modification clarification

[LdiJ]

I'm sorry but WHO is the parent here?


It's not step-mom, right? She seems to be attempting to parent your ex AND your child!

On top of that, for dad to riddle his motion with stepmom's complaints is incredibly foolish. It just shows the judge that stepmom is overstepping and does not respect mom's role as the parent.

 

[MichaCA]

I totally agree with Mistoffolees, I would request stepmom not be at transitions as she is interfering with your parenting. Period. And surely there must be a common clause inserted in court orders that childrearing decisions are between mom and dad.
Perhaps highlight every written thing dad is requesting (re stepmom), and let that speak for itself.

My personal opinion, the man thinks highly of himself and is very nitpicky. It may be a long road.

You need to respond to his motion point by point, and make sure the court and your ex get it in a timely manner before your next mediation session. Each request he makes, state if you oppose it and why. Keep it brief-two or three sentences, move to the next request.

 

[Artemis_ofthe_Hunt]

I totally agree with Mistoffolees, I would request stepmom not be at transitions as she is interfering with your parenting. Period. And surely there must be a common clause inserted in court orders that childrearing decisions are between mom and dad.
Perhaps highlight every written thing dad is requesting (re stepmom), and let that speak for itself.

My personal opinion, the man thinks highly of himself and is very nitpicky. It may be a long road.
You need to respond to his motion point by point, and make sure the court and your ex get it in a timely manner before your next mediation session. Each request he makes, state if you oppose it and why. Keep it brief-two or three sentences, move to the next request.

Actually from the way I read this situation... its probably step-mom doing the complaint. I have a similar situation. Sounds to me like Stepmonster is doing an awful lot of "that's my decision with Dad", and not allowing YOU to parent YOUR (plural) child. I'd personally tell her to pound sand and tell dad to keep her snoot out of your parenting rights/time.

 

[Proserpina]

On top of that, for dad to riddle his motion with stepmom's complaints is incredibly foolish. It just shows the judge that stepmom is overstepping and does not respect mom's role as the parent.

Seriously. I'm all for co-parenting and taking the higher road, and even trying to get along with the new spouses for the sake of the kid/s but this lady? Cheese and rice, no!

She needs a firm telling off by a particularly cranky Judge whose alarm clock didn't go off, and then woke up to find her tires are flat, her coffee machine broke and her clerk called in sick.

 

[Artemis_ofthe_Hunt]

Seriously. I'm all for co-parenting, and even trying to get along with the new spouses for the sake of the kid/s but this lady? Cheese and rice, no! She needs a firm telling off by a particularly cranky Judge whose alarm clock didn't go off, and then woke up to find her tires are flat, her coffee machine broke and her clerk called in sick.

oooohhhhh! I LOVE this one!

 

[CSO286]

Honestly---It would be soooo worth an attorney just to be able to sit back in court and watch the atty make mincemeat of of your ex and stepmom. I'd pay to watch!

I'm one of those people who can't seem to have the perfect comebacks and responses--until about four hours after the fact. A good attorney will be able to correctly and effectively respond to them and probably entertain all at the same time.

It sounds like your ex is picking items that push your emotional buttons. No one thinks clearly when worked up. Not to mention the fact that you'll be emotional and trying to do right byu your child. Not a good combo.

An atty is a good idea.

 

[cherylsarah01]

I really would love to have an attorney but trying to get the funds together to retain one is difficult. I really wish I could sit back and let him/her do all the talking. I really get nervous in front of the judge and it shows with my voice too high or too low or cracking. I hate that. And to top it off the judge had a really soft voice that I was having a hard time hearing. It was like the place was filled with all this white noise, computer buzz or something. I too don't ever seem to have any good come backs until after the fact when it pertains to me and my situation.

I actually have more to read and will fill you all in later tonight when I have some quiet time.

 

[LdiJ]

I really would love to have an attorney but trying to get the funds together to retain one is difficult. I really wish I could sit back and let him/her do all the talking. I really get nervous in front of the judge and it shows with my voice too high or too low or cracking. I hate that. And to top it off the judge had a really soft voice that I was having a hard time hearing. It was like the place was filled with all this white noise, computer buzz or something. I too don't ever seem to have any good come backs until after the fact when it pertains to me and my situation.

I actually have more to read and will fill you all in later tonight when I have some quiet time.

Notecards...make sure that you make yourself some notecards...but if there is any way that you could beg or borrow the money for an attorney, it just might make it so you won't have to go to court again for a very long time.

On top of that, enough of what he is stating is frivolous that he might very well be ordered to pay your legal fees.

 

[cherylsarah01]

Notecards...make sure that you make yourself some notecards...but if there is any way that you could beg or borrow the money for an attorney, it just might make it so you won't have to go to court again for a very long time.

On top of that, enough of what he is stating is frivolous that he might very well be ordered to pay your legal fees.

I will make sure I have plenty of note cards, thank you.

A few more things, regarding them getting her baptized without my knowledge. He states that it was a family decission between him and stepmom and had nothing to do with me. He says daughter expressed to him that she wanted to get baptized. He said pastor did not need parental consent as long as child was wanting to get baptized. He says I harrassed pastor and told pastor I was going to use this in court.

I spoke with pastor and at first he said he thought he had both parents consent. I told him I was child's mother and he did not have both. He then fumbled and bumbled and told me that consent was not needed as long as child wanted to get baptized. I said that it did not sound correct to me. That was all that was said.

Does that sound correct?

Regarding him withholding her from a school day because I was a chaperone for the field trip. He first told mediator that it made daughter uncomfortable for us both to be there so he withheld her. Mediator said she did not buy that excuse. He now states that it was just a long time since they had a family day to go have fun so he took them all to the Exploreatorium instead.

 

[LdiJ]

I will make sure I have plenty of note cards, thank you.

A few more things, regarding them getting her baptized without my knowledge. He states that it was a family decission between him and stepmom and had nothing to do with me. He says daughter expressed to him that she wanted to get baptized. He said pastor did not need parental consent as long as child was wanting to get baptized. He says I harrassed pastor and told pastor I was going to use this in court.

I spoke with pastor and at first he said he thought he had both parents consent. I told him I was child's mother and he did not have both. He then fumbled and bumbled and told me that consent was not needed as long as child wanted to get baptized. I said that it did not sound correct to me. That was all that was said.

Does that sound correct?

Some churches will do things without parental consent and they just don't care. However, it was darned wrong for dad to do. Did he say that it was a family decision between he, stepmom and nothing to do with you in his motion/response? If so, that is just one more nail in his coffin.

Regarding him withholding her from a school day because I was a chaperone for the field trip. He first told mediator that it made daughter uncomfortable for us both to be there so he withheld her. Mediator said she did not buy that excuse. He now states that it was just a long time since they had a family day to go have fun so he took them all to the Exploreatorium instead.

The more you say, the more its incredibly clear that stepmom is one of the worst overstepping stepparents that I have ever seen. I really wish you could get an attorney because if you had one, I think that he would wipe the floor with dad.

 

[mistoffolees]

I will make sure I have plenty of note cards, thank you.

A few more things, regarding them getting her baptized without my knowledge. He states that it was a family decission between him and stepmom and had nothing to do with me. He says daughter expressed to him that she wanted to get baptized. He said pastor did not need parental consent as long as child was wanting to get baptized. He says I harrassed pastor and told pastor I was going to use this in court.

I spoke with pastor and at first he said he thought he had both parents consent. I told him I was child's mother and he did not have both. He then fumbled and bumbled and told me that consent was not needed as long as child wanted to get baptized. I said that it did not sound correct to me. That was all that was said.

I don't recall your custody status at the present time. If you have sole legal, you could probably make an issue of it, but what's the point?

In any event, the court is not likely to get involved. There is a pretty strong precedent that the court will not interfere with baptism when requested by one parent. Most churches will do it with a single parent's permission.

The silliest thing about the entire issue is saying 'the child wanted it'. IIRC, the child is 9 - hardly an age to be making important life decisions.

Since you stated you have SOME type of legal custody, you could bring this up as an example of ex being unwilling to discuss custodial matters with you and use it to request sole legal. Combined with everything else, it might be a reasonable argument, but not a sure winner by any means.

Regarding him withholding her from a school day because I was a chaperone for the field trip. He first told mediator that it made daughter uncomfortable for us both to be there so he withheld her. Mediator said she did not buy that excuse. He now states that it was just a long time since they had a family day to go have fun so he took them all to the Exploreatorium instead.

Mediator is right. If the child IS uncomfortable with both of you being there, that's too bad. You're a chaperone for the school trip and are entitled to do that. Now, if it's during Dad's parenting time and Dad wants to do something, he's free to do that, but doing it because of SM's discomfort isn't going to fly. Do you have a transcript of the mediator's report where Dad said it was because of SM?


I've suggested it before, but you should really have an attorney. You might win this, but then again, you could lose - even when the facts are all in your favor.

 

[LdiJ]

I don't recall your custody status at the present time. If you have sole legal, you could probably make an issue of it, but what's the point?

In any event, the court is not likely to get involved. There is a pretty strong precedent that the court will not interfere with baptism when requested by one parent. Most churches will do it with a single parent's permission.

The silliest thing about the entire issue is saying 'the child wanted it'. IIRC, the child is 9 - hardly an age to be making important life decisions.

Since you stated you have SOME type of legal custody, you could bring this up as an example of ex being unwilling to discuss custodial matters with you and use it to request sole legal. Combined with everything else, it might be a reasonable argument, but not a sure winner by any means.



Mediator is right. If the child IS uncomfortable with both of you being there, that's too bad. You're a chaperone for the school trip and are entitled to do that. Now, if it's during Dad's parenting time and Dad wants to do something, he's free to do that, but doing it because of SM's discomfort isn't going to fly. Do you have a transcript of the mediator's report where Dad said it was because of SM?


I've suggested it before, but you should really have an attorney. You might win this, but then again, you could lose - even when the facts are all in your favor.

Misto, seriously...dad's paperwork is full of stepmom's complaints. On top of that dad beat stopmom bloodly in front of the child and his other children.

I think that dad is going to be very very lucky if he gets to keep joint custody, and he sure as heck has no chance at the full custody he is asking for.

 

[cherylsarah01]

I don't recall your custody status at the present time. If you have sole legal, you could probably make an issue of it, but what's the point?

We have joint legal custody

In any event, the court is not likely to get involved. There is a pretty strong precedent that the court will not interfere with baptism when requested by one parent. Most churches will do it with a single parent's permission.

Hmmm...

The silliest thing about the entire issue is saying 'the child wanted it'. IIRC, the child is 9 - hardly an age to be making important life decisions.

I agree

Since you stated you have SOME type of legal custody, you could bring this up as an example of ex being unwilling to discuss custodial matters with you and use it to request sole legal. Combined with everything else, it might be a reasonable argument, but not a sure winner by any means.

That's why it is brought up to use it as an example along with all the other things.

Mediator is right. If the child IS uncomfortable with both of you being there, that's too bad. You're a chaperone for the school trip and are entitled to do that. Now, if it's during Dad's parenting time and Dad wants to do something, he's free to do that, but doing it because of SM's discomfort isn't going to fly. Do you have a transcript of the mediator's report where Dad said it was because of SM?

Child is not uncomfortable with us both there, they are. Mediator said he needs to make it common place, to go outside of his box his comfort zone for the child's sake. I don't have the mediator's report, just her recommendations.

I've suggested it before, but you should really have an attorney. You might win this, but then again, you could lose - even when the facts are all in your favor.

An attorney would be great affording one is a different story. Along with his domestic violence in front of daughter and all of this stuff it may go in my favor but then again life is not always fair either. Yes it could go either way especially with me being nervous and repsenting myself. Believe me I am aware.

 

[mistoffolees]

Misto, seriously...dad's paperwork is full of stepmom's complaints. On top of that dad beat stopmom bloodly in front of the child and his other children.

I think that dad is going to be very very lucky if he gets to keep joint custody, and he sure as heck has no chance at the full custody he is asking for.

He has no chance - IF MOM DEFENDS HERSELF PROPERLY. I've seen even more 'slam-dunk' cases that were lost due to pro-se litigants messing up. I am pretty confident that an experienced pro se litigant would win (assuming we have all the facts), but that doesn't mean that it can't be lost.

If Mom really insists on doing this without an attorney (how much are your kids worth to you?), then she needs to spend a LOT of time learning rules and procedures and to understand what she can and can't do - and how to refute Dad's arguments. There's a lot of good information here, but she needs to learn the way courtrooms work. In addition to learning all the rules and procedures, she should sit in on some trials in her county to get a feel for it.

 

[gr8rn]

I don't know about anyone else, but OP I soooo want to hear the blow by blow after court. I think Dad is in for a terrible beat-down by the judge. Please, Please come back and give us the juicy details of how it went!!

I HOPE stepmom comes to court, it would be interesting to hear how she is turned out at the door and made to wait in the hall. Or better let, let her in and watch her implode.

I agree with note cards. I used them extensively in court. I would take his document and go down the list and answer blow by blow, each item.

Please do come back and let us know how it went.