What is the name of your state?Maryland....I need advice quickly. My x and i share joint and legal custody of our daughter. He has her tonight but he is working. My question is, she is attending an ice skating birthday party tonight. Daddy is dropping her off and she is going home with a parents of a friend of hers. She doesn't know how to ice skate and has asked me to go. She is 7yrs old and said she wouldn't skate unless him or i were there. Daddy threw a fit told me i was not allowed to show up (remember he is leaving and going to work). Said i would regret it if i go, lawyer etc...I believe i have the right to go if i want! She is my child! No i will not leave with her, she will be having her stay over with her friend. Can anyone clarify my rights? Can he stop me from going? What ever happened to the best interest of the child??
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need advice quickly
- Thread starter mommamea
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stealth2
Under the Radar Member
I think it's a pretty fine line. Probably *legal* but does verge on interference of his custodial time.
On a different note.... As a parent who has had an ice skating party, having parents come along was a pain in the rear. Their kids were the ones who refused to set foot on the ice, didn't want to participate, etc. It was much easier to get the kids who were NOT accompanied to skate, participate in the games, and have fun. Unless you're actually going to skate with her (and pay for your own rental, etc - that's my other pet peeve), don't go.
On a different note.... As a parent who has had an ice skating party, having parents come along was a pain in the rear. Their kids were the ones who refused to set foot on the ice, didn't want to participate, etc. It was much easier to get the kids who were NOT accompanied to skate, participate in the games, and have fun. Unless you're actually going to skate with her (and pay for your own rental, etc - that's my other pet peeve), don't go.
I agree with you about the skating party. Seemed alittle to extreme for a bunch of 7 yr olds. Originally my daughter and i thought it was on a monday (when she was to be in my care). I spoke to the mom and gave her my skate size and told her i would be skating with my daughter. I have no problem buying my own way. As far as infringing on his visitation time...he isn't even going to be there he will be at work. When situations have arisen before when she had something on one or the others time it never was an issue with him seeing her when she was in my care or visa versa. He just has some bug up his you know what today. I just know my daughter and i don't want to think she is felt left out because she doesn't participate. I would hope the mother has alternate plans for the ones who feel the same.
Well maybe extreme wasn't the right word for me to use..sry...just don't know alot of children that age who skate. I am not one to judge someone elses decision on what type of party to have. In fact when it came up i was the one who explained to my daughter it would be fun to try something new and I would help her. Sry for using extreme!
Crazy update...went to my daughters school to fill out vacation forms (we are going away this week for vacation). My daughter was at lunch, stopped in to say hi to her. She informed me that her father told her that if i saw her during the time she had visitation with him that I would go to jail. (School, party anywhere) So sad! I quickly told her that i wouldn't and to not worry. Made an excuse to leave (she was visably afraid to have me next to her and talk to her, said i was breaking the law and she didn't want me to go to jail). Now i am upset that he would even say a thing like that to her. I have put a phone call into my lawyer because this is getting out of control. Never had a problem like this before. Any advice for my child? Wish i had a manual to go by and do and say the right thing to her.
Jillian483
Member
reply
Unless you have permission to see your child on her birthday (or whatever day this is) then you cannot legally go. My suggestion is to go and argue why you did in court if he wants to take you. You reason seems valid so I think that the court will see it your way.
Unless you have permission to see your child on her birthday (or whatever day this is) then you cannot legally go. My suggestion is to go and argue why you did in court if he wants to take you. You reason seems valid so I think that the court will see it your way.
I have to agree with stealth, honestly at 7, I don't really see a need to be at the party,children who want to skate will skate, of course most at that age if they have not already had lessons will fall down, but they will get back up again, usually there are games on and OFF the ice, and there will always be kids who just won't skate much at all.
I think there is a possibility dad may feel you are attempting to undermine his judgement, which may be what is causing the hostility towards you on his part. you may find if you let him handle your daughters events, that fall on his time, he may "lighten up".
I think there is a possibility dad may feel you are attempting to undermine his judgement, which may be what is causing the hostility towards you on his part. you may find if you let him handle your daughters events, that fall on his time, he may "lighten up".
stealth2
Under the Radar Member
Also - it's not so different from roller skating - just a little colder.
In line with what haiku posted, it occured to me that Dad wants to see the munchkin build a little self-confidence and independence. Which really isn't a bad thing. (although telling kiddo that he'd send you to jail was a bonehead thing to do.)
In line with what haiku posted, it occured to me that Dad wants to see the munchkin build a little self-confidence and independence. Which really isn't a bad thing. (although telling kiddo that he'd send you to jail was a bonehead thing to do.)
I have a 7 year old. Actually, I don't know many kids that age who DON'T skate.mommamea said:
She'll be fine. Let her do this herself. She'll do what my kid did - slide one foot in front of the other slowly until she gains some confidence. They all learned by doing. And trust me, THIS 50 year old mom was NOT on the ice with her when she learned to skate. She just went out there and did it. Just encourage her that she will learn by DOING.
stealth2
Under the Radar Member
(A bit O/T)
I think my little had a skating party for her 7th. Most of the kids hadn't ice skated before (except for the couple of hockey player boys), but they'd all roller skated before. Honestly, the biggest problem WAS the moms of the girls who didn't want to try because Mommy thought little might fall and get hurt or it might be too hard and so on. (MOMMAMEA - I AM NOT SAYING THIS IS YOU!)
I've found that to be a real problem in general when it comes to trying new stuff. It's such a fine line between protective (i.e. not leaving a 7yo alone at a skating rink) and overprotective (i.e. not leaving a 7yo at a supervised party at a skating rink). (And I'm only using the skating rink as an example.) And yes, it is HARD to watch your kid fall down and feel a bit of pain. But sometimes, allowing them to do just that is what's needed to help them grow. They need to learn that not everything comes easily, and sometimes you do have to take your lumps and just try it again. Sometimes you do have to say "I'm going to pick you up at xyz. You'll be fine. Go have fun. Bye."
Neither of mine are what you'd call "tough" kids. And I can't tell you how many times I've had my heart in my throat raising them. Whether letting them go around the corner and out of sight to a friend's, watching my firstborn get the crap knocked out of him in his first sparring tournament, watching my baby get tossed from a horse. It is HARD. But they get up, brush the dust off, and try again. They learn that anything worthwhile is hard work. And they apply that to everything they do.
I think my little had a skating party for her 7th. Most of the kids hadn't ice skated before (except for the couple of hockey player boys), but they'd all roller skated before. Honestly, the biggest problem WAS the moms of the girls who didn't want to try because Mommy thought little might fall and get hurt or it might be too hard and so on. (MOMMAMEA - I AM NOT SAYING THIS IS YOU!)
I've found that to be a real problem in general when it comes to trying new stuff. It's such a fine line between protective (i.e. not leaving a 7yo alone at a skating rink) and overprotective (i.e. not leaving a 7yo at a supervised party at a skating rink). (And I'm only using the skating rink as an example.) And yes, it is HARD to watch your kid fall down and feel a bit of pain. But sometimes, allowing them to do just that is what's needed to help them grow. They need to learn that not everything comes easily, and sometimes you do have to take your lumps and just try it again. Sometimes you do have to say "I'm going to pick you up at xyz. You'll be fine. Go have fun. Bye."
Neither of mine are what you'd call "tough" kids. And I can't tell you how many times I've had my heart in my throat raising them. Whether letting them go around the corner and out of sight to a friend's, watching my firstborn get the crap knocked out of him in his first sparring tournament, watching my baby get tossed from a horse. It is HARD. But they get up, brush the dust off, and try again. They learn that anything worthwhile is hard work. And they apply that to everything they do.
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