My ex's parents insist on staying over

[Bulldog1]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? NY

I am in the middle of a divorce/child custody case with my ex. We both currently reside in my house which I own and the ex owns nothing of it, not even utilities. I do not get along with her parents bc they harass me for filing for custody. They came to "visit" during the Christmas break and they stayed for 3 weeks. This time they want to come for Easter to see my daughter. i told them they can visit her but cannot stay over my house and that staying at a hotel would be the better option. The ex and i have a court hearing in 2 days over custody and she got a temp order of protection against me for verbal abuse. She is claiming that bc we are married that she has the right to invite whichever guest that she wants over. What are my rights as a homeowner and what can i do to avoid them from staying in my house? thank you

 

[sandyclaus]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? NY

I am in the middle of a divorce/child custody case with my ex. We both currently reside in my house which I own and the ex owns nothing of it, not even utilities. I do not get along with her parents bc they harass me for filing for custody. They came to "visit" during the Christmas break and they stayed for 3 weeks. This time they want to come for Easter to see my daughter. i told them they can visit her but cannot stay over my house and that staying at a hotel would be the better option. The ex and i have a court hearing in 2 days over custody and she got a temp order of protection against me for verbal abuse. She is claiming that bc we are married that she has the right to invite whichever guest that she wants over. What are my rights as a homeowner and what can i do to avoid them from staying in my house? thank you

Regardless of whether or not your STBX has any ownership interest in the home, unless/until the matter is decided in the divorce, YOUR home is also the marital home. That means your STBX has every right to occupy and live in it, just the same as you. That ALSO means that she has the right to have her parents come and stay with her in the house during their upcoming visit - and there isn't a thing you can legally do to stop it.

If it's so darn uncomfortable for you, I suggest that you make other arrangements for a place to stay during the in-law visit.

 

[tuffbrk]

Hmmm... I would not leave my home or children. Why doesn't the stbx go visit with the parents this time around? If they insist on coming, I would completely and totally ignore them. Act as if they are not there. If they speak to you - walk on by. If you typically walk around in your boxers, do so.

I'll be honest and say that in fact, I'd make the stbx-in-laws as uncomfortable in my home, in my presence, as possible. It's not nice but your stbx isn't exactly being nice either. Your stbx cannot be bothered to honor your wishes during what is already a stressful and difficult time for the family unit and the children? Especially since you bit the bullet at Christmas time? Real thoughtful and mature. Clearly, they are expecting to continue to simply push you around. It's up to you, your level of maturity, your ability to retain your patience with them and the advice/guidance given by your attorney.

 

[Bali Hai]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? NY

I am in the middle of a divorce/child custody case with my ex. We both currently reside in my house which I own and the ex owns nothing of it, not even utilities. I do not get along with her parents bc they harass me for filing for custody. They came to "visit" during the Christmas break and they stayed for 3 weeks. This time they want to come for Easter to see my daughter. i told them they can visit her but cannot stay over my house and that staying at a hotel would be the better option. The ex and i have a court hearing in 2 days over custody and she got a temp order of protection against me for verbal abuse. She is claiming that bc we are married that she has the right to invite whichever guest that she wants over. What are my rights as a homeowner and what can i do to avoid them from staying in my house? thank you

She's right and her lawyer probably told her that. I know a NY couple where the wife moved her b/f into the marital home that HE owned and was still living there. The judge told the husband she had a right to do that.

A three week stay seems unreasonable. Do they eat alot?

 

[ecmst12]

She is correct, she can invite anyone she likes to be a guest in HER HOME whenever she wants. Now, if it was a boyfriend who was staying over, you might have an argument in court, but her parents? No way. I suggest you practice meditation and relaxation techniques to use while they are visiting.

 

[Antigone*]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? NY

I am in the middle of a divorce/child custody case with my ex. We both currently reside in my house which I own and the ex owns nothing of it, not even utilities. I do not get along with her parents bc they harass me for filing for custody. They came to "visit" during the Christmas break and they stayed for 3 weeks. This time they want to come for Easter to see my daughter. i told them they can visit her but cannot stay over my house and that staying at a hotel would be the better option. The ex and i have a court hearing in 2 days over custody and she got a temp order of protection against me for verbal abuse. She is claiming that bc we are married that she has the right to invite whichever guest that she wants over. What are my rights as a homeowner and what can i do to avoid them from staying in my house? thank you

The ex has every right to invite her parents to her home. Until a judge says otherwise, the home is "hers" as well (meaning you cannot as her to leave and you cannot tell her who to have as visitors).

 

[single317dad]

You could establish separate living area within the home, which if done correctly would be an area that the in-laws would not be welcome. However, it's much easier said than done, and the common sitcom resolution of duct tape down the center of the floor is not sufficient. Here's a list of things that are commonly recommended for same-house separations:

Establish, maintain and demonstrate intent to permanently separate. (In other words, you must be committed to the divorce. “Intent” is key.)
Establish separate bedrooms.
Cease romantic or sexual intimacy.
Stop wearing wedding rings.
Shop for your own food and prepare your own meals.
Do not shop for any other categories of items (clothing, other necessities, etc.) on behalf of your spouse.
Do not use your spouse’s food or other purchases.
Do not eat meals together (except holidays or children’s birthdays).
Care for and clean your own space within the home, such as your bedroom.
Do your own laundry.
Establish separate checking accounts.
Cease socializing (e.g. do not attend parties, movies, theater together).
Do not attend church together.
If you have young children, interact as parents only where strictly necessary from the children’s perspective and their well-being (e.g., it is appropriate to attend a meeting with a school official relative to problems confronting a particular child, but less appropriate for the parents to ride together and sit together at a child’s school play or soccer game).
Cease gift-giving between spouses for such occasions as birthdays, Christmas, anniversary, Valentine’s Day, etc.
Make it known to close associates and relatives that you and your spouse are separated within the residence, though continuing to reside under the same roof.
Have a third party come to the home from time to time to personally observe the your separate and distinct living quarters (bedrooms, bathrooms, etc.).
Use separate entrances to residence, if feasible.

 

[Isis1]

geez! no wonder she's divorcing you. you never accepted the fact that you were MARRIED. what is it with you thinking it's not HER home?

how about not being a mental oyster in front of your kids?

 

[sandyclaus]

geez! no wonder she's divorcing you. you never accepted the fact that you were MARRIED. what is it with you thinking it's not HER home?

how about not being a mental oyster in front of your kids?

What accompaniment goes best with mental oysters? And are they served raw and throbbing?

 

[Bulldog1]

These people like to push me around. Its 3 vs 1 as soon as i walk through the door. I forgot to mention that my mother is on the deed of my home. She agrees its not a good idea for them to stayover either because they like cause drama. They also bring their german shepherd over and i am severely allergic to it. The police said that i can have them removed if less than 30 days or then they can claim squatters rights. Like i said, they are welcome to visit my child for Easter but i wont let them occupy my house like they have previously. I should have the right to privacy inside my own home. No?

 

[Bali Hai]

You could establish separate living area within the home, which if done correctly would be an area that the in-laws would not be welcome. However, it's much easier said than done, and the common sitcom resolution of duct tape down the center of the floor is not sufficient. Here's a list of things that are commonly recommended for same-house separations:

That list is a bit cumbersome and certainly cannot be complied with before Easter.

Here is my list:

Do not shower or bath one week prior to the arrival or during the time period of the unwelcome stay.
Do not brush your teeth and be sure to get as close as possible to your "guests".
Eat plenty of garlic and beans. Drinking beer will enhance their effect. Be sure to mingle closely when the coctail starts working.

In other words, you need to convince them that the hotel is the best choice for them.

 

[Bali Hai]

These people like to push me around. Its 3 vs 1 as soon as i walk through the door. I forgot to mention that my mother is on the deed of my home. She agrees its not a good idea for them to stayover either because they like cause drama. They also bring their german shepherd over and i am severely allergic to it. The police said that i can have them removed if less than 30 days or then they can claim squatters rights. Like i said, they are welcome to visit my child for Easter but i wont let them occupy my house like they have previously. I should have the right to privacy inside my own home. No?

You need to give Chevy Chase a call.

 

[Bulldog1]

Ok, lets change the status for a minute. What if the ex and i were not legally married? Is this the same scenario?

 

[Proserpina]

Ok, lets change the status for a minute. What if the ex and i were not legally married? Is this the same scenario?

Are you or aren't you married?

 

[Antigone*]

If that is the case, then you are a liar AND you would have to legally evict her and YOUR kids. Only a tool would be so ... (I don't want to get a time out)