Need help quick

[djr0987]

What is the name of your state? Pennsylvania

I am a single mother...I let my boyfriend move in about 2 years ago...last night there was a bit of a scuffle between him and I...My son who is 15 became really angry at the boyfreind...I was afraid this situation would get out of hand...I called the police...they arrested my boyfreind and told him not to contact me...I did not want to press any charges on him...the police did anyway...now he is not allowed to call or come to the house until our hearing on the 11th....Are the police allowed to do this...?? I just wanted them to cool things down...not arrest him...??

 

[JETX]

Are the police allowed to do this...??

You bet they can!!

I just wanted them to cool things down...not arrest him...??

Tough. He was clearly violent enough so that the officers were REQUIRED to arrest and charge him.

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state? Pennsylvania

I am a single mother...I let my boyfriend move in about 2 years ago...last night there was a bit of a scuffle between him and I...My son who is 15 became really angry at the boyfreind...I was afraid this situation would get out of hand...I called the police...they arrested my boyfreind and told him not to contact me...I did not want to press any charges on him...the police did anyway...now he is not allowed to call or come to the house until our hearing on the 11th....Are the police allowed to do this...?? I just wanted them to cool things down...not arrest him...??

Mom, you need to get your priorities re-arranged a bit. Your 15 year old son witnessed your boyfriend committing domestic violence against you. You are risking CPS getting involved in your child(ren)'s life/lives if you don't cooperate and obey the orders.

In addition, how do you want your son to treat the future women in HIS life?

 

[stealth2]

Of course the police are allowed to arrest him!

 

[ceara19]

What is the name of your state? Pennsylvania

I did not want to press any charges on him...the police did anyway...now he is not allowed to call or come to the house until our hearing on the 11th....Are the police allowed to do this...?? I just wanted them to cool things down...not arrest him...??

You don't get to decide what, if anything, he will be charged with. Neither do the police. The charges are decided by the prosecutor. There is no guarantee that he will be allowed to come back or even call AFTER the 11th. If the judge decides that he is a potential danger, the no contact order will stay in place.

If you want to keep being the man's punching bag until the day he finally goes too far and MURDERS you, that's your business, but you have NO right to expose your child to the violence.

You need to decide whether you want be a victim or a good mother, because you can't have both. Where is your son's father? Maybe it's time for him to step up to the plate and become the custodial parent.

 

[djr0987]

My son's father is in a nursing home...has been for three years...doesn't know his own name let alone stepping in to help...!!

All the replies assume this happens all the time...it doesn't...it's the first time....

 

[CdwJava]

My son's father is in a nursing home...has been for three years...doesn't know his own name let alone stepping in to help...!!

All the replies assume this happens all the time...it doesn't...it's the first time....

Well, every violent thug in prison had a "first time". It may be an isolated incident, or it may not. However, until he is exonerated in court, or charges are dropped, or any court orders are lifted, if should show up at your place in violation of a court's order he can be arrested and YOU might be charged with child endangerment for allowing him back in with your child.

More than 3/4 of DV victims change their mind within 48 hours of an arrest. The DA expects this and they usually are prepared to proceed even without your cooperation. If you get subpoenaed to court, tell the truth and let the chips fall where they will. If you lie or fail to show up in court, you will possibly go to jail and your son will go into foster care. The decisions are yours.

- Carl

 

[djr0987]

Carl,
What if I told you...I wasn't totally honest with the police...I started the whole thing...I made it out to be all his fault because I was mad and wanted them to make him leave...now what do I do...?? I've made a mess of things...

 

[CdwJava]

Carl,
What if I told you...I wasn't totally honest with the police...I started the whole thing...I made it out to be all his fault because I was mad and wanted them to make him leave...now what do I do...?? I've made a mess of things...

I would respond that what you are telling me is what most of those who recant or change their minds tell us. And, I would think you were probably covering up for him.

If that IS the truth - and you lied to the police - you need to consult an attorney fast, as your testimony to this will open you up for prosecution.

- Carl

 

[ceara19]

Carl,
What if I told you...I wasn't totally honest with the police...I started the whole thing...I made it out to be all his fault because I was mad and wanted them to make him leave...now what do I do...?? I've made a mess of things...

You would be given the same answer. Your CHILD deserves better and you deserve to be prosecuted for filing a false report.

 

[djr0987]

Carl,
What if I told you that is what an attorney told me to say...??

 

[CdwJava]

Carl,
What if I told you that is what an attorney told me to say...??

An attorney told you to say you lied to the police? Then I would think he needs to be disbarred ... IF he was telling you to lie. AND he is certainly not looking out for YOUR best interests! He is telling YOU to either commit perjury, or to confess to a criminal act on the stand!

We're not going to play "What If ..." all day - my kids do that, and I HATE it!

The bottom line is, you tell the truth. If you do NOT tell the truth you risk jail time and the loss of your child. If you lied to the police when they arrived, then consult an attorney - YOUR attorney - before court because you will need some advice before taking the stand and confessing to a crime that could result in your arrest and the taking of your child.

- Carl

 

[ceara19]

An attorney told you to say you lied to the police? Then I would think he needs to be disbarred ... IF he was telling you to lie. AND he is certainly not looking out for YOUR best interests! He is telling YOU to either commit perjury, or to confess to a criminal act on the stand!

We're not going to play "What If ..." all day - my kids do that, and I HATE it!

The bottom line is, you tell the truth. If you do NOT tell the truth you risk jail time and the loss of your child. If you lied to the police when they arrived, then consult an attorney - YOUR attorney - before court because you will need some advice before taking the stand and confessing to a crime that could result in your arrest and the taking of your child.

- Carl

Next it will be

"What if I told you I made it all up just to see what would happen IF I did do this?"

 

[JETX]

What if I told you that is what an attorney told me to say...??

What do you think this forum is for... playing 'what-if' games??

Of course it isn't.... and NOTHING you say at this point will change anything. The bottom line is... the officers investigated a complaint and clearly found sufficient evidence to support their action. They then presented their information (by way of an affidavit) to the prosecutor, who upon reviewing it, agreed that there was sufficient evidence to show that a crime was committed. The case will go forward with or without your involvement... simply on what the officers were told and the evidence developed at the scene.
So, quit playing your 'what if' games and accept the fact that your boyfriend is a loser. And commend your 15 year old son for being the ONLY adult in the house who recognizes the problem for what it is.

 

[AHA]

What is the name of your state? Pennsylvania

I am a single mother...I let my boyfriend move in about 2 years ago...last night there was a bit of a scuffle between him and I...My son who is 15 became really angry at the boyfreind...I was afraid this situation would get out of hand...I called the police...they arrested my boyfreind and told him not to contact me...I did not want to press any charges on him...the police did anyway...now he is not allowed to call or come to the house until our hearing on the 11th....Are the police allowed to do this...?? I just wanted them to cool things down...not arrest him...??

Please don't waste the cops time with bogus calls, because they took YOUR "beating" seriously (when it wasn't), another woman could have been beaten to death while the cops were dealing with your changing minds. The cops are not babysitters that are free to come over and scold adults, they are here to protect real victims and enforce the law.
If you don't want your loser bf to learn anything and want him to get away with being a woman beater, don't call the cops again. Stop wasting their time when real victims could be having their lives saved.