Met4, I'm waiting on amendment of order...

[rmet4nzkx]

Thanks! I think I'll PM you later. I went to church today just emotionally drained and have been so sad. Our next session is next Sat. from 11am-1pm. My ex is trying to say that the kids cannot come to sessions every other week because of tournaments but I already spoke to the coach and told him these were court ordered sessions and we will do everything possible to make sure the schedules do not conflict, but they were every Sat. I think my ex is trying to do everything now to make sure we don't successfully complete these sessions. I was thinking yesterday to speak to the therapist and suggest to him that my ex should not be in the building or on the premises while we are in session. She lives about 5 miles away and can go home and wait. Her presence there further influences the children and I feel they feel they cannot speak to me out of loyalty to their mother when they CAN choose us both as their parents. The therapist told me he did not think it was a good idea for me and the boys to talk just yet with all the ugliness and until he assesses the older boys next week. How can I tell my therapist what I feel without making him feel that I don't trust him? I do, and am not trying to second guess his abilities, but I do not think any words out of my children's mouths will change with her sitting right there on the other side of the wall. I gotta run, but will talk to you soon I'm sure.

-Feeling defeated at the start.

I haven't heard from you but suspect that you are still drained.
I'm confused on several facts.
Are the therapy sessions scheduled for every weekend to make up for the missed ones or to allow for scheduling conflicts with the children's sports?
It sounds like perhaps most of the time was spent with assessment of the two younger ones and you, the other sons and mom sitting in the waiting room? That would be very uncomfortable at best, but you will have to rely on the therapist to do their job and have patience. It would be better if mom stayed away and wise that your girlfriend did her training so as to avoid contact with the "wet hen" sulking in the waiting room.
Hang in there

 

[daddenied]

Sorry. I am at work and only have a minute. Yes, still drained and haven't had the time to sit and relax and write you. My girlfriend actually only went to help me drive...it is not her or my preference for her to have to be subject to all of this craziness. Anyway, if she ever drives me again she always has things to do whereever we are. I'll get home tonight and answer your questions as well as PM you...need to talk. Thanks!

 

[rmet4nzkx]

Sorry. I am at work and only have a minute. Yes, still drained and haven't had the time to sit and relax and write you. My girlfriend actually only went to help me drive...it is not her or my preference for her to have to be subject to all of this craziness. Anyway, if she ever drives me again she always has things to do whereever we are. I'll get home tonight and answer your questions as well as PM you...need to talk. Thanks!

Thank you, I'll look forward to the update. Hang in there you have come a long way.

 

[daddenied]

Harrassment???

Hi Miss Met and Casa.

Casa, I think it was you who referred me to SPARC to use the form letter to send to my children's providers which I did. NO providers have replied, but my ex just emailed me this:

Please consider this letter notification that if you do not cease and desist the constant haranguing and barrage of threatening letters to all of the children’s providers, they will no longer provide health and dental care to our children. Threatening to have the professionals’ licenses pulled and reporting them to the B.B.B. is no way to win favor with the offices. Prior to July, 2005 when you began your assault, the boys and I had wonderful working relationships with all of them. If need be, I will take this to court but I would prefer you stop of your own accord.

You are alienating the boys and turning them into pariahs. They’ve been seeing the same primary care physician for the past 3 years, have only seen (dentist's name) ONCE for a cleaning and have been to the orthodontic offices for consultations and yet they’re already stating that they’re going to drop and/or not start the children as patients because of your actions.

There is not one significant piece of information that you could receive from any of them. The boys have only seen them for routine check-ups or ailments and you’ve never been billed a co-pay. What possible purpose does it serve to have copies of every piece of paperwork for the past 3 years?

First of all, I never threatened anyone. The form letter I sent them from SPARC states:

To Whom It May Concern:

Please accept this letter as a formal request for any and all medical information regarding my biological [son/daughter], [child's name]. I would like this letter to be entered into [child's name]’s permanent medical record. As there is no court order barring me from contact with my [son/daughter] and I have always tried to be an involved [father/mother], I am exercising my rights under state and federal law to have full, unhindered access to my [son/daughter]’s medical information

In cooperating with state and federal law, YOU DO NOT HAVE THE RIGHT to ask permission from anyone to let me see [child's name]’s records or be involved in [his/her] medical treatment. Since you have not been nor will be provided with a court order barring my rights, I expect full cooperation from your facility in my being a [father/mother] to my [son/daughter].

I have tried to get the following information through [his/her] [father/mother], but as it seems to upset [child's name] due to our inability to communicate, I am requesting this information directly from the medical facility to keep [child's name]’s emotional well-being in the forefront. Information to be considered includes, but is not limited to, the following:

1. Photocopies of the paperwork for all check-ups, inoculations, emergency treatment, and any other paperwork that is sent to [child's name]’s primary residence ([his/her] [father/mother], [name of father/mother]).

2. Make sure that my name is in the "[father/mother]" spot on any and all medical records, make sure that my name, address, home & work telephone numbers, and my wife’s work number are included in the records as emergency contacts (this information is provided below).

3. To be able to contact doctors, nurses, counselors, and any other medical personnel to discuss [child's name]’s physical, mental and social well-being via telephone, email, fax, or in person.

4. Copies of any medical testing results along with opportunities to speak with medical personnel if any help is needed interpreting the results.

5. ANY and ALL emergency treatments on a timely basis so that [child's name]’s [father/mother] and I may discuss [his/her] medical concerns when they happen.

You may mail or fax me any information to the address/fax number below.

I understand that there may be copying or postage costs involved in obtaining material for me. This is not a problem, and I am more than willing to pay for them. Just send a statement whenever such costs are incurred.

I would also like to be notified (immediately upon the receipt of this letter) of the name of [child's name]’s primary doctor and the times during the day that I would be most likely able to telephone and speak with him or her. If you have any question as to whether a piece of information should be sent to me, send it.

I would also like copies of [his/her] records to be sent to [his/her] pediatrician in [city]. Send the copies to:

[Doctor(s) Name and Address]

Please be advised that I will be authorizing the sending of copies of [child's name]’s medical records from Dr. [doctor's name] at Clinic in [city], and Dr. [doctor's name] at the [name of clinic/hospital] to your office shortly, so as to keep [child's name]’s records as up-to-date as possible at both [his/her] homes.

Thank you in advance for your cooperation, and if you have any questions, please do not hesitate to contact me.

This lady is killing me! I get email messages like this and it sends me and I feel like screaming, but the divorced NCP that I am have no rights to express my frustrations like that or I lose my kids completely. It seems that I have already lost them! What can I do? Shall I ignore her letter? I want to email her and tell her if she damn just sent me the information I asked HER for and not sent me emails directing me to the providers I wouldn't have had to ask them. Then, I feel like calling these providers and asking them why the hell they don't call or email me yet call HER to complain. Please help me understand why this is so difficult when it sounded so easy to do.

 

[daddenied]

I'm confused on several facts.
Are the therapy sessions scheduled for every weekend to make up for the missed ones or to allow for scheduling conflicts with the children's sports?

On July 1st we were ordered specific dates for therapy, July 8th, July 22nd, Aug. 13th and every Saturday after that for an hour for 12 sessions. The mediation in November was going to be scheduled regardless if all 12 sessions had been done. The judge pro tem that day stated the only reasons the boys could miss was if they were playing in a game on a scheduled Sat. So, every Sat. we are to meet for an hour session. My ex is trying to say there are Saturdays that they all cannot come because 1 of them is playing in a tournament ALL day long, yet I know that is not the case from the schedule I got from someone else's mother on the teams. This Sat. we are meeting for 2 hours because the therapist wants to talk to the two older kids then to me, then to all of us. I am hoping to speak to him before that to tell him that my ex should not be in the building or in the waiting room...it's not fair to me and she sits there like a vulture relishing that the children do not want to speak to me, especially in her presence. I am feeling like therapy is not going to help me at all. I'm so frustrated.

It sounds like perhaps most of the time was spent with assessment of the two younger ones and you, the other sons and mom sitting in the waiting room?

Yes, I was sitting in the waiting room with them too trying to talk to my sons and they said 2 words to me yet when SHE went in and spoke to the therapist before the 2 younger ones, they had no trouble speaking to me... once she came out, they didn't speak. It was awkward and she loved every moment of it.

That would be very uncomfortable at best, but you will have to rely on the therapist to do their job and have patience.

Should I not suggest that she go home during our sessions? Will my therapist feel like I am telling him what to do? She lives 5 miles away from there and can wait there.

It would be better if mom stayed away and wise that your girlfriend did her training so as to avoid contact with the "wet hen" sulking in the waiting room.
Hang in there

Sometimes, a small part of me wants to invite my girlfriend into the waiting room with us, because my ex hates her yet it would make her feel so uncomfortable with my girlfriend there. My girlfriend is really an odd one...she will say hi and be friendly to my ex and speak with the children and help the with whatever they are doing...she will ask about their lives and she will just be very nice and kind and she does this because she IS this way. My ex on the other hand would have to pretend to be nice to her in front of the children, because she acts as if she is okay with my relationship and pretends to our children that it is my girl who is ugly and mean. Yet, my children have experienced her not only in my presence, but without me in California as well as in Las Vegas with her family. If you asked me last year, I would've been confident in saying that they loved her and respected her. TODAY...I am sure they hate her and I'm second in line. It just breaks my heart. And, she is so optimistic and although frustrated at times, continues to encourage me not to give up. I'm hating life right now. I worry about this Saturday's visit.

 

[rmet4nzkx]

Document what she does, you might attach a copy of the court order showing joint custody. You may have to sign their waiver, also perhaps they have not been to see the doctor and she doesn't want you to know she is neglecting them.

Document, Document, Document......

Things wil get better, Document her attempts to be in contempt of the order.
Next week you get 2 hours and an opportunity to ask the therapist to ask mom to come back later, if not this Sat then next. Have you left him a mesage re the intimidation in the waiting room?

Maybe you Ex wil find someone who occupies her attention.