Need help to protect my little girl!

[PMSanchez]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Oklahoma

Here's the story. I met my wife almost 4 years ago when her daughter was just 1 year old. I am all she ever knew as a dad. Her biological father has never seen her a day of her life and has never tried to. He and my wife split prior to her knowing she was carrying. Now, 4 years later, we are recently married and suddenly she gets an email from that guy saying he found out she is married and congratulations and whatnot. Apparently he is still googling her name. The other day we get served papers that this guy now all of a sudden wants to get custody and start paying child support, change her last name and everything else he can do. I assure you this is not in the best interest of my little girl as she is perfectly happy and stable as she is. Now my wife is a good woman and would never keep a father from seeing her child but this guy is dangerous to her in our opinion. A couple of years ago my wife googled his username and found an entry on an adult sex site. So she made a dummy account to get any kind of ammo she could on him and was quite disturbed at what all she found. Apparently he has joined interest groups on this site like "Virginia Gang Rape Fantasies" and what not. He has even written stories on that site about raping women! He has a criminal history of assault, including on a police officer, DUI, driving with a suspended license amongst others. He is a rather LARGE individual who could easily knock out a bull. We view this man as a very legitimate threat to our daughters life and need him to just go away. Any opinions on what we can do? I know we HAVE to get a lawyer but we need the most cruel and viscous lawyer in Tulsa, no matter what the cost. Do you think a judge could possibly award this man rights to our daughter even though in 5 years he never once showed interest in her?

 

[stealth2]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Oklahoma

Here's the story. I met my wife almost 4 years ago when her daughter was just 1 year old. I am all she ever knew as a dad. Her biological father has never seen her a day of her life and has never tried to. He and my wife split prior to her knowing she was carrying. Now, 4 years later, we are recently married and suddenly she gets an email from that guy saying he found out she is married and congratulations and whatnot. Apparently he is still googling her name. The other day we get served papers that this guy now all of a sudden wants to get custody and start paying child support, change her last name and everything else he can do. I assure you this is not in the best interest of my little girl as she is perfectly happy and stable as she is. Now my wife is a good woman and would never keep a father from seeing her child but this guy is dangerous to her in our opinion. A couple of years ago my wife googled his username and found an entry on an adult sex site. So she made a dummy account to get any kind of ammo she could on him and was quite disturbed at what all she found. Apparently he has joined interest groups on this site like "Virginia Gang Rape Fantasies" and what not. He has even written stories on that site about raping women! He has a criminal history of assault, including on a police officer, DUI, driving with a suspended license amongst others. He is a rather LARGE individual who could easily knock out a bull. We view this man as a very legitimate threat to our daughters life and need him to just go away. Any opinions on what we can do? I know we HAVE to get a lawyer but we need the most cruel and viscous lawyer in Tulsa, no matter what the cost. Do you think a judge could possibly award this man rights to our daughter even though in 5 years he never once showed interest in her?

I hate to tell you - she is NOT your daughter. Never has been. No matter how you feel. Your wife would be well served to make an appointment with an attorney to discuss her child with her ex and what her options are. Note - her. Not "our". Not your. HER options. You need to take a giant step back.

 

[Ohiogal]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Oklahoma

Here's the story. I met my wife almost 4 years ago when her daughter was just 1 year old. I am all she ever knew as a dad. Her biological father has never seen her a day of her life and has never tried to. He and my wife split prior to her knowing she was carrying. Now, 4 years later, we are recently married and suddenly she gets an email from that guy saying he found out she is married and congratulations and whatnot. Apparently he is still googling her name. The other day we get served papers that this guy now all of a sudden wants to get custody and start paying child support, change her last name and everything else he can do.

He has a right to establish paternity and sue for custody/visitation and child support.

I assure you this is not in the best interest of my little girl as she is perfectly happy and stable as she is.

Unless you adopted she is NOT your little girl.

Now my wife is a good woman and would never keep a father from seeing her child but this guy is dangerous to her in our opinion.

Your opinion does not matter. YOur wife can tell it to the court and the COURT will make a decision.

A couple of years ago my wife googled his username and found an entry on an adult sex site. So she made a dummy account to get any kind of ammo she could on him and was quite disturbed at what all she found. Apparently he has joined interest groups on this site like "Virginia Gang Rape Fantasies" and what not. He has even written stories on that site about raping women! He has a criminal history of assault, including on a police officer, DUI, driving with a suspended license amongst others. He is a rather LARGE individual who could easily knock out a bull.

So she was perusing the same website. She is just as guilty as she says he is then. He has a criminal history? As of when? Before or after he slept with your now-wife? What was his criminal history when the child was conceived?

We view this man as a very legitimate threat to our daughters life and need him to just go away. Any opinions on what we can do?

This is NOT your daughter. This is most likely HIS daughter and hopefully she has not been lied to about who her biological father is. Hopefully she has been told in child appropriate ways that YOU are not her father.

I know we HAVE to get a lawyer but we need the most cruel and viscous lawyer in Tulsa, no matter what the cost. Do you think a judge could possibly award this man rights to our daughter even though in 5 years he never once showed interest in her?

Yes a judge can give him rights to HIS daughter. She is NOT yours. If you wanted her to be yours you should have adopted her long before now. You didn't. He has a right to establish paternity.

Apparently this child has NO legal father. Correct?

 

[PMSanchez]

He has a right to establish paternity and sue for custody/visitation and child support.



Unless you adopted she is NOT your little girl.


Your opinion does not matter. YOur wife can tell it to the court and the COURT will make a decision.


So she was perusing the same website. She is just as guilty as she says he is then. He has a criminal history? As of when? Before or after he slept with your now-wife? What was his criminal history when the child was conceived?


This is NOT your daughter. This is most likely HIS daughter and hopefully she has not been lied to about who her biological father is. Hopefully she has been told in child appropriate ways that YOU are not her father.


Yes a judge can give him rights to HIS daughter. She is NOT yours. If you wanted her to be yours you should have adopted her long before now. You didn't. He has a right to establish paternity.

Apparently this child has NO legal father. Correct?

Regardless of what you say, to me, she is my little girl. Just because I did not partake in conception means all the support and love I have given her is nullified? I am planning on adopting her but since no one is listed as the father on her birth certificate we couldn't pursue it.

My opinion does matter because we are married, two joined as one and our opinions are the same. We are of course taking this to court, which is why we are trying to find the right lawyer for us here.

She was not pursuing the website for any sexual desires, he was. She never even heard of the site till she clicked the link off google from searching his known user name he's always used on myspace and whatnot. His criminal history is pre and post the birth of the child.

We are planning on letting her know that I am not her biological father when she is old enough to comprehend such a thing and I really don't think 4 is the appropriate age.

I don't want to hear about "oh she isn't yours", "take a step back", blah blah blah, because I have been her father in every way one can be other than insemination. All I want to know is if anyone has any helpful input or lawyer suggestions in my area. Thank you.

 

[CourtClerk]

Just because I did not partake in conception means all the support and love I have given her is nullified?

No, it simply means that you are not her father.

 

[CourtClerk]

We are planning on letting her know that I am not her biological father when she is old enough to comprehend such a thing and I really don't think 4 is the appropriate age.

Really? Does she think the mailman is her father? How about the ice cream man? What about every male she comes across???

Why is she of an appropriate age to know every other Tom, Dick and Harry is not her father, but not of an appropriate age to know YOU are not her father. You can't have it both ways, either she's old enough to know the difference or she's not.

 

[cyjeff]

Regardless of what you say, to me, she is my little girl. Just because I did not partake in conception means all the support and love I have given her is nullified? I am planning on adopting her but since no one is listed as the father on her birth certificate we couldn't pursue it.

Bull****.

I say this as a step father. You can't claim squatter's rights on someone else's kid.

If you wanted to adopt, you should have gotten married sooner and adopted. You didn't, and here you are.

My opinion does matter because we are married, two joined as one and our opinions are the same.

Your opinion as to how this child is raised is worth exactly the same as mine... because we are both legal strangers to the child.

We are of course taking this to court, which is why we are trying to find the right lawyer for us here.

Good luck...

She was not pursuing the website for any sexual desires, he was. She never even heard of the site till she clicked the link off google from searching his known user name he's always used on myspace and whatnot. His criminal history is pre and post the birth of the child.

So your wife thought he was good enough genetic material when she slept with him to conceive.

Now, he gets to be a part of his child's life. Even if you really don't want him to be.

We are planning on letting her know that I am not her biological father when she is old enough to comprehend such a thing and I really don't think 4 is the appropriate age.

Yeah, you don't get to make that decision either.

Now, a court will tell her. Won't that be nice?

I don't want to hear about "oh she isn't yours", "take a step back", blah blah blah, because I have been her father in every way one can be other than insemination. All I want to know is if anyone has any helpful input or lawyer suggestions in my area. Thank you.

We ARE giving you helpful advice... because if you, a legal stranger, starts spouting in court about how you should be given this man's child because you lied to her and told her you were her father, you will get dressed down in court by a judge. Further, you will encourage the court to help the father (who is NOT you) to have MORE time with the child to help the transition... after an appropriate introductory phase.

Your paranoia about letting your wife's former lover into your life is starting to show around the edges, and it will NOT help the situation...

In fact, you should be prepared for the fact that you may not even be allowed in court... and that the girl stops calling you "daddy" immediately. She only has one father. And that isn't you.

 

[cyjeff]

By the way, the time to tell a child that she is not your biological child is from the moment she understands the term "daddy".

The longer you wait to tell her, the more damage and trauma you do to her psychological well being.

You were protecting her from squat... you were playing house with someone else's kid.

And the court will see it just that way.

 

[CourtClerk]

You can't claim squatter's rights on someone else's kid.

Absolutely, completely 100% quotable... and an addition to my siggy if you don't mind.

 

[Ohiogal]

Regardless of what you say, to me, she is my little girl. Just because I did not partake in conception means all the support and love I have given her is nullified?

It means you are a LEGAL stranger.

I am planning on adopting her but since no one is listed as the father on her birth certificate we couldn't pursue it.

Bull. That is completely false. Without a father on the birth certificate, an adoption COULD have been pursued. For other reasons it may not have been able to be pursued however it was not for this reason. You are showing ignorance.

My opinion does matter because we are married, two joined as one and our opinions are the same. We are of course taking this to court, which is why we are trying to find the right lawyer for us here.

There is NO us. YOU are NOT a party to the lawsuit filed by the putative father. YOU are a legal stranger.

She was not pursuing the website for any sexual desires, he was. She never even heard of the site till she clicked the link off google from searching his known user name he's always used on myspace and whatnot.

really? Because she was on the website same as he was. You don't know for what purpose he was perusing the website. YOu don't even know for a fact that he perused the website. You do admit your saintly wife was on said site however.

His criminal history is pre and post the birth of the child.

So why did your saintly wife believe this criminal was proper bedding material to make a father? The criminal history is PRE the birth of his child so apparently mom was or could have been on notice.

We are planning on letting her know that I am not her biological father when she is old enough to comprehend such a thing and I really don't think 4 is the appropriate age.

Oh well. You would be wrong. So you have been lying to this child? As has been said -- you do NOT have squatter's rights to someone else's child.

I don't want to hear about "oh she isn't yours", "take a step back", blah blah blah, because I have been her father in every way one can be other than insemination.

No you haven't. YOU have NOT been her LEGAL father.

All I want to know is if anyone has any helpful input or lawyer suggestions in my area. Thank you

You have no standing. You have no case.

 

[futuredust]

You cannot fault this child's father for not being in her life, if he never knew.

Odds are he came across your marriage, and the kid and did the math.. Figuring the child was likely his, so he is trying to do the right thing by HIS child.

By your post, she found out she was pregnant AFTER they split, what are the chances she never told him..

She started looking him up a couple years ago, based on a "username". The internet is pretty large and there are many people who have the same username. And even if it were him, so what. I cannot even begin to speak of some of the things that others read about or peruse online. I myself am a content provider, yes I write kinky/horror/fantasy stories, geared to the adult genre, for a living. Doesn't make me a pervert, or mean that I actually am excited by or want to even participate in said stories.

There are a great many actors/actresses who portray demented killers or rapists. Stephen King, Dean Koontz.. and the list could go on and on.. Are wealthy writers who have fantastic imaginations which keep millions of people entertained. The Saw movie series co-written by Leigh Whannell are so violent I will not watch them... does that mean any of them are not fit to be a parent?
Just because YOU don't approve of his reading material doesn't give you a say so. Period.

If you are looking for an attorney, I would suggest a phone book.

 

[cyjeff]

Absolutely, completely 100% quotable... and an addition to my siggy if you don't mind.

Not at all.

 

[Isis1]

Not at all.

nutts! CC beat me to it! that one had me laughing so hard my throat hurts....