Need some Help - Ohiogal

[M&MDaddy]

And what about you? It takes two to tango. You really need to examine your own actions.

It is possible. Regarding the GAL -- I have never made a decision based on the gender of the parent. I have made recommendations for and against dads and for and against moms.

Both of you need to take a step back and realize that you BOTH contribute to the issues and that causes your children issues.

Obviously there are two sides to every story...I'm not saying Im perfect, I have had my share of blow ups, and have made bad decisions. There are a lot of issues we both need to deal with..but in all honesty, I can say I am fine being friendly with her and making joint decisions. I just want to be an equal parent to my daughters I dont understand how that is not a legal right in our Country.

So as a GAL do you need to make a recommendation for a particular party? or can you basically say both of these people are good parents that love their children and shared parenting should be considered as the best option? Just trying to get a feel for what might occur..thanks again!

 

[mistoffolees]

I completely understand, and have tried to convey that too her, which I believe is why they are dragging their feet on providing financials..they have to know Im only interested in expenses necessary to run the business, and everything else is profit.

That's not the definition of income, either.

As a business owner, she has to make decisions on a proper course of action. That doesn't have to agree with your view. Nor is it limited to what is 'necessary to run the business'. For example, a business owner may decide to spend money advertising in order to grow the business. That may be a perfectly legitimate expense but is not absolutely necessary.

You will have an opportunity to express concerns if she is spending money on frivolous expenses (such as buying a Ferrari in the company's name so she can deduct some of the expense), but ultimately it's not up to you to determine what expenses are appropriate.

You ask the judge for discovery. She will have to provide a P&L with expenses broken down to an appropriate level of detail. You can then ask the judge to ignore certain expenses if they are inappropriate, but, again, businesses have a lot of leeway to operate as they see fit.

 

[mistoffolees]

I just want to be an equal parent to my daughters I dont understand how that is not a legal right in our Country.

Actually, it IS a legal right in most of the country. But being an equal parent does not mean having your daughters in your house 50% of the time.

Physical custody is determined on the basis of what is best for the kids. Their needs override your 'right' to have them in your home. You have the opportunity to prove that the best thing for them is to be with you 50% (or 90% or whatever) of the time. But you have to prove it. Similarly, your stbx has to prove her position.

In a few states (mine being one), 50:50 physical custody is the default, but I'm not sure it changes anything in any real sense. If both parents agree, then they could have 50:50 even without it being the default. If either parent doesn't agree with 50:50, then both parents are stuck trying to convince the court what is best.

But the bottom line is that it's not about you or what you consider to be your rights. It's about what's best for the kids. THAT should be your primary concern.

 

[M&MDaddy]

That's not the definition of income, either.

As a business owner, she has to make decisions on a proper course of action. That doesn't have to agree with your view. Nor is it limited to what is 'necessary to run the business'. For example, a business owner may decide to spend money advertising in order to grow the business. That may be a perfectly legitimate expense but is not absolutely necessary.

You will have an opportunity to express concerns if she is spending money on frivolous expenses (such as buying a Ferrari in the company's name so she can deduct some of the expense), but ultimately it's not up to you to determine what expenses are appropriate.

You ask the judge for discovery. She will have to provide a P&L with expenses broken down to an appropriate level of detail. You can then ask the judge to ignore certain expenses if they are inappropriate, but, again, businesses have a lot of leeway to operate as they see fit.

Actually we are both business owners (until the divorce is final), and I understand what your saying, I have an MBA and have been in Banking for 10 years, so I’m not just throwing this stuff out there. I'm simply stating she thinks just because she runs 15 thousand dollars in entertainment annually (eating out etc..) through the business it makes it a valid business expense, or gas that she uses, or toys for the girls, or grocery's…you get the idea. She is a terrible book keeper and I guarantee she has little to no receipts for any of those purchases. And she has not been able to produce cash flow statements or P&L.
Its just frustrating, I helped her build this business and now its biting me in the proverbial tail.
We have asked for discovery, and in fact have a motion to compel outstanding for over a month. I’m just waiting for the magistrate to find them in contempt at some point. I already had to Subpoena all of her cc statements.

 

[M&MDaddy]

Actually, it IS a legal right in most of the country. But being an equal parent does not mean having your daughters in your house 50% of the time.

Physical custody is determined on the basis of what is best for the kids. Their needs override your 'right' to have them in your home. You have the opportunity to prove that the best thing for them is to be with you 50% (or 90% or whatever) of the time. But you have to prove it. Similarly, your stbx has to prove her position.

In a few states (mine being one), 50:50 physical custody is the default, but I'm not sure it changes anything in any real sense. If both parents agree, then they could have 50:50 even without it being the default. If either parent doesn't agree with 50:50, then both parents are stuck trying to convince the court what is best.

But the bottom line is that it's not about you or what you consider to be your rights. It's about what's best for the kids. THAT should be your primary concern.

I understand, and you are corret obviously, I know I will always be their legal father, I guess what I mean, is I feel like the legal system already has a bias toward the mother when it comes to custody and raising kids. And honestly from a end game persepective I believe it would be better for the girls to be with me.. I'm the one that makes sure homework is done, there is a good dinner on the table and a reasonable bedtime. (and no, I dont have any proof that she doesnt..other than what I know from the girls talking about their night with mom etc..)
I of course love them more than anything in this world and want whats best for them, My STBX and I just disagree with what that might be.

 

[LdiJ]

Actually we are both business owners (until the divorce is final), and I understand what your saying, I have an MBA and have been in Banking for 10 years, so I’m not just throwing this stuff out there. I'm simply stating she thinks just because she runs 15 thousand dollars in entertainment annually (eating out etc..) through the business it makes it a valid business expense, or gas that she uses, or toys for the girls, or grocery's…you get the idea. She is a terrible book keeper and I guarantee she has little to no receipts for any of those purchases. And she has not been able to produce cash flow statements or P&L.
Its just frustrating, I helped her build this business and now its biting me in the proverbial tail.
We have asked for discovery, and in fact have a motion to compel outstanding for over a month. I’m just waiting for the magistrate to find them in contempt at some point. I already had to Subpoena all of her cc statements.

Eating out, and gasoline or mileage can be legitimate business expenses...or they could be personal expenses. It depends on why the eating out was done or the gasoline/mileage was used.

I realize that she is playing fast and loose with her business income, but was she doing it while you were together and were you filing joint tax returns? If so, it may not be in your best interest for this to come out in the open at this time.

 

[M&MDaddy]

Eating out, and gasoline or mileage can be legitimate business expenses...or they could be personal expenses. It depends on why the eating out was done or the gasoline/mileage was used.

I realize that she is playing fast and loose with her business income, but was she doing it while you were together and were you filing joint tax returns? If so, it may not be in your best interest for this to come out in the open at this time.

Your right, there may be tax consequences for me as well. Without getting into too many specifics, because if I tell you what type of business it is, people could figure out who I am, not that we are in anyway famous, but there are only 2 or 3 of these types of businesses in central Ohio. I put together the business and marketing plan for the business I know it very well, even if I dont run it day to day. At this point I'd rather give up the back taxes up than pay her over 1,000 a month because she falsified her income on the initial filing. (and I do intend to prove it)

And before everyone jumps on me about the kids, they are with me close to 50% of the time, and I can now barely afford to take them out to dinner if I want, while she is taking them to theme parks, renting jet ski's buying new furniture for the house, and is on her second vacation out of the country, this summer, this last one with the girls..which i'm fine with, but my point is child support is for the girls to have an equal lifestyle with both parents, and it has swung too far the other way. I'm hoping for a time deviation soon so I can afford to take them somewhere before school starts. ( am I starting to sound whiney?) Sorry, I'll stop now.

 

[Proserpina]

Your right, there may be tax consequences for me as well. Without getting into too many specifics, because if I tell you what type of business it is, people could figure out who I am, not that we are in anyway famous, but there are only 2 or 3 of these types of businesses in central Ohio. I put together the business and marketing plan for the business I know it very well, even if I dont run it day to day. At this point I'd rather give up the back taxes up than pay her over 1,000 a month because she falsified her income on the initial filing. (and I do intend to prove it)

And before everyone jumps on me about the kids, they are with me close to 50% of the time, and I can now barely afford to take them out to dinner if I want, while she is taking them to theme parks, renting jet ski's buying new furniture for the house, and is on her second vacation out of the country, this summer, this last one with the girls..which i'm fine with, but my point is child support is for the girls to have an equal lifestyle with both parents, and it has swung too far the other way. I'm hoping for a time deviation soon so I can afford to take them somewhere before school starts. ( am I starting to sound whiney?) Sorry, I'll stop now.

(Not nearly as whiny as some of the worst whines we've seen here - you're doing fine, really!)

Child support isn't necessarily meant to or going to do what you want it to do here. It's theoretically supposed to reimburse the custodial parent for costs incurred in providing for and raising the children; though it's a nice idea to want the kids to have an equal lifestyle in both homes, it's probably not altogether realistic to expect that. And in all honesty, you can't really dictate whether or not that happens.

Mom is pretty much free to spend it how she wants. Whether this is right or fair isn't honestly the point here - she will usually have complete discretion over how and to what she applies that child support. You do, however, have the absolute right to ensure a certain lifestyle when the kids are with you - just don't expect Mom to match your preferences.

Again, it'd be great if both parents could agree on what each considers the "right" lifestyle for their kids - but that would seem to be uncommon, and I'd guess that for the most part, there's no right or wrong answer (well, outside of the obvious parental failings - you know, buying crack instead of food for the kids, that kind of thing).