I don't think it matters what state you are in, when it comes to these sort of things there isn't much you can do. I can only suggest that you speak with your X regarding her parenting decisions about some of the things she is allowing..Really thats all. You can state your concerns about the issues, but it comes down to her giving the child(s) permission to do such things. Just like if you have the children for the weekend, and take them and cut their hair off (when perhaps the Mother was growing the childs hair long), she can bi*ch and moan to you about what you did, but there is nothing she could do. Good luck!
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*There is no love, like the unconditional love of a Mother*
-I am not an Attorney, any advice given is strictly advice-