Need to remove name from shared home with (ex) husband

[Geanie82]

What is the name of your state? Colorado

Ok, I am caught in a really bad dilemma and not sure how to handle this. In short, my (ideally EX) husband is doing all he can to make my life miserable since I asked for a divorce last year. The home is in both of our names and he refuses to leave it. He has dragged out the divorce since January of 2018 and the judge refuses to do anything about it. He is drunk all day and night long to the point where he stumbles around and breaks things. The only thing that keeps him from raping me anymore is sleeping in the same bed as my children. Even then, he tries so slip into bed with all of us sometimes and then will wake the kids up screaming at me when I refuse to have sex with him (and he has his own bedroom all to himself).

I am working on a plan to leave here with the kids and get away from him, but he is doing everything in his power to keep me from doing so. He barely works, about 20 hours a week at most. I am having to pay every single bill for the home, as he spends all of his on alcohol. There is no way I will be able to get him to leave the house short of getting an injunction against him, which with my horrible experience in the court so far, have NO confidence I could get. I feel even trying to get an injunction against him will just make him even more spiteful.

But anyway, I know once I leave the house, he is not going to be able to keep up with the bills and will lose it. The reason I worry so much about that is because my name is on it as well. I hate to lose what I invested into it, but I don't see any choice. However, I am not sure how to keep him from taking me down with him? He will not be willing to sell it, will not leave, and he would much sooner get foreclosed on just to ruin my credit than be civil here.

With that said, is there any possibility of me being able to remove my name from the home before he gets foreclosed on? If so, how? Note that in case it is not blatantly obvious, he WILL NOT consent to signing anything on his part, and will not assist me in any way. So, whatever option there is, it would have to be something that does not require any action on his part. He has already ruined my children and me enough as it is. I am hoping he isn't going to ruin my credit here too. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

 

[Zigner]

Why did you "ask" for a divorce? He doesn't need to give his permission. You need an attorney to handle your divorce, since you are obviously unable to do so yourself.

Why has it taken you 15+ months to even come up with a plan for leaving? If he has raped you, why haven't you contacted the police, or, at the very least, LEFT?

Why is your biggest concern the affect this may have on your credit?

 

[not2cleverRed]

Next time he tries to rape you, call the police. Get a restraining order.

You and your children need some emotional support (Al Anon) and because he has repeatedly attempted to rape you, you should also seek help from the local battered women's resources.

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state? Colorado

Ok, I am caught in a really bad dilemma and not sure how to handle this. In short, my (ideally EX) husband is doing all he can to make my life miserable since I asked for a divorce last year. The home is in both of our names and he refuses to leave it. He has dragged out the divorce since January of 2018 and the judge refuses to do anything about it. He is drunk all day and night long to the point where he stumbles around and breaks things. The only thing that keeps him from raping me anymore is sleeping in the same bed as my children. Even then, he tries so slip into bed with all of us sometimes and then will wake the kids up screaming at me when I refuse to have sex with him (and he has his own bedroom all to himself).

I am working on a plan to leave here with the kids and get away from him, but he is doing everything in his power to keep me from doing so. He barely works, about 20 hours a week at most. I am having to pay every single bill for the home, as he spends all of his on alcohol. There is no way I will be able to get him to leave the house short of getting an injunction against him, which with my horrible experience in the court so far, have NO confidence I could get. I feel even trying to get an injunction against him will just make him even more spiteful.

But anyway, I know once I leave the house, he is not going to be able to keep up with the bills and will lose it. The reason I worry so much about that is because my name is on it as well. I hate to lose what I invested into it, but I don't see any choice. However, I am not sure how to keep him from taking me down with him? He will not be willing to sell it, will not leave, and he would much sooner get foreclosed on just to ruin my credit than be civil here.

With that said, is there any possibility of me being able to remove my name from the home before he gets foreclosed on? If so, how? Note that in case it is not blatantly obvious, he WILL NOT consent to signing anything on his part, and will not assist me in any way. So, whatever option there is, it would have to be something that does not require any action on his part. He has already ruined my children and me enough as it is. I am hoping he isn't going to ruin my credit here too. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Since he was actually raping you and is still trying to do so, why don't you get a protection order or restraining order against him? That would get him out of the house.

 

[justalayman]

You need to understand that removing your name as owner will NOT relieve you of the debt of your mortgage loan. If you remove your name from ownership, the lender will still come after you for their money. If they foreclose, you will be listed as a defendant. It will be on your credit history and if there are any debts remaining, you will owe those.

Do not relinquish ownership unless you are also formally released from the associated debt. It will only hurt you and do nothing to help you.

 

[quincy]

Domestic violence resources in Colorado:

https://www.colorado.gov/pacific/cdhs/domestic-violence

The most dangerous time for a domestic violence victim can be when trying to leave an abusive relationship. Seek help but it is best to do so without your husband's knowledge. And have an escape plan and a "safe house" to go to with your children if your husband becomes more threatening.

 

[Geanie82]

Why did you "ask" for a divorce? He doesn't need to give his permission. You need an attorney to handle your divorce, since you are obviously unable to do so yourself.

Common sense should have told you I don't have the money to afford an attorney. If I could afford an attorney, I certainly wouldn't be here on these forums asking for advice.

We have three children, and my mother and sister moved here from Germany to escape that country and I help provide for them (my sister is only 13 and my mother babysits the children). Working 60 hours a week and NO support from him, I am BARELY able to cover all the bills, let alone save up for an attorney.

And I have brought up the issue of him intentionally procrastinating since six months into the divorce. The judge ignores me and keeps letting him get more time. Every time, same bs excuse from him "we haven't figured things out yet." He simply refuses to agree to anything to intentionally delay the divorce. However, I am not nearly as worried about the divorce as I am escaping him, but not losing a home I worked so hard for at the same time and having it ruin my credit even more.

Why has it taken you 15+ months to even come up with a plan for leaving? If he has raped you, why haven't you contacted the police, or, at the very least, LEFT?

Oh, thanks, I am a blithering idiot and didn't think of that... Oh wait, I did!!! The last time I called the police on him, the police told me there was "insufficient evidence for an arrest," even though he was so drunk he was slurring all his words and he CAME in me. They wouldn't even give me a rape kit! The police here are completely worthless. They seem to think that since we live together and are married, that I am being "over-dramatic" when I tell them he rapes me, even when I had bruises on my wrists from being held down.

To make it worse, they got child protective services involved. Those degenerates tried to take my children from me! So yes, with that combined with all the horror stories I have heard about children being taken under these types of circumstances, I am DEATHLY afraid of getting police involved again.

And you tell me how I am supposed to leave when I have NO family around here, can BARELY afford the bills, he already messed up my credit quite a bit by putting numerous things in the past under my name without me knowing (credit cards, bills he didn't pay, etc.), and there is NO way I can get an apartment on my own because of him ruining my credit and even if I did, he always ensures that I never have any spare money by having to pay for literally everything?

Why is your biggest concern the affect this may have on your credit?

That is NOT my biggest concern. It is simply the only one I haven't gotten figured out yet, which is why I was asking about it on here. None of the other details you asked about are relevant, as I have EVERYTHING figured out except losing the house. And at this point, it will be three more weeks before I can escape, so I was hoping for some advice on what to do here. Instead, I feel like you made a lot of stupid remarks as if I have no common sense. Meanwhile, you COMPLETELY avoided answering the question, not only making you extremely rude with your assumptions, but also worthless. I deal with enough criticism from him. I don't need yours as well.

 

[Geanie82]

Next time he tries to rape you, call the police. Get a restraining order.

You and your children need some emotional support (Al Anon) and because he has repeatedly attempted to rape you, you should also seek help from the local battered women's resources.

Like I said previously, child protective services are already keeping an eye on us. I have a friend who got tied up with them and they stole her children for 9 months. If I try anything against him, the police will most likely blow me off again like they had previously, and it will just give CPS more reason to steal my children.

Yes, getting additional support would be great. However, the police completely failed me already and I do not trust them after how I was treated the last time. But anyway, most of what I need to escape in a few weeks is already covered. The only thing I have not figured out yet is how to keep from losing the home, or at the bare minimum, keeping him from destroying my credit when he loses it.

From the feedback I have received here so far, it seems like there is not much of anything I can do to keep him from getting foreclosed on and ruining my credit in the process. Everyone has been FAR more focused on the issues I have figured out than what I asked about...

 

[Just Blue]

Common sense should have told you I don't have the money to afford an attorney. If I could afford an attorney, I certainly wouldn't be here on these forums asking for advice.

We have three children, and my mother and sister moved here from Germany to escape that country and I help provide for them (my sister is only 13 and my mother babysits the children). Working 60 hours a week and NO support from him, I am BARELY able to cover all the bills, let alone save up for an attorney.

And I have brought up the issue of him intentionally procrastinating since six months into the divorce. The judge ignores me and keeps letting him get more time. Every time, same bs excuse from him "we haven't figured things out yet." He simply refuses to agree to anything to intentionally delay the divorce. However, I am not nearly as worried about the divorce as I am escaping him, but not losing a home I worked so hard for at the same time and having it ruin my credit even more.



Oh, thanks, I am a blithering idiot and didn't think of that... Oh wait, I did!!! The last time I called the police on him, the police told me there was "insufficient evidence for an arrest," even though he was so drunk he was slurring all his words and he CAME in me. They wouldn't even give me a rape kit! The police here are completely worthless. They seem to think that since we live together and are married, that I am being "over-dramatic" when I tell them he rapes me, even when I had bruises on my wrists from being held down.

To make it worse, they got child protective services involved. Those degenerates tried to take my children from me! So yes, with that combined with all the horror stories I have heard about children being taken under these types of circumstances, I am DEATHLY afraid of getting police involved again.

And you tell me how I am supposed to leave when I have NO family around here, can BARELY afford the bills, he already messed up my credit quite a bit by putting numerous things in the past under my name without me knowing (credit cards, bills he didn't pay, etc.), and there is NO way I can get an apartment on my own because of him ruining my credit and even if I did, he always ensures that I never have any spare money by having to pay for literally everything?



That is NOT my biggest concern. It is simply the only one I haven't gotten figured out yet, which is why I was asking about it on here. None of the other details you asked about are relevant, as I have EVERYTHING figured out except losing the house. And at this point, it will be three more weeks before I can escape, so I was hoping for some advice on what to do here. Instead, I feel like you made a lot of stupid remarks as if I have no common sense. Meanwhile, you COMPLETELY avoided answering the question, not only making you extremely rude with your assumptions, but also worthless. I deal with enough criticism from him. I don't need yours as well.

As you can't afford an Attorney, I strongly advise you not be rude to the volunteers here if you wish to receive assistance. Save your anger for the person who deserves it...your husband.

 

[Geanie82]

You need to understand that removing your name as owner will NOT relieve you of the debt of your mortgage loan. If you remove your name from ownership, the lender will still come after you for their money. If they foreclose, you will be listed as a defendant. It will be on your credit history and if there are any debts remaining, you will owe those.

Do not relinquish ownership unless you are also formally released from the associated debt. It will only hurt you and do nothing to help you.

Ok, but then what should I do? You told me what NOT to do, but not anything I CAN do?

I am losing the house to him. It is my only way to escape. There is no getting around it. With that being said, he will be living there and I and the children will no longer be.

So, is there nothing I can do other than watch him get foreclosed on and have the lender ruin my credit? It makes no sense for me to continue paying the mortgage after I leave just so he can live there. I also don't even have that option, as I will not have the money to do that after the move. From what you are saying, it seems like you are basically saying do nothing, sit back, and let him financially rape me too because there is nothing I can do about it?

 

[Geanie82]

As you can't afford an Attorney, I strongly advise you not be rude to the volunteers here if you wish to receive assistance. Save your anger for the person who deserves it...your husband.

Oh, but his response to me wasn't rude? Are you KIDDING me?! His response completely ignored my question, and instead looked to criticize me with numerous incorrect assumptions.

I could care less if someone is a "volunteer." Their remarks were presumptuous and completely irrelevant to my question. If that is the type of behavior that is supported in this forum, then maybe I am seeking assistance in the wrong resource...

 

[Just Blue]

Like I said previously, child protective services are already keeping an eye on us. I have a friend who got tied up with them and they stole her children for 9 months. If I try anything against him, the police will most likely blow me off again like they had previously, and it will just give CPS more reason to steal my children.

"Steal my children"? You mean remove the children from a violent home where mom gets into bed with them at night to avoid getting raped? Where, per your posting, dad follows mom into childrens BEDROOM TO RAPE HER?

That, Genie82, is not theft...it's salvation. Left up to you these children will be in therapy till they are collecting social security.

 

[Just Blue]

Oh, but his response to me wasn't rude? Are you KIDDING me?! His response completely ignored my question, and instead looked to criticize me with numerous incorrect assumptions.

I could care less if someone is a "volunteer." Their remarks were presumptuous and completely irrelevant to my question. If that is the type of behavior that is supported in this forum, then maybe I am seeking assistance in the wrong resource...

Then perhaps you should seek advice from an attorney in your area.

 

[Geanie82]

"Steal my children"? You mean remove the children from a violent home where mom gets into bed with them at night to avoid getting raped? Where, per your posting, dad follows mom into childrens BEDROOM TO RAPE HER?

That, Genie82, is not theft...it's salvation. Left up to you these children will be in therapy till they are collecting social security.

I already clearly stated I have a way out, and the ONLY issue I was still looking for help with was how to keep from losing the home AND having my credit destroyed at the same time.

 

[Geanie82]

Then perhaps you should seek advice from an attorney in your area.

It would certainly be a LOT more useful than your criticisms, that's for sure...