stealth2 said:
(A bit O/T)
I think my little had a skating party for her 7th. Most of the kids hadn't ice skated before (except for the couple of hockey player boys), but they'd all roller skated before. Honestly, the biggest problem WAS the moms of the girls who didn't want to try because Mommy thought little might fall and get hurt or it might be too hard and so on. (MOMMAMEA - I AM NOT SAYING THIS IS YOU!)
I've found that to be a real problem in general when it comes to trying new stuff. It's such a fine line between protective (i.e. not leaving a 7yo alone at a skating rink) and overprotective (i.e. not leaving a 7yo at a supervised party at a skating rink). (And I'm only using the skating rink as an example.) And yes, it is HARD to watch your kid fall down and feel a bit of pain. But sometimes, allowing them to do just that is what's needed to help them grow. They need to learn that not everything comes easily, and sometimes you do have to take your lumps and just try it again. Sometimes you do have to say "I'm going to pick you up at xyz. You'll be fine. Go have fun. Bye."
Neither of mine are what you'd call "tough" kids. And I can't tell you how many times I've had my heart in my throat raising them. Whether letting them go around the corner and out of sight to a friend's, watching my firstborn get the crap knocked out of him in his first sparring tournament, watching my baby get tossed from a horse. It is HARD. But they get up, brush the dust off, and try again. They learn that anything worthwhile is hard work. And they apply that to everything they do.
Amen! I couldn't agree more.
However....I do think that the whole thread got away from the mom's actual question.....which appeared to be whether or not dad could deny her the right to be present at an outside event occurring during his parenting time.....and in this case, an outside event which was taking place during time when he was working.
I am pretty sure that he can't do that...and that a judge would be fairly irritated with him for even trying. In addition, what he is doing to the child (mentally) about those kinds of issues is virtually abuse. I also...and I mean this gently...think that some of the answers here might have been different if the genders were reversed.
Therefore, at least in my opinion, this particular event isn't really the problem.
Pacifying the other parent, no matter what effect that has long term, may be a viable or even an appropriate option/solution in some cases.....however taking a stand and letting the other parent (hopefully) get their butt kicked by the judge is probably a better one for most cases, in my opinion.
It is not reasonable for dad to refuse to allow mom to have interaction with the child on "his time"...nor would it be reasonable for mom to have that attitude either. It is not reasonable for EITHER parent to disallow the other parent to spend time with the child while they are working.
