Need to remove name from shared home with (ex) husband

[Just Blue]

Ok, but then what should I do? You told me what NOT to do, but not anything I CAN do?

I am losing the house to him. It is my only way to escape. There is no getting around it. With that being said, he will be living there and I and the children will no longer be.

So, is there nothing I can do other than watch him get foreclosed on and have the lender ruin my credit? It makes no sense for me to continue paying the mortgage after I leave just so he can live there. I also don't even have that option, as I will not have the money to do that after the move. From what you are saying, it seems like you are basically saying do nothing, sit back, and let him financially rape me too because there is nothing I can do about it?

The only way would be to have the house refied in just his name...which, per your comments about him...isn't gonna happen. You may have come to terms with having terrible credit for the next 5 or 10 years.

If I were in your situation I would stop paying the mortgage and use every cent to get away. Being safe is the most important thing.

 

[Just Blue]

Please don't presume to know what anyone who posted to this thread has been through. I, myself, was in a relationship such as yours. BTDT...Wrote the book and bought the tee-shirt. Stop mis-directing your anger and frustration on others.

 

[bcr229]

If you have not done so already, lock/freeze your credit so that no new lines can be opened by your husband.
https://www.consumer.ftc.gov/blog/2018/09/free-credit-freezes-are-here
A foreclosure is going to suck but it's not the end of the world, and as you pointed out your credit is already pretty well trashed. Also if the house goes back to the lender that's one less tie to your husband you have to worry about handling in the divorce decree.

 

[Just Blue]

If you have not done so already, lock/freeze your credit so that no new lines can be opened by your husband.
https://www.consumer.ftc.gov/blog/2018/09/free-credit-freezes-are-here
A foreclosure is going to suck but it's not the end of the world, and as you pointed out your credit is already pretty well trashed. Also if the house goes back to the lender that's one less tie to your husband you have to worry about handling in the divorce decree.

Excellent point!

 

[LdiJ]

Ok, but then what should I do? You told me what NOT to do, but not anything I CAN do?

I am losing the house to him. It is my only way to escape. There is no getting around it. With that being said, he will be living there and I and the children will no longer be.

So, is there nothing I can do other than watch him get foreclosed on and have the lender ruin my credit? It makes no sense for me to continue paying the mortgage after I leave just so he can live there. I also don't even have that option, as I will not have the money to do that after the move. From what you are saying, it seems like you are basically saying do nothing, sit back, and let him financially rape me too because there is nothing I can do about it?

Again, you could file for a restraining/protective order. That would force him out of the house.

 

[justalayman]

Ok, but then what should I do? You told me what NOT to do, but not anything I CAN do?

I am losing the house to him. It is my only way to escape. There is no getting around it. With that being said, he will be living there and I and the children will no longer be.

So, is there nothing I can do other than watch him get foreclosed on and have the lender ruin my credit? It makes no sense for me to continue paying the mortgage after I leave just so he can live there. I also don't even have that option, as I will not have the money to do that after the move. From what you are saying, it seems like you are basically saying do nothing, sit back, and let him financially rape me too because there is nothing I can do about it?

I was simply trying to warn you against making the mistake of relinquishing ownership as your relinquishment of ownership doesn’t release you of the financial responsibility for the mortgage. It does relieve you of the rights of ownership and the leverage that affords you.



What you can do;


Seek assistance from groups that assist abused women. Some groups have some legal assistance available or at least directions to where you may find some legal assistance.

I’m not trying to be snotty but you really do need a lawyer. This is not a do it yourself project. That has been proven by what has happened so far.

Depending on the circumstances, it is possible to ask the courts to order the other party to pay for your legal fees.

Look for any source of legal aid. Talk to them and if they can’t help, ask if they have any direction to point you to find somebody that can.

Try calling the state, or if there is a more local BAR association seeking a referral.

There are sometimes pro bono (free) services available, at least for some minimal guidance.


It takes some serious searching but there is often help out there, especially for women in situations such as yours.

 

[justalayman]

I already clearly stated I have a way out, and the ONLY issue I was still looking for help with was how to keep from losing the home AND having my credit destroyed at the same time.

That may not be a reality. It’s impossible to say from my perspective.

As others have suggested, filing for a restraining order, order of protection, no contact order (it goes by various names depending on the state and specific circumstances) would be a good place to start. The physical violence towards you should make it an achievable action.

 

[not2cleverRed]

Ok, but then what should I do? You told me what NOT to do, but not anything I CAN do?

I am losing the house to him. It is my only way to escape. There is no getting around it. With that being said, he will be living there and I and the children will no longer be.

So, is there nothing I can do other than watch him get foreclosed on and have the lender ruin my credit? It makes no sense for me to continue paying the mortgage after I leave just so he can live there. I also don't even have that option, as I will not have the money to do that after the move. From what you are saying, it seems like you are basically saying do nothing, sit back, and let him financially rape me too because there is nothing I can do about it?

Quincy suggested that you look into resources for victims of domestic violence. Did you check the link: https://www.colorado.gov/pacific/cdhs/domestic-violence
Community based programs near you might have a variety of resources. This may include shelter and legal help in obtaining a restraining order, and definitely could include therapy or counselling.

I suggested Al Anon. They have resources for people whose lives have been affected by the alcoholic family member. https://al-anon-co.org/

Using these resources will not only help you psychologically. Using these resources will help you legally. Getting help also documents that you have a situation where you need help.

As far as the kids, you have 3 choices.
1) Get the children out of the house NOW. TONIGHT. Even if it means being in a shelter.
2) Alternatively, you can go petition for an emergency (ex parte) restraining order tomorrow morning through Family Court. Some relevant forms should be here: https://www.courts.state.co.us/Forms/Forms_List.cfm?Form_Type_ID=24
3) Wait until your children are in foster care and come back her whinging about how no one will give you anything useful.

As part of any divorce, even in "Make My Day Colorado", marital assets and debts get split up. Colorado is an equitable distribution state. Be the responsible person (making sure the mortgage is paid) and ask for reasonable divisions of assets, and you will get somewhere positive. Some reasonable solutions:
a) He gives you 50% of the equity in the home and refinances the mortgage in his name only,
b) Or you give him 50% equity in the home and refinance the mortgage in your name only,
c) As part of the divorce get an order to SELL THE #%$@#%@#% HOUSE and split the proceeds.

You are not thinking straight.

One of the most common financial mistakes people make in divorce is haggling over who gets the house rather than selling the house of horrors.

Who would anyone want to continue to live in a house that they have been raped in?

 

[Ohiogal]

In many states, spousal rape doesn't exist unless there is provable force. That is a fact. OP, you need to grow a backbone. You NEED strength. You are too sensitive at this point. You may end up behind the 8 ball financially but bankruptcy is a possibility. Finances should NEVER be the deciding the factor when it comes to abuse.