Name Change of a Minor

[momof4-phillips]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Virginia

I was so excited to find this website! As a mother, ex wife, new wife, step mother...I run into a lot of questions with family law. We try to keep things out of court as much as possible, but things happen....anyway, to the topic:

My question is about my 2 year old son. I had been seperated from my first husband for about 3 years when we finally took steps to get a legal divorce. During that time, I started dating again. I met someone, went on a few dates...he left town. I ran into my high school sweetheart shortly after and have been seeing him since...we are now married, as of October 1 and have a child on the way. My 2 year old son, was a result of my dating the first guy. I found out I was pregnant, contacted him, he said he would be involved. My now husband was totally involved with my pregnancy, there for the birth, he cut my son's cord and has raised him as his own. My son's biological father came to visit once a week after my son was born...he kept saying he was coming to the hospital but never showed. I tried to reach him frequently for the first year of my son's life with no luck....now I don't know how to contact him...don't think I even knew his real name.

My son isn't suffering for a Dad at all. My husband says he is his father. He wants to adopt him someday. Right now, we would just like to change his last name from my maiden name to my husband's last name. With his biological father unreachable (he's also not on the birth certificate...I couldn't list him had I wanted to...I was still legally married and in VA you can't do that). I have the application filled out ready to get it notorized and take to the clerk's office...but without a biological father...what happens? Also any advice regarding how an adoption would work, would be helpful.

 

[mistoffolees]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Virginia

I was so excited to find this website! As a mother, ex wife, new wife, step mother...I run into a lot of questions with family law. We try to keep things out of court as much as possible, but things happen....anyway, to the topic:

My question is about my 2 year old son. I had been seperated from my first husband for about 3 years when we finally took steps to get a legal divorce. During that time, I started dating again. I met someone, went on a few dates...he left town. I ran into my high school sweetheart shortly after and have been seeing him since...we are now married, as of October 1 and have a child on the way. My 2 year old son, was a result of my dating the first guy. I found out I was pregnant, contacted him, he said he would be involved. My now husband was totally involved with my pregnancy, there for the birth, he cut my son's cord and has raised him as his own. My son's biological father came to visit once a week after my son was born...he kept saying he was coming to the hospital but never showed. I tried to reach him frequently for the first year of my son's life with no luck....now I don't know how to contact him...don't think I even knew his real name.

My son isn't suffering for a Dad at all. My husband says he is his father. He wants to adopt him someday. Right now, we would just like to change his last name from my maiden name to my husband's last name. With his biological father unreachable (he's also not on the birth certificate...I couldn't list him had I wanted to...I was still legally married and in VA you can't do that). I have the application filled out ready to get it notorized and take to the clerk's office...but without a biological father...what happens? Also any advice regarding how an adoption would work, would be helpful.

You've got a mess on your hands. Just a few of the problems:

1. Since you were still legally married in VA, the child already has a father - your first husband. You need to sort that out before you can do anything.

2. You are not going to get a name change without notifying the father. In this case, that means the legal father - your first husband.

3. Your current husband should not be calling himself the father. He isn't and it's frankly offensive. He can be a great step-dad without lying about the situation. How is the child going to feel in 15 years when he finds out that the two of you have been lying to him for years?

4. If hubby wants to adopt, you'll need to notify the father (which is, again, your first husband). If he doesn't object, you can proceed with the adoption, but you should have an attorney to do it right.

5. Make sure that you and hubby are in agreement that if you were to divorce that your husband might end up getting custody and you would pay him child support. Or, if you get custody, he would owe you child support. Unless you're both happy with that, don't even think about adoption.

You really need to get with an attorney to sort it all out.

And, in the future, please avoid the musical daddies game.

 

[Just Blue]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Virginia

I was so excited to find this website! As a mother, ex wife, new wife, step mother...I run into a lot of questions with family law. We try to keep things out of court as much as possible, but things happen....anyway, to the topic:

My question is about my 2 year old son. I had been seperated from my first husband for about 3 years when we finally took steps to get a legal divorce. During that time, I started dating again. I met someone, went on a few dates...he left town. I ran into my high school sweetheart shortly after and have been seeing him since...we are now married, as of October 1 and have a child on the way. My 2 year old son, was a result of my dating the first guy. I found out I was pregnant, contacted him, he said he would be involved. My now husband was totally involved with my pregnancy, there for the birth, he cut my son's cord and has raised him as his own. My son's biological father came to visit once a week after my son was born...he kept saying he was coming to the hospital but never showed. I tried to reach him frequently for the first year of my son's life with no luck....now I don't know how to contact him...don't think I even knew his real name.

My son isn't suffering for a Dad at all. My husband says he is his father. He wants to adopt him someday. Right now, we would just like to change his last name from my maiden name to my husband's last name. With his biological father unreachable (he's also not on the birth certificate...I couldn't list him had I wanted to...I was still legally married and in VA you can't do that). I have the application filled out ready to get it notorized and take to the clerk's office...but without a biological father...what happens? Also any advice regarding how an adoption would work, would be helpful.

Wow. And gross.

You will have to consult an attorney to do this. T's must be crossed and I's dotted.

Was LEGAL father disestablished during the divorce?

 

[momof4-phillips]

I'm sorry...what is gross about this?

 

[momof4-phillips]

We do plan to explain to my son when he is older that my husband adopted him....like in any adoption situation...many parents don't explain adoption at age 2...not sure what's gross about any of it. I don't have shame. I did the best I could for my children...I reached out to his biological father. Anyway, no, we did not because my ex husband wasn't listed as the father either, only our daughter came up in the divorce.

 

[momof4-phillips]

You've got a mess on your hands. Just a few of the problems:

1. Since you were still legally married in VA, the child already has a father - your first husband. You need to sort that out before you can do anything.

2. You are not going to get a name change without notifying the father. In this case, that means the legal father - your first husband.

3. Your current husband should not be calling himself the father. He isn't and it's frankly offensive. He can be a great step-dad without lying about the situation. How is the child going to feel in 15 years when he finds out that the two of you have been lying to him for years?

4. If hubby wants to adopt, you'll need to notify the father (which is, again, your first husband). If he doesn't object, you can proceed with the adoption, but you should have an attorney to do it right.

5. Make sure that you and hubby are in agreement that if you were to divorce that your husband might end up getting custody and you would pay him child support. Or, if you get custody, he would owe you child support. Unless you're both happy with that, don't even think about adoption.

You really need to get with an attorney to sort it all out.

And, in the future, please avoid the musical daddies game.

You know what...I will get a lawyer and thanks for being judgemental about it instead of just helping...I'm not a slut or a bad mom and people don't explain adoption to any child at age 2...we will be telling my son the truth when the time is right. Assume what you want about me. I don't have to explain my life story. I am not ashamed. But I see how this forum is ran so I will go elsewhere.

 

[momof4-phillips]

and one more thing! I see why they call this the freeadvice forum...you get what you pay for!

A bunch of judgemental biggots with nothing productive to do with their day but judge a woman trying to do the best she can for a kid, whose dad turned out to be a dead beat.

 

[Just Blue]

and one more thing! I see why they call this the freeadvice forum...you get what you pay for!

A bunch of judgemental biggots with nothing productive to do with their day but judge a woman trying to do the best she can for a kid, whose dad turned out to be a dead beat.

As you are unaware of the meaning of the word or the spelling of the word "biggots", you REALLY need to hire an attorney for the mess you created with your ...activities.

 

[momof4-phillips]

I admit it is an unfortuante situation...not created alone...but we have made the best of it....thanks for judging me....since u have so much free time

 

[Just Blue]

I admit it is an unfortuante situation...not created alone...but we have made the best of it....thanks for judging me....since u have so much free time

Apparently you do as well.

Perhaps rather than trying to find ways to limit paternal rights and back-door adoption, you (not "u"), could enroll in an on-line University?

 

[momof4-phillips]

That's not what my intent was....why are you judging me? Are you that upset with your life? I have a degree obtained at Old Domion University in 2006.

I won't be back to argue anymore.

 

[CSO286]

That's not what my intent was....why are you judging me? Are you that upset with your life? I have a degree obtained at Old Domion University in 2006.

I won't be back to argue anymore.

Old Dominion???

 

[ecmst12]

No one is judging you. You are being advised of the proper LEGAL procedure. It is unwise to change a child's name to someone with no legal relationship to him. If you are planning on a stepparent adoption, save up for the lawyer and just do that. The name change can be part of it.

If you were married (technically or otherwise) when the child was born, your husband at that time is the LEGAL father. That means you have an extra step. While you COULD go through the adoption with permission from the LEGAL father, if you don't involve the biological father, he could cause problems for you later down the line. The best thing to do will be to disestablish your ex husband's paternity and have the biodad established as the legal father as well as biological father. THEN you can proceed with the adoption with permission from the biological (now also legal) father.

Of course you will have to find and serve and involve all parties. And if biodad, after being established as legal dad, changes his mind about consenting to the adoption and decides he wants to be a part of his child's life, he will be allowed to be.

 

[ecmst12]

By the way, that italic font was really hard to read.

 

[momof4-phillips]

While I appreciate, what little I've learned from this post I don't care if I am reported and no longer wish to be a member of this forum. I've read responses on other post. Seems like a place of attack and yes, I've been judged...from the situation...to spelling error...to my choice of writing style....thanks but I don't mind paying the lawyer....just doing my own research not looking for a fight. I'm 7 months pregnant, I am at home because I choose to be and am financially able....don't need you guys....didn't know what I was getting into.