Mediation

[bliss_in_texas]

What is the name of your state? CO

I just filed for more parenting time here, last monday. I just got off the phone with the ex wife, and aparently she says i am asking for too much. this is what I asked for...

1. 3rd weekend every month, where I can take my kids to my home. ( i already have liberal parenting time per month, i just wanted it set in stone, so there would be no problems)

2. add my parents (grand-parents) on to the emergency contact list ( because I live about 400 miles away, and they live about 10 miles away)

I motioned a couple of other things about where we meet... nothing bad, just added a address to an exsisting city we are to meet in.

well my question is, she has denied everything, and our court papers say we have to go to mediation.... I am not going to negotioate anything, i think what i asked for is fair, and resonable. I know that other fathers get more then what i do any way, and I dont want to have to go months on end with out seeing the kids. Its not fair.

Can I just skip mediation by filing the paperwork "Motion to Waive Mediation Requirement"????

Am i asking for unreasonable things??

Court ordered mediation is like Las Vegas......what goes on there, stays there, it isn't admissible in court, at least not in Tx. So if you walk out, you walk out but chances are that it'll hurt the relationship (if you have one) with your ex. I say mediate, the mediator should be able to see both of you through it. Just be calm, honest and ask for what you want and have a reason for it.
Believe me, you don't want to be forced to court.

 

[abstract99]

In my opinois, and this is just my opinoin, I don't think that you are asking for that much here. You might have to bend a little but if it comes to you bending over backwards I would take my chances in court.

 

[starbud99]

Yeah, I didnt think I was really asking for too much, so I think I will take my chances in court.

Yes- It will push me over 93 days. That is exactly why she is fighting so bad. But thats not my reasoning for doing it. I just want time with my kids. Can someone explain to me what the difference in schedule A or B is? In Lamon terms... Please!

It is court ordered Mediation. But so I have been told, if we both agree we can bipass it and go directly to court. I think I might make her suffer through it though, just to make me "look good"

 

[starbud99]

Oh-- and we dont have a relationship to hurt. She ruined that a LONG time ago. Now, its all fighting to get every last minute I can with the kids.

 

[LdiJ]

Yeah, I didnt think I was really asking for too much, so I think I will take my chances in court.

Yes- It will push me over 93 days. That is exactly why she is fighting so bad. But thats not my reasoning for doing it. I just want time with my kids. Can someone explain to me what the difference in schedule A or B is? In Lamon terms... Please!

It is court ordered Mediation. But so I have been told, if we both agree we can bipass it and go directly to court. I think I might make her suffer through it though, just to make me "look good"

I don't think you are asking for too much either...however I honestly don't believe that you are asking for a schedule that is terribly workable, for either yourself or the children....I gave you good ideas for a solution and you didn't even pay attention. Go back and look at what I suggested again please..because its something that would appeal to a judge in a situation like your's.

Pushing for mediation won't necessarily make you "look good". It also doesn't particularly impress me that you want to "make her suffer through it in order to make me "look good"".

 

[starbud99]

September: Labor Day weekend (3 day weekend)
October: Fall Break (4 day weekend in most school districts)
November: Thanksgiving (you get Friday early-Sunday but rotate the holiday)
December: One week at Christmas
January: Martin Luther King day weekend (3-4 day weekend)
February: Presidents's Day weekend (3-4 day weekend)
March/April: Spring Break
May: Memorial Day weekend.
Summer: Your normal 6 weeks.

Give up on Halloween and if the 4th of July is important to you then include some wording that you can choose that time as part of your summer weeks every other year.

This schedule gives you more guaranteed time each month...and incorporates the holidays into the monthly schedule.

I did pay attention. And I am not trying to make her suffer. I am trying to get more time with my kids, any way I can. What you said in your post is basicly what i have already. If I motioned for that, I would be getting my self no where because I already have it. The only thing you mentioned that would do me any good would be fall break, but the kids do not have a fall break where they live. I do not apreciate you accusing me of not reading/ paying attention to you. I did. Maybe you should pay a little more attention to my responce when I told you I already have what you posted. Your post does nothing but make me lose time by giving up on 4th of july and Halloween.

 

[LdiJ]

I did pay attention. And I am not trying to make her suffer. I am trying to get more time with my kids, any way I can. What you said in your post is basicly what i have already. If I motioned for that, I would be getting my self no where because I already have it. The only thing you mentioned that would do me any good would be fall break, but the kids do not have a fall break where they live. I do not apreciate you accusing me of not reading/ paying attention to you. I did. Maybe you should pay a little more attention to my responce when I told you I already have what you posted. Your post does nothing but make me lose time by giving up on 4th of july and Halloween.

No, it isn't what you already have. You said that you had those holidays "every other". I am suggesting that you ask for those holidays...as outlined...permanently...not "every other". I suggested giving up on Halloween only because it falls midweek so often as to not be workable for you. I suggested incorporating the 4th of July into your summer visits for the same reason.

Basically what I am suggesting is that you combine your desire for a once a month visit with a holiday to guarantee that your once a month visit will be 3-4 days...or longer, each month...instead of a standard weekend with holidays being separate. It's more workable for both you and the kids and guarantees you longer stretches of time. Look at a calendar and add up the days that I am suggesting...

 

[starbud99]

Ok i see what you are saying. So that would be 17 more days per year. Now I already have those days every other year.. so on any given year then I would in addition get the other half of those days, which would equal out to 9 more days a year. Is that correct in what you are saying? That to me, does not sound better than one weekend a month, and honestly we only live 4 hours apart, she has to go 2 hours, and I have to go the other 2 hours when we meet. One weekend per month comes out to 24 days... alot more than an additional 9 that your way would get me. I apreciate the idea though-- please correct me if I may be wrong

 

[LdiJ]

Ok i see what you are saying. So that would be 17 more days per year. Now I already have those days every other year.. so on any given year then I would in addition get the other half of those days, which would equal out to 9 more days a year. Is that correct in what you are saying? That to me, does not sound better than one weekend a month, and honestly we only live 4 hours apart, she has to go 2 hours, and I have to go the other 2 hours when we meet. One weekend per month comes out to 24 days... alot more than an additional 9 that your way would get me. I apreciate the idea though-- please correct me if I may be wrong

No, you aren't wrong...you are getting what I am saying now. However you are looking at it in terms of "days"...and I am looking at it in terms of what is going to be more workable on a long term basis. You are assuming that you can get 1 weekend a month IN ADDITION to the rest of the schedule, and that it will be workable. What you want is basically 15 more days a year than what I am suggesting...which could maybe be adjusted during the summer.

What judges look for in a long distance parenting arrangement is something that is truly "workable"...and makes sense for the kids...and doesn't give one parent all of the kids "free" time.

You wanting monthly time with the kids makes utter sense...you wanting it overly split up (because of holidays) so that everybody has to spend excess time traveling (particularly the kids) doesn't necessarily make sense.

So, if you give the judge a plan that is very logical...a judge would have a hard time saying no to the plan. The plan I suggested (and again, you can modify summer) is one that judges traditionally LIKE...because it makes sense.

 

[Silverplum]

Yeah, I didnt think I was really asking for too much, so I think I will take my chances in court.

Yes- It will push me over 93 days. That is exactly why she is fighting so bad. But thats not my reasoning for doing it. I just want time with my kids. Can someone explain to me what the difference in schedule A or B is? In Lamon terms... Please!

It is court ordered Mediation. But so I have been told, if we both agree we can bipass it and go directly to court. I think I might make her suffer through it though, just to make me "look good"

Schedules A and B are the two methods of calculating CS in CO. Sched. A is for a parent who has the kids for 92 or less overnights per year. Nothing else "counts" except overnights. Sched. B is for those NCPs who have their kids for 93 or more overnights per year.

These two systems (supposedly) account for the extra expense of having the kids more often. What also happens is that some venal CPs try to prevent visitation/parenting time in order to force the NCP onto Sched. A; and, of course, some NCPs try to get more parenting time in order to force Sched. B calculations.

So it's a financial difference. You can run the numbers yourself at the link provided below. NEVER trust her calculations, or her lawyer's calculations: run 'em yourself, print out the results, take them with you to mediation/court. Don't trust the mediator, either. (I've had a very bad experience with an ArapCo mediator. That's the calm way to put it.) Bring your calendar with you, too, showing when the kids have spent overnights w/you.

http://www.courts.state.co.us/chs/court/forms/domestic/childsupportguidelines.htm

If she accuses you of wanting more parenting time in order to lower CS, tell her she's far too focused on money -- you just want to see your kids as much as possible.

In another post, I mentioned referrals in the metro area. By "referrals" I meant phone numbers of a couple of good lawyers -- they're gonna cost you. Still want the numbers?

You can always use the phone book, find those lawyers who advertise in Family Law and also mention that they do free consults. Get your questions all written and ready, make some calls, get some free info.