My wife has Bi-Polar - Can ex-wife use this?

[2Mistakes]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? MS

Hello all. Ex-wife still threatens constantly to file for custody, but has yet to actually do so.

Yesterday, my wife was diagnosed with bi-polar disorder. Forgive me, as I don't know much about this condition. I'm researching, and I have an appointment with my wife's therapist tomorrow to get a little more knowledge about what bi-polar is, how it affects a family, etc.

Anyways, I don't think my wife is really all that bad. She has been deemed to not be a danger to herself or others. She still takes very good care of the kids.

She recently went on an anti-depressant, and that sent her on a tailspin and whacked her out. She started having very noticeable mood swings, started eating complusively (a half dozen choc. glazed doughnuts and a tub of cookie dough EVERY morning for breakfast). She also started shopping compulsively and impulsively, and hiding it from me. All told, she spent close to $10,000 in 3 weeks. She and I have taken all but about $1000 of the stuff back for refunds. Some of it was not returnable.

Yesterday morning, she and I talked, and she acknowledged that she needs help. She and I went to the behavioral health hospital here (basically a mental hospital) and she had an assessment. They determined that she did not require in-patient treatment, but that she does need out-patient care.

They immediately got us in with the psychiatrist, who did a psych eval (4 hours, ink blot test, IQ test, other tests, etc.) and he made the diagnosis of bi-polar disorder. There is also a strong family history in both her mom and dad's sides of bi-polar. Her sister also has bi-polar.

The psychiatrist has put her on Prozac, Lamictal, and Klonapin, with Xanax as needed for stronger anxiety and panic attacks.

She met briefly with the therapist, and she and I are meeting with the therapist tomorrow.

So, my question is:

If my ex-wife finds out that my wife has been diagnosed with bi-polar disorder, can she use that to file for custody? Can that be considered an COC?

 

[Isis1]

how is it affecting the children?

my two cents? nothing you have stated says change of circumstance. left untreated, then mybe it can be a problem. but if nothing has happened yet, and she is now getting treated, then you're fine.

 

[RRevak]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? MS

Hello all. Ex-wife still threatens constantly to file for custody, but has yet to actually do so.

Yesterday, my wife was diagnosed with bi-polar disorder. Forgive me, as I don't know much about this condition. I'm researching, and I have an appointment with my wife's therapist tomorrow to get a little more knowledge about what bi-polar is, how it affects a family, etc.

Anyways, I don't think my wife is really all that bad. She has been deemed to not be a danger to herself or others. She still takes very good care of the kids.

She recently went on an anti-depressant, and that sent her on a tailspin and whacked her out. She started having very noticeable mood swings, started eating complusively (a half dozen choc. glazed doughnuts and a tub of cookie dough EVERY morning for breakfast). She also started shopping compulsively and impulsively, and hiding it from me. All told, she spent close to $10,000 in 3 weeks. She and I have taken all but about $1000 of the stuff back for refunds. Some of it was not returnable.

Yesterday morning, she and I talked, and she acknowledged that she needs help. She and I went to the behavioral health hospital here (basically a mental hospital) and she had an assessment. They determined that she did not require in-patient treatment, but that she does need out-patient care.

They immediately got us in with the psychiatrist, who did a psych eval (4 hours, ink blot test, IQ test, other tests, etc.) and he made the diagnosis of bi-polar disorder. There is also a strong family history in both her mom and dad's sides of bi-polar. Her sister also has bi-polar.

The psychiatrist has put her on Prozac, Lamictal, and Klonapin, with Xanax as needed for stronger anxiety and panic attacks.

She met briefly with the therapist, and she and I are meeting with the therapist tomorrow.

So, my question is:

If my ex-wife finds out that my wife has been diagnosed with bi-polar disorder, can she use that to file for custody? Can that be considered an COC?

As long as her BP is managed properly and she isnt deemed a danger to herself or anyone else then I see no reason to worry about a COC. Unless she begins to exhibit dangerous symptoms such as suicidal ideations or extreme aggression towards others ( could see that as being an arguement for the children being in a potentially harmful environment) you should be fine. I'm EXTREMELY knowledgable in both BP1 and BP2 if you have any questions. Oh, my huge word of advice is to be very very careful about the medications your wife is taking and definatly do your research on each and every one of them, including their interactions with other medications. In come occasions, a simply drug interaction can greatly enhance symptoms of BP Mania therefore making the situation much worse than it actually is. Talk with her and her therapist and make very sure that both you and your wife are proactive in her care and treatment. Sometimes these doctors are so pressured by companies to prescribe that they tend to forget that these are actual people they are treating.

 

[TheGeekess]

2M, I have had problems with Major Depression for the last 20 years. I had several hospitalizations before I had The Child. I have been involved in therapy and medicated for these 20 years. I dare anyone to try to take The Child from my home because of my depression diagnosis. As long as I continue my meds and therapy, then I am maintaining and nobody can say nada.

 

[Ohiogal]

Treated Bi Polar is NOT an issue. Untreated bipolar that is not endangering the child is not an issue. Just make sure your wife keeps on her treatment. It is rough going when medications are first started for many people.

 

[2Mistakes]

2M, I have had problems with Major Depression for the last 20 years. I had several hospitalizations before I had The Child. I have been involved in therapy and medicated for these 20 years. I dare anyone to try to take The Child from my home because of my depression diagnosis. As long as I continue my meds and therapy, then I am maintaining and nobody can say nada.

Thanks Geekess. I don't know how the ex would even find out. The kids don't even know. And the wonderful ex left yesterday morning for MI with her boyfriend.

She was doing really good with being consistent with the kids, had them for Christmas break, every other weekend, etc.

Then she emails my wife yesterday and tells her she is leaving for MI, she isn't sure how long they'll be there, could be 6 months, could be a year, who knows, but that they are renting an apartment up there bc they think it will be long-term.

She then proceeds to TELL my wife to let the kids know all of this, and that they won't be going to her house for quite a while, that she doesn't know when she can get them, and that she'll call them when she gets the chance, but that it might be 2 weeks or so because she's going to be really busy looking for an apartment and getting set-up.

I had so much hope that my ex was going to remain consistent in the kids' lives, and it seemed that it was going to be that way. I should have known.

So anyways, my wife sat down with the kids and told them that mom had to go to MI with Mr. B for work, and that she's going to call them as soon as she can. They asked about going to mom's this weekend, and my wife told them they will be staying home this weekend. The 12 year old asked when they were going to mom's again, and my wife said as soon as mom comes back.

A little while later, my wife texted my oldest daughter (yes, they text a lot, LOL) and asked her if she was ok.

My daughte's response?

"I'm PO'ed. Idc (I don't care) if she goes. But not when she's doing this to the little ones. Going in and out of their lives like they don't mean jack crap. Yet again her kids r second rate. She leaves when she pleases and buys them back with gifts but no explanation."

God, I hate this for the kids. Things were so steady and balanced. They knew every other weekend they would be at mom's and they were good with that.

Ever since they found out that their mom left again, the 12 year old has had the most hostile attitude toward my wife, like it's her fault. Shoot the messenger, I guess.

I know that this has nothing to do with my wife's new dx. But God bless her heart, she is doing great handling all this being thrown at her at once. Somehow, she is able to compartmentalize all these things, and deal with the here and now issues.

When she and I are alone, we talk about the BP, and she's pretty scared. But in some ways, I think it's a relief. She knows that there is reason for her impulsivity now. She just thought she was going "crazy."

 

[CJane]

Isn't she already diagnosed with Borderline PD?

 

[2Mistakes]

Treated Bi Polar is NOT an issue. Untreated bipolar that is not endangering the child is not an issue. Just make sure your wife keeps on her treatment. It is rough going when medications are first started for many people.

Thanks, OG. She has never been a danger to the kids. Nor to herself. It was almost funny, because my wife told me and her mom that she feels like she SHOULD be suicidal, but she's not. She said she has absolutely no desire to die, that she has way too much to live for.

She is 100% commited to her treatment plan. Therapy, meds, etc. There is a high risk of BPs going off their meds, but me and her mom have become her designated support system. She and I are going to keep in close contact with one another about signs of mania and depression, and my wife has given consent for her psychiatrist and therapist to have me and my mother-in-law involved in her treatment.

And yes, this is her first day on the meds, and she is having a VERY rough time with it. Very tired, loopy, etc. Until she has adjusted, her mom and my mom are doing all transporting of the kids. She definately doesn't need to be driving right now!

 

[Silverplum]

Treated Bi Polar is NOT an issue. Untreated bipolar that is not endangering the child is not an issue. Just make sure your wife keeps on her treatment. It is rough going when medications are first started for many people.

Seconded, vigorously.

Take care of her, take care of yourself: find out all you can. Make sure she takes all meds, every day. That can be a struggle, also.

 

[2Mistakes]

Isn't she already diagnosed with Borderline PD?

Yes, she was dx with BPD in early 2006.

She has battled depression since she was 15 years old. She has been on and off numerous meds in that time, and could never seem to find 1 that worked for her.

So in 2006, our marriage counselor at the time dxed her with BPD since none of the meds seem to help.

The problem was that my wife wasn't seeing a psychiatrist for her depression. She was seeing our regular family doc., who is a great doctor, but doesn't know much about mental illness. She just ran through all the antidepressants and none seemed to worked.

Well when the eating and spending got so out of control, that's when my wife said, "I can't take this anymore. I'm out of control, and I need help. Can you take me down to the mental hospital for an assessment?"

And so I did. And when she got in with the psychriatrist, after he completed all the inventories and tests, he told her that this whole time, she was mis-diagnosed. Which apparently is pretty common.

She was also dxed with GAD (Generalized Anxiety Disorder) in early 2006, and he said that that dx stands for now, but he is adding the BP dx to it. Her primary dx is actually the bipolar, and her secondary dx is GAD. But he said that the GAD may just be a component of the BP. Does that make sense?

That's why they put Klonipin and Xanax in her "c-o-c-ktail." The Prozac is an anti-depressant, the Lamictal is a mood stabilizer, and the Klonipin and Xanax are for anxiety.

He said we'll see how she adjusts to these, and then possibly add Topamax to the mix. He said it will probably take time to find her perfect "medication c-o-c-ktail" but with the right meds in the right amounts, she can lead an almost "normal" life. Me and her mom will just need to be aware of her signs of mania, and be in contact with her doctor and therapist.

 

[xylene]

Why is she on anti-depressants if they caused her to have paradoxical reaction before?

Ask the psychiatrist for a good answer to that question.

 

[2Mistakes]

Why is she on anti-depressants if they caused her to have paradoxical reaction before?

Ask the psychiatrist for a good answer to that question.

I actually did bc it didn't make much sense to me either.

Lexapro by itself is what sent her into such a tailspin. Definately brought on mania. She was talking 90 to nothing about 15 different things, and shopping and eating compulsively.

So when he put her on Prozac with the other meds, I was a little confused. But he said that depression is part of bipolar. That antidepressants by themselves can induce mania, but when paired with the Lamictal and antianxiety meds, it doesn't. Those other meds will keep mania at bay, and the Prozac will keep her falling into a depression.

Was this not correct?

You seem to be pretty knowledgable about all of this. Have you heard of Abilify? I keep reading about it, but I don't know much about it.

 

[xylene]

I am not a medical professional.

I am a consumer, offering a consumers opinion.

Personally, the old guard is best, and it is possible to be over-medicated, in my opinion and experience. Especially after a diagnosis following a crisis.

Lithium or other anti-manic mood stabilizer. GREAT Caution with other medications, the depression is the crash from the mania. Alleviate the mania and the crash disappears.

Meds for anxiety are problematic as they can lead to drug seeking behavior

 

[RRevak]

Who prescribed her the Lexapro??? Usually thats not used for Bipolar disorder for the very reason you described in your wife UNLESS its under VERY careful circumstances and usually in conjunction with other meds. Also, why is she on both Xanex and Klonopin???? Or is one taken during the day and one at night? Does she have issues with insomnia? By itself the Klonopin should be enough to take care of the anxiety as its long acting rather than the xanex which is only good for about 4 hrs or so? What are the mg's of each prescrip? Also, is she bipolar one or two? That will allow to better understand the depression which is different for each.

 

[RRevak]

I just double checked and no, Lexapro is RARELY given to patients who are manic UNLESS its given with something along the lines of Abilify etc. But most often, as it frequently increases manic behavior, it is NOT given to manic patients. Who was it that prescribed this to her? Also, i'm wondering about the Prozac Lamictal combo? When one has bipolar mania, their seratonin levels are already off the charts. The addition of the Prozac, which raises the level of seratonin (the antidepressive deal) would potentially send the person into an even heightened state of mania as it would be raising the seratonin levels even higher. The Lamictal alone which is a mood stabilizer should be enough.