My rights as a father

[Jackm20]

So in a scenario where my child has already been born and the mother will not let me see the baby, I go to court and file paternity with DNA test and they rule I am the father. Then what's next? Given the information that she has assualted me (police were involved, I filed a report and she admitted to it to the 911 operator and on police body cam) and threatened me with not being able to see my child over texts (of which I've kept) while all along I've been consistently pushing that we both need to get along and be good parents (all messeges saved). How do you think the courts may rule? We both have about the same income except I have full benefits (medical, dental, vision, retirement, life insurance) she does not. Her credit is better than mine but I own a home (in another state) with no mortgage and currently live in a house in NH (renting) alone. I have a nursery here and all supplies needed .As stated before the mother currently lives with 2 other adult roommates. As for criminal records none for both of us. She says I'm an alcoholic but it's not true, we drank together not just me. In fact I quit drinking all together 3 weeks ago when someone told me that she's been saying I'm an alcoholic and that she'll tell the courts that. Not true. Can I demand a hair follicle test for both of us during family court? I do not use drugs, she has smoked pot through the entire pregnancy and did heavier drugs before she got pregnant. I honestly think that's what pushed her over the edge, not being able to do what she wanted to after getting pregnant. The stop of the drugs plus the hormones together could really reek havoc on the brain. Thoughts?
If you have any questions for me feel free to ask. Thank you

 

[Just Blue]

This advice is not based in medical fact or law and is beyond over the top.

There is a shelter order in NH. And I would bet my last dollar that the child's pedi would recommend to mom to not have any visitors for the near future.

 

[Jackm20]

One thing that has been bothering me is that when she assualted me, I should not have had to press charges. The state should have. I know if I had been the one that hit her then I would have been going to jail that night. Instead the police asked me to leave my own home, the officer said I didn't have to leave because I lived there but he would appreciate it if I would. So I did. Is this how family court works too?

 

[stealth2]

Once you're legally declared the father, you'll need to file for custody/parenting time and child support. I, personally, don't know if that can be done at the same time as paternity - I'm sure someone will be able to clarify.

In terms of what the court will rule? Her drug use prior to pregnancy will have little impact - you were aware and still found her to be an acceptable mother for your child. Other than that... it's impossible to tell. It's unlikely that you would get physical custody, but you could potentially get joint physical, joint legal (decision making) is generally a given under the circumstances you describe. Parenting time would depend a fair bit on how well you can co-parent, and other factors you should research. You might consider consulting with a lawyer.

 

[not2cleverRed]

This advice is not based in medical fact or law and is beyond over the top.

OP is in NH.

That is the current medical advice: maintain social distance. Even for babies and children.

The advice is also current legal advice: maintain social distance. Even for children playing in their own back yard.

But hey, there's also the issue of OP and his ex having domestic violence issues. It's over the top to suggest that OP should ignore that.

 

[not2cleverRed]

One thing that has been bothering me is that when she assualted me, I should not have had to press charges. The state should have. I know if I had been the one that hit her then I would have been going to jail that night. Instead the police asked me to leave my own home, the officer said I didn't have to leave because I lived there but he would appreciate it if I would. So I did. Is this how family court works too?

In an ideal world, you are correct about charges. In real life, sometimes some minimize the seriousness of such allegations.

Keep your nose clean, take the high road, and do everything methodically by the book. Sometimes life is unfair. But you can help your child doing what you can, to the extent that you can, in your child's "best interests". Who knows, maybe things will work out, and you'll be able to co-parent with mom.

 

[LdiJ]

This advice is not based in medical fact or law and is beyond over the top.

Why do you think it is over the top? Its reality. A six week old baby DID die of the coronavirus, and it IS unsafe to go to a hospital at this time, unless its absolutely necessary.

 

[Jackm20]

So in NH just one of the many things taken in consideration is that it's in the "best interest of the child to be in the care of a parent that wants both parents in the child's life". This makes perfect sense to me, as I fear that at this point mom will be brainwashing daughter to be against me. That is not in the child's best interest, I feel like my reaching out and standing my ground on wanting to put our differences aside and be on the same team is going to work in my favor. I hope I will be able to have my child half the week and her the other half but we will see. I also feel like the domestic violence situation may also help my case. I'll keep my hopes up that she will come to terms with the fact that we are both in this for the long haul and It would be best for everyone to work together. I'll continue to prepare myself for the worst while hoping for the best. Bless all....

 

[Eekamouse]

So in NH just one of the many things taken in consideration is that it's in the "best interest of the child to be in the care of a parent that wants both parents in the child's life". This makes perfect sense to me, as I fear that at this point mom will be brainwashing daughter to be against me. That is not in the child's best interest, I feel like my reaching out and standing my ground on wanting to put our differences aside and be on the same team is going to work in my favor. I hope I will be able to have my child half the week and her the other half but we will see. I'll keep my hopes up that she will come to terms with the fact that we are both in this for the long haul and It would be best for everyone to work together. I'll continue to prepare myself for the worst while hoping for the best. Bless all....

It's pretty hard to brainwash a newborn. They don't pop into the world knowing language.

 

[Jackm20]

It's pretty hard to brainwash a newborn. They don't pop into the world knowing language.

I agree but down the road it is possible. It's actually common

 

[Just Blue]

I agree but down the road it is possible. It's actually common

If you are a steady and positive role model your child will not be negatively affected. Stop assuming that Mom will be vile.

 

[Jackm20]

Actually the last time we talked mom had said that, "now we are going to be bring a child into this world and dragging her through hell because we can't get along."
To which I responded, " If you want to drag our child through hell then that is totally on you. I want to work together and get along and I'm not going to use our child as tool. We made our bed now we got to sleep in it."
That was the last conversation, no word since then 2 months ago. I have every right to be worried, because I care. I want to be a good father, it means everything to me.

 

[Jackm20]

If you are a steady and positive role model your child will not be negatively affected. Stop assuming that Mom will be vile.

I am trying and hoping things will pan out. I'm just scared that's all, and want to be prepared for the worst. I'm getting my ducks in a row, I'm preparing for whatever situation presents itself. While I am hoping for the best.

 

[commentator]

If this man were my friend, I would very seriously advise him to pull away. If the mother wants to see him, hear from him, talk to him, let her be the one who chooses to do so. Honesty, he sounds away too over-eager, and the more he pushes, the harder she will pull away. It sounds as though she is conflicted about this relationship and becoming a mother, and being pursued, ordered, pushed, anything like that will keep it from being her choice and decision is going to drive her away from him, rather than getting her to cooperate and work with him.

 

[LdiJ]

So in NH just one of the many things taken in consideration is that it's in the "best interest of the child to be in the care of a parent that wants both parents in the child's life".

Where does that come from? It doesn't sound like it comes from any statutes or guidelines.

This makes perfect sense to me, as I fear that at this point mom will be brainwashing daughter to be against me.

As someone already said, you are years away from that being a possibility.

I feel like my reaching out and standing my ground on wanting to put our differences aside and be on the same team is going to work in my favor.

Right now it makes you look like a stalker. You need to completely leave her alone until after the baby is born, and then go the legal route.

I hope I will be able to have my child half the week and her the other half but we will see.

That is a horrible schedule for a newborn. Maybe once your child is a toddler and you ease the child into it, but for a newborn that's not good.

I also feel like the domestic violence situation may also help my case. I'll keep my hopes up that she will come to terms with the fact that we are both in this for the long haul and It would be best for everyone to work together. I'll continue to prepare myself for the worst while hoping for the best. Bless all....

Again, leave her alone until after the baby is born and then go the legal route. From the way that you talk you are bordering on stalking and harassment and that is not going to help you.