To update:
had a consultation with my lawyer, and as usual, she made me feel better. Those lawyers make great counselors!
As for me, since my son will be turning 18 so soon, I am pretty much off the hook (yay for me!) I will have no LEGAL obligations to fulfill, which is great, because I can just be a grandma that willingly spoils her grandchild! and I am going to spoil this child rotten. And when she is older, I'm going to let her get all hopped up on sugar right before she goes home and laugh sadistically as she walks out the door. That's what "grandparent's rights" are all about!
As for my son and the baby's mother, they are talking. They are attempting to come to an agreement on their own ( and doing fairly good even!), and have it entered as a consent order, with the hopes of avoiding the courtroom. Since my only job as a grandparent is emotional support, I am whole-heartedly supporting this idea. WHOLE-HEARTEDLY, I say. They have asked my opinion on a couple things, which made me nervous until my son told me that I was "whack" sometimes. It's good to see that someone raised him tough enough to state his mind. I did have a frank, bluntly honest conversation with mom, letting her know how I felt as a child growing up without a strong relationship with my father, and how it still affects me even as an adult. She is still extremely over-protective, but I do see her trying to settle down a little. She has finally swallowed her pride and accepted diapers and wipes from my son, and two cans of formula from my husband and I. She is a sweet girl, and a loving mother that just needs more confidence and less pride. I think that we all need to learn to be patient and trust one another, this is a new experience for all of us.
Today, mom wanted to take a nap, so she called my son and asked if he could come "babysit" this afternoon. My son (I'm so PROUD of him) told her he would never "babysit" his own child, but he would LOVE the opportunity to spend time parenting her while mom took a break. (I heard him tell her that over the phone and it was all I could do to not shriek and hug him). AND I am so very proud of MOM, that was a HUGE step for her to let someone else watch baby.
Lawyer did say that she could not represent both mom and dad, that mom would have to seek her own council. I did not know that, but it does make sense. If things go well with their talking this out, she'll need her own attorney to review the consent order, my attorney will review it for my son, and then we'll put it before the Judge to be signed into effect. She also recommended that my son create a savings account, and deposit any refused child support money into that separate account.
Keep your fingers crossed, please! There is hope that this will not be as dramatic and traumatic as I thought! How wonderful it will be to just enjoy this baby!
Goshdarnit, today was such a wonderful day that I am gonna break out the GODIVA coffee!