New Update

[novemberbride]

I have deadbolts on the front door, and door that leads to the garage. We have a sliding glass door that leads to the backyard. We always keep that door locked, unless we're going outside.

I'm going to figure out how to put 911 on my speed dial on my house phone.

We rent this house, so we are restricted on what we're allowed to do. We had to find new homes for our large dogs when we moved here, and now I wish we would have tried to keep them, even if it meant paying a large deposit. I sure felt a lot safer with my dogs around. Even though they weren't aggressive or mean, their barks were intimidating.

 

[mistoffolees]

I have deadbolts on the front door, and door that leads to the garage. We have a sliding glass door that leads to the backyard. We always keep that door locked, unless we're going outside.

I'm going to figure out how to put 911 on my speed dial on my house phone.

We rent this house, so we are restricted on what we're allowed to do. We had to find new homes for our large dogs when we moved here, and now I wish we would have tried to keep them, even if it meant paying a large deposit. I sure felt a lot safer with my dogs around. Even though they weren't aggressive or mean, their barks were intimidating.

If it's any consolation, your ex would have known they aren't aggressive or mean and they probably wouldn't have scared him off, anyway.

 

[novemberbride]

If it's any consolation, your ex would have known they aren't aggressive or mean and they probably wouldn't have scared him off, anyway.

You're right. Actually, I don't think anything scares my ex.

 

[Isis1]

i'm sorry. but november, i would have bought a gun by now.

 

[mistoffolees]

i'm sorry. but november, i would have bought a gun by now.

If you want to go that route, do it properly. Take all the appropriate courses you can take and practice extensively.

People who own guns but don't know how to use them are often in greater danger than if they don't have a gun at all. A gun that you don't know how to use and store safely is worse than no gun at all.

 

[st-kitts]

November Bride. I really, truly believe you need to go to a woman's shelter for your own safety. No gun, no locks, no dog, no gate is going to protect you if what it sounds like he may have told your daughter is truly his intention. The fact he would vocalize that sentiment, is a huge warning sign.

Take the MOSAIC quiz by Gavin DeBecker or go talk to a DV advocate. Or go take a lethality quiz available on line. There are so many signs that he could be a risk to your life. A RO is just a piece of paper. And even is he is convicted of a RO violation, how long do you believe he will stay in jail? Do consequences even phase him?

I was worried about your safety when you got the RO in the first place and this latest development is even more concerning.

Please be careful.

 

[st-kitts]

While you don't want to anger the local PD, might throw out a reference to the Tracy Thurman case in Connecticut. She sued the police department for failure to enforce her RO and the police's failure nearly cost her her life. She was awarded millions and that was in the 80s, if I recall correctly. It was her case that was largely credited with changing DV and RO laws across the entire country. Maybe if the thought of your safety is motivational to the PD, the thought of the consequences if they fail to protect you might motivate them.

I really worry that your ex is very dangerous. I am so sorry the local PD are not taking the situation more seriously. So wish I could help.

 

[novemberbride]

If you want to go that route, do it properly. Take all the appropriate courses you can take and practice extensively.

People who own guns but don't know how to use them are often in greater danger than if they don't have a gun at all. A gun that you don't know how to use and store safely is worse than no gun at all.

That is a great point Misto. My husband has suggested getting a gun, but I've told him I think I would be way too uncomfortable that it would be more of a risk than a safety. I would, but I am just too terrified of guns. I think I would be one of those people who end up shooting themselves because they're more scared of holding their own gun than scared of the person who's trying to kill them. I guess if I took classes and had the proper training I could learn and be comfortable. I could never be in law enforcement...I'm way too little, and way to chicken to handle a gun.

 

[Isis1]

That is a great point Misto. My husband has suggested getting a gun, but I've told him I think I would be way too uncomfortable that it would be more of a risk than a safety. I would, but I am just too terrified of guns. I think I would be one of those people who end up shooting themselves because they're more scared of holding their own gun than scared of the person who's trying to kill them. I guess if I took classes and had the proper training I could learn and be comfortable. I could never be in law enforcement...I'm way too little, and way to chicken to handle a gun.

not if your taught to handle it. it's the unknown that scares us. not really the gun itself.

 

[LdiJ]

That is a great point Misto. My husband has suggested getting a gun, but I've told him I think I would be way too uncomfortable that it would be more of a risk than a safety. I would, but I am just too terrified of guns. I think I would be one of those people who end up shooting themselves because they're more scared of holding their own gun than scared of the person who's trying to kill them. I guess if I took classes and had the proper training I could learn and be comfortable. I could never be in law enforcement...I'm way too little, and way to chicken to handle a gun.

I couldn't have a gun in the house either. I can handle one just fine but with children in the house I think its simply too dangerous. I do however think that you should take many of the other security measures that have been mentioned here.

I also think that you need to talk to the PD again.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

I still would put up a security camera aimed at the street that records. This is a way to PROVE the X is violating the RO.

 

[mistoffolees]

That is a great point Misto. My husband has suggested getting a gun, but I've told him I think I would be way too uncomfortable that it would be more of a risk than a safety. I would, but I am just too terrified of guns. I think I would be one of those people who end up shooting themselves because they're more scared of holding their own gun than scared of the person who's trying to kill them. I guess if I took classes and had the proper training I could learn and be comfortable. I could never be in law enforcement...I'm way too little, and way to chicken to handle a gun.

Size has nothing to do with it. I know someone who's about 4' 8" who could whoop someone twice her size.

I'm not saying you shouldn't get a gun - just that you need to get all the training and lessons that go with it. You CAN learn to use a gun safely (my grandmother was still hunting when she was in her mid-80's. I know a number of young kids who hunt). Just don't do it without training.

 

[novemberbride]

Everyone has given me such great advice, and I truly appreciate it.

I'm going to talk to my propery management about installing a camera that will face my street. Even if they won't allow me to affix one to the house, I can set one up in the bushes, or on the fence or something. Maybe even put two that face both directions of the street.

I looked at my cell phone, and I do have a video recording capability on my cell phone. I tested it out, and it works pretty good. Even has a zoom. It's actually really easy to toggle between still photo and video.

I have explained, on numerous occasions, to the police that my ex really has no fear of consequences and has made justifications for why he has broken the law in the past. His excuse for getting caught with a loaded gun is that the police officer and criminal court were being spiteful to him. He simply doesn't believe he is held to the same standard as the rest of society. He has zero respect for authority, or anyone for that matter.

 

[novemberbride]

Also, I am going to look into self defense classes in my area. I think that would help a lot too.

My husband hunted when he was a kid, up until he was in his mid 20's. He's knowledgable about guns, and he thinks if I knew how to use one properly I would be ok with it.

I think what scares me the most is the thought that a gun might be my only protection from my ex. We've always had our differences, but I never thought I would be this afraid of him.

 

[gr8rn]

He is on "informal probation".

NB, I am so horrified at these new developments. I was wondering what the above means. Does he have a PO? If so I would definitely be talking to him/her about what your ex has been up to.