No custody to Joint custody

[greenlady]

What is the name of your state? VA

Hello all. I have a question about custody in VA. But here is some background...

My boyfriend has twin sons that are almost 18 months old. The children's mother has sole legal and physical custody. He has court ordered visitation with them every other weekend from Friday night at 7pm to Sunday at 4pm. The children's mother is not allowing him to have the overnight visitation because we live together and aren't married and the court is agreeing with her.

The children's mother is also withholding medical and day care information from him and is refusing to give him copies of their insurance (Medicaid) cards. They both have asthma, so this is important info to have during visits. A guardian ad litem was appointed for the boys when they went to court in Oct.

My boyfriend is filing for joint legal and phyical custody now for all reasons stated above and because their mother is beginning to keep the children from him even during the day for his visits. He knows he should have done it in the original order, but he didnt think she would give him any trouble (that was a mistake on his part). My question is what kind of chances do you think he has to gain joint custody?

I was told by my lawyers secretary that he would be unlikely to get joint physical since we aren't married, but what about legal?

Thank you for any help you can give.

 

[BL]

What is the name of your state? VA

Hello all. I have a question about custody in VA. But here is some background...

My boyfriend has twin sons that are almost 18 months old. The children's mother has sole legal and physical custody. He has court ordered visitation with them every other weekend from Friday night at 7pm to Sunday at 4pm. The children's mother is not allowing him to have the overnight visitation because we live together and aren't married and the court is agreeing with her.

The children's mother is also withholding medical and day care information from him and is refusing to give him copies of their insurance (Medicaid) cards. They both have asthma, so this is important info to have during visits. A guardian ad litem was appointed for the boys when they went to court in Oct.

My boyfriend is filing for joint legal and phyical custody now for all reasons stated above and because their mother is beginning to keep the children from him even during the day for his visits. He knows he should have done it in the original order, but he didnt think she would give him any trouble (that was a mistake on his part). My question is what kind of chances do you think he has to gain joint custody?

I was told by my lawyers secretary that he would be unlikely to get joint physical since we aren't married, but what about legal?

Thank you for any help you can give.

Not likely now .

You say the judge said he can't have overnights now because you live there .

How did that come about ?

Was there a subsequent order(s) from a hearing / Petition ?

If they are both within the same area as the medical care they receive , the medical providers will most likely have the ins. carriers info. on file .

If He's being denied visits he's entitled to , he can certainly file a modification , and cite the contempt(s) .

I would plan on much but an admonishment at this point .

Why is a GAL involved ?

 

[Silverplum]

What is the name of your state? VA
Hello all. I have a question about custody in VA. But here is some background...

My boyfriend has twin sons that are almost 18 months old. The children's mother has sole legal and physical custody. He has court ordered visitation with them every other weekend from Friday night at 7pm to Sunday at 4pm. The children's mother is not allowing him to have the overnight visitation because we live together and aren't married and the court is agreeing with her.

Yep. That'll happen in VA.

The children's mother is also withholding medical and day care information from him and is refusing to give him copies of their insurance (Medicaid) cards. They both have asthma, so this is important info to have during visits. A guardian ad litem was appointed for the boys when they went to court in Oct.

The copies of insurance cards is something he could probably ask the court to order.

My boyfriend is filing for joint legal and phyical custody now for all reasons stated above and because their mother is beginning to keep the children from him even during the day for his visits. He knows he should have done it in the original order, but he didnt think she would give him any trouble (that was a mistake on his part). My question is what kind of chances do you think he has to gain joint custody?

Don't know.
Try googling VA custody issues. No one from VA posts here, to my knowledge.

I was told by my lawyers secretary

Huh?

that he would be unlikely to get joint physical since we aren't married, but what about legal?

Usually, the joint legal status is handed out like Halloween candy. But no one can predict the future or how a particular judge will rule.

Thank you for any help you can give.

You're welcome.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

He has court ordered visitation with them every other weekend from Friday night at 7pm to Sunday at 4pm.

The children's mother is not allowing him to have the overnight visitation because we live together and aren't married and the court is agreeing with her.

He needs to file for contempt.

 

[CJane]

Yep. That'll happen in VA.

The copies of insurance cards is something he could probably ask the court to order.

If Mom has SOLE LEGAL custody, Dad has NO RIGHT to seek medical care for the children unless it's an emergency, in which case the medicaid cards are not required.

Usually, the joint legal status is handed out like Halloween candy. But no one can predict the future or how a particular judge will rule.

But it wasn't. A GAL was involved, and apparently there was compelling enough information presented that Mom received SOLE custody. It's EXTREMELY difficult to change that determination unless it was part of an agreed order... and EVEN THEN... harder than hell, lemme tell you.

I'm curious though... HOW are the 'courts agreeing' with Mom?

 

[Silverplum]

If Mom has SOLE LEGAL custody, Dad has NO RIGHT to seek medical care for the children unless it's an emergency, in which case the medicaid cards are not required.

True.
However, if/when he is to have the kids overnight, he NEEDS those med cards. So, if they are in ongoing litigation -- and I thought they were? -- this may be something he could obtain...by judge's order, at some point.

Lotsa vagueness!

But it wasn't. A GAL was involved, and apparently there was compelling enough information presented that Mom received SOLE custody. It's EXTREMELY difficult to change that determination unless it was part of an agreed order... and EVEN THEN... harder than hell, lemme tell you.

I did not grasp that...I thought they were in ongoing litigation. Must re-read. Post-caffeine!

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

The courts speak thru their orders. If it is NOT specified in the court order that they cannot have members of the opposite sex over when the children are there, then, yes, their mom is following a court order. If NOT, then she is in contempt.

 

[CJane]

True.
However, if/when he is to have the kids overnight, he NEEDS those med cards.

Need is a strong word. If mom isn't ordered to provide them, she doesn't have to. I went a YEAR and a HALF w/out the ins cards for my girls because SH wouldn't give me copies. And he's ORDERED to. The world did not end.

I did not grasp that...I thought they were in ongoing litigation. Must re-read. Post-caffeine!

The children's mother has sole legal and physical custody. He has court ordered visitation with them every other weekend from Friday night at 7pm to Sunday at 4pm

and

A guardian ad litem was appointed for the boys when they went to court in Oct.


AND ... if this decision was made in OCTOBER and he's FILING FOR A CHANGE in DECEMBER... he's gonna get smacked w/a whack-a-mole stick in court.

 

[Silverplum]

Word to the Goddess!

Need is a strong word. If mom isn't ordered to provide them, she doesn't have to. I went a YEAR and a HALF w/out the ins cards for my girls because SH wouldn't give me copies. And he's ORDERED to. The world did not end.



The children's mother has sole legal and physical custody. He has court ordered visitation with them every other weekend from Friday night at 7pm to Sunday at 4pm

and

A guardian ad litem was appointed for the boys when they went to court in Oct.


AND ... if this decision was made in OCTOBER and he's FILING FOR A CHANGE in DECEMBER... he's gonna get smacked w/a whack-a-mole stick in court.

 

[greenlady]

Wow, that was an overwhelming resoponse in a short time. I will try to answer some of the questions posed, but sorry if I miss some.

The court date in Oct was actually their second time in court. The original agreement was filed in Feb at the first court date. The Oct date was a follow up to see how things were going. I was not with my boyfriend at the first court date as we didnt meet until March, but when their mother found out about me and us living together, she mentioned it to the judge in court in Oct and the judge ammended the original order to include no overnight visitors for either parent when the children are present. (that is what I meant by the courts agreeing with mom, CJane)

My boyfriend did file show cause on her before the Oct court date for withholding visitation and the judge told mom she had to let dad have them, but she continues to do the same thing.

As far as the GAL is concerned, she was appointed at the Oct court date to oversee the case and make sure the children got what was in their best interest because mom and dad couldnt come to a resolution on their own.

But it wasn't. A GAL was involved, and apparently there was compelling enough information presented that Mom received SOLE custody. It's EXTREMELY difficult to change that determination unless it was part of an agreed order... and EVEN THEN... harder than hell, lemme tell you.

The reason mom got sole custody is because when they went to mediation before the first court date in Feb, dad did not fight mom for any of the items she was requesting. He just sat there and let her have what she wanted (which he regrets now) but there was no information presented that would keep him from having custody...it was an agreed order.

They are in ongoing litigation. The next court date is in Feb to get the GAL's recommendations and now also to deal with the custody issue that dad has filed.

Sorry I omitted that important info. Hope that helps.

 

[CJane]

Wow, that was an overwhelming resoponse in a short time. I will try to answer some of the questions posed, but sorry if I miss some.

The court date in Oct was actually their second time in court. The original agreement was filed in Feb at the first court date. The Oct date was a follow up to see how things were going. I was not with my boyfriend at the first court date as we didnt meet until March, but when their mother found out about me and us living together, she mentioned it to the judge in court in Oct and the judge ammended the original order to include no overnight visitors for either parent when the children are present. (that is what I meant by the courts agreeing with mom, CJane)

Mom isn't in violation of anything if the order was amended to include no overnight visitors.

My boyfriend did file show cause on her before the Oct court date for withholding visitation and the judge told mom she had to let dad have them, but she continues to do the same thing.

She DOES have to let him have them. As long as there are no overnight visitors. Which is what you are.

As far as the GAL is concerned, she was appointed at the Oct court date to oversee the case and make sure the children got what was in their best interest because mom and dad couldnt come to a resolution on their own.

Ok. Good.

The reason mom got sole custody is because when they went to mediation before the first court date in Feb, dad did not fight mom for any of the items she was requesting. He just sat there and let her have what she wanted (which he regrets now) but there was no information presented that would keep him from having custody...it was an agreed order.

"I changed my mind" isn't a reason to change custody. While an agreed order CAN be changed, I can tell you from experience that it's HARD and it's a crazy-long process.

 

[greenlady]

Thanks Cjane.

Just to clarify something I wrote earlier that you commented on...

She DOES have to let him have them. As long as there are no overnight visitors. Which is what you are.

She is not only denying him of the overnight visits (which I understand he cant have because of me) but she is now denying him daytime visits. Last time he had them (weekend before last) he dropped them off after his Sat. day visit and she informed him that she had plans for Sun and he couldnt have them. She was mad at him for giving a nebulizer treatment 15 mins late. He told her it was his day and he would be there to pick them up and when he showed up Sun morning she had moved her car to a different area of the parking lot so it would look like she wasnt there, and then didnt answer the door when he knocked. So he left her a msg and waited an hour for her to come out and move her car back. She still refused to let him have them and he left.

She has already started trying to get out of this weekend's visits as well. She called him Thur and said that he needed to make an appointment to see the boy's doctor before he could get them for the visit. There was no way he could get an appointment with a day's notice. If she really wanted him to see the doc, she could have called him and let him know that last week, so he would have time to make the appt. She wants him to see the doc so the doc can tell him how important it is to give their medication on time. (which he knows, and has never had any problems giving meds to them.)

So due to this incident, he has now asked the GAL to ask the court for written documentation from the doc when they need the nebulizer, since there is no prescription label with directions to follow. This will clear up any confusion about when the doc said to give it or to which child.

"I changed my mind" isn't a reason to change custody. While an agreed order CAN be changed, I can tell you from experience that it's HARD and it's a crazy-long process.

And its not so much that he changed his mind, its that he is tired of fighting with her about the small stuff and having to argue every single time he is supposed to get them and really overall not having any rights. I'm not sure he understood what he was doing when he let her have sole custody (he didnt have any legal advice) and now that he sees how she is acting and that she cant see through her anger, and whatever else is going on, to see what is in the best interest of the children, so he wants to rectify the situation for their sake.

He is still hoping that the GAL will come through for the kids, but he is getting discouraged now because she is not responding to his emails, and the one response he has gotten was very unprofessional and didnt address any of the issues he wrote her about. I try to be supportive as I can, but as you all say on here all the time, its not my problem, its between mom and dad, and he is so discouraged. All he wants is to see his kids.

Thanks so much for all of your help.

 

[LdiJ]

True.
However, if/when he is to have the kids overnight, he NEEDS those med cards. So, if they are in ongoing litigation -- and I thought they were? -- this may be something he could obtain...by judge's order, at some point.

Lotsa vagueness!

I did not grasp that...I thought they were in ongoing litigation. Must re-read. Post-caffeine!

You can't get copies of medicaid cards. However, they are also not needed. The providers just have to access the state central database to get the information.

 

[Ohiogal]

If girlfriend went and stayed with friends then boyfriend could have his children all weekend long. But boyfriend is choosing his girlfriend OVER his children? HUH? Either get married or get lost on the weekends.

 

[CJane]

If girlfriend went and stayed with friends then boyfriend could have his children all weekend long. But boyfriend is choosing his girlfriend OVER his children? HUH? Either get married or get lost on the weekends.

Ya know, I decided today that you're like my outside voice. I just have to THINK it, and you POST it. And I get to keep the illusion of innocence.