Motion to Modify Custody - change in circumstance

[mcwjjm]

Question for Ohiogal

Update: talked to defendant, she's still in residential and her case worker has no imminent release date. The GAL emailed her attorney and copied me that per her pre-trial duties is a home visit with the defendant [which is pointless since she's homeless] but based on the Motion she filed all fees must be paid prior to our hearing and in the email said she wouldn't conduct the home visit untill she's paid. Assuming she can't pay her end of our 50-50 arrangement [I'm paid up] and the GAL can't fulfill her duties what happens at our hearing, another continunance? And should she skip on her end of the payment, am I responsible for that as well? TIA.

 

[st-kitts]

PTSD is an anxiety disorder after facing a life threatening experience that includes recurrent thoughts about the event(s), avoidance (of things associated with the event), and arousal (hypervigalance, strong startle reflex, difficulty concentrating, difficulty sleeping). While I understand your concern about the suicide attempt in front of your children I am curious why you find her PTSD itself relevant?

 

[mcwjjm]

PTSD is an anxiety disorder after facing a life threatening experience that includes recurrent thoughts about the event(s), avoidance (of things associated with the event), and arousal (hypervigalance, strong startle reflex, difficulty concentrating, difficulty sleeping). While I understand your concern about the suicide attempt in front of your children I am curious why you find her PTSD itself relevant?

It's my understanding that PTSD is a normal reaction to an abnormal event. That alone is not the issue, what I believe is the problem here is a more severe form of that disorder - Complex PTSD. The event in question took place when she was 14 YO, she's now 30. And while I have no evidence to support this suspicion, though her boyfriend referred to it in name, this behavior has been on-going for the ten years I've known her and mirror all of the symptoms of that particular disorder.

 

[LdiJ]

It's my understanding that PTSD is a normal reaction to an abnormal event. That alone is not the issue, what I believe is the problem here is a more severe form of that disorder - Complex PTSD. The event in question took place when she was 14 YO, she's now 30. And while I have no evidence to support this suspicion, though her boyfriend referred to it in name, this behavior has been on-going for the ten years I've known her and mirror all of the symptoms of that particular disorder.

Please understand though that you cannot use that if she has not been diagnosed by professionals. I realize that I may not be remembering the entire thread, but if you try to use something like that in court, when she has not been specifically diagnosed with that disorder, or you cannot prove that she has, its a real problem. You also have to prove that her mental illness negatively impacts your child(ren).

 

[st-kitts]

That alone is not the issue, what I believe is the problem here is a more severe form of that disorder - Complex PTSD. The event in question took place when she was 14 YO, she's now 30. And while I have no evidence to support this suspicion, though her boyfriend referred to it in name, this behavior has been on-going for the ten years I've known her and mirror all of the symptoms of that particular disorder.

Complex PTSD is not included in the DSM IV... so... that could be an uphill battle.

 

[AkersTile]

I just looked Complex PTSD up on Wikipedia. stkitts is right, it is not recognized in DSM or ICD. You will not be able to prove in court that Mom has a medical disorder which does not have a valid diagnosis, PTSD yes, C-PTSD no.

Although, now I'm finding your idea that you want Mom to have no decision making rights but still have frequent, unsupervised parenting time even more crazy. OP, I'm not trying to be hateful, but what exactly are you trying to accomplish, because you are giving me at least, some serious concerns about YOUR ability to make decisions in the best interests of your children.

Wiki Link:
Complex post-traumatic stress disorder - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

 

[mcwjjm]

I think she is capable of normal day-to-day decisions or else I would ask for supervised visitation. But she has shown that she makes terrible life decisions for herself and don't want that sort of decision-making to affect our children.

AkersTile - I addressed this question earlier.

 

[Proserpina]

AkersTile - I addressed this question earlier.

Sigh..I know you think you did. But honestly - you're not addressing these issues the way the court will expect.

I'm evidently not the only one who can see that you're in over your head. And we're not saying that out of any negativity towards you - if anything, what we (and I think I can speak for us all?) don't want to see is you sink yourself because you only think you know what you're doing.

 

[AkersTile]

Sigh..I know you think you did. But honestly - you're not addressing these issues the way the court will expect.

I'm evidently not the only one who can see that you're in over your head. And we're not saying that out of any negativity towards you - if anything, what we (and I think I can speak for us all?) don't want to see is you sink yourself because you only think you know what you're doing.

I second what Pro said.

And OP, I am aware that you answered that question earlier. If you read the link I provided, you would understand why I asked it again, because your answer does not coincide with what a typical parent would choose when dealing with the symptoms and problems associated with C-PTSD (not that it's a real diagnosis anyway, but that's ok).

 

[CJane]

So, you're NOT saying that whatever the event was happened 16 years ago and she should just be over it now, right?


Because it's not that simple.

And you're STILL going to have to explain to a court why Mom's 'terrible life decisions' affect her ability to make medical decisions for the children, but not decisions that affect their daily lives.

The money thing? The GAL can't present a report until she does the home studies. If the home studies aren't completed, she can't testify to anything other than the fact that she hasn't done a home study on Mom and can't testify to anything regarding the mother's home. Including the 'fact' that Mom is homeless - which she's not.

 

[Ohiogal]

Update: talked to defendant, she's still in residential and her case worker has no imminent release date. The GAL emailed her attorney and copied me that per her pre-trial duties is a home visit with the defendant [which is pointless since she's homeless] but based on the Motion she filed all fees must be paid prior to our hearing and in the email said she wouldn't conduct the home visit untill she's paid. Assuming she can't pay her end of our 50-50 arrangement [I'm paid up] and the GAL can't fulfill her duties what happens at our hearing, another continunance? And should she skip on her end of the payment, am I responsible for that as well? TIA.

If the GAL stated that in writing and is an attorney? Expect the GAL to find herself in trouble with the court if Mom's attorney makes a point of it. I dont' know what county this is in but every time a GAL has attempted that they have been met with extreme issues because there are ways to enforcing payment and GAL is required to do their duty.

 

[mistoffolees]

So, you're NOT saying that whatever the event was happened 16 years ago and she should just be over it now, right?


Because it's not that simple.

And you're STILL going to have to explain to a court why Mom's 'terrible life decisions' affect her ability to make medical decisions for the children, but not decisions that affect their daily lives.

The money thing? The GAL can't present a report until she does the home studies. If the home studies aren't completed, she can't testify to anything other than the fact that she hasn't done a home study on Mom and can't testify to anything regarding the mother's home. Including the 'fact' that Mom is homeless - which she's not.

I can't even imagine how OP could prove Mom to be OK on a day to day basis but not fit to make long term decisions. I just can't see how such a thing could ever be established.

Maybe if Mom had a disorder like in 50 First Dates?

 

[stealth2]

Is this the same mother? https://forum.freeadvice.com/child-custody-visitation-37/mom-expects-12-yo-son-pay-his-dinner-500961.html

Or did you choose badly more than once?

 

[mcwjjm]

I appreciate the replies. If I had all the answers I would be replying to posts instead of asking questions.

Trust me I have reservations... I know she loves her children and they her and it's in their best interest to continue visitation but her ongoing behavior does nothing but forces me to re-evaluate my position and how I should procede. Supervised visitation has not been raised by the GAL or any of the judges / magistrates to this point. I have a meeting today with their GAL and will ask her if she feels that should be considered. I'm also trying to meet with her doctors at the facility to get a grip on their assessment of her condition. If they won't speak to me I'll have the GAL investigate.

 

[stealth2]

I'm also trying to meet with her doctors at the facility to get a grip on their assessment of her condition. If they won't speak to me I'll have the GAL investigate.

They won't speak with you, so you may as well bypass that step.