Need advice on how to proceed

[Frustrated59]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? California

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? California

I recently acquired custody of my 7 year old daughter after her mother had a mental breakdown and spent 10 days in a mental health facility. The mother has custody every other weekend during the school year and every other week during the summer. I asked that support be set at zero to relieve her of the financial burden to allow her to focus on getting back on track. The mother is to supply all transportation for visitations (176 miles each way).

This action required an Ex Parte (mother absentee) hearing on December 19th and subsequent court hearing January 13th. Mother was in a lock-down facility from December 19th through December 27th. A mediation hearing was held on January 11th and a custody agreement was agreed upon.

Prior to this event Child Protective services were called by me to do an independent assessment based on a string of issues, none of which by themselves were serious but in total raised concerns.

The mother had taken my daughter on a "rafting" trip down the Kern river that turned out to be placing my daughter in an inner tube by herself. My daughter over turned and became entangled in a tree and was rescued by emergency services.

My daughter was hospitalized twice in a 45 day period for dehydration brought on by severe vomiting. This was in April and May of 2010. I determined this was due to a lack of control on my daughters nutrition intake.
This happened again the weekend before the mediation in January.

My daughter began having nightmares about guns. After talking with the mother, this stemmed from a target shooting outing with the mother, her boyfriend, 17 year old daughter (not mine), and my daughter.

My daughter told me her mother was leaving her by herself unattended while she ran to the store for coffee. When I tried to speak to her mother, she stated, "we would have to agree to disagree". This event prompted my call to protective services.

CPS confirmed my statements but determined the health and welfare of my daughter was not at risk, but strongly advised her against leaving my daughter alone.

So here is my problem: First of all, I have had to give the mother gas money so she can make the return back to her home on three occasions. Second the visit good byes are absolutely disastrous taking up to 45 minutes and leaving my daughter an emotional mess. Statements like, "I am sorry for abandoning you" or asking if she can stay the night in my home in front of my daughter even though I had refused her request prior to the visit and asked that this not be brought up in front of my daughter. And then asking, in front of my daughter, if she can take her for the night even though she has no funds to make the return trip. I should add that I remarried three years ago.

I am at the point of getting another ex parte hearing and ask that visitations be supervised and absolutely no over night stays. I had hoped to foster my daughters relationship with her mother and I strongly believe I should but I have reached my limit of compassion and understanding.

The mother has failed to get psychiatric help after her release in December. She refuses to take the medications the Mental Health facility provided. She has no means of support (unemployed) and has failed to pursue any and her apartment lease expires on January 31st.

I hesitate because it has only been three weeks since the last court date so what are the options in my daughters best interest?

 

[CJane]

I hesitate because it has only been three weeks since the last court date so what are the options in my daughters best interest?

The court will presume that the most current order - especially a very recent order - is in the child's best interests absent a HUGE change in the time since the order was signed. You don't have that.

 

[Frustrated59]

Of course but if the inappropriate behavior continues at what point should I seek the court's help?

 

[mistoffolees]

Of course but if the inappropriate behavior continues at what point should I seek the court's help?

At the point where there is a significant change in circumstances - or a danger to the child.

You're not going to accomplish anything simply because Mom is a PIA.

If there was a GAL involved, you could talk with them, but that would be about it.

 

[Tex78704]

...I am at the point of getting another ex parte hearing and ask that visitations be supervised and absolutely no over night stays...

Based upon what was stated here, you really have no basis to request another ex Parte hearing, much less restrict her visitation to the extent you would like.

Your 'determination' that your daughters dehydration was a result of lack of control on your daughers intake is irrelevant, unless that is supported by a physicians medical opinion.

Your calling CPS is also moot now, since their finding was that the mother did not place the health and welfare of your daughter at risk. It seems your prior calls to CPS against your ex also did not yield much better results.

The extent, if any, to which your ex requires any followup psychiatric treatments or counseling or medication is also not one in which your personal opinon matters. Again, not unless this is supported by a medical opinion from her mental health care physician.

While you certainly have the right to go through normal procedural channels outside of an ex Parte hearing if you wish, it is highly unlikely the court will entertain a petition to modify the current custody-visitation order based upon what you have presented here.

 

[Frustrated59]

I appreciate the response and after digesting the events of the past few weeks and the responses, I have come to the same conclusion. My biggest issue is the emotional state of my daughter. The mother's failure to act appropriately and reason has me frustrated. I think from this point I will document the events as they occur for future reference. As you can probably surmise, there is much more to this story (there always is) but the bottom line is I have significant custody and can give my daughter a stable and fulfilling life. I am thankful for that and again, I appreciate your response.

 

[mistoffolees]

I appreciate the response and after digesting the events of the past few weeks and the responses, I have come to the same conclusion. My biggest issue is the emotional state of my daughter. The mother's failure to act appropriately and reason has me frustrated. I think from this point I will document the events as they occur for future reference. As you can probably surmise, there is much more to this story (there always is) but the bottom line is I have significant custody and can give my daughter a stable and fulfilling life. I am thankful for that and again, I appreciate your response.

That's the best thing to do - stop worrying about Mom. Either she'll get her act together or she'll probably get worse - and go back into treatment. Either way, you have no control over it.

And if you are really concerned about the child's mental health, get her in to see a counselor.