Met4, I'm waiting on amendment of order...

[daddenied]

What is the name of your state? CA

Hi Miss Met4,

We went to Fresno early Friday morning and first went to get an actual copy of the order. We had the worst time there, being sent from one department to another for the transcripts of the hearing and just for simple help. No one there could really help me, and because FLF said I had no appt, (I was unaware Fresno only makes appts there at least 2 weeks in advance) as a walk in I had to wait until all appts were done which would put me at the last hour 3-4pm. Since we were in town hours earlier than that, we thought the clerk at the Family Law court division could help us...WRONG! It was pretty frustrating because he kept telling us that I could not ask for an immediate amendment of the order (substituting another provider for the counseling sessions with my children) and that I would have to go through Notice of Motion, Mediation and court all over again. So, foolishly we got the paperwork and spent a couple of hours at Kinkos working on it while waiting for FLF to clear their appts for the day. At 3:55pm we got in and got the friendliest woman who after explaining EVERYTHING to her said we could leave a note and all the paperwork, including copy of order and minute order and she would have their attorney call the attorney that heard my case on July 1st on Monday 7/25 and have her make an immediate amendment to the order, naming the therapist as the one I got and have seen now twice, without my children present. Anyway, we were so grateful! I am run down as I have been on an out of town business trip, returned around midnight Thursday night, left for Fresno @ 6am then since my counseling session wasn't until 9pm, stayed in Fresno and finally made it back home this morning at 3:30am. Needless to say I am exhausted, but feel so good about how everything ended up. I am working on the contempt paperwork for all the other issues we've talked about, but made an appointment to go back and see the FLF person, although I made it hastily and not sure if the date is even one that I can go up there, but will do my best to get everything done. BTW, the order states my ex is to furnish me with all information about our children when I ask, and she has been avoiding it all week. Our basketball son left for an out of state tournamend on Thursday 7/21...I had heard from another source that he was possibly scheduled to be playing in a tournament in another state, but had asked my ex several times prior and she replied saying other things, but never answered that particular question. ON Thurs. 7/21 she emailed and said he was gone with the team to travel to 2 different states and would not be back until Aug. 2nd. I immediately that same day asked her to provide me with contact names and numbers of the coaches and or adults that were with him, hotel or lodging information and schedule of games, as one of the states is actually only a 4 hour drive away from where I live and I wanted to go see him play in the tournament which started yesterday, but would go through Monday. She replied Friday morning with only the coaches names and than said she would fax me an itinerary on Monday (When the tournament would be over ) Again, another ploy of hers to keep me and my children apart. I had already the day before contacted the school's athletic director (AD)asking the same information explaining that the school has information already showing I share legal custody of him. The AD replied with nothing more that the coaches names and telling me my son was in good hands and would be back on Aug. 1st. She also explained that I was nowhere listed on the ER card and so they cannot give me information. I wasn't happy, but replied and explained again that I need to have the info and have every right to it, but of course no reply. While I was in Fresno I called my ex at her job at 4pm (she worked until 5pm that day) and left a message telling her again that I needed the game schedule and info for the coaches so I could drive to see him play today through Monday. I also emailed her way before she got off of work telling her I would call her as well as stop at her home to get a copy. Of course, when I went to her home @ 7pm, she was not there...I left a letter for her explaining I would be in town until 11pm then head home and to call ASAP so I could come over to get schedule or so she could give it to me over the phone...of course, no call. My brother who lives in town where my son is playing said there are 3 different basketball tournaments going on and had been running around town all day looking for the games my son was playing. I did not drive out of town yet, but want to tomorrow, and I still have no information. Will the courts also consider this contempt? I know I'm whining, but it;s pretty hard not to feel beat when things like this happen.

Okay, I better get to bed. Just thought I'd give you an update. I have yet to hear from that therapist who supposedly saw my son for a year in 2003. I will be faxing her another copy of the first letter I sent and wait another week before filing a complaint or before seeking more advice or direction from you. Have a good rest of the weekend.

Thank you again for everything!
Daddenied who is not willing to give up

 

[rmet4nzkx]

Congratulations on making progress even though it wasn't a smoth process, your time and effort wasn't wasted and you should have your amended order soon. Who was caring for the children when mom went with the team? The fact that she has not informed the school that you have joint custody is a problem, but the school should not have withheld the information from you, as that is public information. Be sure to fax them a copy of the custody order on Monday and also contact the school district office re the school's refusal to give you the location of the games which is public information and that in the future you want copies of all communications from the school etc. I take it the state is NV possibly LV? Hopefully your brother will be able to locate where the team is playing. Funny that with all your calls to the FLF office that they never told you that you needed an appointment? But at least you have one now.

You can base your contempt on the existing orders and what ever orders your ex was served, so it could be tricky for these two times as to what to file contempt on, but you have plenty for the past acts of contempt. Even though you have had two sessions without them, it would be considered assessment and not lost time. When you fax the previous therapist, be sure to fax a copy of the custody order and Health Net records so she has no question you have a right to this information. The new therapist can also request the records with your signed waiver, once the therapy order is amended, attach a copy of that. If not, then subponea the records. Wait untill after that to file a complaint.

 

[daddenied]

Who was caring for the children when mom went with the team?

The fact that she has not informed the school that you have joint custody is a problem, but the school should not have withheld the information from you, as that is public information. Be sure to fax them a copy of the custody order on Monday and also contact the school district office re the school's refusal to give you the location of the games which is public information and that in the future you want copies of all communications from the school etc.

I take it the state is NV possibly LV? Hopefully your brother will be able to locate where the team is playing.

Funny that with all your calls to the FLF office that they never told you that you needed an appointment? But at least you have one now.

You can base your contempt on the existing orders and what ever orders your ex was served, so it could be tricky for these two times as to what to file contempt on, but you have plenty for the past acts of contempt. Even though you have had two sessions without them, it would be considered assessment and not lost time. When you fax the previous therapist, be sure to fax a copy of the custody order and Health Net records so she has no question you have a right to this information. The new therapist can also request the records with your signed waiver, once the therapy order is amended, attach a copy of that. If not, then subponea the records. Wait untill after that to file a complaint.

1. No, my ex did not go with our son. She simply did not tell me of the travel to Las Vegas with the basketball team until he was already gone even if I had requested this information many times and was later told she had the itinerary 2 weeks prior to the trip. In her 1 sentence reply to me re: his travel itineraries, she said..."according to the school's AD he will be gone until Aug. 2nd, travelling to LV, NV and Orlando, FL." That was it...no contact names and numbers as I had asked, etc...

2. I was a little confused with the school's seemingly reluctance to giving me any information. My email was specific to them as far as what I needed...coaches names and cell numbers or contact #'s, itinerary of the trips to both states (NV and FL), dates of travel, etc... And, the AD's response was only 1 or 2 more sentences longer than my ex's stating that my son was alright and in good hands and not to worry and he would be back on Aug. 1st. What was interesting is that the AD said he would be in NV then Washington DC Hmmm.... His school already has a copy of the last order saying we share legal custody, but I will send them the new amended order as soon as I receive it.

3. I actually won't file contempt re: the first 2 sessions. My therapist and I decided that when the boys do not come, hopefully that doesn't happen after this (the next session is scheduled for Aug 13th and every Sat. after that), but we will talk about anger management and just some counseling that I, myself need after going through all of this. Did I tell you I was an educational counselor? And, I've really found it beneficial.

4. And, I will do all of that re: the counselor who hasn't replied to my inquiry about my son seeing her without my consent.

BTW, my brother with the help of my girlfriend (who is a whiz at tracking down any type of information ) was finally able to track my son down at 9:30pm last night to catch his last few minutes of a game. I think I will be driving to Vegas after church today to watch his 5pm game. I am excited. I decided I am not going to let my ex ruin my relationship with my children any longer.

Wish me luck! Thanks again!

 

[rmet4nzkx]

Congratulations on discovering where his game will be, I thought it might be LV. At least that is within driving distance. Interesting that there are 2 different schedules of events and that mom is not trying to get you to pay for these extracirricular activities. Well, there should be no question once she receives the amended order. Be sure to report that the AD refused to give you your son's contact and schedule information since you have joint custody. Take a copy of your orders with you, and get the information when you are there today.

Enjoy your time with your son today and have a safe trip. What became of lunch last week?

 

[daddenied]

Bumps in the road again...

Congratulations on discovering where his game will be, I thought it might be LV. At least that is within driving distance. Interesting that there are 2 different schedules of events and that mom is not trying to get you to pay for these extracirricular activities. Well, there should be no question once she receives the amended order. Be sure to report that the AD refused to give you your son's contact and schedule information since you have joint custody. Take a copy of your orders with you, and get the information when you are there today.

Enjoy your time with your son today and have a safe trip. What became of lunch last week?

1. I am surprised myself about her not coming after me for more money, but if she did, it would only automatically put me in arrears since I have no money and already received church assistance and family assistance to pay for my basic needs. But, I don't put anything past her, I will not be surprised if it happens.

2. We thought that the whole ordeal on Friday would work out smoothly this week...we were wrong. The nice helpful lady emailed us this morning saying that she called the CYS agency, the place my ex is insisting therapeutic visitation is done at, and spoke personally to the receptionist who said that "exhanges" can be done on Saturdays. She wished us luck and referred me back to CYS. I immediately called and for almost an hour got a busy signal then replied to her email attaching the email from CYS confirming that they do not offer the court-ordered service of "Therapeutic Supervised" visitation and counseling on Saturdays. I explained that exchanges were not the issue and begged her to have their attorney look at the order and call the July 1st judge who heard the case. I feel frustrated and every time something good happens, I get pushed back double the steps. I am praying that the FLF lady is able to get to the bottom of this,

3. We got to LV and the gyms had been changed to clear across town so when we finally got there we missed his game, but did get to see him and spend a few minutes with him and even got to take a few pictures. It was great! I was sad about missing the game, and extremely exhausted, but the trip was well worth it. Due to their loss, it was their last game. He and his team is flying out to Florida I believe tonight or tomorrow morning. I had to work so left LV at 4am this morning and hope to make it through the day.

4. Lunch never happened last week. My son came to LA with his team and due to me not being anywhere listed on his ER cards, I could speak with him only in the presence and earshot of his coach, which was okay by me, but awkward.

I better get back to work and I am anxiously awaiting a call or email from the FLF office.

-Frustrated, but not giving up.

 

[rmet4nzkx]

Please try to contact the woman in the FLF office on the phone, not just by email so that the misunderstanding is confirmed, resolved and the judge pro temp contacted for the amemdment. Do you have the name of the judge?

Also be sure to contact the schol so you can be sure that you name is included on the forms, this should not have been an issue if they already had copies of the order.

Keep on keeping on, hopefully things will be better after some sleep. I'm glad your visit went well anyway, your son will appreciate your obvious inerest and going to the trouble to see him.

 

[daddenied]

Please try to contact the woman in the FLF office on the phone, not just by email so that the misunderstanding is confirmed, resolved and the judge pro temp contacted for the amemdment. Do you have the name of the judge?

I'll try her today. Tried by phone yesterday several times, but could not get through. Thanks!

 

[daddenied]

Please try to contact the woman in the FLF office on the phone, not just by email so that the misunderstanding is confirmed, resolved and the judge pro temp contacted for the amemdment. Do you have the name of the judge?

I forgot to tell you that I do know the name of the judge...it is on the minute order. I wanted to tell you that I called and talked to the Family Law Facilitator's attorney today and she said that she would have to speak to the presiding judge (Is that the pro tem judge that heard my case on July 1st or someone else?) She said she would find out from this person how to amend the order immediately. She also said that it was good to know that CYS does not offer Saturday therapeutic visits so that this does not happen in the future with other cases. I am feeling optimistic right now, but I can never be too sure. I hope she can get that amended right away. I'll update you soon.

Oh, BTW, not that I can afford anyone right now, but I am wondering if you know of any Fresno area attorneys who might be interested in helping me out...just a thought right now as I believe my ex is nowhere close to stopping the madness. Good night.

 

[rmet4nzkx]

I forgot to tell you that I do know the name of the judge...it is on the minute order. I wanted to tell you that I called and talked to the Family Law Facilitator's attorney today and she said that she would have to speak to the presiding judge (Is that the pro tem judge that heard my case on July 1st or someone else?) She said she would find out from this person how to amend the order immediately. She also said that it was good to know that CYS does not offer Saturday therapeutic visits so that this does not happen in the future with other cases. I am feeling optimistic right now, but I can never be too sure. I hope she can get that amended right away. I'll update you soon.

Oh, BTW, not that I can afford anyone right now, but I am wondering if you know of any Fresno area attorneys who might be interested in helping me out...just a thought right now as I believe my ex is nowhere close to stopping the madness. Good night.

Good to hear that you got through finally and they understand the problem. Judge pro temp was the hearing officer who heard your case (attorney) the presiding judge is the judge over the superior court. Something good came out of this, they now know CYS doesn't offer Sat therapy, just exchanges. remember that seciton of CCCP that slows for amendment of errors? That will be the basis of the amemdment. Then your ex will have to be served and proof of service.

You can contact the bar association or use the button on this page that says click here.

Don't forget to contact the school re the permission.

 

[daddenied]

Good to hear that you got through finally and they understand the problem. Judge pro temp was the hearing officer who heard your case (attorney) the presiding judge is the judge over the superior court. Something good came out of this, they now know CYS doesn't offer Sat therapy, just exchanges. remember that seciton of CCCP that slows for amendment of errors? That will be the basis of the amemdment. Then your ex will have to be served and proof of service.

The attorney from the Fresno FLF office called me today and told me that the presiding judge said that a motion has to be filed…she is today drawing up the paperwork for me to sign and will get it to me through fax tomorrow or pop it in the mail so I can sign. We plan on driving it right back up to Fresno to file it. She said it would take 30-45 days before the hearing date, worst case scenario, but that is the only way it can be changed from the agency who does not provide service on Saturdays to the therapist I already found. So, we are now anxiously awaiting that. Just thought I’d update you. And, yes we are dealing with the school and information that was withheld from me.

 

[daddenied]

Motion to Modify-changing counseling agency

The Fresno FLF office attorney typed up paperwork and mailed it to me...I got it yesterday. The letter included said to sign where she highlighted and send it back...she will set a hearing date and serve my ex with the paperwork. I did not know the FLF office could help in this way, but was grateful. I'm praying that the hearing date is not too far away.

I sent the Substitution of Attorney form to my former attorney, the one who abandoned me and did not get it back with his signature on and faxed him a copy again today. What do I do if he doesn't sign it and send it back? I can't file it and serve it without his signature right? And, as of today he has not filed to withdraw as my attorney...is he supposed to do that or will my filing a substitution suffice? I also requested my file from him, but fear he will keep it and/or charge me for it. Is that possible?

I am collecting all of my information for my appointment with the Fresno FLF office, but was told that since I live out of the area they may be able to help me through the mail and fax. I am feeling discouraged about filing the motion re: contempt, because part of me feels as if nothing will be done to my ex...there will be no cost response except a slap on the wrist. I'm not saying I want her to be punished and thrown in jail, but I want there to be some sort of cost response so she does not feel like she can violate the child custody order any time she wants to.

1. She is refusing to furnish me all information on our children, which is what the judge ordered. She states I can get it myself, which is true to an extent...many of these people, teachers, coaches, schools, medical providers are not giving me any information since they state the CP has it already and can furnish it to me.

2. She knew of our son's out of state travel since May 2005 and never mentioned it to me until he was on the road leaving California on July 21st. I've already explained all the things that happened there.

3. I received a confirmation of receipt from the therapist she had see our oldest son from 2003-2004. The therapist said she did not receive the first letter I mailed her on July 12th, but received the one on July 27th with the original letter attached. She stated she was out of town and would reply when she got back. How long should I wait for this information? I also requested in writing from my ex to furnish all invoices/statements and bills that were incurred from these supposed visits our son had with this therapist without my consent and she stated that they were all boxed up and I can get them myself. How long should I give her to send me these before she is considered in contempt?

Again, I apologize for all of these questions, but I'm just ignorant to all of these procedures. Thank you.

 

[rmet4nzkx]

Since your other thread is closed I thought I'd copy and paste your last post here since this thread is about getting the order for therapy amended and you should be home soon.

Yesterday
daddenied

Quote:
Originally Posted by rmet4nzkx
Lol! Can she believe the FBI?

Of course you are tired! Lots of faxing to do and there is time for the therapist who say your son to get the records to the COURT ordered THERAPIST by Sat as they are in the same town. She should have no problem now that there is a court order to supply the records with a waiver to another therapist. Can you PM that info so I can check things out?

Not having the order, but as I remember, your visitation was not cancelled because the mediation report that contianed that order was rejected pending the therapy, and Wednesday's order said that all orders remained in place. So you might want to try for at least lunch after therapy to start, depending on the actual orders, that is, perhaps the therapist will even suggest some homework along the lines of increasing your contact during your visitaitons and telephone or email communication. You might also offer to provide phone cards if mom won't let them use the phone at home.

Hi Miss Met. It's daddenied's girl . He called me to read your reply. You are awesome! Thanks again for helping. I actually stayed home sick this morning, but will PM you the information you want. He thinks you want us to PM you the therapist info? I hope so and if not, just reply to let us know exactly what info you need to check things out.

Okay, I think he will try to get lunch in or some extra time. I may drive with him and I told him however long he is with them I can keep walking. I am training for a 60 mile breast cancer walk. He thinks his therapist will have them doing homework and asking for more contact in the week and we can work something out with the kids having calling cards. His ex doesn't seem too pompous this morning. Here is what she wrote after sending ugly messages for the last 8 months:

I forgot (2nd son) has a basketball seminar scheduled for Saturday morning with (Adidas Jr. Phenom Camp http://www.adidasjrcamp.com/). It’s supposed to run from 8AM – 12N. Is there anyway the appt. can be delayed a few minutes?

Please let me know.

We both laughed because it is quite different from her previous emails all year long. We are grateful though, don't get us wrong. But, we laughed because the coach told us 2nd son is there from 10am-12pm. She just seems to distort every part of any truth. Why? We have no idea. We think she has just lost her mind.

This was his reply:

2nd son will be leaving 15mins early to make it to the session. I’ve already cleared it with his coach yesterday. You can pick him up at 11:45am. Remember the judge said that these sessions are a priority. His coach is aware that these sessions will take place every Saturday. I look forward to seeing the boys. I didn’t know that 1st son was still receiving treatment from (her therapist name). In court you said he had been in therapy for 3yrs, which means he is still treating??? (your therapist) stated that she had discontinued treatment with him. I’m concerned. I will also follow up with your therapist.

Thanks


And, her last response:

FYI . . I’d already emailed the coach myself. See below. Tomorrow morning, we’ll be scheduling the next 6 sessions in advance.

Per the judge’s order, please advise your therapist to return my phone call.

We both laughed again. I am concerned though, because I get worried when she starts to send simple, almost civil email messages like this, because I feel like she is stewing something else up and I thought to tell daddenied to limit any contact with her unless it is informing her of visitation time. I don't know...then again, I don't really want to interfere now that things may go well you know?

 

[daddenied]

Very sad...and heartbroken

Hello Miss Met. Thanks for doing this for me. I just got back from Fresno. My girlfriend actually drove me because I hurt my foot last night, not to mention she had already considered doing this due to my being run down and extra tired.

I won't make this long, but just wanted to tell you that I am very sad and heartbroken. I expected that my children would be distant and maybe even not like me, but they are so messed up. My youngest son wouldn't even hug me. My 2nd to the youngest glared at me most of the time and when I hugged him, he told me he was done and I told him I wasn't and continued hugging him. The two oldest seemed okay, but their mother was waiting in the lobby area and when she was inside I was able to speak okay with them, except the 2nd to the youngest and when she entered the room, they all stopped talking.

I'm too tired to continue. I'll fill you in tomorrow. I cried most of the way home, argued and fought with my girlfriend, taking out my frustrations on her...and now I just want to go to bed. Good night. Thanks again for everything.

 

[rmet4nzkx]

Hello Miss Met. Thanks for doing this for me. I just got back from Fresno. My girlfriend actually drove me because I hurt my foot last night, not to mention she had already considered doing this due to my being run down and extra tired.

I won't make this long, but just wanted to tell you that I am very sad and heartbroken. I expected that my children would be distant and maybe even not like me, but they are so messed up. My youngest son wouldn't even hug me. My 2nd to the youngest glared at me most of the time and when I hugged him, he told me he was done and I told him I wasn't and continued hugging him. The two oldest seemed okay, but their mother was waiting in the lobby area and when she was inside I was able to speak okay with them, except the 2nd to the youngest and when she entered the room, they all stopped talking.

I'm too tired to continue. I'll fill you in tomorrow. I cried most of the way home, argued and fought with my girlfriend, taking out my frustrations on her...and now I just want to go to bed. Good night. Thanks again for everything.

Get some rest, you will have time to go over things and get some perspevtive. Well it is a positive thing that your 2 oldest were ok, especially since the oldest was supposed to have the biggest problem, perhaps because of that the youngest didn't get as much attention. It will take time to heal and always difficlut in the begining. It is to be expected that when mom appeared that they would not feel free to talk, at least she got them there and you still got some hugs.

I have a feeling your girlfriend will understand your grief, hopefully you talk about it tomorrow after you have rested, it is ok to PM.

 

[daddenied]

Thanks! I think I'll PM you later. I went to church today just emotionally drained and have been so sad. Our next session is next Sat. from 11am-1pm. My ex is trying to say that the kids cannot come to sessions every other week because of tournaments but I already spoke to the coach and told him these were court ordered sessions and we will do everything possible to make sure the schedules do not conflict, but they were every Sat. I think my ex is trying to do everything now to make sure we don't successfully complete these sessions. I was thinking yesterday to speak to the therapist and suggest to him that my ex should not be in the building or on the premises while we are in session. She lives about 5 miles away and can go home and wait. Her presence there further influences the children and I feel they feel they cannot speak to me out of loyalty to their mother when they CAN choose us both as their parents. The therapist told me he did not think it was a good idea for me and the boys to talk just yet with all the ugliness and until he assesses the older boys next week. How can I tell my therapist what I feel without making him feel that I don't trust him? I do, and am not trying to second guess his abilities, but I do not think any words out of my children's mouths will change with her sitting right there on the other side of the wall. I gotta run, but will talk to you soon I'm sure.

-Feeling defeated at the start.