Mother taking only child out of state

[Ithildriel]

Ah yes - innocent untill proven guilty. This is also true in this case. On the surface it appears as an innocent trip to visit relatives. A reasonable request. What bothers me about it is like Dr. Phil says "The best predictor of future behavior is past performance" The last time she went for a visit, it turned into nine months of hell for me to get her to bring my son back to Colorado and I'm just trying to be prepared if she decides to pull the same stunt. Once bit - twice shy.

How did you get her to come back? Is any of it documented through police reports etc?

For the more law knowledgable, if OP can prove mom is a flight risk, can't he have it stipulated that she not take the child out of state?

 

[rmet4nzkx]

While you may have established paternity by signing the Acknowledgement of paternity at the hospital you need to verity paternity was established. Is your name on the Birth Certificate? have you called the hospital to see where they sent the AOP form? Most likely she signed it or it wouldn't have been given to you. Do you have a copy of the Birth Certificate? If not, get one. Establishing paternity does not establish custody. Contact your local courthouse, ask about Self-Help or referal to legal aid or family law attornys. Petition to establish paternity, including DNA testing, custody, restraining order to keep child or return child to CO, visitation and possibly child support. A Parenting plan can be developed. That way she can be served while she is still in CO and easier to enforce the orders. Now if the child is not yours, you may still be able to establish some rights to visitation.

 

[mushroom44]

Responding to Ilithriel - I ended up flying back and forth every month - taking time away from my business which suffered drastically - paid all of the bills including her car payment, and finally convinced her that living in a trailer and working as a waitress in the middle of nowhere in a rural part of the country was not in anyones best interest since I have a 4 bedroom brick home with a fenced backyard, my business was here and I couldn't afford to keep flyng back and forth. She finally woke up when she couldn't keep up anymore and came back. I paid for that trip too. Things were ok for a while till I caught her 17 yer old dealing dope out of the house. That situation is a whole other story but has been resolved.

 

[mushroom44]

One more question for now.. Are there any laws covering "Parental Alienation" ie: swaying a child's thinking in favor of one parent or the other through non - flattering comments or suggestions? My little boy has made several comments recently that make me suspect that this may be going on.

 

[weenor]

One more question for now.. Are there any laws covering "Parental Alienation" ie: swaying a child's thinking in favor of one parent or the other through non - flattering comments or suggestions? My little boy has made several comments recently that make me suspect that this may be going on.

There are no specific laws regarding "parental alienation" and despite a lot of publicity by the fathers' rights groups it is not a recognized syndrome by most courts. That said, a court will consider EVIDENCE of alienating conduct by a parent in determining custody and visitation. Such alienation must be so extensive so as significantly interfere with your rights to parent the child in order for you to get sole custody. Comments by your son, are probably not sufficient to prove alienation.

 

[rmet4nzkx]

One more question for now.. Are there any laws covering "Parental Alienation" ie: swaying a child's thinking in favor of one parent or the other through non - flattering comments or suggestions? My little boy has made several comments recently that make me suspect that this may be going on.

No there are no laws per se, all the more reason for you to get to court and establish a parenting plan and custody while you can stiil serve her and establish your rights.

 

[mushroom44]

Thank you to rmet4 and everyone else. Rmet - your last reply brings up another question. What about domicile? I have about a week to do something and if I cannot get something done in that time and she does take my son out of state, where do I take further action? Here in Colorado or in (rural) Michigan which is where she is going?

 

[rmet4nzkx]

Thank you to rmet4 and everyone else. Rmet - your last reply brings up another question. What about domicile? I have about a week to do something and if I cannot get something done in that time and she does take my son out of state, where do I take further action? Here in Colorado or in (rural) Michigan which is where she is going?

Access your local family court and download the forms and file them tomorrow to establish the case in CO, get tempoary orders and get her served before she leaves with the child, do not tell her in advance that you are filing for custody or she will flee before you can serve her. Once you have the case established in CO, temp orders and she has been served, if she flees with the child, you have an order that can be enforced. Please do that and keep us updated.

 

[mushroom44]

I plan on contacting the Adams county courts first thing in the morning. The key here is to not disclose my intentions as suggested by rmk4. Otherwise, she will "short circuit" any defense or claim that I may have as she has in the past. I will keep members posted as things progress.

 

[LdiJ]

I plan on contacting the Adams county courts first thing in the morning. The key here is to not disclose my intentions as suggested by rmk4. Otherwise, she will "short circuit" any defense or claim that I may have as she has in the past. I will keep members posted as things progress.

You have gotten accurate advice....however I really have to add something. If she is just planning to be gone a few weeks, and has every intention of coming back....taking it to court now will total your relationship and create immediate and severe hostility.

You know where she is going, so you will be able to serve her if you need to. CO will have jursidiction until mom and the child have been in MI for at least six months. Therefore, you COULD wait and give mom a reasonable chance to return (3 or 4 weeks maybe...not more) before you initiate the hostilities.

Its your call....and only you know whether or not there is a relationship there worth preserving.

 

[mushroom44]

And that has been the other underlying concern LdiJ. I don't want to jump the gun and shoot myself in the foot before I even know what I'm shootin at. The advice I have received here has been excellent and I am taking some of the steps necessary to cover my backside just in case.

 

[LdiJ]

And that has been the other underlying concern LdiJ. I don't want to jump the gun and shoot myself in the foot before I even know what I'm shootin at. The advice I have received here has been excellent and I am taking some of the steps necessary to cover my backside just in case.

____________________-

Do cover your backside....however if that has been one of your underlying concerns then please realize that you will have time to initiate proceedings if she doesn't return within a reasonable amount of time....and you WILL be able to serve her since you know where she will be.

 

[NotAnAttorney]

There are no specific laws regarding "parental alienation" and despite a lot of publicity by the fathers' rights groups it is not a recognized syndrome by most courts. That said, a court will consider EVIDENCE of alienating conduct by a parent in determining custody and visitation. Such alienation must be so extensive so as significantly interfere with your rights to parent the child in order for you to get sole custody. Comments by your son, are probably not sufficient to prove alienation.

"Some" courts do recognize it, but VERY few, if any of them are on a local level... which means appeals until you find one that does, if you can before running out of appeals or money... and no, a few comments is not going to pass for PAS. I don't think ANY court is going to recognize PAS where it's only a matter of comments made because they would have to recognize it in almost EVERY custody battle in the nation. People misunderstand PAS entirely, which is why there is such controversy over it. That's where the "junk science" comes in. PAS is simply a form of severe emotional abuse. If your son does not hate you and is willing to spend time with you and isn't making false allegations against you... and there really is a very long list of symptoms here that I'm not going to go into... then forget about PAS. It's pushed way too much. I believe PAS is real, but it is WAY overused. It doesn't exist in even 1/10 of the cases that it is claimed to be in. Actually probably even less than that. Kind of like ADHD being overdiagnosed... it exists, but not as much as it is claimed to.