud99]

well I just got off the phone with her-- the ex. she states that she is going to be the one who files the paperwork that bipasses mediation. Kinda interesting, so i thought I would pass that along. Maybe she will make her self look bad on this one.

 

[abstract99]

Were you the one that requested mediation or was it ordered by the courts?

 

[Silverplum]

It *will* make her look bad to bypass mediation. And it will make her look bad to dicker over a few days here and there.

Big question: Does your new plan push you over onto Schedule B for CS calculations? That would mean, 93+ overnights per year. If so, that's why she's fighting it.