Name Change-Georgia

[fairisfair]

Know how mine got found?

I filed for TPR and adoption. After 3 years of CSE making attempts every 2 months to have NCP served for court they were unable to do so. TPR and Adoption was filed in March. Letter was sent to NCP in April (he didn't sign but someone else did), Adoption finalized the end of June and amazingly NCP was served and showed to court the very next month. NCP thought that because the adoption went through the 25k owed was erased!!!

Now, I said NCP got found... didn't say he STAYED found. Court brought him back every 3 months for about a year and a half for compliance hearings (amazing that between him and his employer it still took over a year to have the right amount deducted)... Last hearing was in Feb. where the court didn't redocket and last check sent was the first of April. I just seriously don't think I'll be seeing the rest of the over 20k. Which is TOO funny because I made a deal with him in court, in front of the judge and DA that if he paid 6 months the revised order as it was written I would knock it down by 1/2. Then if he paid that for 6 months I would write off all arrears OWED TO ME. What that meant was for just over 2k he went from owing 23k to 3k.

I was dumb enough ( like to think, nice enough) to offer to forgive ALL of the arrears if he would just pay the next two years, at a very fair monthly amount. He missed the first payment!! so much for mr. nice guy!!

 

[tigger22472]

I was dumb enough ( like to think, nice enough) to offer to forgive ALL of the arrears if he would just pay the next two years, at a very fair monthly amount. He missed the first payment!! so much for mr. nice guy!!

The best part of ours was I had spoken to the DA about it and asked that I was given a chance to discuss this in front of the judge. As I started my ex was running his mouth... Finally the DA looks at him and says "You might want to be quiet and listen to what she has to say." I got done and the judge looked at him and said "Sounds like a great deal to me, what do you think?" I had pointed out that a court order is a court order and really all I wanted was for him to follow such as courts do not order them for fun and be ignored. My ex's answer? "I want it in writing." The look on the judge's face was PRICELESS. She snickered and said "well, he wants it in writing!" I asked if she wanted it in the form of a motion and again she snickered and said no... just in writing (which means it's not binding which they couldn't anyway since they can't MAKE me write off arrears). I sent it to the next hearing (I was not required to attend and it's almost 2 hours away, and I was swamped with school). The very next week the payment was late and stopped a month later... IDJITS!!!

 

[mom6399]

Thanks!

The whole CS thing amazes me. It's a legal binding, non enforceable court order. I don't anticipate seeing another dime...

I also wonder what full legal and custodial custody means if I cannot even make a change in order of my childs name without consent of the other parent who is nowhere to be found and not showing any level of responsibilty to their biological child?

I have been wanting to file a TPR, but what I have learned from this forum is that it is almost impossible to get without a step-parent in place to adopt? That is something that is not in the picture at this time and don't see it happening any time in the near future.

My decree is pretty nasty in terms of the judges view of the NCP. If I still lived in the same state (MN), I'd go back to the judge in a heartbeat. She gave the NCP a chance and he has obviously blown it. Not sure how things would go down here in Georgia. Not to mention I don't have the $2,500 minimum retainer to get the process started. I am terrified, that sometime in the next 12 years, something will happen to me and my ( I know it is not PC to use this term, the NCP is still in the eyes of the law the childs' parent, but let's get real here!) child will be forced to go live with a complete stranger.

I know kids are not suppose to have much say in how they identify themselves or what they think is in their best interest, but they know. Visitation stopped voluntarily 3 years ago (and I do have the right to refuse in my decree, which I did not do but tried to work out a plan) when the child would hold on to the door jam and cry hysterically when it was time to go and visit. It was expected to be a short-term deal. Family counseling had one meeting, where the NCP was given great advice on how to "re" establish a trusting relationship with the child after nearly a years complete absence...a lot for a 3 year old to understand. The NCP's response in family counseling was that the child just needed to "suck it up and deal with it." Obviously that did not happen. It was easier for them just to bail... Arghh...What is a parent to do, mother or father, when the other parent refuses to cooperate? communicate? or respect the emotional state of their child?

I hadn't posted to seek advice on this matter, but since it has come up...what's a girl to do? I am just beginning to recover financially from my divorce and the tens of thousands spent on lawyers there....

 

[tigger22472]

The whole CS thing amazes me. It's a legal binding, non enforceable court order. I don't anticipate seeing another dime...

It IS enforceable but it's a matter of the diligence given to the cases.

I also wonder what full legal and custodial custody means if I cannot even make a change in order of my childs name without consent of the other parent who is nowhere to be found and not showing any level of responsibilty to their biological child?

SOLE custody doesn't erase parental rights. For instance, if your child needs a surgery, in sole custody you make the ultimate decision, but that does NOT stop your obligation of informing the NCP. The NCP still has rights under laws and the constitution (such as being able to access medical and educational records....)

I have been wanting to file a TPR, but what I have learned from this forum is that it is almost impossible to get without a step-parent in place to adopt? That is something that is not in the picture at this time and don't see it happening any time in the near future.

The idea behind that is that once the TPR is done the bio parent has no financial obligation. If you were to go onto state welfare, there is no one to get reimbursed from. Not to mention that it essentially *******izes children.

My decree is pretty nasty in terms of the judges view of the NCP. If I still lived in the same state (MN), I'd go back to the judge in a heartbeat. She gave the NCP a chance and he has obviously blown it. Not sure how things would go down here in Georgia. Not to mention I don't have the $2,500 minimum retainer to get the process started. I am terrified, that sometime in the next 12 years, something will happen to me and my ( I know it is not PC to use this term, the NCP is still in the eyes of the law the childs' parent, but let's get real here!) child will be forced to go live with a complete stranger.

That happens

I know kids are not suppose to have much say in how they identify themselves or what they think is in their best interest, but they know. Visitation stopped voluntarily 3 years ago (and I do have the right to refuse in my decree, which I did not do but tried to work out a plan) when the child would hold on to the door jam and cry hysterically when it was time to go and visit. It was expected to be a short-term deal. Family counseling had one meeting, where the NCP was given great advice on how to "re" establish a trusting relationship with the child after nearly a years complete absence...a lot for a 3 year old to understand. The NCP's response in family counseling was that the child just needed to "suck it up and deal with it." Obviously that did not happen. It was easier for them just to bail... Arghh...What is a parent to do, mother or father, when the other parent refuses to cooperate? communicate? or respect the emotional state of their child?

Exactly what does your decree say that gives you the right to refuse?

I hadn't posted to seek advice on this matter, but since it has come up...what's a girl to do? I am just beginning to recover financially from my divorce and the tens of thousands spent on lawyers there....

Do about what?

 

[mom6399]

The idea behind that is that once the TPR is done the bio parent has no financial obligation. If you were to go onto state welfare, there is no one to get reimbursed from. Not to mention that it essentially *******izes children.

My child is fatherless, regardless. In 1950's terms, this might be a bad thing...but today????

My decree is pretty nasty in terms of the judges view of the NCP. If I still lived in the same state (MN), I'd go back to the judge in a heartbeat. She gave the NCP a chance and he has obviously blown it. Not sure how things would go down here in Georgia. Not to mention I don't have the $2,500 minimum retainer to get the process started. I am terrified, that sometime in the next 12 years, something will happen to me and my ( I know it is not PC to use this term, the NCP is still in the eyes of the law the childs' parent, but let's get real here!) child will be forced to go live with a complete stranger.

That happens

I know, that's what scares me.

I know kids are not suppose to have much say in how they identify themselves or what they think is in their best interest, but they know. Visitation stopped voluntarily 3 years ago (and I do have the right to refuse in my decree, which I did not do but tried to work out a plan) when the child would hold on to the door jam and cry hysterically when it was time to go and visit. It was expected to be a short-term deal. Family counseling had one meeting, where the NCP was given great advice on how to "re" establish a trusting relationship with the child after nearly a years complete absence...a lot for a 3 year old to understand. The NCP's response in family counseling was that the child just needed to "suck it up and deal with it." Obviously that did not happen. It was easier for them just to bail... Arghh...What is a parent to do, mother or father, when the other parent refuses to cooperate? communicate? or respect the emotional state of their child?

Exactly what does your decree say that gives you the right to refuse?

"The parties have agreed to very other weekend NCP visitation. The plaintiff may consider past or current violence against the child to terminate this agreement" The relationship was hostile at best. I felt it was in the childs best interest to create a positive relationship with the father. She reported, even at three, being spanked with a hairbrush, and was exhibiting behavior (per therapist) indicative of potential abuse. She came home after one weekend visit covered with so many bugbites from having to sleep in the backseat of a car with the windows down (due to heat) because the NCP (his admittance) was in a tent with a girlfriend, she had to stay home from daycare. Against my maternal instincts, I made efforts to discuss discipline, sent bug spray, etc...and continued visitation. It was the NCP who ceased visitation, not me. I initiated and paid for counseling, offered day, but not overnight visitation, etc...

I hadn't posted to seek advice on this matter, but since it has come up...what's a girl to do? I am just beginning to recover financially from my divorce and the tens of thousands spent on lawyers there....

My question: Do I have any chance of seeing an TPR through without an adoption? If not what are my options for making sure m child remains in a safe and happy home, should something happen to me?

 

[tigger22472]

My question: Do I have any chance of seeing an TPR through without an adoption? If not what are my options for making sure m child remains in a safe and happy home, should something happen to me?

Not likely. The adoption is required in a LOT of states for the reasons listed above. What you can do is have your degree legally modified so that visitation is supervised or terminated and then there's no worry of that.

As far as something happening to you, if he's not been around what are the odds of him knowing that something happened? By the time that he found out it's likely that someone else would physically have the child. Would he be given custody? The general answer is yes, however, with diligence if all of the stuff you said can be proven then it may not be likely. No one here can truly say exactly what a judge would do but that's my take on it.