Not-The-Father given Parental Rights??

[arkera]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? CA

My daughter is 2 1/2 years old. Her bio father passed away before she was born.

When she was 6 months old, I met my stbx boyfriend and he has raised my daughter as if she were his own.

Now I am getting ready to leave him and take my daughter back to my home town (within the state) but he is telling me that if I do, he is filing for custody.

His premise is that because he has been acting father to my girl for a little over two years, that the court will rule it in my daughter's best interests to grant stbx boyfriend joint custody even though he is not related to her by either blood or marriage.

Is this so?? I have been trying to research this all night and I can't find anything to prove or deny his threat. The closest thing I can see is that it really depends on the judge, their mood that day and how much they like you, as to whether or not this legal stranger to my child will have say in her life.

What should I do to protect myself?

 

[Ohiogal]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? CA

My daughter is 2 1/2 years old. Her bio father passed away before she was born.

When she was 6 months old, I met my stbx boyfriend and he has raised my daughter as if she were his own.

Now I am getting ready to leave him and take my daughter back to my home town (within the state) but he is telling me that if I do, he is filing for custody.

His premise is that because he has been acting father to my girl for a little over two years, that the court will rule it in my daughter's best interests to grant stbx boyfriend joint custody even though he is not related to her by either blood or marriage.

Is this so?? I have been trying to research this all night and I can't find anything to prove or deny his threat. The closest thing I can see is that it really depends on the judge, their mood that day and how much they like you, as to whether or not this legal stranger to my child will have say in her life.

What should I do to protect myself?

He is not the child's legal father, either, correct? He would have to prove you unsuitable to get custody.

 

[arkera]

Sorry, I misread... he is not the legal father as far as I know. He didn't adopt her, we were never married, he is not on the birth certificate... is there any other way?

 

[mistoffolees]

He is not the child's legal father, either, correct? He would have to prove you unsuitable to get custody.

CA does recognize de facto parent status:
http://www.courts.ca.gov/1207.htm

While I agree that it's unlikely that he'll get custody, he may be able to argue for visitation on that basis. Note that the statute does not grant the right to visitation. It simply allows the de facto parent to be involved in hearings regarding the child. CC would know how likely it is that the bf might get visitation.

And, frankly, it might be good for the child.

 

[nextwife]

I keep reading these posts where Moms are planning to disrupt and up and move their child simply because they broke up a relationship. Please explain why discontinuing a relationship requires you to move to a whole different city and state?

And why is a a good idea to create a father figure in her life and then adruptly and totally excise him and the entire life and town she knows?

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? CA

My daughter is 2 1/2 years old. Her bio father passed away before she was born.

When she was 6 months old, I met my stbx boyfriend and he has raised my daughter as if she were his own.

Now I am getting ready to leave him and take my daughter back to my home town (within the state) but he is telling me that if I do, he is filing for custody.

His premise is that because he has been acting father to my girl for a little over two years, that the court will rule it in my daughter's best interests to grant stbx boyfriend joint custody even though he is not related to her by either blood or marriage.

Is this so?? I have been trying to research this all night and I can't find anything to prove or deny his threat. The closest thing I can see is that it really depends on the judge, their mood that day and how much they like you, as to whether or not this legal stranger to my child will have say in her life.

What should I do to protect myself?

No, its not so. Its that simple. There is plenty of case law to back that up. He doesn't even have standing to file for custody or visitation.

People here tend to misunderstand the meaning of defacto parent. You only have a defacto parent when neither actual parent is raising the child.

 

[LdiJ]

I keep reading these posts where Moms are planning to disrupt and up and move their child simply because they broke up a relationship. Please explain why discontinuing a relationship requires you to move to a whole different city and state?

And why is a a good idea to create a father figure in her life and then adruptly and totally excise him and the entire life and town she knows?

Ok, this one is crazy Nextie. I cannot believe that you are chastising mom for not continuing a relationship between her 2 1/2 year old child and her EX BOYFRIEND and for wanting to relocate. I am sorry but that is just nuts.

 

[nextwife]

Ok, this one is crazy Nextie. I cannot believe that you are chastising mom for not continuing a relationship between her 2 1/2 year old child and her EX BOYFRIEND and for wanting to relocate. I am sorry but that is just nuts.

What is nuts is playing musical daddy's with your kids. Mom is the one who chose to bring this person into her daughter's life and make him daddy to her kid. She should not have made him her child's father figure. Psychologically, to the child, it doesn't matter what legal relationship he has: mom installed him as psycholocal dad and shouldn't mess around with her kid's head and heart like that.

 

[Proserpina]

No, its not so. Its that simple. There is plenty of case law to back that up. He doesn't even have standing to file for custody or visitation.

People here tend to misunderstand the meaning of defacto parent. You only have a defacto parent when neither actual parent is raising the child.

"People here"? That's ironic, given that the absence of both parents is not essential in order for a third party to be deemed a de facto or psychological parent.

However with that said, I doubt it will happen in OP's case.

 

[Proserpina]

What is nuts is playing musical daddy's with your kids. Mom is the one who chose to bring this person into her daughter's life and make him daddy to her kid. She should not have made him her child's father figure. Psychologically, to the child, it doesn't matter what legal relationship he has: mom installed him as psycholocal dad and shouldn't mess around with her kid's head and heart like that.

*daddies.

But really, come on now. None of this has any bearing on the LEGALITY of the situation.

 

[LdiJ]

"People here"? That's ironic, given that the absence of both parents is not essential in order for a third party to be deemed a de facto or psychological parent.

However with that said, I doubt it will happen in OP's case.

Pro,

If someone could be considered to be a defacto parent when the children were being raised by one or both parents, then every significant other of every parent and every stepparent would all have standing to attempt custody or visitation on the basis of "defacto parent" if their state had such a law.

They wouldn't all win, but they would all have standing to try.

 

[Proserpina]

Pro,

If someone could be considered to be a defacto parent when the children were being raised by one or both parents, then every significant other of every parent and every stepparent would all have standing to attempt custody or visitation on the basis of "defacto parent" if their state had such a law.

They wouldn't all win, but they would all have standing to try.

..and that's precisely why what you said wasn't accurate.

CA does not actually define clearly what does and doesn't constitute de facto parenting nor does the statute define who does and doesn't have standing to file.

It's open to interpretation and there have been cases where (for example) one party in a same-sex relationship - even when the legal parent has been the primary caregiver - has obtained visitation using the "de facto" parenting angle as well as stepparents who have been in the "parental" role having successfully accomplished the same thing.

I do realize that this isn't exactly a nationwide trend, though.

 

[LdiJ]

..and that's precisely why what you said wasn't accurate.

CA does not actually define clearly what does and doesn't constitute de facto parenting nor does the statute define who does and doesn't have standing to file.

It's open to interpretation and there have been cases where (for example) one party in a same-sex relationship - even when the legal parent has been the primary caregiver - has obtained visitation using the "de facto" parenting angle as well as stepparents who have been in the "parental" role having successfully accomplished the same thing.

I do realize that this isn't exactly a nationwide trend, though.

CA caselaw is actually kind of mixed on the subject. I think that with a same sex relationship, where the intent was for both parties to be the parents, even though biologically only one of them was, has been fairly clearly established in CA.

There was a lot of activity in CA and several other states after the Troxel decision, because grandparents who were being denied visitation based on Troxel attempted to go the "defacto parent" route in order to establish standing that they otherwise did not have. That got shot down pretty clearly as well.

I have also seen several CA cases where significant others (other than same sex relationships) attempted to obtain custody or visitation that were also completely shot down.

The only time I have ever seen a defacto parent argument work, in any state, are cases where the child was being raised by the "defacto parent" without the presence of either parent. I have seen the occasional stepparent receive visitation, (although pretty rare) but never a significant other.

 

[mistoffolees]

..and that's precisely why what you said wasn't accurate.

CA does not actually define clearly what does and doesn't constitute de facto parenting nor does the statute define who does and doesn't have standing to file.

It's worse than that. It doesn't say what they have standing to file for. Even if you establish that you are a de facto parent under the law, it is not clear what rights, if any, that gives you other than the statutory right to be present at hearings.

It looks to me very much like some politician wanted to appease some group by saying "see, we allow de facto parents to exercise their rights" but didn't want to be pinned down.

It's open to interpretation and there have been cases where (for example) one party in a same-sex relationship - even when the legal parent has been the primary caregiver - has obtained visitation using the "de facto" parenting angle as well as stepparents who have been in the "parental" role having successfully accomplished the same thing.

I do realize that this isn't exactly a nationwide trend, though.

It doesn't have to be a nationwide trend. OP is in CA.

The law is vague and it is unclear what rights can be allowed, but it seems likely that OP can establish de facto parent status in CA. Only a local attorney who knows the judge and the local climate can tell him what that might entitle him to (if anything). Based on what I've read, the BEST he can hope for is some visitation. I don't see custody as being likely.

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? CA

My daughter is 2 1/2 years old. Her bio father passed away before she was born.

When she was 6 months old, I met my stbx boyfriend and he has raised my daughter as if she were his own.

Now I am getting ready to leave him and take my daughter back to my home town (within the state) but he is telling me that if I do, he is filing for custody.

His premise is that because he has been acting father to my girl for a little over two years, that the court will rule it in my daughter's best interests to grant stbx boyfriend joint custody even though he is not related to her by either blood or marriage.

Is this so?? I have been trying to research this all night and I can't find anything to prove or deny his threat. The closest thing I can see is that it really depends on the judge, their mood that day and how much they like you, as to whether or not this legal stranger to my child will have say in her life.

What should I do to protect myself?

I am quoting you again so that some of the posters can be reminded that its the mother posting here.

I honestly do not believe that you have anything to worry about. However, one thing that you can do is once you move, don't give him any contact information. There is absolutely nothing illegal about that and it will make it very difficult for him to serve you with anything.

I also think that he is making empty threats.