Need advice for a friend who wants to leave her child's father

[piccolo]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Missouri

Hello everyone,

I am posting this on behalf of a good friend mixed up in a bad situation.

She had a child with a man she never married and no longer loves who is very manipulative and abusive. He has totally destroyed her credit and made sure she has no money of her own. She desperately wants to leave him but every time she brings it up he tells her evil things like she'd never see her child again because he has more money and connections and would get full custody. This is naturally causing her to second guess herself and thus she continues to stay with him reluctantly.

Common sense tells me that custody of the child would be extremely easy for her to get since she is the one who takes care of her nearly full time while he is working (and let's face it judges favor the mothers), but it's not enough for me to simply tell her. I need you all to help us out please. Tell us what she needs to do to make 100% sure this all works out ok. I have strongly suggested tape recording his psychotic behavior when they fight to demonstrate his instability as well as reporting him to the authorities for the credit cards he illegally took out in her name, but she seems reluctant to put the father of her child in prison for obvious reasons. What steps need to be taken here?

Also, is there any free or cheap way for her to handle this? She cannot afford a lawyer. I read something elsewhere about a family court that you don't need a lawyer for to get custody? Anyone know anything about it?

Thank you very much for your help!

 

[Proserpina]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Missouri

Hello everyone,

I am posting this on behalf of a good friend mixed up in a bad situation.

She had a child with a man she never married and no longer loves who is very manipulative and abusive. He has totally destroyed her credit and made sure she has no money of her own. She desperately wants to leave him but every time she brings it up he tells her evil things like she'd never see her child again because he has more money and connections and would get full custody. This is naturally causing her to second guess herself and thus she continues to stay with him reluctantly.

Common sense tells me that custody of the child would be extremely easy for her to get since she is the one who takes care of her nearly full time while he is working (and let's face it judges favor the mothers), but it's not enough for me to simply tell her. I need you all to help us out please. Tell us what she needs to do to make 100% sure this all works out ok. I have strongly suggested tape recording his psychotic behavior when they fight to demonstrate his instability as well as reporting him to the authorities for the credit cards he illegally took out in her name, but she seems reluctant to put the father of her child in prison for obvious reasons. What steps need to be taken here?

Also, is there any free or cheap way for her to handle this? She cannot afford a lawyer. I read something elsewhere about a family court that you don't need a lawyer for to get custody? Anyone know anything about it?

Thank you very much for your help!

Please have your friend sign up. There will be questions, the answers to which only she will have.

Thanks

 

[piccolo]

Very well I will, she will post in here shortly. Please feel free to start asking.

 

[LxMg]

Hello, I'm Piccolo's friend who is needing help. Thanks for any advice.

 

[majomom1]

Hello, I'm Piccolo's friend who is needing help. Thanks for any advice.

It would be best if you started your own thread.

Tell us how old the child is, if there are any court orders currently in place and what exactly you want to accomplish.

 

[piccolo]

With all due respect, how would her copying the story into a new thread help matters?

 

[LdiJ]

With all due respect, how would her copying the story into a new thread help matters?

Actually, what the poster meant was that she needs her own screen name and therefore her own thread. Seriously, she has information that you DO NOT HAVE. Please don't pretend to be her. Get her to post under her own screen name because its obvious that she really does need help.

 

[piccolo]

I am not pretending to be her, the person who posted above (lxmg) is her. I am merely trying to help out and wanted to get the ball rolling for her. She isn't as internet savvy as myself. Getting help on here was my idea, not hers.

I just texted her and she says she will be home later tonight to answer the new questions, although I can confirm her daughter is 6, there are no court orders, and she wants an amicable split with joint custody of some kind. She says the father treats her child well and doesn't want to take her away from him. I understand if you'd prefer to wait for her to reply later tonight. Again, just trying to help move things along.

Thanks, you guys are great.

 

[WittyUserName]

I just texted her and she says she will be home later tonight to answer the new questions, although I can confirm her daughter is 6, there are no court orders, and she wants an amicable split with joint custody of some kind. She says the father treats her child well and doesn't want to take her away from him.

I don't know that Mom is going to get the amicable split she wants; if Dad is being unreasonable a court isn't going to be able to change his behavior. Also, if she doesn't report the credit card thing then she is implicitly agreeing to that.

She may be able to work toward joint custody, though. Joint legal or joint physical? Does she have some ideas on what's commonly used for timeshare in MO? Last but not least - if she is worried about the arguments to the point she's considering taping them, what exactly is happening during these arguments? If Dad is abusive and psychotic, she needs to be seeking help from a DV agency. If nothing else, she might be able to seek counseling so she can find a way to stop condoning this behavior.

 

[piccolo]

These questions I will definitely wait for her to answer later. Thanks.

 

[majomom1]

I am not pretending to be her, the person who posted above (lxmg) is her. I am merely trying to help out and wanted to get the ball rolling for her. She isn't as internet savvy as myself. Getting help on here was my idea, not hers.

I just texted her and she says she will be home later tonight to answer the new questions, although I can confirm her daughter is 6, there are no court orders, and she wants an amicable split with joint custody of some kind. She says the father treats her child well and doesn't want to take her away from him. I understand if you'd prefer to wait for her to reply later tonight. Again, just trying to help move things along.

Thanks, you guys are great.

It's nothing against you, or her. Posting under her own screen name helps the volunteers here with history, State and other information so she can get the best possible advice.

Down the road, you may need to seek advice. If the history under your name is actually someone else's, it could look as though you are not being honest... as we will not remember that you were posting for someone else.

Read through the other threads and you will see how complex these custody issues can get. Your friend may be here for a long, long time... With her own screen name, she won't have to repeat information over and over.

One thing I can tell you, the courts in MO do not necessarily "favor" the mother. They "favor" the parent that will put the best interest of the child at the top of the list and facilitate a relationship with the other parent

 

[piccolo]

That's fair. When she gets home I will have her remake the thread in her own name. It sounds like she wants the child to continue having a relationship with the other parent far more than he does, but the question is how do we prove that? This is why I'm telling her to record him saying his threats. I checked and it is legal in MO. Anyway, her thread should be up in a number of hours. Much appreciated.

 

[CourtClerk]

That's fair. When she gets home I will have her remake the thread in her own name. It sounds like she wants the child to continue having a relationship with the other parent far more than he does, but the question is how do we prove that? This is why I'm telling her to record him saying his threats. I checked and it is legal in MO. Anyway, her thread should be up in a number of hours. Much appreciated.

We... don't prove anything.