My husband hired a private investigator to take my pictures while doing something illegal before wanting to divorce, and wants full custody of our kid

[crovy]

(NY)
This month my husband told me that he wants to divorce, we were having some problems for the last couple of months so I agreed on it. But, he wants to take the full custody of our daughter. Obviously I don't want that, I never thought he would ask me for full custody because he works really long hours. He has very powerful connections, and money to afford best lawyers, and I don't.

We used to try schedule-1 drugs in the past, I was getting it from my friend, and he showed me pictures of me getting the drugs from my friend and while using it, then told me that he hired private investigator to take these pictures. The friend I was getting the drugs got arrested a few days ago. I also used to go to a therapist and he has proof for these things too. I literally don't have anything because I never thought about something like this. He is telling me that I should let him get the full custody in the court because he doesn't want to make this harder for me. He told me that if I ever try to resist, with those pictures I'm going to lose the custody as I may even go to a jail for selling/giving him drugs. Technically I gave him the drugs, but we together decided to try it. I feel like I have zero chance of getting the custody of my daughter, even I may go to the jail...

I will go to a lawyer tomorrow, but before going to her I just wanted to get the opinions of other people with legal knowledge. Any advice would be appreciated.

 

[quincy]

(NY)
This month my husband told me that he wants to divorce, we were having some problems for the last couple of months so I agreed on it. But, he wants to take the full custody of our daughter. Obviously I don't want that, I never thought he would ask me for full custody because he works really long hours. He has very powerful connections, and money to afford best lawyers, and I don't.

We used to try schedule-1 drugs in the past, I was getting it from my friend, and he showed me pictures of me getting the drugs from my friend and while using it, then told me that he hired private investigator to take these pictures. The friend I was getting the drugs got arrested a few days ago. I also used to go to a therapist and he has proof for these things too. I literally don't have anything because I never thought about something like this. He is telling me that I should let him get the full custody in the court because he doesn't want to make this harder for me. He told me that if I ever try to resist, with those pictures I'm going to lose the custody as I may even go to a jail for selling/giving him drugs. Technically I gave him the drugs, but we together decided to try it. I feel like I have zero chance of getting the custody of my daughter, even I may go to the jail...

I will go to a lawyer tomorrow, but before going to her I just wanted to get the opinions of other people with legal knowledge. Any advice would be appreciated.

You need a lawyer if you are hoping for custody of your child (and to help you defend against the possibility of drug charges). Based on what you’ve said here, a court could very well decide your soon-to-be ex-husband would be the better custodial parent.

 

[adjusterjack]

He has very powerful connections, and money to afford best lawyers

People with powerful connections and lots of money have dirty secrets, guaranteed. Hire a private investigator to get dirt on him.

 

[Just Blue]

(NY)
This month my husband told me that he wants to divorce, we were having some problems for the last couple of months so I agreed on it. But, he wants to take the full custody of our daughter. Obviously I don't want that, I never thought he would ask me for full custody because he works really long hours. He has very powerful connections, and money to afford best lawyers, and I don't.

We used to try schedule-1 drugs in the past, I was getting it from my friend, and he showed me pictures of me getting the drugs from my friend and while using it, then told me that he hired private investigator to take these pictures. The friend I was getting the drugs got arrested a few days ago. I also used to go to a therapist and he has proof for these things too. I literally don't have anything because I never thought about something like this. He is telling me that I should let him get the full custody in the court because he doesn't want to make this harder for me. He told me that if I ever try to resist, with those pictures I'm going to lose the custody as I may even go to a jail for selling/giving him drugs. Technically I gave him the drugs, but we together decided to try it. I feel like I have zero chance of getting the custody of my daughter, even I may go to the jail...

I will go to a lawyer tomorrow, but before going to her I just wanted to get the opinions of other people with legal knowledge. Any advice would be appreciated.

What specific drugs are/were you doing?
Where was your daughter while you were doing these drugs?
How often do/did you do drugs?
How old is your daughter?

 

[crovy]

What specific drugs are/were you doing?
Where was your daughter while you were doing these drugs?
How often do/did you do drugs?
How old is your daughter?

Psychedelics.
She was staying with her grandparents in an another city.
4-5 times a year, for fun.
She is 7.

 

[Just Blue]

Psychedelics.
She was staying with her grandparents in an another city.
4-5 times a year, for fun.
She is 7.

I strongly suggest you permanently stop any and all illegal drug use and hire an attorney.

https://nysba.org/

 

[not2cleverRed]

Psychedelics.
She was staying with her grandparents in an another city.
4-5 times a year, for fun.
She is 7.

1) Get an initial consult with at least 3 lawyers before deciding on one. Talk to real people as opposed to reading glowing reviews.
2) If you haven't stopped taking drugs, do. If he tries to "make up" and asks you to procure more, tell him to get his own. Stop associating with drug dealers.
3) He has had these photos for awhile. If he really thought you were a danger to your child, why hasn't he "rescued" his child from being left unsupervised with an "unfit parent"? If he has not sought to 'protect" his child, then he is unfit too. A competent lawyer can argue that point.

 

[Ohiogal]

You need a lawyer if you are hoping for custody of your child (and to help you defend against the possibility of drug charges). Based on what you’ve said here, a court could very well decide your soon-to-be ex-husband would be the better custodial parent.

Or the court could decide that both parents are drug users and the child could end up foster care. After all hubby is blackmailing OP ... He used them as well. He is no saint.

 

[zddoodah]

He has . . . money to afford best lawyers, and I don't.

First, Nevada is a community property state, so why do you think he has money and you don't? Second, if what you meant is that significant community property is kept in one or more accounts to which you don't have access, then the first things you should address in the divorce are access to the account(s) and seeking an order that requires your husband to pay your attorneys' fees.

I will go to a lawyer tomorrow, but before going to her I just wanted to get the opinions of other people with legal knowledge.

The drug issues aren't a good thing, and you don't need opinions from anonymous strangers on the internet before consulting with an attorney.

 

[not2cleverRed]

First, Nevada is a community property state, so why do you think he has money and you don't? Second, if what you meant is that significant community property is kept in one or more accounts to which you don't have access, then the first things you should address in the divorce are access to the account(s) and seeking an order that requires your husband to pay your attorneys' fees.



The drug issues aren't a good thing, and you don't need opinions from anonymous strangers on the internet before consulting with an attorney.

OP is in New York, not Nevada.

New York is not a community property state.

 

[zddoodah]

OP is in New York, not Nevada.

Mea culpa.

 

[stealth2]

Additional thoughts to discuss with the lawyer...

Regardless of how casual your drug use may be/have been, perhaps it would be worthwhile to consider some type of rehab (sounds like outpatient would likely suffice). Or, at a minimum, NA/similar.

Also, in terms of his future use of the photos... If he uses them *this* time, they will be useless in the future (assuming you don't give him further ammo with future provable use). And if he *doesn't* use them this time? They will be relatively useless the more time goes by (ditto wrt additional ammo).

 

[FarmerJ]

I suspect you may want to look into having a drug use evaluation done and yes as the others suggested consulting a lawyer , you also may have to consider split 50/50 custody and let him deal with adjusting his schedule so that on any week he has the child he will have to plan for a lighter work schedule and then go extremely heavy on weeks that the child is with you. Talk to your Attorney about the possibility that you may have to have a few random drug test in your future.

 

[AlmostThere]

How long has it been since you last used drugs? Since your husband last used drugs?

 

[not2cleverRed]

@crovy please answer people's questions - you've been checking in every day but not replying.