My report to be ignored due to underage drinking

[Jenna93]

I live in NY. I am 18 years old and Friday I went over to a guy I was dating house. I known him since I was a kid, so he wasn't just a random guy. Anyway, he gave me two small alcohol drinks. He's not underage, he is in his 30s. Anyway, I got so wasted. I still don't remember much about that night, but I know he had sex with me because I remember trying to push him off and he grabbed my wrist, but that is all I remember.

I went to the police the day after to report it, and they gave me a speech about underage drinking. They barely listened to my report. They didn't charge me with underage drinking or anything, but they should have a least listened to me. Is this even legal? Is there another way to get my report across?

 

[CdwJava]

You can always go back and try to report it again. Maybe speak to someone else - a detective, or a supervisor.

But, here's the problem ... you are of legal age, you were drinking, the guy is someone with whom you admittedly have a dating relationship with, and the guy will say that any sexual activity was consensual. Unless you were a virgin until the night you went over there, or there is some physical evidence of forced sexual assault, this is a case that will be extremely difficult to pursue.

That being said, there are ways to make such a case, but they include slim odds. So, you might want to go speak to the police again. Perhaps consider writing out your whole statement ahead of time. That could mean less work for them and could make the issue a little easier on them if they are looking at this as a dog of a case to begin with.

 

[sandyclaus]

I live in NY. I am 18 years old and Friday I went over to a guy I was dating house. I known him since I was a kid, so he wasn't just a random guy. Anyway, he gave me two small alcohol drinks. He's not underage, he is in his 30s. Anyway, I got so wasted. I still don't remember much about that night, but I know he had sex with me because I remember trying to push him off and he grabbed my wrist, but that is all I remember.

I went to the police the day after to report it, and they gave me a speech about underage drinking. They barely listened to my report. They didn't charge me with underage drinking or anything, but they should have a least listened to me. Is this even legal? Is there another way to get my report across?

When you drink that much that you are out of control of yourself, it's difficult to know what did and did not happen. I mean, how can you be so sure you actually had sex? You say you remember pushing him off and him grabbing your wrist, but because you were so blitzed, you can't say for sure what happened after that. For all you know, the guy may have just backed off. Your alcohol consumption that that excess gives enough reasonable doubt that anything actually happened. Add in the fact that you were over the legal age of consent, and that this person was someone you were dating, and the waters get even muddier.

I suppose you could push the issue, as Carl has suggested; however, do not expect the police to do much more than take a report. It would be highly unlikely that the guy would be prosecuted or even charged. Additionally, you would basically be admitting that you were a minor in possession of and under the influence of alcohol, which could also open YOU up to criminal charges (they can charge you for a certain period of time after the actual crime occurred).

If you are so certain you were sexually assaulted, and need someone to listen, I suggest you find a good counselor or therapist and have a few sessions. In addition, you may want to address the reasons you allowed yourself to get so totally drunk that you allowed yourself to be put in such a potentially dangerous and compromising position. But I'm pretty sure that any chance for criminal charges against this guy would be slim to none.

 

[Jenna93]

You can always go back and try to report it again. Maybe speak to someone else - a detective, or a supervisor.

But, here's the problem ... you are of legal age, you were drinking, the guy is someone with whom you admittedly have a dating relationship with, and the guy will say that any sexual activity was consensual. Unless you were a virgin until the night you went over there, or there is some physical evidence of forced sexual assault, this is a case that will be extremely difficult to pursue.

That being said, there are ways to make such a case, but they include slim odds. So, you might want to go speak to the police again. Perhaps consider writing out your whole statement ahead of time. That could mean less work for them and could make the issue a little easier on them if they are looking at this as a dog of a case to begin with.

Yeah, I was a virgin, and the only physically thing I have is my wrists are bruise.

 

[Jenna93]

When you drink that much that you are out of control of yourself, it's difficult to know what did and did not happen. I mean, how can you be so sure you actually had sex? You say you remember pushing him off and him grabbing your wrist, but because you were so blitzed, you can't say for sure what happened after that. For all you know, the guy may have just backed off. Your alcohol consumption that that excess gives enough reasonable doubt that anything actually happened. Add in the fact that you were over the legal age of consent, and that this person was someone you were dating, and the waters get even muddier.

I suppose you could push the issue, as Carl has suggested; however, do not expect the police to do much more than take a report. It would be highly unlikely that the guy would be prosecuted or even charged. Additionally, you would basically be admitting that you were a minor in possession of and under the influence of alcohol, which could also open YOU up to criminal charges (they can charge you for a certain period of time after the actual crime occurred).

If you are so certain you were sexually assaulted, and need someone to listen, I suggest you find a good counselor or therapist and have a few sessions. In addition, you may want to address the reasons you allowed yourself to get so totally drunk that you allowed yourself to be put in such a potentially dangerous and compromising position. But I'm pretty sure that any chance for criminal charges against this guy would be slim to none.

It was my first time drinking...I didnt think 2 drinks would make me drunk. But yeah, I am pretty sure had sex with me. I just want to report this and move on.

 

[justalayman]

make sure to make the bruising known to the police. You should have gone to the hospital for a rape exam as well. There would be more proof found then. In fact, contact the hospital now and inquire as whether it is too late to do an exam now. There could be bruising and tearing if you were raped.

The issue of being a virgin does not actually prove anything but it does tend to show the you do not sleep around. The problem is unless you had a very recent pelvic exam where the doctor noted your hymen was intact and a exam now proves it isn't, there is nothing to prove your claim.

to sandyclaus: being drunk is not a ride for free ticket for the guy. In fact, being drunk makes it more likely it is rape since in some situations, a drunk person is incapable of providing consent. I would also wonder if the OP was drugged. Two small drinks is not a lot of booze, especially if the OP does drink regularly.

 

[ecmst12]

Did you go to the hospital to be tested for drugs right after this happened? If he slipped you something, they might have found it in your system the next day. Now, it's long gone. If you really only had 2 drinks, you might have been drunk, but you shouldn't have blacked out. Go to a rape crisis center. They will be able to help you more.

 

[Jenna93]

make sure to make the bruising known to the police. You should have gone to the hospital for a rape exam as well. There would be more proof found then. In fact, contact the hospital now and inquire as whether it is too late to do an exam now. There could be bruising and tearing if you were raped.

The issue of being a virgin does not actually prove anything but it does tend to show the you do not sleep around. The problem is unless you had a very recent pelvic exam where the doctor noted your hymen was intact and a exam now proves it isn't, there is nothing to prove your claim.

to sandyclaus: being drunk is not a ride for free ticket for the guy. In fact, being drunk makes it more likely it is rape since in some situations, a drunk person is incapable of providing consent. I would also wonder if the OP was drugged. Two small drinks is not a lot of booze, especially if the OP does drink regularly.

Okay, I will call in a few minutes. I dont think I was drugged though. I dont drink and my friend just told me that alcohol affects people differently depending on weight and height, so yeah I dont think I was drugged.

 

[CdwJava]

Yeah, I was a virgin, and the only physically thing I have is my wrists are bruise.

Have you seen a doctor? Is there a recent exam that might show you were a virgin up until recently?

Have you considered seeing a doctor for a rape exam? If you see a doctor or a hospital for the exam, they will almost certainly have to notify the police. The problem might be that you could have to absorb the cost for the exam if the police don't start it.

The police should have taken at least those steps with the allegation, but something about what was told to them may have made them dismissive of the incident. Perhaps you were unsure, or did not want anything done to him when you spoke to the police. But, as I previously mentioned, if you want to make the report, you should go back and speak to someone else at the department and insist on making a report for sexual assault.

 

[Jenna93]

Have you seen a doctor? Is there a recent exam that might show you were a virgin up until recently?

Have you considered seeing a doctor for a rape exam? If you see a doctor or a hospital for the exam, they will almost certainly have to notify the police. The problem might be that you could have to absorb the cost for the exam if the police don't start it.

The police should have taken at least those steps with the allegation, but something about what was told to them may have made them dismissive of the incident. Perhaps you were unsure, or did not want anything done to him when you spoke to the police. But, as I previously mentioned, if you want to make the report, you should go back and speak to someone else at the department and insist on making a report for sexual assault.

No, no recent exam can prove I was a virgin, but I'll take your advice and go again. But when I told the police I was still confuse about everything, so I guess that could have been the main reason.

 

[las365]

Jenna, you were raped and it was NOT your fault. Whether or not you were a virgin, whether you knew or dated the man, and whether you voluntarily had a drink are irrelevant. It sounds likely that you were drugged. Take a look at this: http://criminaljustice.state.ny.us/ofpa/pdfdocs/dfsaalertsheet.pdf

There is also more info here: http://www.svfreenyc.org/survivors_emergency.html

sandyclaus, your post is reprehensible and ignorant. Blaming and shaming a rape victim and then trying to scare her with the idea that she could face criminal prosecution for underage drinking if she reports the rape? That just makes my blood boil. Shame on YOU.

 

[CdwJava]

Jenna, you were raped and it was NOT your fault. Whether or not you were a virgin, whether you knew or dated the man, and whether you voluntarily had a drink are irrelevant.

In a real sense - and a moral one, you are correct. From a legal standpoint all of these can and will be issues the prosecution will have to deal with. There is a lot of reasonable doubt in such a case, so the prosecution has to build a picture that leads the jury to believe the defendant took advantage of her. These are not easy cases, and the position Sandyclaus presented is one that many juries might see as well. The only advantage to a jury being convinced that she was so drunk (or drugged) would be that they might also believe that the victim was incapable of giving consent. And the victim can be more sympathetic if she does not have a sexual history and does not have a history of drugs or alcohol.

This will not be an easy case to make. And it will be all but impossible if much more time passes with out a rape exam. Already it is likely that physical evidence is gone. If the victim showered or washed her clothes, or the suspect has done the same, then evidence is already gone. And the physical exam becomes less reliable as evidence as time goes on. It seems that about 24 hours have passed already, so there is still time for that.

Jenna, you might consider contacting a rape crisis counselor or domestic violence advocated ASAP. They might know what buttons to push or who to call to get action now.

 

[las365]

cdw, I know you are correct about the difficulties of prosecuting rape cases and appreciate your professional and reasoned discussion about it. Your comments do not demean or blame our OP for what happened (which is what ticked me off about the other poster).

 

[Jenna93]

Jenna, you were raped and it was NOT your fault. Whether or not you were a virgin, whether you knew or dated the man, and whether you voluntarily had a drink are irrelevant. It sounds likely that you were drugged. Take a look at this: http://criminaljustice.state.ny.us/ofpa/pdfdocs/dfsaalertsheet.pdf

There is also more info here: http://www.svfreenyc.org/survivors_emergency.html

sandyclaus, your post is reprehensible and ignorant. Blaming and shaming a rape victim and then trying to scare her with the idea that she could face criminal prosecution for underage drinking if she reports the rape? That just makes my blood boil. Shame on YOU.

Thank you. But I seriously just want to report this and try to not let it effect me. I dont want to deal with the court process though.

 

[CdwJava]

Thank you. But I seriously just want to report this and try to not let it effect me. I dont want to deal with the court process though.

Unfortunately, a rape case will involve you greatly in the court process. As you are the only witness to the crime, you will likely have to appear at least twice at trial (once at a preliminary hearing if it is required, and then at trial), and you will be interviewed on the case multiple times, to be certain.

And even if there is no trial, this WILL effect you. You may not think about it now, but it WILL come into play as it is likely already swirling about in your subconscious right now, but you are simply keeping it under raps. You will almost certainly need the services of a therapist and the sooner you get into counseling, the better for you.

Now, get on the phone and start trying to get a hold of DV advocates or a rape crisis center so that they can help you get this to the police, and get you set up with services.