New at all this and been had!

[tiffanys]

What is the name of your state?
P.A.
I need help, I dont know a single thing about law, and need advice.
I have been married for less than a year, Ive been with my husband though for 4 years before we got married we have two boys 2 and 3.
I recently left him because he is into drugs, selling them from the house, not paying bills, ect. he got fired the week I left him.
I took the two boys with me to my moms, I had no where else to go.
before I left we talked and agreed verbally that he can take one of the boys on the weekends to his parents like we always have, and anytime he wanted them or one of them [usually the younger, and the older has a behavior diability and is difficult to handle] he could come get them or I could drop them off if I had a car.
I did not want anything from him ,nothing, accept half of his income tax return so I could get into an apartment and fix the brakes on my car, he was o,k with that,
then,
His ,always interfering mom,got a lawyer and convinced him to file papers to sue me.
I dont own a thing, Im homeless. , I got only 500 dollars of the return ,that was five thousand dollars, his mom and this new girlfreind of my husbands, who moved in with him only two weeks after I left,showed up at the bank with my husband, they lied to me and told me Id get the rest later, and my husband handed his mom two thousand dollars. he owed 1000 or more in bank penalties.they were all over me yelling at me about stuff at the bank yet!

this gilr and my mother in law, started putting all kinds of ideas into my husbands stupid head about what he could do to me. this girl wont to let me talk to him on the phone screaming at me demanding I do this and that, calling me names, I havent talk to him personally in two weeks, he dont care to, he lets his mommy and girl friend run his life.
this girl also screamed and told my mom to get out of the house when my mom stopped by my husbands house, to pick up my mail! my mom is like 65 years old!, she wouldnt let her talk to my husband, my mom told the girl to mind her own buisness and the girl said 'it is my buisness!' yea right!, my mom left, she was so angry. this has been going on for weeks now.

THEN! IT HAPPENED
last weekend when my father in law dropped of my youngest to me, he said to my mom quietly, 'ID KEEP HIM UP HERE" and he left.
My mom suspected that they were going to try and pull something.
I foolishly dint want to believe that my husband was up to anything, and I dint want to upset my youngest because he likes going to grandmas, hes done it for three years now,it routine, so I DROPPED HIM OFF AT MY HUSBANDS HOUSE,AND THEY NEVER BROUGHT HIM HOME, AND WHEN i WENT TO GET HIM THEY WOULDNT LET ME IN. his mom and this girl told me I can come in to see him but I cant leave the house, and i could bring my other boy down to see him to play, but I cant take him out with us, his brother misses him, and my parents want to see him but they are holding him captive. his clothes and bed and stuff is at my moms, I dont know where he is sleepng, they dont change his clothes, they wont take him to the potty,they dont feed him right he always came back to me with diarreah,a and a rash ,the house is a pig pen, there is a guy friend of my husbands [he is 25,] who lives in the attic who isnt working who also does drugs, [thats one reason why I left ,he wouldnt make him leave and he yells at my kids,]
I asked why they were doing this to me, what right did they have, I wasn't denying him anything, the poor thing was in there crying, I called the cops that was pointless. since neither one of us previously filed for custody ,it a free for all, I found out he had went and filed for just the younger one, I cant afford it I have no income, I dont have 800 dollars, my husband was my whole support system. and his mother said to me, "he just wants his son"[ AS IF HE DONT HAVE TWO!] I told them I dint want any money or support just give him to me. they shut the door on me. I have never treated anyone so cruel. I have always trusted my inlaws. no more.
my mother in law wants the youngest because she favors him. but they are so cruel denying him his brother and my parents, they have just traumatised him, he is not familiar with this girl,he will cry if she changes him. [Mind you this girl has three kids she has no custody of.]
I came home in tears, they want nothing to do with my parents, they are being outright mean to them .I dont get it, my parents havent dont anything. my other one is asking for his brother, they are only 9 months apart.
I know its all his mom and this girl telling him if he gets custody of him he will not have to pay child support for him and he will get child support from me!
I got a free consultation with a lawyer from the welfare office, and he told me if I can get him go get him, but I cant ,theres a house full of people watching over him, I cant set foot near that place.

Monday I have to go speak to my welfare case worker because that girl told me I would be arrested for welfare fraud because I got health insurance for the boys and my husband went and filed for health insurance too! I already had it from a month ago!
when I finally get to speak to a lawyer, can I ask for my husband to be drug tested?will that keep him from getting custody? I never wanted it to be this way but his mom wouldnt butt out.
If I already have a medical card for both my kids, wouldnt HE be in fact guilty of welfare fraud?
anything I can do to get this girl in trouble for interfering and being so mouthy to my mom? calling me on the phone?
anyone?
tiffanysWhat is the name of your state?What is the name of your state?

 

[Ohiogal]

What is the name of your state?
P.A.
I need help, I dont know a single thing about law, and need advice.
I have been married for less than a year, Ive been with my husband though for 4 years before we got married we have two boys 2 and 3.

Is he the legal father of these children? And I do not mean is he on the birth certificate. I mean is he the legal father through either a paternity test determination adjudicated by the court or by signing an Affidavit of Paternity?


I recently left him because he is into drugs, selling them from the house, not paying bills, ect. he got fired the week I left him.

PROVE IT!


I took the two boys with me to my moms, I had no where else to go.
before I left we talked and agreed verbally that he can take one of the boys on the weekends to his parents like we always have, and anytime he wanted them or one of them [usually the younger, and the older has a behavior diability and is difficult to handle] he could come get them or I could drop them off if I had a car.

Verbal agreements mean squat!


I did not want anything from him ,nothing, accept half of his income tax return so I could get into an apartment and fix the brakes on my car, he was o,k with that,
then,
His ,always interfering mom,got a lawyer and convinced him to file papers to sue me.

What do the papers say?

I dont own a thing, Im homeless. , I got only 500 dollars of the return ,that was five thousand dollars, his mom and this new girlfreind of my husbands, who moved in with him only two weeks after I left,showed up at the bank with my husband, they lied to me and told me Id get the rest later, and my husband handed his mom two thousand dollars. he owed 1000 or more in bank penalties.they were all over me yelling at me about stuff at the bank yet!

this gilr and my mother in law, started putting all kinds of ideas into my husbands stupid head about what he could do to me. this girl wont to let me talk to him on the phone screaming at me demanding I do this and that, calling me names, I havent talk to him personally in two weeks, he dont care to, he lets his mommy and girl friend run his life.
this girl also screamed and told my mom to get out of the house when my mom stopped by my husbands house, to pick up my mail! my mom is like 65 years old!, she wouldnt let her talk to my husband, my mom told the girl to mind her own buisness and the girl said 'it is my buisness!' yea right!, my mom left, she was so angry. this has been going on for weeks now.

The girlfriend, mil and your mom should not be involved. This is between you and your husband IN COURT!

THEN! IT HAPPENED
last weekend when my father in law dropped of my youngest to me, he said to my mom quietly, 'ID KEEP HIM UP HERE" and he left.
My mom suspected that they were going to try and pull something.
I foolishly dint want to believe that my husband was up to anything, and I dint want to upset my youngest because he likes going to grandmas, hes done it for three years now,it routine, so I DROPPED HIM OFF AT MY HUSBANDS HOUSE,AND THEY NEVER BROUGHT HIM HOME, AND WHEN i WENT TO GET HIM THEY WOULDNT LET ME IN.

YOu need to go to court and file for temporary custody, child support and divorce. And we need to know if paternity has been legally established.

Contact legal aid and try to be a bit more coherent with them.

 

[tiffanys]

yes he is the father, no doubt about that, we never felt the need to have tests done. weve been together before the boys were born.
I may be able to prove there is drugs in the house, definately alcohol, but it depends on if children and youth services give them all a 'heads up' so to speak, in letting them all know they are on the way to check out the house. If they warn them they will get rid of any evidence. mostly pot, and perscription pain drugs that somehow his dr keeps refilling for him,Im not sure what else would be there.
on monday I am going to speak to my case worker, she may be able to help me out, and I
cannot file for custody, I dont have any money. they want two hundred per child. thats why I never did it before.I had no money to do it.
the papers in short say I am being sued, in court for divorce, and thats pretty much it, dont say for what else ,its not a lot of papers, I dont have them with me right now,I am at my sisters. I use her computer.
yea I know verbal agreements mean nothing, but at the time his mom and new girlfriend werent involved, untill of course he blurted our arrangement to them, and then they plotted.
his mom is a real estate agent, she knows lots of lawyers that will do her favors. they beleive everything she says, shes a sales person after all! the house she got for us to live in she got as a bank repo, but now the bank almost had it back!
she used his refund to pay to the mortgage so he wouldnt loose it, she has a emotional attatchment to the house so she dint want to loose it, there is more money owed on it than it is worth.
I told them from the beginning its none of thier buisness my parents asked them nicely to try to stay out of it, but they dont listen, they have taken over our business and warned my parents to stay out of it!!
my husband is a mamas boy his mom would wipe his butt for him.
like I said that girl will not let me talk to him, she wont let me in the house, my husband stands there and lets her do all the demanding and yelling. just like he lets his mom do.she is a real piece of work that one is.
his mom keeps getting things to the lawyer, I have no idea what they are telling him, the only thing they can say now is that I got myself a boyfriend so they will cry adultry, but they have no idea if we had had sex or not , he dont live with me thats for sure!
like that girl does with my husband.
the worse dirt they can dig up on me is that I dint keep up on the laundry, and I yelled a lot, but who wouldnt when your trying to thow people out of your house all hours up to midnight so you can get your kids in bed and go to sleep, and wanting your husband to pay the bills and get up for work.
the only reason my mom and dad involved [and they havent seen my in laws at all, accept when they pickup and drop off the kids ,before all this happened, and my dad never leaves the house he is pretty sick most of the time] is because I have to depend on them to take me places watch the boys when they can, and help me defend myself from those nuts, I freeze up under pressure and I cant speak, I want to scream, but I dont know what to say because I dont know the laws like my mother in law does, so I feel helpless.
they know me , that thats why they all gang up on me, I cant speak.
there is a court hearing this friday from domestic relations, I have no idea what will happen or what they will ask me or what I wil say, Ive asked my sister to come with me and my dad even though they will not be allowed in th eroom with us.
since I had to go get food stamps and medical for the kids, this is a state required hearing to make him pay support, but he will try to get me to pay it I AM SURE. I hope without his mommy in the room he will freeze up and not know what to say and I can finally talk.
I have no money to do any filing of anything, thats why Im screwed, his mom will pay for everything to get her little boy out of a jamb, take one son off me split them up so she can feel all big. she is the one who wants the little one.
he already filed for divorce, so why would I need to do that myself ?, I have no money, litterally.
he wants the kids so he can get child support FROM ME !, thats his mommy dearests big plan, so he can remain a looser and stay unemployed and let everyone else support him.
stuff like this happens so much, you cant believe how many people I know without money who get thier kids taken from them and loose everything. all becasue money talks not values or love. and kids have no voice.
I expect no one can give me any more suggestions, its depressing, I just hope I can see my son someday, havent seen him in over a week.
tiff

 

[acmb05]

yes he is the father, no doubt about that, we never felt the need to have tests done.

Then legally he is not the father.

weve been together before the boys were born.

Still does not make him the legal father

Now stop with all the babble about how poor you are and cant affford this or that and stick to the legal questions and you may get more help on this site. No one is going to read thru all that poor me stuff you wrote.

 

[tiffanys]

big sister here

I read all my sisters posts, and others on this site, some of you people seem very snippy, always using explanation points,
how can you offer any advice if you dont have enough info? so what your saying is unless he get tests he has no rights as the father?
thats all fine and dandy, but how is she supposed to get back the boy? they cops wont help, they have bigger things to worry about, they left her there, the husband and girlfreind wont let her in the house to get him, they wont let my parents in the house to get him, should she file charges? Id like to beat the crap out of that girlfriend of his, ill tell you, I never met her dont want to.
what on earth can she do? she dont have money it that simple. and none of us have any to lend her.
if this stress kills my father, Ill sure have my say.
tam

 

[stealth2]

I read all my sisters posts, and others on this site, some of you people seem very snippy, always using explanation points,
how can you offer any advice if you dont have enough info?

The problem is less not enough info, as it is how the info is presented. Realistically, your sister's post is very difficult to read. And therefore, those who may actually have some ideas for her are unlikely to wade through it. We're all volunteers and take time away from our own families and lives to help others. So it's not at all unreasaonable to ask that the posts be written in some comprehensible manner.

 

[rabiddad]

Dad must have been acknowledged as the legal father for him to have any rights to the child. Sometimes (I think and i could be wrong) a Voluntary Acknowledgement of Paternity is enough, otherwise Paternity must be established by the courts. If niether has happened yet then he is technicaly a legal stranger to the child and must return the child to mom. If he has been acknowledged the father, and, frankly, if Mom has ever has the child on public assistance, odd are he has been declared the father by administrative order, then he has equyal right to the child and only the courts will be able to sort it out. Ohiogal has already covered this, it's not that difficult to understand.

 

[Gevalia]

I need help, I dont know a single thing about law, and need advice.

You may think it's "snippy", but you've already gotten the most important legal advice you need before you start trying to navigate the court system.

We understand you're upset and outraged about what your ex and his family are trying to do, but you have to understand that at no point in the process--especially when you're standing in front of a judge--are you going to be allowed to rant and rave for fifteen minutes about his mother and girlfriend yelling at you at the bank, or how they run his life, or kicked your mother out of his house, or what his father said to you or just about 90% of the stuff you posted. It matters to you, and if you were telling this story to a friend all the dramatic details might matter to them, but it does not matter to a court of law. If you stand in front of a judge and try to babble on about the guy who lives in the attic or the fact that his girlfriend has three other kids, the judge's reaction to that is going to be a lot worse than "snippy".

In a nutshell: if you waste a lot of time complaining to the judge about things he doesn't want to hear, he's going to cut you off at the knees and you're not going to get a chance to tell him what he needs to know.

Grow a thicker skin and re-read the advice you've been given. It might not be all rainbows and unicorns and tied up in a pretty pink bow, but it's correct, and it's what you need to know.

 

[Ohiogal]

I read all my sisters posts, and others on this site, some of you people seem very snippy, always using explanation points,
how can you offer any advice if you dont have enough info? so what your saying is unless he get tests he has no rights as the father?
thats all fine and dandy, but how is she supposed to get back the boy? they cops wont help, they have bigger things to worry about, they left her there, the husband and girlfreind wont let her in the house to get him, they wont let my parents in the house to get him, should she file charges? Id like to beat the crap out of that girlfriend of his, ill tell you, I never met her dont want to.
what on earth can she do? she dont have money it that simple. and none of us have any to lend her.
if this stress kills my father, Ill sure have my say.
tam

Let me get more to the point. YOU have no dog in this fight. Anymore than the husband's mother and girlfriend. You are a legal stranger.
Husband if he has not established paternity is a legal stranger.
Until your sister walks into court and asks for orders returning the child to her it will not happen. She has no other choice. YOU can do nothing. Beat up hubby's girlfriend and you will go to jail.
Your sister cannot file charges -- only the prosecutor can file charges. She can file a complaint for interference with parental rights and/or kidnapping but she has to be the one to do it.
Unless she can present the facts AND ONLY THE RELEVANT FACTS she will get nowhere. She needs to be coherent, get an attorney and go to court.

 

[TCool]

Maybe this will help: http://www.palegalservices.org

The Pennsylvania Legal Aid Network (PLAN) is the community of legal services organizations that provide legal assistance to low income residents of Pennsylvania.

There is something like this in WI that paid for my initial consultation with an attorney. Mine didn't pay any more of it, but atleast I was able to find out my options and find out how much money I was going to need to come up with to pay for the legal fees of my case.

 

[tiffanys]

well so far, what Im gleaning from all what your saying, is that my sister cannot do a thing until the court system gives her a document awarding her custody, so she must wait till then to even see the little one. which isnt till next weekend.maybe. yes she has had the kids to welfare for food stamps, and medical when they were married, so he is in file as having been named father.
She has no intention of telling the judge anything accept what is asked, she freezes up in the presence of anyone with any knowlege, or authority. which is why she fell prey to the child thing, she is too trusting. she has asked me to go with her to the hearing.
I have no intention of beating up anyone, Im 44 years old, I think the girl will get herself in trouble the minute a cop talks to her, my sister is pressing phone harrassment charges on her tomorrow. she has a tape recorded conversation. he will see how she is.
she is the one that will bad mouth my sister and pop off. I wonder if she still has her real teeth.
I havent spoken a word to her in laws I never see them, dont care to, never met the girl either, dont want to. I have stayed out of it, Iam acting in behalf of my sister for info, so she can understand what she can do and cannot do.
I will not take up anymore of anyones time and I will tell her to go to the suggested website
maybe she can read and learn herself.
tam

 

[moburkes]

well so far, what Im gleaning from all what your saying, is that my sister cannot do a thing until the court system gives her a document awarding her custody, so she must wait till then to even see the little one. which isnt till next weekend.maybe. yes she has had the kids to welfare for food stamps, and medical when they were married, so he is in file as having been named father.
She has no intention of telling the judge anything accept what is asked, she freezes up in the presence of anyone with any knowlege, or authority. which is why she fell prey to the child thing, she is too trusting. she has asked me to go with her to the hearing.
I have no intention of beating up anyone, Im 44 years old, I think the girl will get herself in trouble the minute a cop talks to her, my sister is pressing phone harrassment charges on her tomorrow. she has a tape recorded conversation. he will see how she is.
she is the one that will bad mouth my sister and pop off. I wonder if she still has her real teeth.
I havent spoken a word to her in laws I never see them, dont care to, never met the girl either, dont want to. I have stayed out of it, Iam acting in behalf of my sister for info, so she can understand what she can do and cannot do.
I will not take up anymore of anyones time and I will tell her to go to the suggested website
maybe she can read and learn herself.
tam

Tam, it is MUCH easier when you have a separate ID from your sister. That way, people can address each of you, instead of trying to figure out which of you is speaking.

Since dad hasn't been determined legally to be the father, he has no right to hold the child hostage. I'm not sure why the police wont get involved in this.

 

[acmb05]

Tam, it is MUCH easier when you have a separate ID from your sister. That way, people can address each of you, instead of trying to figure out which of you is speaking.

Since dad hasn't been determined legally to be the father, he has no right to hold the child hostage. I'm not sure why the police wont get involved in this.

Probably because when she was collecting food stamps when they were married the caseworker had him sign a declaration of paternity. They will often do this so they know who to go after for the money they are putting out. If he agreed the children were his and signed that document then he is legally the father and she needs to get a lawyer as soon as possible.

 

[stealth2]

my sister is pressing phone harrassment charges on her tomorrow. she has a tape recorded conversation. he will see how she is.

And, of course, your sister had the girl's consent to record the conversation, right? 'Cause in PA she needs it to legally tape a phone call.

 

[tiffanys]

no of course she dint get the girls concent ,dint know there was such a law, if she did get it, the girl wouldnt have talked, or she would have lied , a law like that sort of defeats the purpose dont it? some laws seem useless, especially in cases like that. when you need evidence your not alowed to use it.how about a wittness? my mom heard the whole thing too. and the girl screamed at my mom, in person.
she did finally get free legal help, so now its up to her. I have no idea what she has done today about that.
the police say they cant do a thing unless she has a paper saying she has custody, thats what they said anyway.
I wish the school system would teach laws before kids get out of school, they graduate with no knowlege of any laws.
at least I have shown her this web site, she can search posts if she wants. I am sure others have had the same problem. my sister is only 25 a lot younger than me. some of this is her own fault of course, she dint head the warnings. but the kids suffer so that why I try to help out .
thanks to all of you again.
tam