My son leaving the state at 17?

[sacogirl]

You realize that's a signature line, right?

That it's not directed at you?

Lol.. yes.. I did realize that.. but thought it pertained to the situation.

 

[sacogirl]

Oh, I don't know. It might be.

IS it "reasonable" to call the cops on one's 17 y.o., report him as a "runaway," when he is actually with his father and attending a family funeral?

How do I "actually" know that that is where he is going if his father will not answer my calls or speak to me? Therein lies my point... and problem.

 

[sacogirl]

And you don't trust your 17 year old to pick up the cell phone in HIS pocket because?

Hmmmm... Perhaps he's lying to me in the first place??!!! Perhaps not. BUT... I wouldn't even KNOW, because I am unable to speak with an adult that I am told by my son is to be the one taking care of him while he's there and I am unable to CONFIRM that the truth is being told.

Why is that concept so hard for some of you to grasp?

 

[Proserpina]

How do I "actually" know that that is where he is going if his father will not answer my calls or speak to me? Therein lies my point... and problem.

Give him the prepaid cheapo cellphone, and check the obituaries. You know she died, right? So, where else would he be going? Who bought the ticket?

What about giving your almost-adult son a bit of trust?

If he doesn't call, deal with it when he gets home..y'know?

 

[sacogirl]

And you don't trust your 17 year old to pick up the cell phone in HIS pocket because?

Look.. I don't know any of you and you don't know me or my family or anything that we've been through. I am simply a concerned parent, trying to do my job, or the best job that I can do as a parent because I love and care about my child so much.

So I come here, hoping to find out a little information regarding my rights as a parent, and instead of getting any concrete legal advice...

I get QUESTIONED about irrelevant details such as the one quoted above, that have nothing to do with my question, which was in essence, "what are my rights as a parent in this situation"

I get ADVISED AS A PARENT on how I should handle the situation with my child..."you do realize that is a lost cause, right? when the child is 18, dad has an even less incentive to ever speak to you. it's a bit late in the game to insist on co-parenting NOW. pick your battles, mom. you don't have many left before the war is totally lost.
either you trust your son, and let him go. or not trust him and don't allow him to go."

I get CRITICIZED for my concern as a parent, "Sometimes I sit and read (or listen at work) to people rant and rave about why their exes won't speak to them and think....

you wonder why????

This is one of those moments."

BUT....
I sure as heck didn't get an ANSWER TO MY QUESTION.

Are you folks able to read, or do you just skim through the posts and start writing about whatever suits you?

Honestly, if I just let my son go and something happened to him or was found to be responsible for hurting someone else or committing a crime or whatever, while he was gone, and I came here looking for advice, I would bet money that what I would get are accusations about being an irresponsible parent, judgment about not caring about my son and his welfare, and criticism for god only knows what else.

He may be 17 but, legally, he is a minor and ULTIMATELY, I am still RESPONSIBLE FOR HIM AND HIS ACTIONS, when he is with me as well as when he isn't.

A parent just can't win, these days. The one's that care and actively participate in their child's lives and hold them accountable and expect them to be respectful and responsible get spanked by folks like you and the ones that could care less and don't pay their children any mind at all, no doubt...get spanked too.

Thanks a million everyone for your support, your encouragement for being a caring, loving, responsible mother, and mostly for any legal advice or knowledge. Oh, WAIT... I didn't get any of that! lol

 

[sacogirl]

Give him the prepaid cheapo cellphone, and check the obituaries. You know she died, right? So, where else would he be going? Who bought the ticket?

What about giving your almost-adult son a bit of trust?

If he doesn't call, deal with it when he gets home..y'know?

Yeah, sure.. whatever.. let's not be proactive.. let's just let the damage be done and worry about damage control later, when it's too late.

And.. as I've stated many times. I do not KNOW that she died. I do not KNOW where she lived. I do not KNOW, because my sons father has not talked to me or confirmed anything. GET IT?

 

[Isis1]

Yeah, sure.. whatever.. let's not be proactive.. let's just let the damage be done and worry about damage control later, when it's too late.

And.. as I've stated many times. I do not KNOW that she died. I do not KNOW where she lived. I do not KNOW, because my sons father has not talked to me or confirmed anything. GET IT?

er, mom, if your job as a parent hasn't set in by NOW, it's never going to get there. your son is almost an adult. he should have been already trained as a man since he was 16.

 

[Proserpina]

Yeah, sure.. whatever.. let's not be proactive.. let's just let the damage be done and worry about damage control later, when it's too late.

And.. as I've stated many times. I do not KNOW that she died. I do not KNOW where she lived. I do not KNOW, because my sons father has not talked to me or confirmed anything. GET IT?

So who paid for his plane tickets?

And upon what basis?

(and please - knock off the attitude. Seriously)

 

[stealth2]

Wow. Glad I don't have trust issues like this with my teens. (And btw - I haven't spoken with my ex in quite a number of years.) I know where their tickets say they're going (plane, train and bus - different occasions, to different places). They've never given me cause to believe that they'd go off somewhere else instead, but perhaps you've had that problem.

ETA... Part of the problem, OP, is that you're coming across as somewhat hysterical. IS there a reason you believe your son is lying to you? Where do you think he is actually going to go? Legally? Sure, you could refuse to let him go. But understand that it may well have far-reaching consequences to your relationship with your son.

When I see posts like yours, I tend to look beyond the initial question and wonder what has led to it being asked. As most people will, I go by my frame of reference - which is parent to two teens (nearly 16 and recently 18) who have taken a fair number of trips (by several different modes of transportation) on their own. And I find it difficult to understand, based on nothing more than your ex won't call you, where your distrust of your child is coming from. If there is a history of his taking off, lying about where he's going, etc., I could see the concern. But I also would kind of think that - if there was such a history - you would have said so. Without that, as a parent having been in similar circumstances, I do not understand your reaction. At all. Sorry.